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Overcome your doubts and build a solid, trusting relationship with your boyfriend
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Most of us know that trust is a key element in developing a strong, long-lasting relationship. While it’s completely normal to have some doubts every now and then, not trusting your partner at all can lead to a lot of hurt feelings and relationship issues. That’s why we’ve compiled a comprehensive article so you can learn how to trust your boyfriend and strengthen your relationship overall.

5

Avoid going through his phone or computer.

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  1. While it can be tempting to snoop through his socials or peruse his text messages for information, it can cause a rift in your relationship. Going through his things is a violation of your boyfriend’s privacy, and it could cause him to distrust you. [5]
    • Going through your BF’s devices to convince yourself he’s trustworthy only harms you, because you’re letting your anxious thoughts take over. Instead, challenge those thoughts and remind yourself that you don’t have any evidence to support your worries.
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9

Challenge your negative thoughts.

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  1. When we’ve been distrusting people for so long, it’s easy to think badly about them, even when we don’t mean to. You can stop those thoughts in their tracks by acknowledging them and then challenging them. [9]
    • For instance, maybe you think something like, “My boyfriend is probably out talking to other girls right now.” You might think to yourself, “What evidence do I have that this is true?”
    • Or, maybe you think, “I wonder if he’s messaging guys on Instagram.” You might ask yourself, “Is this a valid thought? Why do I feel this way?”
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10

Spend quality time together.

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  1. Quality time is different from just spending time together—you can spend time together watching TV, but it isn’t bringing you closer together. Make it a point to go out on dates and do fun things together that make you feel more connected. Over time, it will strengthen your bond and make you trust each other even more. [10]
    • You could try having a picnic in the park, going for a long walk around the neighborhood, trying a new restaurant, or taking a hobby class together.
11

Talk to a mental health professional if you need to.

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13

State your boundaries clearly.

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  1. If you set up these guidelines ahead of time, your boyfriend is much less likely to cross any lines without knowing. Sit down with him and have an open, honest conversation about what you’re comfortable with. [13]
    • For example, maybe you aren’t comfortable with him meeting up with his ex. You might say something like, “I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t meet up with Alex one-on-one. I understand if you see your ex in a group of friends, though.”
    • Or, maybe you’d like to know who he’s hanging out with ahead of time. You could say, “Would you mind letting me know who you’re meeting up with? It would just make me feel better.”
    EXPERT TIP

    John Keegan

    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach

    Being clear about your needs is essential to a healthy relationship. Reflect on what communication style works best for you as you prepare for these important conversations.

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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    Why is it so difficult to trust my boyfriend?
    Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
    Psychotherapist
    Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.
    Psychotherapist
    Expert Answer
    It's possible that something from your past is informing your ability to trust now. If that's the case, being open about what you're feeling with your boyfriend and talking to a therapist will really help! However, if your boyfriend is doing something to trigger your suspicion, that's a different matter entirely and you should address that with him.
  • Question
    How do you fix trust issues?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    There is not a quick "fix" for a trust violation. It will take a lot of dialogue, honesty, and demonstration of changed behaviors. Don't fall into a quick and easy fix.
  • Question
    What do you do when you can't trust your boyfriend?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    This is a serious problem and can interfere with the ongoing relationship. It is important for the other person to acknowledge that they have violated your trust. Listen carefully to what they say and what they propose to win your trust back. Make sure your source is good if you accuse them of a violation.
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      Tips

      • If your boyfriend repeatedly breaks your trust and does not show any interest in discussing or addressing the issues, it may be time to move on from the relationship.
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      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      If you’re struggling to trust your boyfriend, think about the root cause of your mistrust. For example, if you were cheated on in a past relationship, try to understand that every relationship is different and your boyfriend doesn’t reflect your previous partners. Instead, spend more quality time together to strengthen your relationship, since too much distance can lead to anxiety and distrust. Another thing you can do is agree to admit your mistakes when you make them and apologize, so you don’t have to play guessing games. If you're worried about your partner talking about you behind your back, ask them to agree not to gossip about your relationship. For more tips from our Social Work co-author, including how to rebuild trust after a betrayal, read on!

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