How to Get Him to Commit in a Long Distance Relationship

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Are you in a LDR with a great guy and want to make sure he commits to you and only you? With all those miles between you, the distance can sometimes feel daunting, but don’t worry! In this article, we'll tell you everything you need to know about getting him to commit to the relationship. We'll also include some tips on how to keep your connection strong and how to make sure he misses you when you're apart.

1

Tell him you trust him.

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  1. Trust is a big deal in long distance relationships. Talk about limits and boundaries that are important to you, and ask him to do the same. When situations come up, give him the benefit of the doubt and try to avoid jumping to conclusions. Everyone’s dynamic is different, but what matters is that you both know you have each other’s backs. [1]
    • For example, you can say, “Exclusivity is important to me.”
    • Check in about sensitive matters. For instance, you might say, “Can you bring up that you have a partner if someone flirts with you?”
    • Reassure him that you aren’t worried. You might say, “Thank you so much for hearing me out. I trust you."
    • Reader Poll: We asked 587 wikiHow readers, and 58% of them agreed that the most effective way to set expectations and boundaries in a long distance relationship is to ​​talk through your doubts, uncertainties, and fears together . [Take Poll]
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2

Plan your IRL dates.

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  1. Remind him that all the time you spend apart is a great opportunity to dream about what to do when you reunite. Throw out ideas just for fun and make a list that’s packed with ways to bond together. Try to be structured, too, and make an “itinerary,” or schedule, or tons of places to check when he comes back. [2]
    • Let him start off and plan a date—he’ll love that you really value his input.
    • Rank the activities you’re most interested in. For instance, maybe you’re both dying to check out a concert together.
    • Make a slideshow of dream trips or whirlwind adventures—both of you can come back to it for inspiration.
    • You can even plan mini-trips or vacations so you can see each other periodically while you're separated. [3]
3

Respect his privacy.

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  1. When you give him enough space , he’ll feel he can thrive with you. Let him start some of the texts or calls. If he’s out with his friends, resist reaching out—hang out with your buddies or treat yourself to some self-care. When he knows he can have his own life and still hold onto you, he’ll think he’s really lucked out. [4] [5]
    • If he says he’s going to be busy with his crew, just wish him a good time.
    • If he mentions that he needs to focus on work, give him a pep talk and then text him less.
    • If he’s tired and says he just wants to decompress, tell him you’ll catch up later.
    • Instead of smothering your partner, carve out quality time together for just the 2 of you. [6]
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4

Be honest about your feelings.

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  1. Keep calm, but definitely reach out and tell him how he can help. If you need any extra reassurance or affection, share that with him. Explain why some emotions have come up, then chat about how you can get in a better frame of mind. He’ll get a full picture of how to support you and appreciate all your clarity. [7]
    • If you’re feeling super touch starved or lonely, you can say something like, “It’d be great to hear your voice right now. It makes me feel so warm and fuzzy!”
    • If a new emotion suddenly comes up, share it and suggest a solution like, “I’m feeling a little overwhelmed with the distance. Can we set aside an hour to fully reconnect?”
5

Text in the evenings.

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  1. Go about the rest of your day and enjoy yourself —even if you get really excited or inspired by anything that comes up, write it down on a note taking app. When you wait to reach out to him, he’ll keep thinking about you. Once his phone finally lights up, you’ll seriously brighten his mood. [8] [9]
    • Create a sense of stability and text at the same time, like 6 P.M., every night.
    • Spark some spontaneity and reach out at different times, like 8 P.M. one evening and 9 P.M. another.
    • Make sure you keep things balanced—send long texts if he does, or keep it short and sweet if that’s what he prefers.
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6

Give him lots of compliments.

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  1. Listen closely to what matters to him. Maybe he takes his work seriously or he’s really into his artistic projects. When you notice a small success or a big achievement, bring it up and celebrate it. Also list what you love about him and be sure to tell him why you admire him so much. He’ll know that as long as you’re part of his life, he’ll always have that special someone who sees the best in him. [10]
    • A little victory might sound like, “That’s great that your boss gave you a shout-out, babe!”
    • A huge win may sound like, “Wow! You knocked that performance review out of the park!”
    • A random compliment could be like, “You tell the funniest jokes! You’re my fave comedian.”
7

Be your best self around him.

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  1. Think about what you love most about yourself—are you witty, creative, silly, or all of the above? Embrace your inner beauty and all you have to offer. Any time you’re about to talk to him, picture a version of yourself that’s the most fun to be around and he’ll get seriously hooked. [11]
    • Give him a taste of your talents, like sharing art, songs, or other projects you’re proud of.
    • Feel free to get goofy with funny observations, silly gifs or memes, and jokes you whipped up.
    • Journal about who you most want to be, then focus on being that person when you chat.
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8

Give him loads of positivity.

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  1. No matter what, look on the bright side. Sure, life comes with challenges, but you can be a breath of fresh air when things get tough! Whenever you face a hardship, tell him exactly how you’ll get through it. If he’s down, come up with some warm words to cheer him up. When he needs a pick-me-up again, he’ll be sure you’re the one to turn to. [12]
    • Start off upbeat something like, “Hey, love! Thinking about you. What’s going on?”
    • Share solutions you’ve come up with like, “I feel nervous about my speech, so I’ll keep practicing!”
    • Comfort him with words like, “I know this is a stressful situation, but I’m here with you every step of the way.”
9

Be independent.

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  1. Even though it’s really tempting to count down the minutes till you can talk again, distract yourself with anything that puts you in a great mood. Hang out with friends, throw yourself into fun hobbies, and fill your day with activities you love. Later, update him with some highlights—he’ll be impressed that you can entertain yourself. [13]
    • Tell him about fun events you were invited to and whether you’ll go to them.
    • Talk about what you want to RSVP to and why you’re looking forward to it.
    • Describe what you picked up—for example, maybe you started mixing music or kickboxing.
    EXPERT TIP

    John Keegan

    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach

    Demonstrate your independence with a healthy social balance. Set aside time in your social schedule to be with your friends.

