How to Make a Girl Want You Back

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Making a girl want you back can be a challenge -- especially if your relationship ended on a bad note. However, if you know that you have an unbelievable connection, then it'll be worth it to pick up those soggy embers and try to rekindle that old flame. If you want to know how to make your girl like you again and want you back, then you need to give her space while making her remember how amazing you are. If you want to know how to do it, just follow these steps.

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Taking a Step Back

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  1. Give the girl some space . Though you may think that the best way to get your girl back is to fight for her tooth and nail, you're actually better off giving her some breathing room than fighting for her affection right away. Unless it's getting serious between her and another guy and you're determined to break them up , you should play it cool until she has time to heal and to get a fresh perspective on the relationship. [1]
    • This doesn't mean that you should cut off communication completely unless you think that's best. But you shouldn't text her every five minutes or ask her to hang out with you all the time, unless you want to scare her off. [2]
    • If you give her space, she'll also be more likely to think about you. She'll think, "I haven't heard from [insert your name here] in a while. That must mean that he's just fine without me..." This will intrigue her and make her wonder what you're up to.
    • If she initiates a hang out early on, fine. But don't come on too strong when you do get together.
    • Giving her space is also a sign of maturity . This will make her want you even more.
    • It goes without saying: don't go too long before you swoop in enough again. Wait long enough so she has time to heal, but not so long that she forgets all of the wonderful things about you. Each situation is different -- feel it out. Though as a general rule, give it at least a few weeks, but no longer than two months.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 1345 wikiHow readers how they’d handle a partner pulling away, and 52% agreed that they’d give them space to come to a decision on their own . [Take Poll]
  2. While you're giving your girl some space, don't just sit idly by and wait for the clock to run its course. Instead, think about why things ended between the two of you. If it was something obvious like you not giving her enough time, great. But if it was something more complicated -- a combination of her not feeling appreciated enough and you spending too much time partying, for example -- than you need to pinpoint the problem or problems that caused your love to fizzle out. [3]
    • If she was the one who ended things, then you will have more of a challenge on your hands. Think about all of the reasons she ended it; if she ended it abruptly, look through old emails or texts to see if you can pinpoint the problem.
    • If you're the one that ended it, then you may have a different challenge on your hands. You have to convince her that you won't break her heart -- again.
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  3. Make a game plan for addressing the problem . Once you've located the problem, it's up to you to find a solution. If there are several problems, well, then you'll need to find several solutions, or an overarching solution that tackles all of these problems. If it ended because you spent way too much time with your friends, find a way to make her a bigger priority by setting up weekly date nights and coming up with new things you want to do together. If it ended because of your inability to communicate, practice honesty and compassion in your everyday relationships. [4]
    • Part of fixing the problem will mean working on yourself. There's no way that you were blameless in the relationship.
    • Another part of the game plan will mean that you'll have to work on how you perceive her; if her obsession with horses drove you nuts, find a way for it to not annoy you before you move on.
    • If you have to work out some major issues, then make a long-term plan for how you'll do it, whether it's going to therapy, dropping an addiction, or giving yourself a major personality overhaul in some regard.
  4. Even if you think you've found the exact problem and solution that would win your girl back instantly, it's rarely ever that simple. Instead, you need to work on making yourself a more desirable person overall. [5] When you come crawling back to your girl, she will see the difference. This means working on yourself inside and out; though getting a new haircut won't impress her, looking like you're more happy to be alive and that you're more conscious of the image you're projecting will catch her attention. [6]
    • Devote more time to your favorite hobbies , whether it's biking or mechanics. Being more excited about your interests will make you a more fun person to talk to.
    • Work on developing a more positive attitude toward life. If she feels happier just from being around you, then she'll be more likely to keep wanting to see you.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Making Her Want You Again

