Dating on Discord: Safety Tips, Finding Servers, Expert Advice, & More

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Plus, we go over a few FAQs about Discord dating too
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While it's not a conventional dating app, many people online have found love through Discord, the chatting app. But how do you find someone to date on Discord? There are servers specifically for dating, but you can also find a kindred soul in other servers as well. In this article, we go over how to date on Discord, how to find dating Discord servers, and some safety tips for dating on Discord. We also include expert dating advice from professional dating and relationship coaches.

Dating on Discord: Overview

  • There are Discord servers specifically for dating, which can be found on Disboard under the "dating" tag.
  • You can also find someone to date in other servers, but it may take more time.
  • Dating is allowed on Discord, but not between teenagers.
Section 1 of 4:

How to Date on Discord

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  1. This sounds simple, but there are two paths you can take here: join a server focused on dating, or join a server about something you're interested in. The good news is that you can try both of these approaches, even at the same time if you like.
    • Join a dating server: If you join a dating server, you're likely to find other people who are also interested in finding a romantic partner. Some dating servers even have blind dates or speed dates that you can be set up on. [1] However, it might be harder to find someone you truly connect with and have a lot in common with.
    • Join an interest-based server: If you join a server that's based on your interests, you'll find other people who like the same things that you like, but you might have a harder time finding people who are looking to date.
  2. If you join a dating server, you might be required to submit some kind of intro or profile so other users can find you. Even some non-dating servers give users a place to put an intro as well, so consider filling one out so other users can learn a little bit more about you.
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  3. It's best to start off by chatting in the channels in the server. If you end up hitting it off with someone, you can ask if they want to move to DMs. What you chat about, however, is way different whether you're in a dating Discord or not.
    • If you're in a dating Discord, you might be able to get away with being a little flirty right off the bat. Don't be too forward right from the start, however—this could have the opposite effect and scare the other person away.
    • If you're in an interest-based Discord server, focus first on building a rapport with other users. Most people won't be receptive if you hop into their DMs trying to flirt right off the bat, and you could get a bad reputation in the server.
      • It's also likely that you don't know if the person you're talking to is single, and being too forward will come off as weird—and it could cost you a friendship as well as a potential relationship.
      • Relationship coach Maya Diamond says it's easy to fall into a fantasy of imagining your life with a person you're interested in, but it's important not to do that early on when you barely know the other person. "You can create a lack of really seeing the person for who they are, which is very dangerous when it comes to dating and relationships," Diamond says.
  4. It's very easy to stay anonymous online and to hide or lie about your personal details, and this extends to Discord. Unfortunately, online predators have used Discord to do some terrible things, [2] and despite Discord's no-tolerance policy for these actions, they can still happen. [3] Because anonymity is prevalent online, make sure before you continue that it's both legal and ethical to pursue a potential relationship with the person you're chatting with.
    • Ask the other person how old they are. If you are suspicious that the person is lying at all, it's best to cut the relationship off before it progresses.
    • Do voice and video calls. Before you decide to try dating someone, try and ascertain their age through video calls. This is not foolproof, however, as some people look older or younger than they actually are.
    • Ask mutuals. If you and the person you're interested in have mutual friends you trust, ask them for verification.
    • Add them on Facebook. While Facebook doesn't require you to show your birthdate, you might be able to glean some information about their age based on how old their account is and the photos on their account.
  5. If you're in a dating Discord, you can likely skip this step—though you may still find it necessary if you're concerned that the person you're talking to is lying about being single or ethically non-monogamous.
    • Ask directly. It's good to be honest with your intentions, but you may end up hurting someone's feelings if you start building a friendship with them, only to dump the friendship if you can't date the other person.
    • Try an indirect approach. Try subtly flirting with the other person to see how they respond. You can also try asking about their weekend plans; if they have a significant other, there's a good chance they will spend time with their SO on the weekend.
  6. If you're on a dating Discord, this is once again a little more straightforward—the people you're chatting with are likely interested in starting a relationship, so the process of starting to chat with someone and asking them to date could be pretty quick. However, this process might take longer if you're talking to someone you met in a general interest server.
    • Dating coach Collete Gee says that one of the biggest pitfalls she sees in online dating is not following through. If you ask someone out and they say they're interested, make sure to follow through by planning online dating sessions—such as playing a game together, watching a movie, or even setting up your webcams so you can eat a meal together. Once you're both comfortable and if the relationship develops, you might even consider meeting in person.
    • If you get rejected, accept the other person's answer. Getting angry, yelling, or goading the other person for rejecting you will not get them to say yes.
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Section 2 of 4:

