How to Flirt with a Girl at Work

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Flirt with the cute girl you like while keeping things professional
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Since you spend so much time with your co-workers, it’s normal and even natural to develop a bit of a crush on one of them. Flirting is a way to show your interest in someone and possibly build a relationship. Plus…it’s fun! But if you want to flirt with a girl at work, it’s important to avoid causing an uncomfortable working environment. We spoke with relationship experts to get their best flirting advice to help you subtly signal your interest.

Flirting with a Female Coworker: Quick Tips

The key to flirting with a girl at work is to keep things subtle and professional. Smile, make eye contact, and be friendly whenever you see her in the office. Bring her a coffee or snack when she's hard at work. If she seems into you too, try inviting her to lunch or happy hour to get to know her better.

Section 1 of 3:

Flirting at the Office

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  1. Smiling and being polite and kind are great ways to subtly hint that you like a girl at work. Workplaces are professional atmospheres, so livening things up a bit and being friendly and outgoing could set you apart from the other people at work. [1] Dating coach Cher Gopman says, “Make sure you have that strong eye contact . Showing that you're really present in the moment is a [sign of] flirting.” [2]
    • A simple smile is an appropriate form of flirting and doesn’t cross any professional lines. Dating coach John Keegan says if she smiles back and goes along with it, it's a sign she likes you. [3]
    • Alternatively, if she seems standoffish and shuts it down, you know to back off without any embarrassment.
  2. You know you have at least one thing in common: work. Use it as a way to start a conversation. Try making a joke in a work memo email or send her a funny picture via webchat while you’re at work. Or, inject a little humor into the conversation—and hopefully charm her —by making a lighthearted joke about the meeting you both attended earlier in the day. [4]
    • Just avoid petty gossip about co-workers. You want to come off as a positive person, not a downer.
    • Keep things friendly and light, and don’t tell any inappropriate jokes.
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  3. If she gets assigned a big project or has to stay late, offer to stay and help. If she seems stressed or is under a deadline, ask her if she needs anything or if there’s anything you can do for her. Or, ask her for a work-related favor . According to the Ben Franklin Effect, people like you more when you ask them for help. [5]
    • Being helpful is friendly, but it also shows her that you’re interested in spending some extra time with her.
    • If she misses a meeting or isn’t at work on a day you get new equipment or learn a new policy, bring her up to speed with some notes or a quick phone call.
    • Try to help her out while showing her you’re interested in her. Say something like, “I noticed you were out the other day, so I took down some notes during the meeting for you.”
  4. This is like giving her a little gift, but in a low-key way that’s not inappropriate for the office. It’s far more understated than giving her flowers, but it still shows her you were thinking of her. Plus, it’ll give you a reason to talk to her about something other than work. [6]
    • The next time you’re headed out for coffee or to pick up lunch, ask if she wants some. If she does, she’ll tell you her go-to order, and later on, you’ll know exactly what to get her.
    • Plus, it’s yet another opportunity to express interest in her, give her a smile, and offer to do something nice while still staying professional.
  5. Keep things professional, even when flirting. Gopman recommends leaning toward her while you talk to show your interest. And make sure you aren’t closing off your posture by crossing your arms. [7] “This shows you're really giving [her] your undivided attention.” [8] By using body language , you show your interest in a way that respects her possible boundaries.
    • Physical gestures like touching could possibly make her feel uncomfortable, which is the opposite of what you want.
    • Public displays of affection in the workplace can make other people feel uncomfortable. Even if she’s okay with touching, a different co-worker may report you to a supervisor.
  6. Give her subtle compliments to show your interest. Let her know that you noticed her new haircut or glasses. Even better, compliment her on her work . Psychologist Kim Chronister recommends highlighting something you've recently learned or read about her skillset. [9] For example, if she did a good job on the presentation that morning, tell her so! You might also compliment her work ethic or praise a successful project she recently worked on.
    • Just remember, too many compliments can seem insincere, so make sure you compliment her on things you really admire about her.
    • If you pay her a compliment on her appearance, keep it light and G-rated. Don’t make any sexual comments or say anything that could offend her.
    • These kinds of comments could lead to negative consequences like harassment suits or complaints filed against you with HR.
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Section 2 of 3:

Flirting Outside the Workplace

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  1. Start with a group activity that includes other co-workers so that she doesn’t think you’re singling her out. That way, it won’t seem like you’re coming on too strong. Then, once you’ve gone out as a group, you can suggest hanging out together alone outside of work. [10]
    • When you ask her out for some one-on-one time, try to make it casual. Invite her as if you were going already and decided to ask her along.
    • This approach can make it seem a little less intimidating. Say something like, “I was going to hit my favorite bar after work today for a drink or two. Want to come along?”
    • If you want to avoid running into coworkers when you go to lunch or hit happy hour, go earlier in the week to avoid the crowd.
  2. Try asking her open-ended questions that require more than a 1-2 word answer to learn more about what she likes to do outside of work. This shows her you’re interested in her as a person outside of her work.
    • Avoid emotional or romantic questions until you’re sure she’s interested in you, too.
    • Gopman says that listening is the most important thing you can do. "Don’t just go in with a list of questions without paying attention to the answers. Girls can tell if you're not really listening.” [11]
    • If you work in a place that has offices, desks, or cubicles, glance at hers as you walk by to get hints about her interests that you can use as conversation starters.
    • Don’t forget to share things about you, too. Be open with her without revealing too much personal information so your conversation is balanced between the 2 of you.
  3. One way to get some one-on-one time with a little less pressure is to take a quick lunch break together. Ask her to grab a bite with you outside the office, or even just grab the seat beside her in the break room while she’s eating. Keegan recommends, “Just say, ‘Hey, let's grab a coffee, one morning after work,’...or ‘Let's grab a drink,’ or ‘Let's go for something healthy.’ And you can see where that goes.” [12]
    • Lunch is a great opportunity to break the ice, have a conversation, and get to know her a little better.
    • If you take her someplace outside of work, you’ll be away from the prying eyes of your co-workers, and things can be a little more casual and comfortable.
    • Try going to an early or late lunch so it’s just the 2 of you.
  4. Keegan says if she’s interested in you, she’ll want to have more conversations with you. She’ll give you strong eye contact, and she may initiate physical contact. [13] But even if she makes the first move, hang back and be cautious. Make sure you don’t come on too strong and that you’re sure you’re accurately reading her body language and signals. Stick to light, friendly, and appropriate gestures and conversations.
    • Dating and flirting in the workplace is tricky if you aren’t careful. It’s important to be absolutely sure she’s open to heading in that direction before you shoot your shot.
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Section 3 of 3:

Guidelines for Flirting at Work

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  1. Keegan says, “At many big corporations, [it’s] very frowned upon to even date people at work…So it can really cause a lot of trouble, especially if you like your job.” [14] Make sure you understand the policies on workplace romance at your job. Some businesses or companies have strict rules against any kind of fraternizing between co-workers.
    • Consequences for doing so could even be termination, so make sure you know what the rules are before you pursue a girl at work.
    • Sometimes, companies allow coworkers to date if they aren’t on the same team or don’t report to each other.
    • Other times, there are no policies in place regarding workplace romance at all.
    EXPERT TIP

    John Keegan

    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach

    We live in a delicate time, and boundaries are important. If your company has a no-dating policy, follow it. They have a mission, and it's not about flirting. I often recommend that you not pursue someone at work because it can cause a lot of drama in your life.

