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Falling for a guy who’s emotionally unavailable can be so tough—he might be afraid of relationships in general or struggle with commitment. Luckily, you can get him to open up to the idea and even pursue a relationship if you put him at ease. In this article, we'll tell you how to get his attention and how to connect with the unavailable man in your life—he'll be after you in no time!

1

Flirt, but let him take the lead.

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2

Pay him thoughtful compliments.

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  1. Sometimes, a guy gets tired of playing the dating game—which is why he shuts off emotionally. Instead of laying on tons of flattery, which can make you look clingy, be really specific and point out one of his great personality traits . Unlike typical compliments, a genuine compliment can surprise and hook an emotionally available guy because it'll make him realize that you totally get him.
    • For example, instead of saying, "Hey, I like your car," say, "I really like that you take so much pride in taking care of your car." Or instead of saying, "You're really handsome," say, "I love your sense of style."
4

Create sexual tension.

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  1. To create sexual tension , do something a little risky or vulnerable like asking a revealing question or getting into his personal space. He'll see this as a challenge, especially if you pull away afterward.
    • For instance, lean in really close and whisper a personal question like, "What's the naughtiest thing you've ever done?" Then, sit back and just wait for his response.
    • Tell a slightly revealing anecdote like, "You'll never believe what a guy said to me the last time I was at this bar." Lean in and then say, "Well, actually I'm not sure if I should tell you..."
    • If you're at a club or in an intimate setting, get close to him and whisper in his ear. You don't even have to say something sexy—just being that close can feel really personal.
5

Act confident and aloof.

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  1. Play hard to get , so he realizes he's interested in you. An emotionally unavailable guy might tell himself that he's not interested in a relationship, but he won't be able to resist a challenge! People are drawn to confidence, so speak up and share your opinions. At the same time, don't reveal too much personal information—he'll be dying to learn more about you. [2]
    • For instance, if you're at the same party or club, make a point of moving around the room and talking with people—act bold and outgoing. Then, say hi to him, but don't spend all your time trying to have a conversation with the guy.
    • If you're chatting with him, say something like, "Am I in a relationship? I don't think you could handle being in a relationship with me—most guys can't hack it."
    • You could say something like, "After my last relationship, I told myself I'd only date guys that could handle me—I'm still looking."
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9

Match his level of interest.

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  1. If you're always the one doing thoughtful things or checking in, take a step back. He'll feel more emotionally invested in your relationship if he's also putting in a little effort. If you're doing a lot to show you care or to stay in touch, he may feel overwhelmed. With an emotionally unavailable guy, it's actually better to do less. [4]
    • For example, don't always be the one to set up dates. Try alternating, so he reaches out as much as you do.
    • Or, you might wait to message him until he texts you to see how your week is going.
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10

Enjoy living in the moment.

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  1. An emotionally unavailable man might struggle with commitment, but you can put him at ease by simply being spontaneous and having fun in the moment. Wait to make future plans until he's the one to bring them up. [5]
    • While you might hope that he eventually connects emotionally, it's best to appreciate him for who is now without trying to change him.
    • It's completely acceptable to establish personal boundaries to protect yourself from getting hurt. For instance, you might tell him that you enjoy dating, but that you won't make the relationship physical.
11

Text him sparingly.

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  1. Resist the urge to text him whenever you think of him or you're bored—frequently texting or messaging large blocks of text can stress him out. Instead, send brief messages every once in a while. Be casual over text and when you do message him, offer sweet gestures (instead of telling him how much you like him!). [6]
    • Instead of sending him a text explaining how much you love him or how important he is to you, send him a quick text where you do something thoughtful. For instance, text him, "In the mood for your favorite takeout? My treat."
    • For example, instead of calling and asking him two or three times to go out to a concert with you, send him a single text that's really laid back like, "Concert this weekend? Let me know."
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12

Watch for signs that he likes you.

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13

Get him to miss you after you stop seeing him.

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  1. If your relationship has hit a point where you need emotional connection and you don't think he's going to give you that, try going no contact. Tell him things are great, but he needs some alone time to figure out what he wants. He may come to realize all that he'd be missing out on if he lost you. [8]
    • Be honest and straightforward: "It seems like you need to be on your own for a while and figure out what you want. I want you to be happy. I hope that I'm here when you're ready, but I need to be with someone who's completely in."
    • Remind yourself that you're an amazing person. Not only will this make you feel better, but a happy, carefree attitude can be really attractive. It may make him miss you even more!
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    What does an emotionally unavailable man act like?
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    An emotionally unavailable man won't want to talk deeply about himself or his past experiences. He also doesn't want to discuss what his life is like now, and he's avoiding deeper conversations or actually getting into what life he wants to live in the future.
  • Question
    What does an emotionally unavailable man want?
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    An emotionally unavailable man really likes to keep things lighthearted, since that's the plane he wants to live on at this time in his life. So, flirting and making him chase you is a good approach to take, since he might be afraid if you seem too easy to catch.
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