How to Identify an Arrogant Person (and How to Handle Them)

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Recognizing and dealing with people who have big egos
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Do you always seem to cross paths with people who are self-absorbed, rude, or downright arrogant? Or maybe you're trying to figure out if someone is arrogant, or you’re worried that you might be a little arrogant yourself. We can help! We talked to licensed mental health professionals Kelli Miller and Tala Johartchi about spotting the signs of an arrogant person, and how to deal with them—even when that person is you.

Recognizing an Arrogant Person

Arrogant people often make everything about themselves, and they dominate or steer conversations to talk about themselves. They often manipulate people to stay on top and tend to look down on others. They’re secretly insecure, which means they get upset if you question them.

Section 1 of 3:

Signs of an Arrogant Person

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  1. Next time you’re around them, listen to their conversation. Is it always about them? Do they get mad or irritated if the center of attention moves to someone else? Arrogant people like to be the center of attention, and will steer a conversation so that it always focuses on themselves. [1]
    • Often, an arrogant person will try to “one-up” someone else’s story, or somehow prove that they’re better than the people around them, even when it’s not a competition.
    • Arrogant people might also try to talk about things they have little knowledge or experience about, just to hear themselves speak.
  2. Pose a small question about the person’s own view of things, like, “Are you sure?” or, “That doesn’t seem right to me…” Don't be aggressive––just skeptical and curious. Most people are willing to reevaluate their own opinions or perspectives, but arrogant people believe they’re always correct, or that their way is the best way. [2]
    • An arrogant person will probably get frustrated or angry at your questioning, while other people might be bothered, but not angry.
    • According to Miller, arrogant people easily become defensive, and have little empathy for other people’s feelings. Arrogant people don’t like it when reality doesn’t line up with their fantasy.
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  3. Arrogant people often have trouble fostering meaningful relationships. Their need to be superior to others mixed with the way they refuse to see others’ perspectives means their friendships are often unhealthy and unhappy. [3] If they seem to go through friends quickly, they may be arrogant.
    • At the same time, arrogant people often can't understand why they don't have any reliable and supportive friends, since they don’t believe they’re in the wrong.
    • That said, arrogant people tend to attract friends at first because they seem “cool” or appealing, but those friends eventually learn the truth.
  4. Arrogant people often need to feel like they’re better than other people, especially those who come from different backgrounds, experiences, or beliefs. [4] To them, their experiences are the only good or true ways to live, and everything else isn’t worthy of respect.
    • For example, they might laugh at or belittle another person’s religion or spirituality. They may also insult someone’s career or hobbies.
    • You might ask around to see if they’ve said anything unkind about you or people you know. They may have valid criticisms, or they may have a deeper dislike that suggests insecurity and arrogance.
  5. Arrogant people often try to stay “on top” at the expense of others. They might get other people to do things that aren’t in their best interest, or they might try to sabotage others so that they look bad, while the arrogant person gets to look good, or even save the day. It’s all about maintaining a good appearance. [5]
    • Many arrogant people have a false charm that no one seems to see through. But the arrogant person is usually more than happy to show their cruel side to those that they don't like.
    • When they are cruel, their friends will usually ignore it or not do anything to stop it since they're afraid that they'll be treated badly by their "friend."
  6. Arrogant people hate to be wrong. It means that they’re not perfect, and if they’re not perfect, then they’re just like everyone else. [6] Often, when an arrogant person makes a mistake, they’ll try to pin the blame on someone else, so that the other person takes the fall, and the arrogant person gets to keep looking perfect.
    • Or, they might try to convince you that it wasn’t actually a mistake, or that it’s not as bad as it seems.
  7. Arrogant people love to be the authority on things, even when they don’t have much experience themselves. It makes them look wise. That’s why they often give you tips or instructions, even when you didn’t ask for it, or didn’t need it.
    • It’s most frustrating when you tell you to do something you’re already doing, which makes it look like you’re proving them right.
  8. Usually, when you do something well or receive an award, you practice a little humility so that people don’t think you have a big ego. But arrogant people don’t want to be humble, they want to be the best. [7] They won’t accept losing or being wrong, and when they win, they act like it was inevitable.
  9. Arrogant people often see themselves as “too cool to care.” For example, if you’re gushing about a book or movie you like, they’ll say they didn’t like it, just because they’re afraid of looking too passionate or genuine. This makes it hard for them to make real connections with other people, or to empathize.
    • It also means they’re not very invested in the lives of other people. They don’t want it to seem like they care too much.
  10. Arrogant people often think they should be able to cut lines, take bigger portions, or get paid more than others. They feel that because they’re superior, they shouldn’t have to do things the way regular people do things, so they’re always demanding extra attention or better service than the rest of us. They also act mortified when they’re denied special treatment. [8]
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Section 2 of 3:

Dealing with Arrogant People

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  1. Johartchi tells us that a lot of arrogant people refuse to self-reflect, and that often the best course of action is to accept that and set boundaries. Firm boundaries protect your own dignity, and communicate to the arrogant person that you won’t tolerate disrespect.
    • For example, if the arrogant person starts to talk down to you or insult you, walk away, or say, “I won’t speak with you until you learn to respect me as an equal.”
    • Or, if they insist that you do something their way, you might say, “This is my job, and I know what I’m doing. If you have a problem, you can talk to the boss.”
  2. It can be tempting to buy into an arrogant person’s grandiose fantasies, but the next time they start talking about how great they are, don’t budge! [9] Take care not to give them too much praise, which is what they’re looking for.
    • Instead, say something polite, like “That’s great! I’m happy for you,” then change the subject of the conversation.
  3. Arrogant people love to be the center of attention, and often dominate conversations with bragging or boasting. [10] When speaking in a group with them, make sure to include other people and ask them specific questions, so that the arrogant person isn’t the only one talking.
    • If the arrogant person interrupts or tries to change the subject, say, “One moment, I want to hear more from Jane. She was saying something I find very interesting.”
  4. Arrogant people often put others down in order to stay on top, and they’ll probably do it to you, too. [11] Protect your own self-esteem by reminding yourself that your ideas and accomplishments have worth, and are something you should be proud of.
    • In fact, if an arrogant person is rude about your own ideas or achievements, it probably means that they feel threatened by them, which is a sign that you should feel especially proud.
  5. Miller tells us to not be judgmental of arrogant people, or you risk having as negative an outlook as they do. Arrogant people are often trying to hide certain vulnerabilities and fears. Most of the time, the need for a strong and unquestionable self-image comes out of deeply rooted pain. Stay patient , and remind yourself that an arrogant person is still a person.
    • If you like, give the arrogant person praise for something that’s real and notable, like a good deed. Sometimes, all they need is to be reminded that they don’t need to posture to be recognized.
    • Arrogant people might have other problems you don’t realize, like personality disorders or a traumatic past. It’s not your responsibility to solve these, but you should stay civil and empathetic.
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Section 3 of 3:

Managing Your Own Arrogance

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  1. Arrogant people often struggle to listen to others and appreciate their stories, input, or merits. [12] Practicing active listening can help you absorb and internalize what other people are telling you, without talking over them or dismissing their words.
    • Maintain eye contact and focus your attention on the person.
    • Ask them questions about what they’re saying, and repeat it back to them to make sure you understand.
    • Only offer your own opinion or perspective once they’re finished.
  2. It’s often hard for arrogant people to accept criticism, or to have empathy for other people. [13] Expand your mind by talking to a diverse range of people. Then, if someone offers a tip, or does something you don’t understand, take a moment to clear your mind before you react:
    • Ask yourself if what they said was meant to hurt you, or if they’re trying to help.
    • Remind yourself that just because you’d do something a certain way, it doesn’t mean it’s the best way for another person to do it.
  3. Arrogant people tend to belittle or ignore other people’s accomplishments because they feel threatened by other people’s success. [14] When a friend or coworker finds success, resist the urge to critique or criticize. Instead, tell them you’re happy for them! You might even stay humble by asking for advice or pointers.
    • Another way to practice humility is to thank other people for their contributions when you find your own success.
    • For example, if you’re telling a story about winning a medal, you could say, “But I couldn’t have done it without my friend, who cheered me on the whole time.”
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How does someone know when to let go of a friendship or relationship?
    Guy Reichard
    Executive Life Coach
    Guy Reichard is an Executive Life Coach and the Founder of HeartRich Coaching & Training, a professional life coaching and inner leadership training provider based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. He works with people to create more meaning, purpose, well-being, and fulfillment in their lives. Guy has over 10 years of personal growth coaching and resilience training experience, helping clients enhance and transform their inner worlds, so they can be a more positive and powerful influence on those they love and lead. He is an Adler Certified Professional Coach (ACPC), and is accredited by the International Coach Federation. He earned a BA in Psychology from York University in 1997 and a Master of Business Administration (MBA) from York University in 2000.
    Guy Reichard
    Executive Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    When the relationship is toxic or abusive in any way, and you’ve taken courageous, loving steps to address the issues and ask for better treatment, and the friend has no desire to change, it’s time to let go. Some people let go too quickly and easily. I'm not saying anyone should stay in a toxic or abusive relationship, but sometimes there’s simply a one-sided sense of unfairness or inequality. This situation is not necessarily toxic or abusive, but the one person is afraid of confrontation and conflict, and so they simply stonewall or ghost the other person. That’s not fair either. The key is that you’ve tried to improve the situation, and you’ve tried to grow and do your best, and you find no partner to improve and grow with you. Then it’s a sign to let go.
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  • Question
    My fiance asked me to move in with him and now he always says hurtful things to me. Things like "Don't act like this is your house, you are a guest here." He wants to me to ask permission for everything. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    In all honesty, your fiance is a jerk and you don't deserve to be treated like that. In the end, your self-respect matters and regardless of who the hatred comes from, you should care for yourself. If I were you, I would tell him his words are unacceptable. If you don't get an apology, break it off with him. Respect should be the most important aspect of a marriage, so it is not a good sign if he is already exhibiting a lack of it while you are still engaged.
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  • Question
    Is it good to be in a relationship with a guy who thinks it is all about him or thinks it is all about looking good?
    Community Answer
    No, that's not a healthy relationship to be in. Relationships should not be so superficial or so one-sided. Best to put and end to this and hopefully eventually find a more caring person to be with.
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      Tips

      • An assertive or nervous person will check for your responses and even ask questions, while an arrogant person will ignore your needs and you completely and will continue to lack respect for your perspective.
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      • If an arrogant person is causing trouble at school or at work, take the issue to a teacher or a manager—someone who has the power to change their behavior, or at least control how you interact with them.
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      • Try not to vent to others about the arrogant person too much. Word gets around, and you may find yourself in trouble.
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      Tips from our Readers

      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • Try telling someone that the problematic behavior they're doing is right and morally good, like, "You're totally right to laugh at this person's pain." Saying it like this can make them realize they're actually in the wrong.
      • There's no point in making fun of or belittling an arrogant person. They're often hardest on themselves, and making fun of them will only make their behavior worse.
      • Remember that arrogant people are never as sparkling or perfect as they try to be, and there's no reason to be jealous of them.
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      Expert Interview

      Thanks for reading our article! If you'd like to learn more about recognizing a narcissist, check out our in-depth interview with Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW .


      References

      1. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/nature-versus-nurture#takeaway
      2. ↑ https://today.duke.edu/2017/03/modest-personality-trait-intellectual-humility-packs-punch
      3. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8101990/
      4. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8101990/
      5. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-fine-line-between-self-confidence-cockiness#2
      6. ↑ https://today.duke.edu/2017/03/modest-personality-trait-intellectual-humility-packs-punch
      7. ↑ https://today.duke.edu/2017/03/modest-personality-trait-intellectual-humility-packs-punch
      8. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-fine-line-between-self-confidence-cockiness#1
      9. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/personality-disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder
      1. ↑ https://www.sistersletter.com/we-time/4-signs-youre-dealing-with-a-flex-addict
      2. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8101990/
      3. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8101990/
      4. ↑ https://www.uakron.edu/im/news/identifying-the-arrogant-boss
      5. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8101990/

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