  2. Keegan says, “If you have any direct influence over how that person's career can unfold…I would advise that you stay away from that because it will just cause you trouble.” [15] These kinds of relationships can cause a lot of friction in the workplace as they could possibly make other employees think there is favoritism happening. So, avoid this by only flirting with girls at the same level as you in the company.
    • Women are often criticized when dating people in the workplace.
    • Make sure you aren’t putting a female co-worker into a situation in which she could be negatively judged.
  3. Obvious flirting between coworkers can make your colleagues uncomfortable, which can lead to them making a complaint to your supervisor or HR department. Also, don’t flirt with multiple girls at work. It’s pretty rude, and you might end up in a sticky situation if they find out. If you want to flirt with or pursue a girl at work, focus on one at a time. [16]
    • Gossip circulates around workplaces, so everyone might hear about it if you start flirting with all of your female coworkers, and it can make you seem unprofessional.
  4. Gopman says if somebody is turning away, and their eye contact is looking down, they aren’t really in the moment with you and may not be interested. [17] If you flirt with a girl at work and she reacts to your gestures, joking, or singling her out by shying away, looking upset, or acting irritated, take the hint. Apologize for overstepping her boundaries, and don’t push it any further.
    • If she feels harassed or threatened, she could file a sexual harassment complaint against you or report you to a supervisor.
    • If you feel like the conversation is a little awkward, it may be a sign she’s uncomfortable or that you’ve crossed the line.
  5. Keegan says an adult conversation has to happen before you move past the flirting stage. [18] That means you should talk before you start dating about how you want to handle things if it doesn’t work out. Failed office relationships can lead to an unhappy workplace environment. If things go sour with someone in the workplace, you might find yourself feeling uncomfortable and awkward at work.
    • Weigh the pros and cons of pursuing the girl at work before you make any moves.
    • Plus, office gossip might not end up in your favor, or being around the girl who turned down your advances may feel awkward.
    • If the idea of things going badly and resulting in an uncomfortable workplace doesn’t seem to outweigh the pros of pursuing the girl you like, consider looking for someone outside of work.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    Is it OK to flirt with coworkers?
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    It really depends on your personal situation. If the other person seems open to it and you aren't violating any company policies or getting physical, it might be acceptable. However, you really don't want to come on too strong or be too obvious with this. You also shouldn't attempt to flirt with a coworker if you have any kind of control or influence on their career.
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  • Question
    How do you know if a girl at work likes you?
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    It should be obvious to you after a while. Since you don't want to come on too strongly or cross any lines, you should just casually be getting to know one another at work. Eventually, you'll end up interacting outside of work. If she's interested in you, it should be clear then.
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      Tips

      • Take your time and build up to making your move if that’s what you want. You will definitely see her again at work.
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      Warnings

      • Back away if you sense that she is uneasy around you.
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      • Do not force her in any way. If she makes it clear that she is not interested, it's best to move on. If she wants to be just friends - accept it and respect her decision.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.npr.org/2021/07/11/1014019821/flirting-how-to-dating-romance-advice
      2. ↑ Cher Gopman. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 23 May 2019.
      3. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      4. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-flirt/
      5. ↑ https://time.com/6987094/doing-favors-benjamin-franklin-effect-essay/
      6. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-flirt/
      7. ↑ Cher Gopman. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 23 May 2019.
      8. ↑ Cher Gopman. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.
      9. ↑ Kim Chronister, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 28 July 2021.
      1. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-ask-someone-out/
      2. ↑ Cher Gopman. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.
      3. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 25 May 2021.
      4. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 25 May 2021.
      5. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      6. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 25 May 2021.
      7. ↑ https://fairygodboss.com/career-topics/flirting-at-work
      8. ↑ Cher Gopman. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.
      9. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 25 May 2021.

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To flirt with a girl you work with, keep things friendly so you don’t wind up in an uncomfortable situation. Smile, be polite, and joke around a little to flirt without crossing any professional lines. One way to break the ice is to make a lighthearted joke about a meeting you both attended. You can also offer to help her with work projects, bring her a coffee, or buy her lunch to show her that you’re thinking about her. Just remember, that you need to keep things professional, so use eye contact, smiles, and glances rather than touch when flirting, and avoid saying anything that she might be offended by. To learn how to ask her to hang out after work, keep reading!

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