How to Cope With the Death of a Cousin

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The death of any family member can be devastating. Yet, some people grow up alongside their cousins from adolescence into adulthood. If you are particularly close to your cousin, you may feel as if you have lost a sibling or a best friend. No mourning period is easy but you can learn how to cope with losing a cousin by being gentle with yourself and being patient.

Part 1
Part 1 of 2:

Grieving the Loss

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    Grieve. Many people wrongly assume that ignoring their feelings or “toughing it out” will help the pain go away more quickly. This is a common myth associated with grief. [1]
    • Children and teens typically follow suit with the reaction of the adults in their lives. If the adults openly grieve and show sorrow, the children may feel more comfortable doing this, too. However, if the adults try to swallow their feelings or stay strong, the youth may think grieving is inappropriate or a sign of weakness. [2]
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    Even if you have encountered a loss before, you may react differently after your cousin’s death depending on your relationship with this person and the unique circumstances surrounding the death. [3] As there is no normal death, there is also no ordinary response to death. Common reactions to death include: [4]
    • Shock. At first, it may be difficult to come to terms with the fact that your cousin is gone. You may feel completely numb and no pain at all; you may also argue with others and deny the truth. You may even be filled with anticipation and hope, waiting for your cousin to appear and clear up this misunderstanding.
    • Anger. You may feel upset and resentful after your cousin’s death. You may have angry and bitter feelings toward yourself, medical professionals, God, and or even towards your cousin for leaving you.
    • Guilt. You may feel guilty that you couldn’t prevent what happened or that you survived.
    • Sadness. This is one of the most common reactions to death. Sadness may include feeling like there is a hole in your life, loneliness, or hopelessness. You may cry for hours on end.
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    After a death in the family, everyone must heal and grieve at their own pace. Some people may start to feel better in a few weeks while, for others, the grieving process may take months or more. Be patient with yourself and anticipate that you will feel better again in your own time. [5]
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    During this mourning period surround yourself with family and close friends who will be able to support you during this process. Often it helps to talk about your emotions rather than bottling them up, as this can make healing and growing after a loss more difficult.
    • Journaling may also help you to release the pent-up emotion or confusing feelings you are experiencing after your cousin’s death. You might write about the good times and happy memories the two of you shared. [6]
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Part 2
Part 2 of 2:

Moving Forward

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    This can be done through the observance of rituals such as funerals/cremations. Attending the funeral can give you the much needed closure, and helps you to realize you are not the only one mourning.
    • If your family does not follow a religion or have memorial services, you can find other meaningful ways to commemorate your cousin.
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    Once you have come to terms with the loss of your cousin you can then move on to fondly remembering the time you spent together. This can help you to appreciate the time that you had together and honoring your cousin’s memory by focusing on the positives.
    • You might even start a tradition of celebrating this person’s birthday each year or releasing balloons on this day to keep his/her memory alive.
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    Your cousin would not want you to mourn forever. You must live life yourself. Although this may seem a long way off to you at the moment, there will come a day when you will not think of your lost one as often or with as much pain. Then, you can live for your cousin, and live to the fullest. [7]
    • Suggestions for living your life to the fullest might be to take advantage of the time you have on earth to set new goals. Create a "bucket list" of things you'd like to do before your own death, and start ticking items off.
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    Everyone reacts to death differently. If the death of your cousin provokes you to withdraw from friends or family, stop participating in school or performing at work, feel extremely depressed, or use drugs or alcohol to cope, you should see a mental health professional.
    • A counselor or therapist can help you find positive ways of channeling your grief and coping with loss.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How do I cope with the death of my brother?
    William Gardner, PsyD
    Clinical Psychologist
    William Gardner, Psy.D. is a Clinical Psychologist in private practice located in San Francisco, CA’s financial district. With over 10 years of clinical experience, Dr. Gardner provides individually tailored psychotherapy for adults using cognitive behavioral techniques, to reduce symptoms and improve overall functioning. Dr. Gardner earned his PsyD from Stanford University in 2009, specializing in evidence-based practices. He then completed a post-doc fellowship at Kaiser Permanente.
    William Gardner, PsyD
    Clinical Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    It really differs from person to person. There are no hard rules when it comes to grief and mourning. Take the time to process what you're feeling. If you need help, reach out to a therapist, counselor, or family member. It can be exceptionally difficult to heal from the pain, so don't be too hard on yourself if you feel like it takes a long time.
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  • Question
    How do you deal with the death of a relative?
    William Gardner, PsyD
    Clinical Psychologist
    William Gardner, Psy.D. is a Clinical Psychologist in private practice located in San Francisco, CA’s financial district. With over 10 years of clinical experience, Dr. Gardner provides individually tailored psychotherapy for adults using cognitive behavioral techniques, to reduce symptoms and improve overall functioning. Dr. Gardner earned his PsyD from Stanford University in 2009, specializing in evidence-based practices. He then completed a post-doc fellowship at Kaiser Permanente.
    William Gardner, PsyD
    Clinical Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    The grieving process differs for everyone; you must come to terms with your loss on your own time. Do not be afraid to cry or scream or whatever you think helps you react to the loss. Before you can move on from losing a loved one, you must first mourn their loss.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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      Warnings

      • You do not have to be strong on your own. If you need help, seek it out - either from family members, friends, or counselors.
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      References

      1. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief-loss/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm
      2. ↑ http://www.kidshealth.org.nz/helping-your-child-after-their-sister-brother-or-cousin-has-died
      3. ↑ William Gardner, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 25 July 2019.
      4. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief-loss/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm
      5. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief-loss/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm
      6. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/mental-health-coping-with-grief?page=2#2
      7. ↑ http://www.health.com/health/calendar/0,,20486395,00.html

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