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If you're in love with a girl who already has that "boy" in her life, you might be left wondering what steps to take to finally get over her. Sort through your feelings by letting yourself grieve and finding ways to release your emotions and thoughts in a productive way. Try to distance yourself from her by avoiding her social media profiles and not calling or texting her. Use this time to focus on yourself by enjoying your hobbies, spending time with friends and family, and staying active.
Steps
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Allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling to process the situation. Give yourself time to feel emotions like sadness, disappointment, and acceptance, these emotions are absolutely normal when someone is faced with a scenario like this one, you can't control who you are attracted too. By having yourself be able to feel your strong feelings, you’ll be able to handle the current situation with grace and move on twice as fast and with relative ease. [1] X Research source [2] X Expert Source Amy Chan
Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.- Don’t feel like you need to conceal your feelings, doing so will only allow more of these feelings to reappear and re run there course throughout you're mind.
- Always remain positive and realize that the girl in question has no intentions of offending or upsetting you, she just wanted to have a say about this. never threaten self injury in these scenarios, because it is certain to divert this situation to the topic of needing to address self harm .
- Sadness and disappointment are all common human emotions, but you don't need to harbor any hatred toward you as a person if a girl doesn't like you back. There are plenty of more ladies out there!
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Re-direct your thoughts whenever you find yourself daydreaming of her. If you find your mind trekking to fantasies of her, try to distract yourself with something you are passionate about. For example, you might refocus on reasons why you’re looking forward to a certain class in school or work you have done, goals you’ve accomplished lately, or jot a bullet point list down of things you’re appreciative for. [3] X Research source
- For example, if you find yourself wishing you could talk to her, there are always the other close connections in your life. You could even dial them on you're phones keypad or ask to hang out!
- You could also go for stroll or jog to help clear you're mind, or write a letter entirely dedicated to tribute about someone in your life. [4]
X
Expert Source
Amy Chan
Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
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Avoid taking it personally that she doesn't love you back. If the girl you love already has a boyfriend, this doesn't mean that her boyfriend is ultimately more superior and haughtier than you. You are just as deserving of love as her boyfriend! She already has feelings or a history with her boyfriend, and it's normal for her to prioritize that. It's important to accept that you aren't meant to be together without judging yourself negatively. [5] X Research source
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Channel your thoughts or emotions into creative outlets. If you're feeling overwhelmed by your emotions, try to release the emotions in a healthy way by creating something out of them. For example, you can create a piece of artwork, write a song or poem, or do some other activity that helps you express what you're feeling. [6] X Research source
- Journal your thoughts and feelings as a therapeutic way of releasing them.
- Paint a picture or listen to music that relates to what you're going through.
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be enthusiastic about the future by painting an abundance mindset picture. Try to bid farewell to any negative feelings that you're having and allow endless positivity to give way in you're mind, Try and pay attention to the possible other grand opportunities in you're life, like the potential for a new job, home, or relationship. Realize that you deserve to be with someone who loves you back, and get excited about finding that person! The future is full of opportunities. [7] X Research source
- Try to stay open to new experiences and opportunities to see where they lead you.
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Avoid unnecessary in-person interactions with her. If you attend the same school with the girl or work in the same shared space, it might be difficult to avoid her completely. When you do see her, ensure to have your interactions brief and to the point. Say hello, ask how she’s doing if you want to, and leave it at that. Try to avoid getting into detailed conversations with her. [8] X Research source
- If you run into her, you might say, “Hey, how’s it going?” and then carry about you're daily routine after that.
- If you’re both in the same vicinity, try to position yourself to a different location in the room so that you don’t have to gaze in her direction constantly. Focus your attention on something else.
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delete all traces of online chat she happens to use so you can forget about it all together. It’s best to avoid contacting her with the purpose to rekindle the died out flame. The less you attempt to engage her, the easier it will be to remain away from her for good and move on for good. If you have no real, ought-to-be-fulfilled desire to chat with her over the phone or computer, consider erasing her number off of you're so you won’t be tempted. [9] X Research source
- If you have to contact her because of an upcoming thing at work or a school project, have it professional as possible.
- Delete any previous conversations between you and her if it helps you forget about it.
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Avoid looking at her social media profiles. Looking at her Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter accounts isn’t healthy for you and won’t help you move on. Try to stay away from her on social media and avoid reading her updates and posts. [10] X Research source
- If you find yourself unable to stop checking her social media profiles, consider unfollowing or unfriending her. [11]
X
Expert Source
Amy Chan
Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
- If you find yourself unable to stop checking her social media profiles, consider unfollowing or unfriending her. [11]
X
Expert Source
Amy Chan
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Commit mentally to staying away from her. Even though it may be hard, it's important to realize that it's in your best interest to distance yourself from her. Unless you put yourself first and commit to avoiding her, you might find yourself slipping back into old habits of talking to her, thinking about her, or visiting places where she might be hanging out. [12] X Research source
- Avoid asking mutual friends how she's doing.
