How to Get a Girl to Like You in Middle School: A Complete Guide

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Tips to catch your crush's eye and score your first date

Co-authored by Connell Barrett and Annabelle Reyes

Last Updated: September 25, 2024 Fact Checked

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Getting Her Attention

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Learning More About Her

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Asking Her on a Date

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How to React if She Says “No” to a Date

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Figuring Out if You’re Ready to Have a Girlfriend

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Expert Q&A

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Tips

Middle school is an exciting time in a person’s life, and you’re probably meeting lots of cool new people. You might even have met a special girl who you want to get to know better, but you’re not sure how to get her to like you. If this sounds like you, you’ve come to the right place! We’ve created a complete guide on getting a girl to like you in middle school, whether you just want to grow closer to her, or take things to the next level and ask her out on a date. Keep reading for everything you need to know!

How to Get a Girl to Like You in Middle School

Be true to yourself and comfortable in your own skin.
Take care to look your best when you see her.
Be kind, respectful, and gentlemanly around her.
Spend time with her and work on building a friendship first.
Ask her about her hobbies, interests, and family life.
Become friends with her friends.
Start flirting with her as you get to know her better.

Section 1 of 5:

How to Get Her Attention

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1
Be true to yourself. Don’t try to portray yourself as someone or something you're not. You want her to like the real you, not a fake version of yourself. Plus, girls tend to like people who are unique but confident, and who march to the beat of their own drum. ^{[1]
X
Research source} In other words, if you’re true to yourself and comfortable in your skin, you’re more likely to win her over!
- Don’t try to copy other kids or follow trends and fads that aren’t really you. She’ll likely be able to tell that you aren’t being sincere, and she may not like it.
- For example, if you’re not a sporty person, don’t pretend to be one just to impress her. Eventually, she’ll realize the truth, and she may be upset that you weren’t honest with her.
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2
Make an effort to look your best. Take care to groom yourself, look presentable, and stay true to your personal style. Making an effort with these simple things goes a long way! ^{[2]
X
Research source} Here are some tips:
- Keep up with your personal hygiene. This means showering every day, washing your hair every other day, and washing your face each morning and night.
- Use deodorant, but don't overwhelm her with cologne or body spray. You want to be free of body odor, but you don’t want to overdo it!
- Instead of just throwing something on in the morning before school, take a second to put together an outfit that shows off your personal style. Pick clothes you feel comfortable and confident in.
- If you’re starting to develop some acne, consider asking your parents to help you get medicine or treatment for it . There are acne creams, face washes, and spot treatments available at drug stores, or if your acne is more severe, a dermatologist may be able to help. ^{[3]
 X
 Trustworthy Source
 American Academy of Dermatology
 Professional organization made of over 20,000 certified dermatologists
 Go to source}
Advertisement
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3
Remember that the nice guy always wins. Girls in real life usually don't like the cocky players you see in the movies and on TV. They prefer guys who act like gentlemen , who treat girls (and everyone) with kindness and respect. These qualities make girls want to be around you more, and they may even help you catch her eye. ^{[4]
X
Research source}
- Make an effort to be polite and have good manners. This means shaking her parents’ hands if you meet them, holding doors open for her, and saying “please” and “thank you” to people.
- Be kind to everyone. Don’t say mean things to her, and don’t say mean things about other people in front of her, either.
- Stick up for her. If she's put in an uncomfortable situation — a fight or an argument — be there to offer support. Stand up for her if someone says something nasty about her; do this for other people you care about, too.
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4
Work on being the best version of yourself. The great thing about love is that it makes you want to be a better person. Not just for her sake, but for your own sake, too. If you have a crush on a girl and you want to win her over, this can give you a lot of motivation to start working on some of your flaws or learn some new skills. And, once you’ve started, she may be impressed by what she sees!
- For example, if you have a temper, work on cooling it down. Girls don't like guys who suddenly blow up and cause a scene. Be aware of what sets you off, and try to avoid it.
- Develop your conversation skills . If you plan on impressing her, you're going to need to have multiple conversations with her, so it’s a good idea to brainstorm some interesting conversation topics and good questions to ask her.
- Learn a cool new skill or take up a hobby. It’s pretty attractive when someone is passionate about their interests! Some good ideas of things to learn include magic tricks, playing an instrument, cooking, or photography. It doesn't matter what you choose, as long as you enjoy it.

