How to Show a Friend You Care About Them

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Let your friends know how you feel with these expert recommendations
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If you want to go the extra mile to show a friend what they really mean to you, you’ve got a ton of options. Often, it’s the small gestures that go a long way towards making someone feel loved. Something as seemingly unimportant as a good hug or a simple “I appreciate you” can make the world of difference. We talked to licensed clinical psychologists Kim Chronister and Allison Broennimann to bring you the best ways you can show up for your friends.

Showing Your Friends You Love Them

  1. Tell your friends that you appreciate them.
  2. Ask them how they’re doing and listen closely to their response.
  3. Ask them deeper questions about themselves, like how they see the world.
  4. Give them gifts to let them know you’re always thinking of them.
  5. Do them favors to make their lives easier.
  6. Reach out first, when you can.
  7. Show up for them when they need you.
1

Tell them how much they mean to you.

  1. We often assume our friends know how we feel, so we don’t take the time to really tell them. But it’s worth the effort to make your feelings clear! [1] “Simply tell them you are grateful for their presence or energy or their words,” says Chronister. [2] If you haven’t directly told them how important they are to you, there’s no time like now. If you aren’t sure what to say, give something like this a shot:
    • “Hey, just so you know, I'm here for you if you need anything. I’ve always got your back”
    • “I hope you know that you are important to me and I care about you.”
    • “Whatever you are going through—good or bad—I'm here if you need me.”
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2

Ask them questions about themselves.

  1. Take an active interest in them if you rarely discuss what they’re up to. “Many people want to share about their lives and they want to be heard,” Chronister tells us. [3] If you can encourage your friend to open up and share things about themselves, they’ll feel how much you care for them. The next time the two of you are chatting, ask them more questions than you normally do. This will make them feel like you’re making an active effort to learn about them, which is a great way to show you care. [4]
    • Ask them about a hobby you know they’re interested in. People tend to love talking about their passions, so ask questions like, “Play any fun games lately?” or, “What’s something cool you’ve learned recently?”
    • You can even just ask them about how they’ve been spending their time lately. Questions like, “What did you do this weekend?” or, “What have you been up to lately?” are great ways to get them talking.
3

Check in to see how they’re doing.

  1. Ask how they’re handling school or work to express support. A simple, “How are you today?” can mean a lot, says Broennimann. [5] This is especially important if they seem like they’re dealing with a lot. The next time the two of you are relaxing in private, ask them if they’re doing alright. You can even just shoot them a quick text if that’s how the two of you talk regularly. Even if they’re totally fine, the fact you’re checking in will mean a lot. If they do have a lot on their plate, listen and “let them vent,” Chronister suggests. [6] You might say:
    • “Hey, you seem like you’ve got a lot going on. How are you holding up?”
    • “I noticed you’ve been working a lot this week. What’s going on? Is everything okay?”
    • “I just wanted to take a second to see how you’re doing. You feeling okay?”
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4

Go out of your way to see or talk to them.

  1. It can feel like someone doesn’t care about you very much if they never go out of their way to reach out. If you’ve noticed that they seem to always contact you first, try beating them to the punch. Broennimann recommends calling, leaving messages, or sending letters. [7] Call or text them on Friday evening before they get out of work or school to hang out, and try to schedule plans in advance. If it feels like you’re actively making an effort, they’ll know you care about them.
    • Think of every relationship like a seesaw, with you on one end and your friend on the other. If they’re always putting in the work, they’ll feel like you aren’t pulling your weight! Try to maintain a balance when it comes to your friendship.
5

Listen when they express themselves.

  1. Absorb things your friend says, rather than jumping in with your own story. Broennimann stresses the importance of “really listening,” not just waiting for your turn to speak. [8] Listening to your friend discuss their problems, joys, or ideas is a great way to show that you care about them and what they are going through. Being listened to helps people vent their frustrations, share their feelings, and feel validated and important. When they talk to you, actively internalize what they’re saying.
    • If your friend is telling you about something they’re struggling with, don’t respond by talking about a problem that you’re dealing with. This can make it seem like you’re only talking to them because you want to talk about yourself.
    • Instead, ask them more questions about their experience to help them share their thoughts on feelings, but don’t press them too hard if they don’t want to share.
    • Show you are listening by maintaining eye contact and an interested body posture, such as leaning forward.
    • Every once and awhile reflect or repeat back what your friend has told you to show you are listening and make sure you are hearing correctly.
    EXPERT TIP

    Kim Chronister, PsyD

    Clinical Psychologist
    Dr. Kim Chronister is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist. She specializes in helping people struggling with substance abuse, relationship problems, eating disorders, and personality disorders. Dr. Chronister has contributed to and appeared on Access Hollywood, Investigation Discovery, and NBC News. She is the author of “Peak Mindset” and “FitMentality.” She holds an MA in Clinical Psychology and a Doctor of Psychology (PsyD) from Alliant International University.
    Kim Chronister, PsyD
    Clinical Psychologist

    Encourage people by using reflective listening. Try not to assume what they need and actually ask them.