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  1. If she hears that you've been absolutely miserable, crying in public, and shouting her name out on street corners, she'll be turned off quicker than you can say, "I miss you!" Instead, you want her to hear -- and see -- that you're having a great time going about your everyday life without her by your side. She'll see you as a dynamic person who has a lot going for him, and will begin to wonder why you're not openly showing signs of missing her more.
    • Casually hang out at a place where you're both likely to be. Make sure you show up with friends and she sees you laughing and having a good time without overdoing it.
    • If you see her socially, like at a party, don't drop everything you're doing to run up and ask how she's doing. Come up to her eventually -- but let her see that you have a busy social life without her.
  2. It's a fact: you will never be able to make your girl want you back if her friends can't stand you. If her friends don't like you because you were too controlling, not caring enough towards them, or just because you were a bad boyfriend, then your job is to make them think that maybe you weren't so bad after all -- and to pass this information on to the girl you want. [7]
    • If you run in to her friends, make a conscious effort to make small talk without being too obvious about it.
    • If you talk to her friends, don't bring her up immediately. Though you can casually ask how she's doing and really let them see that you're hurting, if you're open to being so vulnerable.
  3. After enough time has passed and you've made it back on her radar, you should slowly start to make your way back into her life. It can be as simple as stopping to have a five minute conversation if you run into her, or casually sliding your tray next to hers at lunch, or even texting her if you know that she'll love something that's about to start playing on TV.
    • Keep it cool. Be sweet to her while making her wonder if you are just looking to be friends. Don't shower her with compliments the second she hangs out with you again.
    • Once you've started talking again, up the ante. Invite her to do something simple, like grab coffee or check out a lecture together. Don't ask her to do anything romantic quite yet.
  4. You can let her see that you're a changed man without shouting, "Look how different I am!" Just spend enough time with her to see that you really have changed your ways, if changing your ways was necessary. If she thought you were too messy, put an effort into your appearance. If she criticized you for always showing up late, make a conscious effort to show up early to your next coffee date. Don't point out these changes; let her see for herself and she will be truly impressed.
    • These changes should feel natural to you. Don't change something about yourself just to please her, or you'll fall right back to your old ways the first chance you get.
    • If you feel like you really hurt her while you were dating, it's never too late to apologize. She will be touched that you've put that much thought into the relationship after it ended.
  5. Play hard to get . That's right. Just when you think you're about to get your girl back, just when she's finally realizing what an amazing catch you were, is not the time to declare your love. Instead, throw her a curve ball by making her see that she still has to fight for your affection instead of just falling into your arms. As you start to hang out more and more, make sure to not always be available.
    • Go MIA for a few hours and make her wonder where you are. Her mind will be racing.
    • If you've gone on dates, mention them without being too descriptive, so she really thinks that she can lose you.
  6. Once you feel like you've grabbed her attention and have even made her a little jealous, it's time to check in to make sure that she really wants you back before you tell her how you really feel. Though you don't have to know how she feels with 100% certainty, the more sure you are that she wants you back, the less likely you'll be to embarrass yourself. Here are some signs that she wants you back: [8]
    • Check out her body language . When you talk to her, does she lean closer to you and make eye contact, looking at the floor every time she gets embarrassed?
    • See if she's jealous. Does she ask if you're seeing other women, or look upset if she sees you talking to other girls? If so, then she may want you all to herself.
    • See if she's started treating you like a boyfriend again. Has she given you hugs, compliments, and asked you to go on date-like adventures?
  7. Once you're pretty sure that she shares your feelings, there's no point in beating around the bush. Find a time when you can both be alone and pick a place that is just a little bit romantic and gives you the privacy that you need. Then, look into her eyes and tell her how much you've missed her, and how much you'd like to date her again. You don't have to grovel, but you should show her that you've put a lot of thought into the failed relationship and that you're determined to make it work this time.
    • Be specific. Show her how you've made an effort to change instead of making empty promises.
    • Give her time. If she's reluctant at first, don't get angry or disappointed. Remember that even if she does want you back, she still wants to protect her heart.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Keeping Her This Time

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  1. If you're lucky enough that your girl wants to give it another go, then you should try to start fresh as much as you can. Though you can go back to enjoying some of the same restaurants, TV shows, and things that you loved together, it's important to pick some new activities and relationship strategies so your relationship doesn't feel like another version of your former dating experience. [9]
    • Though you can bring up the happy memories, try to avoid thinking or talking about any bad experiences you've shared, unless you can laugh about them.
    • Don't take her for granted. Just because you're dating again doesn't mean that you shouldn't take the time to let her know how much you care about her.
    • Take it slow. Treat it like you're starting a new relationship instead of jumping right back into an old one. Don't spend all of your time together right away, even if that's what you were doing before you broke up.
  2. Though you shouldn't constantly worry about the relationship ending, you should be conscious of whatever it was that made your relationship fail the first time. If it failed because you spent too much time with your friends and you find yourself hanging out with your friends all the time again, cut back a bit. And if it ended because of something that she did, have an honest conversation about it if it comes up again.
    • Remember how awful you felt when you made those mistakes the first time. You don't want to go through that pain again.
  3. Though you should be conscious of the mistakes you made, you cannot obsess over them or you will doom your relationship to failure before it has a chance to start off on the right foot. If a bad situation arises, you can remember what happened the last time and proceed with caution, but don't constantly worry about messing things up or you won't be able to truly enjoy your time together. [10]
    • If you're always worrying about messing things up, your girl will be able to tell, and that won't make the relationship very enjoyable for her.
  4. Though if you needed to make a dramatic change (for the better) to be in the relationship, then so be it, but you shouldn't walk around like a dog with his tail between his legs because you're so set on making up on whatever hurt you caused that you can't relax. In the end, your girl started dating you the first time because of who you are, so don't forget to let her see the parts of your personality that she loved the most. [11]
    • If you feel like you can't be yourself without causing a major problem to the relationship, then you have to rethink your priorities.
    • Have confidence. Remember that she loves you -- not just a more meek version of yourself who is desperate for her affection.
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      Tips

      • If you spend time alone with your ex, do not openly insult the new boyfriend, it will make your true intentions obvious and put you in an awkward position.
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      • Make sure you set aside any differences before embarking on this mission; don't leave any problems unchecked.
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      • Be sure to be subtle, assess your ex before you put these steps into practice, she may have change in some way (for better or for worse) either way you may not like what she has become, or it may be easier to get her back.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/contemplating-divorce/201004/can-temporary-separation-make-relationship-stronger
      2. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/romantically-attached/201608/4-questions-you-need-to-ask-before-getting-back-together
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/fixing-families/201208/relationship-repair-10-tips-thinking-therapist
      5. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201205/how-to-get-an-ex-back-5-essential-steps
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/me-you-us/201503/why-your-friends-approval-is-so-crucial-to-a-relationship
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/let-their-words-do-the-talking/201607/5-nonverbal-clues-someone-is-interested-in-you
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/changepower/201005/can-the-novelty-habit-boost-couples-commitment
      1. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      2. ↑ https://www.livescience.com/6230-relationships.html

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To make a girl want you back after you break up, give her space so that she’ll miss you being around. While you’re avoiding her, focus on the hobbies and interests that make you happy, which will make you seem more desirable. You can also write a list of the things that went wrong in your relationship. Then, try to address the problems on your own. For example, if she thought you were too clingy, work on being more independent. After things have settled down a little between you, try starting a casual conversation with her to get her attention again. If the spark is still there, try asking her out for a coffee or to hang out. For more tips, including how to keep a girl once you’ve got her back, read on!

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      • Paul Smith

        Apr 26, 2017

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