Section 2 of 5:

Getting to Know Her Better

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1
Befriend her. Start by growing closer to her as a friend before you try to take things to the next level. If you’re friendly with each other, it will be easier and less awkward to talk to her. Plus, you’ll get to know her better as a person and build trust with each other, which is important if you’re trying to get her to like you. ^{[5]
X
Trustworthy Source
HealthyChildren.org
Health information from the American Academy of Pediatrics.
Go to source} Here are some tips to build your friendship:
- Find ways to spend time with her. If she’s in your math class, ask her for help on the homework. If you see her at lunch, ask if you can sit at her table and eat with her. Things like this give you an opportunity to talk to her and get more comfortable around her. ^{[6]
 X
 Research source}
- If you’re nervous about spending time with her alone, start by doing things as a group. For example, if you and your friends are going to the mall or the movies, invite her to tag along. This is a low-pressure way to get to know her better.
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2
Ask her about her hobbies, interests, and family. This shows that you’re interested in learning about who she truly is, what she enjoys, and how she thinks. ^{[7]
X
Research source} Here are a few questions you can ask to get a good conversation going and start connecting with her on a deeper level:
- “What’s your favorite way to spend a Saturday?”
- “Do you have a favorite hobby?”
- “What’s your favorite class at school, and why?”
- “What would be your dream job when you get older?”
- “Do you have any siblings? Are you close to them?”
- “What is your relationship with your parents like?”
- “What’s your favorite type of music?”
- “If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be?”
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3
Get to know her friends. If you’re trying to get her to like you, you’ll also need to win her friends over. As she gets to know you better, she’ll likely ask her friends what they think of you, so it’s important to show them that you’re a kind, respectful, and cool person to be around. This will go a long way in driving you two closer together!
- Just be careful not to go overboard with this. Be friendly with them, but not flirty, so that she doesn’t think you’re interested in one of her friends instead of her.
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4
Gradually start flirting with her. Remember, a little goes a long way when it comes to flirting , and you don't want to come on super strong. You could start by telling more jokes, making more eye contact, or complimenting her more often. You could also offer to help with things like carrying her backpack between classes. All of these things can be subtle hints that you like her as more than a friend. ^{[8]
X
Research source}
- Be sure to keep things respectful when you’re complimenting her appearance–you don’t want to make her uncomfortable. Stick to comments about her hair, eyes, fashion sense, or style, and avoid making comments about her body. For example:
 - "Wow, you have really pretty eyes," "You look really nice today," or "Did you get a haircut? I love it!"
- You can also compliment her skills or her personality, such as:
 - “Your drawings are so cool. Do you want to be an artist when you get older?” Or, “You were so great at your soccer game yesterday. That last goal was amazing!”
- If you have a cell phone, you may also want to ask her for her number, so that you can text each other and converse even when you aren’t at school.
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You have to have some momentum and familiarity when you ask her out, so work on developing that first. It's like racing: You have to rev your engine a little bit to warm it up before you take off. It's the same with girls: Look at the signals, build a comfortable relationship with her, and then ask her out. ^{[9]
X
Research source}

Section 3 of 5:

How to Ask Her Out on a Date

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1
Pay attention to her behavior and body language. Body language can be a super helpful clue if you’re trying to figure out whether she likes you back, and she may also start behaving in a more flirty way toward you. Here are some signs to look out for: ^{[10]
X
Research source}
- She giggles or laughs at things you say, even if they aren't exactly funny.
- She keeps constant eye contact with you when you're talking to each other.
- She touches your hand or your arm while talking to you.
- She finds more excuses to talk to you or asks you for favors, like holding her backpack in between classes or helping her with a homework assignment.
- She starts wearing perfume or dressing up more when she hangs out with you.
- She starts complimenting you more about your appearance, skills, or personality.
- She chooses to sit next to you in class or at lunch.
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2
If you think she likes you back, prepare to ask her out. If you’ve paid attention to the signs and you're pretty sure she likes you, it could be time to make your next move. There are a few things, however, that you’ll want to plan out before you ask her on the date:
- Decide where the date will be and what activity you’ll be doing. If you take time to come up with a plan, rather than just asking her to hang out in general, it’ll show her how much you care.
 - For example, depending on her parents’ rules about dating, you could ask her to see a movie, go on a group date, or meet up at a school sports game.
- Find a nice, relatively isolated place to ask her out, away from friends and distractions. A bench or empty lunch table at school could work, or if you’re hanging out with her in a group, the two of you could break off and walk alone for a few minutes.
- Plan to look your best on the day you’ll be asking her out, so that you’re putting your best foot forward. Wear something you feel comfortable and confident in.
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3
Practice what you’re going to say beforehand. If you go over what you’ll say ahead of time, you’ll feel more confident when it’s time to actually ask her. Asking her out is an art, not a science, but in general, you’ll want to keep your question casual and low-key, while also being respectful and confident. Here are some examples of what to say:
- "Hey, so that movie we were talking about last week? I got a couple tickets to it, would you want to go together on Friday?"
- "You know the state fair happening this weekend? My friend has a booth and I'm thinking about going. Would you want to check it out together?"
- "I was thinking about going to the football game on Friday. Do you want to go with me?"
- “I’ve loved hanging out and getting to know you better, and I’d love to go on a date sometime. Would you be free to go to the beach this weekend?”
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4
Ask her out in person, not over text. Once you’ve decided on the location of the date, picked a place to have the conversation, and practiced what you’re going to say, it’s time to be brave and ask her out. It’s okay to be nervous—pretty much everyone is when they ask someone out! Just take some deep breaths, and go for it. You’ve got this!
- If you can't find the courage to directly ask her out, don't ask a friend to do it for you. She might think it's a joke and not really consider it. It’s better to wait a little while, build up more confidence, and then ask her out on your own.
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5
If she says “yes,” take her out on the date. For the first date, take her somewhere fun and low-key, so that you can enjoy each other’s company without too much pressure. The movies, the zoo, the mall, the pool, and a sports game at school are all great choices. If you're extra confident that you can hold a conversation with her for a while, the park or a restaurant also work.
- Pay for her, if you can. Whether it's tickets for the movies, admission to the zoo, or food at a restaurant, you want to demonstrate that you're a gentleman and that you're generous.
- Be respectful and give her personal space. If you're at the movies and you want to put your arm around her, make sure to ask her if this is okay, rather than just doing it. This goes for any kind of physical contact, such as holding hands or hugging.
- Smile, relax, and most of all, have fun! If you feel nervous when you're on the date, remember, she's probably just as nervous as you are. Just focus on being in the moment and having a good time as you get to know each other better.