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6

Show love on social media.

  1. Express your appreciation publicly to really gas them up. Showing some honest support to your friend helps strengthen the relationship. [9] Hop on whatever platform the both of you use and comment or like their posts. Or, create a post bragging about how awesome your friend is. Make it sweet and sappy, or go for something more comedic or silly. Make the post public and tag your friend to ensure that they see it. It may sound silly, but they’re sure to feel appreciated!
    • If you go the humorous route, be sure to avoid including anything they may find embarrassing or insulting. Something like, “Shout out to my favorite math genius! I’d be failing geometry if it weren’t for you!” is perfectly fine, though.
    • Include a nice photo of the two of you. It’ll serve as a sweet reminder of the times you’ve shared!
7

Celebrate their successes.

  1. Express how proud and happy you are to show your support. Good friends show their support through good and bad. [10] Plus, success is so much sweeter when it feels like you’ve got a team in your corner. If they tell you about a raise, new job, or a great grade, throw your arms in the air and tell them how happy you are for them. Smile , give them a big bear hug, or offer to take them out on the town to celebrate.
    • If you’re only there when things are bad, it may feel like you aren’t deeply invested in how they’re doing.
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8

Get them a gift for no reason at all.

  1. Broennimann reminds us that a simple gift can be a great way to express your appreciation. [11] The occasional out-of-the-blue gift shows that you were thinking about your friend when they weren’t around. It also shows that you don’t only care about them when you’re supposed to, and that you’re really invested in your friendship. Even if it’s something small, it may mean the world to them.
    • Get them something personal, not just cash or a gift card. When you give it, say, “I saw this and thought of you.”
    • If you’re short on cash, make them a piece of art, or write them a genuine letter explaining what their friendship means to you.
    • Or, get them something the two of you can do together. Concert tickets, seats for the ball game, or a two-player video game are all great options.
9

Give them a good hug.

  1. Strengthen your bond with physical touch, like a secret handshake. Physical touch is one of the most fundamental ways people show they care for one another, and also has health benefits like reducing stress and feelings of loneliness. [12] You don’t need to go out of your way to awkwardly hug them every day or anything, but the occasional loving handshake or fist bump will really make them feel special.
    • Some people really don’t like people touching them. Ask them before you do, but don’t push it.
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10

Remember important dates.

  1. Show them how important they are by keeping them on your calendar. People often only remember the birthdays of their parents, partner, and pets. But if you remember their birthday, it’s a sign that they’re just as important as your family. That can really mean a lot to someone. [13] The same goes for anniversaries, holidays they care about, and dates that hold personal value. Jot these dates down in your calendar or set a reminder in your phone. Before the big day, say something like:
    • “Your birthday is next week! Are you doing anything exciting?”
    • “Hey, are you doing anything for your anniversary! Do you have plans already?”
    • “Are you hosting another famous Friendsgiving this year? I know it’s coming up soon.”
11

Do something you both enjoy.

  1. Get closer by spending some time doing something both of you love. Broennimann says that participating in “mutual interests” is a powerful way to bond. [14] If the two of you enjoy playing a particular game, pick a day once a week to play together. If you’re both huge fans of the local sports team, go see a game together. Inviting your friend to engage in a hobby with you is a phenomenal way of demonstrating how much your friend means to you.
    • You could travel somewhere together! A weekend road trip is a fun way to experience something new together.
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12

Make them something delicious.

  1. Make them their favorite dish, or share something they’ve never had before that you suspect they’ll love. You can even throw a little dinner party for them to enjoy the dish together. Just make sure that you take any dietary requirements and allergies into account before you start breaking out the cooking supplies! [15]
    • Cookies, cakes, and pies are all traditional winners when it comes to gifts.
    • If they’ve got a favorite dish, make that. If you’re worried about being cheesy, just say, “I’ve been trying to cook new recipes in my spare time, and I know you love this dish. Give it a try and tell me how I did!”
    • If you’re not a great cook, offer to treat them to a visit to their favorite restaurant, or show up with a pastry from a nice cafe.
13

Take a load off for them.

  1. Make their life easier with favors or chores. If you know your friend really well, you might be able to tell what your friend needs without having to ask or be asked. Think about what's going on in your friend's life and try to anticipate what they want and need from you as a friend. You could do a little heavy lifting on that group project for school, or volunteer to help them move after they sign a lease for that new apartment. [16]
    • Taking care of something they genuinely dislike is one of the greatest acts of kindness. Think about how happy you’d be if your friend offered to do your least favorite chore!
    • There’s nothing wrong with simply asking, “Hey, is there anything I can do to make things easier for you?”
    • Reader Poll: We asked 291 wikiHow readers to tell us what behavior most clearly shows that someone isn't a true friend, and 49% of them said: only calling when they need something. [Take Poll] On the other side, one of the best ways to show that you are a genuine friend is by being there when your pal needs a helping hand.
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14

Keep your word.

