Is Your Guy Stressed Out? Here Are the Best Ways to Help

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Supportive things to do and say when your partner is tense and distant
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It can be hard to watch a man you care about feel stressed, but luckily, there are tons of things you can do to help him calm down. In this article, we’ll teach you simple ways to comfort your boyfriend or husband, whether he’s dealing with stress from work or personal issues. We also spoke with licensed clinical psychologist Donna Novak and dating expert John Keegan for tips on how to make your partner feel cared for during tough times.

Helping a Stressed Out Man: Quick Tips

Give him space to vent his frustrations and avoid pressing him for information. Actively listen to him, validate his emotions, and remind him that you’ll always be there to support him. Do something nice for him, like giving him a massage, exercising with him to burn off steam, or taking him out for a nice meal.

Section 1 of 3:

Comforting a Man Who’s Stressed

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  1. According to Novak, one of the best ways to comfort your partner is to “really listen to what they’re saying.” [1] Set aside time to talk about what’s bothering him, and give him your undivided attention when he opens up. Actively listening to your partner can help him feel supported in his struggles and strengthen your relationship. [2]
    • Make sure to put down your phone and maintain eye contact when he’s speaking to you.
    • Give short verbal affirmations, like “go on” or “I understand,” to let him know you’re really listening.
    • If your partner doesn’t like to talk about his feelings, encourage him gently. You could say, “You seem really stressed. Do you want to talk about it? It might make you feel better, and I might be able to help you out.”
    • Novak recommends to “repeat what they’re saying to get confirmation on what they’re going through.” [3] You might say, “Just to clarify, you’re stressed about the client meeting because your boss didn’t offer you any feedback?”
  2. If your partner is struggling with something, Novak says to “ask what you can do to support him.” [4] Sometimes, he might just need a listening ear or space to decompress on his own. Other times, he may want your advice or input on how to solve a problem. By asking your partner what he needs, you can figure out the best way to support him and help him unwind. [5]
    • If your partner doesn’t know what he can do to de-stress, suggest different ideas. You could say, “Do you wanna grab a pizza?” or “We could watch that new episode we haven’t seen yet if you want.”
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  3. Studies show that men tend to ignore and suppress their emotions. [6] This can make them feel even more isolated and overwhelmed when they’re stressed out, so it’s important to share encouraging words and express your love and support. Even if you can’t do anything to help your partner, tell him that you will always be there for him emotionally and help out as much as possible.
    • If he’s stressed about something at work, for example, you could say, “Well, just know that I’m here for you whenever you need me. Just say the word.”
  4. In addition to supporting him emotionally, you can also try to connect with him through physical touch. Placing your hand on his shoulder or back, squeezing his hand, or giving a warm hug can remind him that you’re on his side. [7]
    • Some men don’t enjoy physical touch when they’re upset, so ask what your partner can tolerate before initiating or using more touch. If he isn’t comfortable, respect that.
  5. Sometimes, your partner may just need to let it all out. Let him rant about whatever is bothering him, and validate his emotions and experiences. By doing so, you show that you understand his perspective and feel for him and what he’s going through. Usually, this can help a man relieve stress quickly and feel better. [8]
    • According to Keegan, you should “deeply listen to [him] and allow him to express himself fully in front of you,” instead of “making [him] your idea of what he should be.” [9]
    • You could say something like, “It’s okay to feel angry or upset. Let it all out. I won’t judge you for it” or “I hear you, and it’s totally valid to feel upset. That situation sounds really stressful.”
  6. Your partner may be focused on a single issue or missing the overall picture. Asking him questions can help him think outside of the box and see his situation differently. He may even come up with a solution that he hadn’t considered before or have a change in mindset, helping him reduce his stress and worry. [10]
    • Make sure to ask questions in a gentle way so he doesn’t feel interrogated. For example, you could say, “Why do you think that is?” or “How would you handle this in a different situation?” [11]
  7. If you think there’s a solution to a problem that’s stressing your partner out, tell him! Be kind and supportive, and avoid telling him what to do. Instead, discuss all kinds of options, without the expectation that he will choose any of those ideas, and let him decide at the end of the day. Taking this gentle approach shows that you care about him and he may be super grateful. [12]
    • For instance, you could say, “Well, what if you tried this instead?” or “How else could you approach the situation?”
  8. Research shows that massages may relieve stress and improve your mental health. [13] So, give your partner a shoulder massage to help him relax and unwind. Ask him where he feels tension, then use your hands to gently work his muscles and loosen him up. It’s one of the quickest ways to help him feel better!
  9. Your partner may be so stressed out that he’s forgotten to eat a proper meal, and this can make him feel even worse. Preparing him a tasty meal or snack is one of the best ways to comfort him, so ask what he wants to eat and enjoy it together. This will nourish him, help reduce his stress levels, and make him feel cared for. [14]
    • If your partner is stressed at work or you’re in a long-distance relationship, order food for them via delivery app. “Bringing them a gift…or going out of your way from time to time” is one of the best ways to show your partner that you care about them, according to Keegan. [15]
  10. Studies show that staring at your screen can increase stress levels. [16] So, schedule some downtime to turn off your electronics, give your brains a break, and reconnect with each other.
    • If your partner is dealing with work stress, help him set boundaries to maintain a better work-life balance . For example, the two of you could agree to not check your emails after the end of a work day.
  11. Whenever you have free time, go for a run or a bike ride together. You could also check out a group fitness or yoga class, or simply go for a walk around your neighborhood at the end of a workday. Exercise can reduce his stress, and spending more time with your partner can help you deepen your connection . [17]
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Section 2 of 3:

Supportive Texts to Calm Him Down

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  1. One of the easiest ways to calm down your partner is to text him an uplifting message. Novak says to “recognize the past times that [he] was successful or able to get through something.” [18] You could bring up times he went above and beyond in the workplace, remind him of the moments when he was a good partner or father, or simply hype him up. Here are some text ideas to comfort your partner:
    • Hang in there—you’re almost at the finish line!
    • Remember that I have your back through it all. I believe in you, my love!
    • I know you’ve got a lot on your plate, but take it easy on yourself. I promise you it will get better.
    • Don’t forget to take a break and eat lunch. You need the energy to crush your presentation!
    • Sending you all my love and support today—not that you even need it. You’re going to blow them away!
    • I’m here if you ever want to talk. Please don’t hesitate to give me a call, even if it’s 2 AM on a Monday night!
    • I know you’re not happy about how things are panning out, but I think you’re doing amazing for what it’s worth.
    • Just so you know: I love you, I believe in you, I’m proud of you…and I’m a really good sounding board for venting 😉
    • I’m confident that you can achieve anything that you set your mind to, and I cannot wait to celebrate your hard work!
    • I want you to know that I’ll always be here for you, even when you don’t need me to be. Counting down the days when I can kiss you in person ❤️
    • I’m really proud of how you’ve been handling things lately. Remember, it’s okay to feel overwhelmed and take a break if you need it. I’m here if you need anything!
    • Just focus on one thing at a time. You’ve done it before, and you can do it again! There’s no one else at the company that’s as talented and hard-working as you.
    • It’s the big day… and I can already confirm that you’re going to be amazing. I know you’re stressing out about the event, but I promise that everything’s going to be okay! Remember—we’re a team, and I got you.
    • I know you’re nervous about your project, but take a deep breath and try to stay calm. You’re the most intelligent person I’ve ever met, and you're absolutely crushing it! I’m here for you, and we can get through this together.
Section 3 of 3:

Signs Your Partner Is Stressed

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  1. Pay attention to your partner if he’s moody or engaging in unhealthy behavior. Stress manifests in different ways, and he might not even realize that he’s as stressed as he actually is. If your partner exhibits any of the following signs, he may be stressed or emotionally distancing himself from you: [19]
    • He has trouble sleeping.
    • He has trouble having sex.
    • He’s less responsive than usual.
    • He’s eating too much or too little.
    • He’s spending less time with you.
    • He starts acting snappy, angry, anxious, restless, or detached.
    • He has a weakened immune system or is having digestive problems.
    • He’s self-medicating with alcohol, smoking, or other unhealthy habits.
    • He’s constantly worrying, has difficulty concentrating, or is having trouble making decisions.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How can I be supportive to my stressed partner?
    Donna Novak, Psy.D
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist
    Dr. Donna Novak is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Simi Valley, California. With over ten years of experience, Dr. Novak specializes in treating anxiety and relationship and sex concerns. She holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) and a doctoral degree (Psy.D) in Clinical Psychology from Alliant International University-Los Angeles. Dr. Novak uses a differentiation model in treatment that focuses on personal growth by increasing self-awareness, personal motivation, and confidence.
    Donna Novak, Psy.D
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    Really listen to what they're saying—don't just automatically go into problem-solving mode. Then, ask them what you can do to support them.
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      References

      1. ↑ Donna Novak, Psy.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 8 December 2020.
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-for-happiness/202304/how-to-emotionally-support-someone
      3. ↑ Donna Novak, Psy.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 8 December 2020.
      4. ↑ Donna Novak, Psy.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 8 December 2020.
      5. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-couples-can-help-each-other-de-stress-and-improve-their-relationship#4
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/radical-emotional-acceptance/202301/how-men-can-embrace-their-emotions
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/healing-together/201912/how-help-someone-you-love-calm-down
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-for-happiness/202304/how-to-emotionally-support-someone
      9. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/conscious-communication/201908/4-ways-help-your-partner-cope-stress
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-for-happiness/202304/how-to-emotionally-support-someone
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/conscious-communication/201908/4-ways-help-your-partner-cope-stress
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beyond-mental-health/202309/can-getting-a-massage-improve-mental-health
      5. ↑ https://healthlibrary.vanderbilthealth.com/HomeHealthyHolidays/34,21692-1
      6. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.
      7. ↑ https://www.uchealth.org/today/the-hidden-stress-of-cell-phones/
      8. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-couples-can-help-each-other-de-stress-and-improve-their-relationship#1
      9. ↑ Donna Novak, Psy.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 8 December 2020.
      10. ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/11874-stress

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