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So you're talking to a girl when suddenly you feel the unmistakable urge to break wind. What should you do during those times you just can’t hold it in? There are two options: let it out silently and discretely, or loudly and shamelessly.
Steps
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Pretend you didn’t fart. Don’t make awkward faces or smile. Any tell-tale sign that you’ve passed gas could betray you. Act as if nothing is amiss until the stink finally arrives.
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Change the scenery. Moving to a crowded area means that when you fart in front of your girl, she’ll have no way of knowing it was you. Alternately, moving out-of-doors to a park, greenway, or large yard gives the gas space to dissipate.
- Going out for a stroll together is not only romantic, but it also means you won't be hanging around the fragrance you've left behind.
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Pass your gas slowly. As you feel the gas about to escape, clench the muscles of your sphincter ani externus. These are the muscles which govern the opening of the anus. Since fart noises are caused by the vibration of intestinal gas moving across the anus, allowing only a fraction of the pent-up gas to escape will limit the sonic and spatial volume of your flatus.
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Wear odor-neutralizing underpants. Activated charcoal can be integrated into underwear fabric to neutralize offensive smells. These undies will neutralize scents up to 200 times stronger than the average fart. [1] X Research source
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Cover the stink with another scent. The obvious option is to utilize cologne or perfume to mask the odor. You might also apply a scented hand lotion [2] X Research source or light a scented candle. Burning incense works too.
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Cover the sound with other noises. If you are unable (or unwilling) to pass gas silently, you can cough, [3] X Research source use music, conversation, or the well-timed slam of a loud door to mask the sound of your noisy fart.
- If you have a phone, turn up the volume and play your ring tone while you break wind.
- Moving to a noisy location like a city street or a crowded room will also provide opportunities for covering your flatulence. [4] X Research source
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Play the blame game. [5] X Research source With enough background noise or a large enough group of people, it might be possible to shirk responsibility for passing gas.
- This method is especially effective if the fart is of a short duration. The longer you fart, the easier it is to identify you as the culprit.
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Own it. Don’t let a girl shame you just because you farted. Look directly into her eyes as you pass gas. If she gives you a hard time about it, tell her that farting is a perfectly natural biological process. Remind her that everyone toots, and holding in gas causes bloating and discomfort.
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Make a joke of it. [6] X Research source Ask her, “Was that you?” or “What did you eat?” in a mock-disgusted tone. Mention that you shouldn’t have eaten that fourth burrito at lunch.
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Apologize if necessary. If she seems genuinely upset or offended, it might be best to back down. Be as sincere as possible when apologizing and promise her there will be no further incidents.
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Community Q&A
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QuestionMy girlfriend farts in front of me like it's no big deal. Should I just do the same?Community AnswerIf she can do it in front of you, then you should be able to do it in front of her.
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QuestionWhat do I do if I fart in front of my boyfriend and he doesn't think it's funny?Community AnswerHe obviously has no sense of humor or he just isn't in the same place yet. The first fart of any relationship is always a difficult thing to handle for both parts. Just laugh it off and explain that you feel comfortable around him, and hope he feels comfortable around you, too.
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QuestionWhat do I do if my girlfriend and I are farting and I feel uncomfortable, even though she says it's okay?Community AnswerIt's normal to feel sort of uncomfortable, especially if you haven't been together that long. Just remember, this is a sign that she totally accepts you. It's a good thing!
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Tips
- Attempt to mask your flatus with other noises only where appropriate. Do not create a disruption greater than that which would be expected due to your passing gas.Thanks
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Warnings
- Never say you need to fart. You might blow any chance of a subtle and unnoticed evacuation of gas. Admitting you're about to fart will only disgust most girls, and may lead to an unpleasant discussion about your personal habits.Thanks
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Things You'll Need
- A phone
- Perfume or cologne
- Scented candles
- Incense
- A stereo system or music-making device
References
- ↑ http://greatist.com/health/shreddies-flatulence-filtering-underwear-102313
- ↑ http://lifehacker.com/how-to-fart-in-public-and-get-away-with-it-1738843195
- ↑ https://books.google.com/books?id=citNUjI94GMC&lpg=PA71&dq=PUBLIC+FARTING&pg=PA71&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q&f=false
- ↑ https://books.google.com/books?id=HZ-3NjpBoPwC&lpg=PA38&dq=PUBLIC%20FARTING&pg=PA39#v=onepage&q&f=false
- ↑ http://lifehacker.com/how-to-fart-in-public-and-get-away-with-it-1738843195
- ↑ http://jezebel.com/5843978/master-the-art-of-subtle-public-farting
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