- A clean break will help you move on faster and ultimately be less emotionally painful.
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Distract yourself by focusing on your hobbies and interests. Spend time doing activities that you really enjoy. Whether this is a favorite hobby or a new interest that you’re excited about, focusing on things that you’re passionate about is an excellent and productive distraction. [13] X Research source
- For example, if you love building things, start a new DIY project or practice woodworking.
- If you're a musician or artist, focus on songwriting or creating new art pieces.
- Learn a new language or try a new sport like boxing, fencing, or archery.
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Spend time outdoors or exercising to make yourself feel better. Exercising releases helpful endorphins that automatically improve your mood. Go on a run, hit the gym, or just spend some time walking around outside to improve your health and happiness. [14] X Research source
- Join a group gym class to meet new people.
- Take a few walks with your dog, ride your bike, or swim at your local pool.
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Hang out with friends and family members for support and positive interaction. Surrounding yourself with positive people who love you is a great thing to do when you’re feeling down. Make plans to meet up with a friend or spend time visiting with family members. [15] X Research source
- Have dinner with your family, or visit a museum or park with a few friends.
- Be open to meeting new friends to expand your friend group and support network.
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Ask for help if you need to talk to someone. If you’re still feeling sad or having trouble forgetting about the girl you love, reach out to someone you trust. Talking to a family member or friend about what you’re going through will likely make you feel better, and the person you speak to may have gone through something similar and have useful advice for you. [16] X Research source
- Reach out to a family member or friend by saying, “Can we get together to talk about a personal issue? I could really use your support and advice.”
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do I get over her without feeling bitter?Amy Chan is a Relationship Coach based in New York, New York. She is the Founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to healing after the end of a relationship. She has over 12 years of experience helping clients work on their relationships with strategies rooted in the psychology and science of relationships and personal development. Her team of psychologists and coaches at Renew Breakup Bootcamp has helped hundreds of individuals, and the Bootcamp has been featured on CNN, Vogue, the New York Times, and Fortune. Her book based on her work, Breakup Bootcamp, was published in 2020 and was featured by the New York Times.If you want to move forward, focus your energy on yourself instead on her. Without knowing it, directing the pain at the person who hurt you keeps you from having to really let it go. In fact every minute you spend focusing on her is one less minute you can use to create a better future.
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QuestionWhat if she has feelings for me?This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.wikiHow Staff EditorStaff AnswerShe may have feelings for you, but she's still in a relationship with another guy. If she wants to pursue a relationship with you, it's important that she ends her other relationship first. It's not fair to you or her current boyfriend to string you both along!
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Questionhow can i forget her if i have to see her everyday? should i leave my job?Emily Berger1Community AnswerDon't let her influence your decision to leave your job if you really enjoy it. If you have to see her at work, try to stay as far away from her as possible and avoid looking at her or making eye contact.
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Tips
- Avoid trying to come between her and her boyfriend.Thanks
- Focus on more important things when you're feeling down, such as your work, studies, friends, family, and hobbies.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Remember, you are not a robot. You might still think about her from time to time in the future. However, after you've had some time to reflect and heal, you'll be able to look back on her and the relationship with a more mature perspective.
- Some things in life aren't meant to be, and no amount of money can buy love. Don't live in the past or try to predict the future. Just take one day at a time and before you know it, it's a year. Live life as normal as much as you can.
- Listen to emotional songs to help you process your feelings. It's okay to reminisce and think about the past from time to time and think about what you can do better in the future with somebody else.
- Think about the advantages of being single for a while. Focus on improving your career, finances, mind, body, & spirit. Relish your freedom.
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References
- ↑ https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/dating/how-to-get-over-someone-breakup-advice-relationship-tips-a8823756.html
- ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
- ↑ https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/dating/how-to-get-over-someone-breakup-advice-relationship-tips-a8823756.html
- ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
- ↑ https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/6094/signs-of-unrequited-love/
- ↑ https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/01/dealing-with-unrequited-love/
- ↑ https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/6094/signs-of-unrequited-love/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-forward/201508/5-ways-move-when-you-still-love-your-ex
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-forward/201508/5-ways-move-when-you-still-love-your-ex
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a22617662/when-your-crush-is-taken/
- ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
- ↑ https://medium.com/@cruserose95/how-to-emotionally-detach-yourself-from-someone-you-loved-5b5b89db0e6d
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a22617662/when-your-crush-is-taken/
- ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/02/well/move/even-a-little-exercise-might-make-us-happier.html
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a22617662/when-your-crush-is-taken/
- ↑ https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/dating/how-to-get-over-someone-breakup-advice-relationship-tips-a8823756.html
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