The Most (And Least) Compatible Enneagram Types

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A complete guide to Enneagram romantic relationship compatibility
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Have you ever wondered how well your personality meshes with a partner or crush? Knowing your Enneagram type allows you to gain new insights into your desires, fears, and behaviors. In a relationship, Enneagram types can help you understand your partner's point of view so you can best support and love each other. This guide breaks down the most and least likely partnerships for each type, plus essential relationship tips!

Things You Should Know

  • Type 1s are most compatible with 2s and 7s. Type 2s pair well with 3s and 8s, while Type 3s do well with 5s, 7s, and 9s.
  • Type 4s mesh well with 5s and 9s, while Type 5s are most compatible with 1s and 2s. Type 6s match well with 9s.
  • Type 7s and 8s are most compatible with 9s, while Type 9s find happiness with 1s and 2s.
Section 1 of 2:

Enneagram Compatibility Pairings

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  1. 1s strive to be good and dedicated in life—and their relationships. The helpful Type 2 will gladly support and affirm a Type 1's goals and ambitions. The enthusiastic 7 helps their partner feel more free-spirited, living in the moment. [1]
    • Least Compatible: 1s aren't good matches with 7s because of their childlike and unreliable nature. To overcome their differences, both types must learn to effectively communicate to have a flourishing relationship. [2]
    • Relationship Tip: 1s have difficulty living in the moment. As their partner, be sure to help them embrace life and joy. Surprise them with tickets to their favorite musician or plan a creative indoor date like having a bake-off.
  2. 2s are warm and affectionate partners in their relationships. They radiate with positive and helpful energy, which is desirable to their counterparts. The success-driven 3 is grateful for their partner's love and support. Meanwhile, the charming 7 shares the same desire to help others. [3]
    • Least Compatible: Type 2s don't mesh well with 5s because they are reserved and analytical. 5s struggle to provide the reassurance and affirmations 2s needs.
    • Relationship Tip: As naturally giving and caring individuals, 2s struggle to voice their needs and wants. As their partner, be sure to do check-ins with 2s. Ask, "Are your needs being met?" or take note of things they may want. [4] For example, if there's a new restaurant they want to try, surprise them with a date there! It's a great way to show your partner you listen and notice their wants, too.
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  3. As success-oriented and driven individuals, 3s want to see their relationship flourish. [5] The analytical 5 and 9 share the same drive for achievements. 7s can help their partner tap into their emotion and communicate efficiently. [6]
    • Least Compatible: 8s are the least likely pairing for 3s because they both see themselves as leaders and struggle to find a compromise.
    • Relationship Tip: As high-achievers, 3s need help connecting with their emotions. Often, they believe failures define them. Maintain a positive can-do attitude around the 3 in your life. You may want to give more compliments to remind them that failures don’t define them. They’re a learning opportunity. [7]
  4. 4s are motivated by their desire to be as unique as possible. When paired with a 5, they can carefully balance time apart and time together to explore their passions. As peacemakers, 9s can teach 4s how to relax and unwind during periods of stress. [8]
    • Least Compatible: 8s are the least likely pairing for 4s because they struggle with managing their emotions; they often need help communicating effectively.
    • Relationship Tip: 4s struggle with low self-esteem and emotions. They can often feel overwhelmed by their emotions. As a partner, quality time goes a long way. If you notice signs of depression, like self-isolating or negative self-talk, encourage positive movement, like yoga or going for a walk, so they can decompress and get out of their own head. [9]
  5. Driven by the power of knowledge, Type 5s are drawn towards individuals with the same passion for learning. 1s are a likely match for the reserved 5; they're hard workers and focus on bringing innovation to the world. On the other hand, 2s help 5s explore the emotional aspects of life. [10]
    • Least Compatible: 9s are the least likely match for 5s, as they prioritize keeping the peace instead of challenging different ideas to understand the world better. [11]
    • Relationship Tip: 5s are known for being detached, preferring to conserve their energy for their passion projects. For a successful relationship, it’s important to find a nice balance between alone time and quality time. Type 5s value personal space to dedicate to their own passion projects. Try scheduling time for the both of you to do your own thing, and schedule dates to strengthen your relationship.
  6. Motivated by fear and the need for security, a relationship with a Type 6 means you're with someone who is dedicated and loyal to you. However, they are worst-case-scenario thinkers, and it may take a little while to trust and open up. Fortunately, 9s can bring the rest 6s desperately need. [12]
    • Least Compatible: 3s are an excellent match to a 6 in the workplace. However, when it comes to love, a 3’s flirtatious behaviors can make a 6 feel insecure.
    • Relationship Tip: 6s are naturally suspicious of others, making it hard for them to build trust. When dating a 6, establish trust by sticking to commitments and being open and honest about your feelings.
  7. 7s are spontaneous, fun-loving individuals who excel in relationships that offer them flexibility and freedom. Fortunately, 9s can go with the flow and are happy to let their 7 counterparts take control when planning and executing new adventures.
    • Least Compatible: 1s are detail-oriented individuals who may struggle with keeping up with a 7’s spontaneous lifestyle. [13]
    • Relationship Tip: 7s fear commitment because they don't want to feel confined to one person or place. In many cases, when a relationship becomes tough, they have the urge to flee. [14] As their partner, be vulnerable and open about how their actions make you feel. Doing so will help them understand your perspective and, over time, may help them learn how to better communicate and process their emotions.
  8. Type 8s are known as protectors and leaders. They know what they want and are not afraid to go after it. They often pair well with 9s, who allow them to take control. This trait is essential for 9s because they fear confrontation. [15]
    • Least Compatible: 4s must be in tune with their emotions, whereas an 8 can be avoidant and hungry to confront injustice without thinking about why, so they don't make the strongest pair. [16]
    • Relationship Tip: Generally, 8s aren’t fans of being told what to do. As decisive individuals, they may try to make all the plans in your relationship and can burn themselves out with decision fatigue. Don’t be afraid to step in and remind the 8 in your life to take a break. Set healthy boundaries or compromise, such as offering to plan every other date so there’s an equal balance of responsibility.
  9. 9s are the peaceful bunch of the Enneagram types. They value harmony, comfort, and peace and do well with partners who share the same values in helping people. [17] 1s strive to help themselves and others be their best versions, while 2s are eager to offer compassion and care to their partners.
    • Least Compatible: 5s are the least likely match for 9s because they both tend to retreat into a safe imaginary world in their mind, making it difficult for them to connect. [18]
    • Relationship Tip: 9s are often too complacent; over time, this can fuel resentment in the relationship. They may say, "I'm down for anything," but checking in about their wants or needs doesn't hurt. A relationship should be an equal balance of give and take. [19]
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Section 2 of 2:

Understanding Enneagram Compatibility

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  1. In a relationship, your Enneagram type can be a tool for deeper understanding. It offers insight into a specific type's deepest wounds, strengths, and priorities that may affect the relationship. It teaches couples to work together to support and love one another better.
    • There is no "wrong" compatibility pairing regarding the Enneagram system. These insights teach people what hurdles they may have to work at to overcome them in their relationships.
    • The Enneagram type compatibility theory is about learning to self-manage and relate to others.
  2. There’s no perfect Enneagram pairing, but understanding a person’s values, motives, and communication style can strengthen a relationship, leading to a long-term successful relationship. When a couple’s motives and fears align, like Type 1s and 2s, they can offer each other the safety and security one another needs.
    • Meanwhile, the differences in how a Type 5 communicates and handles emotions by ignoring them can make a Type 9 feel uneasy and insecure.
    • Similarly, while same-type pairings may seem ideal because they share the same traits, these similarities can create problems. [20] For instance, Type 8s may challenge each other to grow, but they both tend to neglect their mental well-being, which can drive them apart.
  3. When determining your Enneagram personality type, the test’s questions or statements focus on thought and behavioral patterns, such as, “I strive for perfection” or “I work hard to be helpful to others.” [21] No type is considered masculine or feminine. However, societal expectations and stereotypes may impact a person’s answer. [22]
    • Similarly, when picking a partner, men and women tend to choose different personalities for their life partners. For instance, Type 9 men tended to gravitate to Type 4 women, while Type 8 women preferred Type 9 men. [23]
  4. Each type explains a person's core motivations, fears, and beliefs. The nine types include: [24]
    • Type 1: The Perfectionist
    • Type 2: The Helper
    • Type 3: The Achiever
    • Type 4: The Individualist
    • Type 5: The Investigator
    • Type 6: The Loyalist
    • Type 7: The Enthusiast
    • Type 8: The Challenger
    • Type 9: The Peacemaker
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      References

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      14. ↑ https://www.9types.com/writeup/enneagram_relationships.php
      15. ↑ https://www.forbes.com/health/mind/enneagram-types/

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