How to Get Over a Player

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Being manipulated by a player can really mess with your emotions and self-esteem. It can be a confusing situation to navigate, but we can help! Check out our handy list of simple tips to help you get back on your feet and leave that player behind for good.

1

Cut off all contact.

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    It’s not easy, but a complete and total break is the way to go. A player doesn’t deserve your friendship or attention after the way they treated you. Stop following them on social media, ignore their DMs, and block their calls/texts. If you run into them, keep your interaction short and sweet. [1]
    • Remember that you’re dealing with a player! If they’re keeping the lines of communication open with you, they might try to manipulate you again. [2]
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2

Give yourself time.

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    Repressing those feelings isn’t healthy, so give yourself time and space to process them. Choose a set period of time (a week, a month, or whatever feels right) to just experience your feelings. Once the set time period ends, make an effort to focus solely on the future. [3]
    • Give yourself permission to cry, yell, or spend all day listening to sad music. Get those emotions out so you can let them go. [4]
    • Writing in a journal can help you work through emotions and reduce anxiety. [5]
3

Stop blaming yourself.

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    Players are very good at taking advantage of people. If you’re angry at yourself for being fooled, don’t be! Habitually manipulating people means there’s something wrong with the player, not with you. [6] You're not the problem. [7]
    • Don't let this toxic person prevent you from approaching future relationships with an open heart and mind. [8]
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4

Get rid of reminders of your ex.

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    Make your living space a player-free zone! Box up anything this person left behind or gave to you – borrowed books, clothing, ticket stubs, etc. These items might seem harmless, but they’re visual reminders of bad memories. [9]
    • How you handle these items is totally up to you. You can trash them, leave them in a box on your ex's doorstep, or just pack them away so they're out of sight.
5

Focus on self-care.

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    Self-care is different for everyone, so focus on doing things that really make you happy. Splurging on a new outfit, taking a bubble bath, getting a new haircut, enjoying your favorite dessert—it’s your call. [10] Try to do something nice for yourself every day. [11]
    • Spending time in nature, getting a massage, taking a yoga class, or even savoring a warm cup of tea can be healing self-care rituals. [12]
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6

Channel that anger into a physical activity.

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    It's normal to feel angry if you’ve been played, but stewing in those bad vibes won't help. Physical activity is a great way to funnel anger into something positive. [13] Consider options like:
    • Kickboxing, MMA, or boxing classes [14]
    • Running or swimming
    • Spinning or cross-fit
    • Aerobics, yoga, or dance classes
7

Explore new interests.

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    Dabble in a few new hobbies, dive into your bucket list, take an online class, or join a sports team. Pursue something that you’ve always to try. New activities and interests engage your mind and keep you focused on the present. [15]
    • For example, learn to play an instrument, sign up for a marathon, take a painting class, or learn to sky dive.
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8

Stick to normal eating and sleeping habits.

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    If you start missing sleep or skipping meals, though, your immune system will take the hit. You might start feeling drained, anxious, or come down with a cold. [16] It’s tough to power through when you’re down, but forcing yourself to go through the motions can help you heal faster. [17]
    • Try to go to sleep and wake up at the same time every day. A consistent sleep pattern can do wonders for your physical and mental health. [18]
    • Remember to eat several small, healthy meals throughout the day so you don’t run out of energy.
9

Hang out with positive people.

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    Connect face-to-face with friends and family members when you can, but phone calls, texting, and video chats are great, too. [19] Choose good listeners since you’ll probably need to vent or talk about your feelings at first. [20]
    • People often isolate themselves when they're sad; being aware of that can help you prevent falling into that trap. [21]
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10

Talk to a therapist if you’re struggling.

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    If you’re feeling stuck in the sadness, a therapist can help you get back on your feet by listening, providing guidance, and teaching you healthy coping strategies so you can heal and get back to living your best life. [22]
    • Reader Poll: We asked 492 wikiHow readers which coping strategy they find most helpful after experiencing rejection, and only 9% of them agreed on seeking professional help or therapy. [Take Poll] Therapy can be extremely helpful and you should always seek help if you need it, but in many cases, it may be enough to rely on the support of friends and family.