Section 4 of 5:

How to React if She Says “No” to a Date

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1
If she says “no” to your date, accept her answer respectfully. You’re probably disappointed that she said “no,” but it’s not okay to pester her or try to pressure her to change her mind. Be kind, mature, and understanding, and accept her answer no matter what.
- If you still really like her as a person, you can ask her if she wants to stay friends, but be sure to accept her answer about this, too. She might prefer to take some time apart to process things, and it’s important to respect that.
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2
Don’t get too down on yourself about the rejection. At the end of the day, there are several reasons why a girl might turn down a date. She may not be ready to date in general, or her parents might not allow her to. She may already have a crush on another guy, or she might see you as a friend. Whatever her reason is, it has nothing to do with how special you are. Be kind to yourself as you process your emotions, and remember, you will get through this, and someday you’ll meet the right person for you! ^{[11]
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Research source}
- If you’re feeling sad, spend some time with friends and family and lean on them for support. They can help you feel better while you’re working through things.
- Spend some time doing hobbies you love. This can help you de-stress and distract yourself from any negative feelings you may be having about the situation.
- Say some positive affirmations . Statements like “I am a smart, confident, and worthy person,” or “I love myself for who I am” can help you build up your self confidence and heal after rejection. ^{[12]
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Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Does She Like Me?

Some girls can feel like a total mystery. How can you figure out if she likes you just as a friend or if she wants something more? Take this quiz to find out!

1 of 12

How do her friends treat you?

They told me that she likes me.

They giggle and laugh with her when I walk into the room.

They’ve mentioned her in conversation.

They haven’t done anything out of the ordinary (or I don't know them).

Section 5 of 5:

Are you ready to have a girlfriend?

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Check in with yourself before making things official with her. After dating for awhile, you might want to ask her to be your girlfriend. This is a pretty big decision, and there are a few questions you should ask yourself beforehand. For example:
- Are both of your parents okay with you two becoming boyfriend and girlfriend? Some parents are okay with their kids dating in middle school, while others have rules about waiting until you’re a bit older. It’s important to make sure that both of your parents are okay with it first.
- Do you have enough time for a relationship? When you’re in a relationship, you need to spend a fair amount of time with the other person. If you’re already busy with commitments to sports teams, extracurricular activities, or schoolwork, it may be hard to find enough time to spend with your girlfriend.
- Do you feel emotionally ready for everything that comes with dating? Dating can be a pretty emotional ordeal, and there can sometimes be drama or heartbreak involved. Do you think you’ll be able to deal with this, or does it seem too stressful?
- If you think over these questions and decide you’re ready for a relationship, go ahead and ask her if she wants to be your girlfriend. Remember to accept her answer respectfully, no matter what it is!

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Question

How do I ask for my crush's number?

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."

Connell Barrett

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

The best way to do that is to be confident and take the lead. Take your phone out and give them a compliment. Say, "Hey, I've really liked talking to you, you're really funny, let's trade numbers." Assume they feel the same way instead of saying, "Hey, can I please maybe get your number?" Confidence can go a long way.

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Try getting her a small, thoughtful gift. If she loves drawing, for example, you could get her a cool sketchbook or some new fancy art markers to draw with.

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Never get mad at a girl if she doesn't like you as more than a friend. Respect her feelings and be kind to her, no matter what.

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Get to know her parents and show them that you respect their daughter. This goes a long way to win a girl over!

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If you ask out a girl and she says no, ask if you can still be friends. She might end up falling for you down the line, but if not then you'll still have a really great friend. Don't keep asking her, though, or you'll look desperate.
Be polite. Hold the door open for her, and if there's a lot of people walking in the door hold the door for all of them. This shows that you're polite and caring.
Try to talk about her and ask questions to get to know her. Don't talk only about yourself, as this can sound selfish.

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How to Get a Girl to Like You in Middle School: A Complete Guide

How to Get a Girl to Like You in Middle School

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How to Get Her Attention

Getting to Know Her Better

How to Ask Her Out on a Date

How to React if She Says “No” to a Date

wikiHow Quiz: Does She Like Me?

How do her friends treat you?

Are you ready to have a girlfriend?

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