Finding Dating Discords

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  1. Disboard is an online Discord server directory where servers can advertise themselves. Check out servers in the dating tag on Disboard .
    • Look for servers that have reviews, if possible. However, make sure the reviews are real (as some people post fake reviews just to give the server a higher rating).
    • Many dating servers rate themselves as NSFW (not safe for work) and may feature sexual content. Sexual content is permitted on Discord as long as it's in line with Discord's Sexual Content Policy . [4] However, servers that facilitate teenage dating are against Discord's Community Guidelines . [5]
    • If you're not over the age of 18, you should not join servers meant for dating, especially those with NSFW content, or you, the other users in the server, and/or the server owner may face repercussions from Discord or the law (if laws have been broken).
  2. These servers can also be found on Disboard, but you might also find them through social media, word of mouth, or even Google. However, be aware that these spaces are not meant specifically for dating, and you should not treat others in these servers like they're looking for romantic relationships.
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Section 3 of 4:

Safe Dating on Discord

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  1. If you start talking to someone and you realize they're giving you bad vibes (or worse), you can and should stop talking to them. Don't continue a friendship with someone who makes you feel weird, creeped out, or unsafe. If necessary, block and report the user.
    • Dating coach Lisa Shield says to avoid people who give you a ton of positive attention right away. "If they send messages every day and they say 'good morning, beautiful', 'I'm thinking about you', and 'you’re so amazing', they know what they're doing," Shield says. "These guys know what they're doing and it works."
  2. Never give out your phone number, email, address, bank information, Social Security Number, or other personally identifying info to someone you don't 100% trust.
  3. If someone messages you out of the blue and you've never spoken to them before, it's best to avoid talking to them. This is especially true if you only have one server in common, and that server is a big community server. Account takeover scams are common on Discord, and usually start with random users messaging you and asking you to provide some personal information or change your account's login info.
  4. If you have been chatting with someone for a while and you know their real name, try looking them up on social media. While this might seem a little shady or weird, it can give you an insight into whether that person is someone you actually want to spend more time with (or if that person is lying about their age or who they are).
  5. Unfortunately, scammers have been known to manipulate others through the guise of a potential romantic relationship. According to RAINN, these are some of the signs of a romantic scammer: [6]
    • Asks for financial assistance due to a sudden crisis
    • Claims to be from your country but is living or working abroad
    • Answers specific questions vaguely
    • Very complimentary and romantic early on in the relationship
    • Pressures you to give up your personal details (like email, phone number, or address)
    • Tells inconsistent or impossibly grand stories
    • Requests pictures of you, or wants to video chat right away
    • Threatens, harasses, or intimidates you
    • Tries to sell you something right away
  6. Once you're comfortable with someone and are at the point of wanting to meet up, you should always video chat first. If the other person refuses to video chat, do not go meet up with them. They are likely lying about who they are, and meeting them in person could be dangerous.
  7. If you've only recently started talking to someone or you're not sure you trust them, never meet up in person, especially if the person is trying to be coercive or threatening.
  8. If you end up meeting up with someone from Discord, always tell a friend or family member where you're going. Give the exact location of where you'll be meeting up, or have someone go with you if possible.
  9. Never meet up with someone at their house right away. You should also not invite someone over to your place first that you met on Discord, either. Always meet in a public place first, especially in an area that's got a lot of people around you. A cafe, restaurant, or bar is a good place to meet because you can ask a waiter or bartender for help if you feel uncomfortable or unsafe.
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Section 4 of 4:

Frequently Asked Questions

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  1. 1
    Is Discord a dating app? No, Discord is not primarily a dating app. It's primarily used as a general chatting app, where users can create servers that become communities of like-minded people. Some servers are dedicated to dating, but many Discord users find significant others in servers not dedicated only to dating or romance.
  2. 2
    Is dating allowed on Discord? Yes, dating is allowed on Discord. However, Discord does not permit dating servers to allow dating between teenagers under 18. It's against Discord's Community Guidelines to facilitate dating between teens, even if the interactions are consensual. [7] For in-depth information about Discord's policies, check out their Community Guidelines , Teen and Child Safety Policy Explainer , and Sexual Content Policy Explainer .
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.vice.com/en/article/people-are-finding-love-on-discord/
      2. ↑ https://www.washingtonpost.com/investigations/interactive/2024/764-predator-discord-telegram/
      3. ↑ https://discord.com/safety/child-safety-policy-explainer
      4. ↑ https://discord.com/safety/sexual-content-policy-explainer
      5. ↑ https://discord.com/guidelines
      6. ↑ https://rainn.org/articles/tips-safer-online-dating-and-dating-app-use
      7. ↑ https://discord.com/guidelines

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