Get Over Your Crush with this Expert Series

Crushing over someone you can't have is both draining and distracting. Learn how to move past these feelings and take back control of your life with this expert series.
1
Stop Being in Love With a Person You'll Never Meet
2
Effective Ways to Get Over Someone You Love
3
Get over Someone Who You Know You Can't Date
4
Stop Loving the Girl of Your Dreams
5
Stop Liking Someone
6
Overcome an Infatuation

Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How do you get over someone using you?
    Laura Richer
    Licensed Mental Health Counselor
    Laura Richer is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and the Founder of Anchor Light Therapy Collective, a multi-disciplinary mental health counseling clinic in Seattle, Washington. With more than ten years of experience in the mental health sector, she specializes in working with couples and individuals and supporting them in becoming empowered to direct their destiny. Laura holds a BA in English from Western Washington University and an MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. She also received her Hypnotherapy Practitioner Training from Bastyr University, Couples Counseling Certification from The Gottman Institute, and Master Life Coach Certification from Seattle Life Coach Training. Laura is the host of the podcast Holding Ground which explores anything and everything in the world of mental health and positive psychology.
    Laura Richer
    Licensed Mental Health Counselor
    Expert Answer
    Remember—when someone plays you, that only reflects on them and their behavior. Maybe they don't know how to engage in relationships properly, or they have a lack of integrity or honesty. Whatever the case, their behavior and choices are about them, not you.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 3 Helpful 22
  • Question
    How do you get over a guy who led you on?
    Laura Richer
    Licensed Mental Health Counselor
    Laura Richer is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and the Founder of Anchor Light Therapy Collective, a multi-disciplinary mental health counseling clinic in Seattle, Washington. With more than ten years of experience in the mental health sector, she specializes in working with couples and individuals and supporting them in becoming empowered to direct their destiny. Laura holds a BA in English from Western Washington University and an MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. She also received her Hypnotherapy Practitioner Training from Bastyr University, Couples Counseling Certification from The Gottman Institute, and Master Life Coach Certification from Seattle Life Coach Training. Laura is the host of the podcast Holding Ground which explores anything and everything in the world of mental health and positive psychology.
    Laura Richer
    Licensed Mental Health Counselor
    Expert Answer
    Use the break-up as a chance to work on your own confidence and self-esteem! Remind yourself that this person's behavior doesn't define your value or worth as a person.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 1 Helpful 15
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/how-to-get-over-the-guy-you-cant-get-over
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/having-sex-wanting-intimacy/201705/4-ways-overcome-toxic-relationship
      3. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/culture-shrink/201602/8-ways-recover-breakup
      5. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3830620/
      6. ↑ Laura Richer. Licensed Mental Health Counselor. Expert Interview. 24 September 2021.
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happiness-is-state-mind/201805/overcoming-the-aftermath-leaving-toxic-relationship
      8. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mysteries-love/201503/top-10-ways-get-over-breakup
      1. ↑ Laura Richer. Licensed Mental Health Counselor. Expert Interview. 24 September 2021.
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/culture-shrink/201602/8-ways-recover-breakup
      3. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/culture-shrink/201602/8-ways-recover-breakup
      5. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a6970/breakup-grown-woman-recovery/
      6. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
      7. ↑ https://file.scirp.org/pdf/PSYCH20110400016_74393857.pdf
      8. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
      9. ↑ https://www.cdc.gov/sleep/features/getting-enough-sleep.html
      10. ↑ Laura Richer. Licensed Mental Health Counselor. Expert Interview. 24 September 2021.
      11. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
      12. ↑ https://www.mcgill.ca/counselling/files/counselling/surviving_a_break-up_-_20_strategies_0.pdf
      13. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm

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