How to Stop Having Dreams About Your Boyfriend Cheating

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If you’re having dreams about your boyfriend cheating on you with someone else, you might be waking up confused, worried, or even just intrigued. Dreaming about your partner cheating is actually fairly common, but why are you having these dreams in the first place? Do they mean anything deeper? And how do you get them to stop? In this article, we’ll answer all of these questions and more. If you want to know why you’re having these dreams about your boyfriend cheating and how to put an end to them, you’re in the right place.

This article is based on an interview with our marriage and family therapist, Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT. Check out the full interview here.

Section 1 of 2:

What do cheating dreams mean?

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    If you aren’t particularly confident in how things are going with your boyfriend, these dreams may reflect the way you feel. If the two of you haven’t been spending a ton of time together, or you’ve been arguing a lot, the uncertainty about your relationship may be spilling over into your dream life. [1]
    • Keep in mind that these feelings may be subconscious. You may be totally confident in your relationship when you’re awake, but deep down kind of nervous about where you stand.
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    If you’ve been a victim of infidelity in the past, you may be having these dreams because you’ve still got some subconscious pain to deal with. If this is the case, working through your problems may put this problem to rest. [2]
    • Seeing a mental health professional and discussing your previous relationships can help you find closure here.
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    If you tend to get worried about being alone, or you get kind of nervous about friends or family not caring about you, a fear of abandonment may be triggering these dreams. If you have anxiety surrounding your boyfriend breaking up with you or disappearing, it might trigger these dreams. [3]
    EXPERT TIP

    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

    Marriage & Family Therapist
    Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
    Marriage & Family Therapist

    Use this dream as a chance to reflect on your current relationship. What's your biggest source of anxiety right now? What areas in your relationship might need attention? As you reflect, don't be afraid to address this dream with your partner if it continues to worry you.

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    If you aren’t having any serious problems in your relationship and you don’t actually suspect your boyfriend of cheating, your dreams probably don't mean anything at all! It's normal to have bad dreams sometimes, and they don't always mean something is wrong. [4]
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Section 2 of 2:

How to Stop Having Dreams About Your Boyfriend Cheating

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    If you’re dealing with a huge amount of stress in your daily life, it’s going to spill over into your dream life. You can’t necessarily control the content of your dreams, but you can definitely influence the tone and energy of your dreams by relaxing. Do your best to destress every day and engage in calming and relaxing activities whenever you get home from work or school. [5] You might:
    • Meditate for at least 15 minutes every day. There’s a ton of evidence that meditating can improve your overall physical and emotional health while helping you relax. [6]
    • Exercise daily. Not only will regular exercise help you regulate your feelings and reduce stress, but it will improve your daily mood as well! [7]
    • Engage in some self-care. Go for a professional massage, throw on some tunes and take a long walk, or take a long bubble bath. Whatever puts you at ease counts! [8]
    • Go to bed so that you get at least 8 hours of sleep a night. You might be skipping out on sleep if you’re having scary dreams like this, but do your best to rest. Your daily life will be so much calmer. [9]
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    Dedicate your attention elsewhere and you may just stop having these dreams. Daydream about a vacation you’ve been looking forward to, pour your energy into work, or spend a few nights getting ahead on your schoolwork. If you just stop thinking about the dreams, you may stop having them. [10]
    • The trick here though is to actually invest in what you do throughout the day. If you just try to distract yourself but in the back of your mind you’re still thinking about these dreams, you might be more likely to have these dreams again. [11]
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    People have a tendency to dream about whatever they’re thinking about right before bed. Pick a book that will hold your attention and read right before bed. You could also listen to an audiobook. Not only will you get your daily reading in, but you may just dream about the plot of the book instead of your boyfriend. [12]
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    At the end of the day, break out the pen and paper and write about your day. Do a little self-reflecting, or simply let your mind wander a bit as you write about how you’re feeling. Try to focus on the non-romantic experiences of the day. This will give you more to think about and help you settle your thoughts before bed. [13]
    • Even if you do have a negative dream about something bad that happened during your day, it may be less likely to be about your boyfriend cheating.
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    If there’s a possibility you’re going to dream about your boyfriend, why not make the dream positive? As you’re lying in bed, think back to a favorite memory you have with your boyfriend. It could be a romantic date, a memorable late-night conversation, or even the first time you met. [14]
    • By focusing on positive memories, you’ll be more likely to have happy dreams about him.
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    Investigate any genuine cheating suspicions if you actually have them. If you actually think your boyfriend is cheating, getting to the bottom of it should put these dreams to rest. [15] Start by reflecting on the evidence. Has he been hiding his phone from you? Has he changed their behavior or appearance recently? Is he disappearing for a time or failing to engage with you? [16]
    • If there is evidence that he’s cheating on you, confront him directly or keep your eyes out for more substantial evidence in case there’s a chance he’s not cheating on you.
    • If there’s no actual indication that your boyfriend is cheating, you may just be nervous about the state of the relationship.
    • Sit down and talk to your boyfriend about this—whether there is or isn’t any evidence they’re cheating. They may be able to alleviate the fears you have about what’s going in the relationship.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.sleepfoundation.org/dreams/how-trauma-can-affect-dreams
      2. ↑ https://www.sleepfoundation.org/dreams/how-trauma-can-affect-dreams
      3. ↑ https://amerisleep.com/blog/stuff-dreams-made/?sscid=31k6_ezi37&affiliateID=314743
      4. ↑ https://amerisleep.com/blog/stuff-dreams-made/?sscid=31k6_ezi37&affiliateID=314743
      5. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/stress-dreams-why-do-we-have-them-and-how-to-stop/
      6. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/meditation/in-depth/meditation/art-20045858
      7. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/exercise-and-stress/art-20044469
      8. ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/heart-health/7-ways-to-reduce-stress-and-keep-blood-pressure-down
      9. ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/heart-health/7-ways-to-reduce-stress-and-keep-blood-pressure-down
      1. ↑ Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 19 January 2021.
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mental-mishaps/201505/how-stop-thinking-about-someone
      3. ↑ https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-to-control-dreams/
      4. ↑ Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 19 January 2021.
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mental-mishaps/201505/how-stop-thinking-about-someone
      6. ↑ Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 19 January 2021.
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201812/10-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating

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