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10

Support his dreams.

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  1. Ask him to share what he wants to accomplish and give him your full focus. Then, check in about how you can help out—sometimes, you might have to talk less so he can prioritize some tasks. Also tell him exactly why you think he’ll be successful. He’ll be smitten with your pep talk. He’ll also feel that he’ll be a better man thanks to the confidence you have in him. [14]
    • You can start off with something like, “What have you got your sights set on lately, babe?”
    • A way to support him might sound like, “I can give your paper a second look and share some thoughts! Or maybe you just need some time to focus?”
    • Motivate him with sweet words like, “You’re so driven and creative. I know your marketing proposal is going to impress everyone!”
11

Surprise him with gifts.

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  1. Send a fun goodie, like a gift card to his fave sporting goods store or a subscription to online guitar lessons. Also pick up a “just-because” gift if you run across it and it seems perfect for him. If you’re feeling super crafty, you can whip up something handmade, like a care package. Your sweet sentiment will definitely impress him. [15]
    • Create a budget—get him lots of cute, cheap gifts or, if it’s affordable for you, splurge on a really impressive one.
    • Send him snacks and other goodies so you can make sure he’s well fed.
    • Buy anything he can wear, like a sweater, so he can think about you all day.
    • Treat him to experiences, too. For example you can buy him tickets to a comedy show.
    • Deliver a love letter. Write from the heart—your sweet words will make him melt.
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12

Send flirty texts.

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  1. Capture the incredible chemistry of your first dates. Send saucy voice memos, irresistible selfies , and playful texts. Hit him with them when he least expects them. He’ll totally lose his mind and be completely stuck on you. [16]
    • A seductive text is good for any time of day. For example, you can send: “Need to unwind, so I’m thinking of you in all sorts of ways right now. 😜😈”
    • Give him a “NSFW” (Not Safe For Work) warning before you send off anything really steamy!
    • Mix selfies up with different outfits and backgrounds—he might just create an album dedicated to you!
13

Dress up for a video chat.

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  1. Give yourself time to get ready and put on a cute outfit you’d wear on a date. Pull out all the stops and style your hair, or keep your look fresh and natural. Call him up, then greet him with a huge smile. His heart will race as soon as he sees you, and he’ll know you’re the S.O. he wants to show off. [17]
    • Start with a cheeky opener like, “Hey, stranger…”
    • Act casual even when you’re dressed to the nines—you’ll radiate a cool confidence.
    • End with blowing a kiss or a romantic goodnight like, “Sleep well, gorgeous.”
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14

Ask to meet his family.

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  1. Wait until he talks about his parents or any other relatives, then open up about all your excitement. Tell him that they all sound amazing and interesting, then hint that you’d love to meet them. If you keep it chill, your guy will picture what a blast it’d be to introduce you to everyone. [18]
    • Get his thoughts on family with comments like, “Who’s been your biggest influence? Who do you stay in touch with the most?”
    • Compliment his relatives and mention common interests. For instance, you can say, “That’s so cool that your mom is an artist! I’ve always wanted to show my own pieces in a gallery.”
15

Avoid pressuring him.

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  1. When you discuss how everything’s developed between you two, just focus on the past or the present moment. If you don’t look too far ahead into the future, he’ll feel way more relieved. Plus, he’ll savor all the time he gets with you and appreciate how cool you’re being. He'll also want to stay with you because your dynamic is so fun and stress-free. [19]
    • Get nostalgic and say something like, “Remember when we went camping?! That was so fun.”
    • Celebrate anything fun as soon as it happens. For instance, you can say, “Talking with you is so incredible! This has been one of my favorite phone calls.”
    • Compliment the dynamic you already share. You can tell him something like, “It’s amazing how comfortable we are with each other.”
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    Why do long term relationships get boring?
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    LDRs lack the physical component of most relationships, whether that's hand-holding, kissing, or having sex. You also lack the ability to go on any spontaneous outings or spend any in-person time together.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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    Not Helpful 6 Helpful 9
  • Question
    How do I connect with my long distance partner?
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Look for ways to include him in the day-to-day aspects of your life! For instance, you might send him a project or paper you're working on and see if he can take a second look at it.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S2352250X18300344?via=ihub
      2. ↑ https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2018/02/hopping-on-a-plane-for-a-first-date/553322/
      3. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      4. ↑ https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/forget-sex-the-secret-to-a-longlasting-relationship-is-space-20121105-28tle.html
      5. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      6. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      7. ↑ https://www.npr.org/2020/08/26/906236738/long-distance-relationships-are-tough-heres-advice-for-making-them-work
      8. ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/02654075211043296
      9. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/201812/why-you-must-compliment-partner-more-good-looks
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201210/6-ways-keep-long-term-relationships-exciting
      3. ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/staying-positive-during-difficult-times-2020100121047
      4. ↑ https://behrend.psu.edu/student-life/student-services/personal-counseling/student-resources/long-distance-relationships
      5. ↑ https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/improve_your_health_through_healthy_relationships
      6. ↑ https://www.uagc.edu/blog/the-psychology-behind-the-5-love-languages
      7. ↑ https://www.vice.com/en/article/akdkda/how-to-start-romantic-relationship-online-long-distance
      8. ↑ https://www.thecut.com/article/virtual-date-ideas.html
      9. ↑ https://smartcouples.ifas.ufl.edu/dating/coping-with-problems-and-challenges/long-distance-relationships-can-it-work/
      10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/me-we/201309/8-reasons-you-re-still-single-when-you-dont-want-be

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