  1. Follow through to show that you take your friendship seriously. If you go back on your word your friend is going to get the message that they are not important enough for you to keep a promise to, and that can cause damage to your relationship. Be the reliable friend that you’d want to have, yourself. [17] Consider the importance of keeping your word in the following situations.
    • If you agree to do something or be somewhere, make sure you stick to your word.
    • If your friend is relying on you to do something, make sure that you do it. Don’t just blow it off!
    • If you make a promise, keep it.
15

Acknowledge when you’re wrong.

  1. Admit your faults to show them that you can grow. Apologizing is an essential aspect of showing someone you care. Even if you are not necessarily 100% at fault, acknowledging that you aren’t perfect is a key part of respecting your friend. If there is an argument or disagreement between the two of you, think about what is more valuable to you: your friend, or winning an argument? [18]
    • If you don’t feel like you did anything wrong, talk to them and try to see things from your point of view. So long as they feel like you’re making an effort to meet them halfway, things should work out.
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16

Learn something from them.

  1. Good friends often teach and learn from each other. [19] If your friend has a cool skill, or knows a lot about a particular subject, ask them to tell you about it, or even show off their skill. This shows that you respect their ability and all the hard work they’ve put into something.
    • For example, if they cook something delicious for you, ask for the recipe. Or, if they’re studying something interesting in school, like a niche bit of history, ask them to explain it to you.
17

Hold them accountable.

  1. Be a true friend by helping them grow, too. Sometimes, our friends do things that aren’t right. When you actually care about someone, you’ll want to see them overcome their own shortcomings and work to be better. If you see a friend do something wrong, call it out gently, but be forgiving and understanding. [20] It shows that you want the best for them, even when they’re not being the best they can be.
    • Be tactful, and practice careful judgement. Sometimes, it might not be your place.
    • For example, say, “Hey, let’s let these people go first. They have small kids,” or, “I think maybe you need to apologize to them. What you said just now wasn’t very kind.”
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18

Include their other friends.

  1. Invite their friends to hang out, too, to acknowledge other parts of their life. Chances are, they have other important people in their life as well as you. While you shouldn’t pry or be too clingy, it’s healthy to take interest in other aspects of their social life. [21] If you invite them somewhere, let them know they can bring other friends, too, to extend the invitation and make them feel more comfortable and cared for.
19

Forgive them.

  1. Do your best to move on from arguments or differences. Nobody’s perfect—not you, and not your friend. There’ll come times when one of you hurts the other, even if you’re not aware you’re doing it. But you’re friends for a reason! Extend them the same grace you’d want others to give to you, and give them a second, third, even fourth chance. [22]
    • Don’t be a doormat and let them walk all over you, but do try to be understanding and sympathetic to their own problems and struggles.
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20

Tell them when they’ve hurt you.

  1. It’s better to have one uncomfortable conversation than to let them keep doing something that bothers you. Just think, if you were doing something hurtful, you’d want your friend to let you know, right? It’s not being mean or petty to set boundaries , it’s a feature of a healthy and responsible relationship. [23]
    • For example, say, “Hey, when you joke about my bad grades, it hurts me. Can you find something else to poke fun at?”

Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    What's the best way to keep in touch with a friend when you don't see each other often?
    Allison Broennimann, PhD
    Clinical Psychologist
    Dr. Allison Broennimann is a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a private practice based in the San Francisco Bay Area providing psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in in-depth psychotherapy to provide solution-focused treatments for anxiety, depression, relationship problems, grief, adjustment problems, traumatic stress, and phase-of-life transitions. And as part of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and cognitive rehabilitation for those recovering after traumatic brain injury. Dr. Broennimann holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Palo Alto University. She is licensed by the California Board of Psychology and is a member of the American Psychological Association.
    Allison Broennimann, PhD
    Clinical Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    Texting is great. Same with emailing. Luckily, everything's online. You can send emails and let someone know you're thinking of them and want to see them soon. Also, calling them to chat or leave a message is important sometimes too.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/why-cant-i-communicate-people-anymore-and-what-can-i-do-about-it
      2. ↑ Kim Chronister, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 28 July 2021.
      3. ↑ Kim Chronister, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 28 July 2021.
      4. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/making-good-friends
      5. ↑ Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 29 January 2021.
      6. ↑ Kim Chronister, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 28 July 2021.
      7. ↑ Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 29 January 2021.
      8. ↑ Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 29 January 2021.
      9. ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/2023/06/cover-story-science-friendship
      1. ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/2023/06/cover-story-science-friendship
      2. ↑ Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 29 January 2021.
      3. ↑ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7250541/
      4. ↑ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3690616/
      5. ↑ Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 29 January 2021.
      6. ↑ https://www.tnlcommunityfund.org.uk/media/documents/ageing-better/Ageing-Better-Role-of-Food-in-Building-Connections-and-Relationships.pdf?mtime=20190514094521
      7. ↑ https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/how-show-someone-you-care-top-ways-revealed-a7420536.html
      8. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/making-good-friends
      9. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_some_people_own_mistakes_and_others_dont
      10. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/friendships/art-20044860
      11. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/making-good-friends
      12. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/making-good-friends
      13. ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/conflict-resolution/
      14. ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/conflict-resolution/

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