How to Meet New Friends & Forge a Real Connection

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Learn to find, build, and maintain meaningful friendships
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True friendship is one of the deepest relationships you can have with another person. In fact, the Greeks coined the term “philia” to describe the depth, affection, and respect of platonic love among friends. A true friend is there for you through thick and thin—they'll laugh with you, they'll cry with you, they'll bail you out of jail if necessary. But how do you find them? Here are some ideas on how to go about finding that special person, with helpful insights from licensed clinical psychologist, Chloe Carmichael, PhD, and life coach Jessica George.

How to Find a True Friend

Take the initiative to meet new people by trying new hobbies, visiting new places, and expressing yourself as much as possible to attract like-minded potentials. Start conversations and try actively listening to what they have to say. Ask for their contact information and invite them to hang out. If you click, repeat!

Section 1 of 4:

How to Put Yourself Out There

  1. When it comes to finding a true friend, it can really help to actively seek them out. A real friend won't just magically materialize on your doorstep, so you need to be willing to put some work in. Take matters into your own hands and start socializing. [1]
    • Call people up and ask if you can hang out with them, or organize an event yourself.
    • Don't worry about seeming desperate or needy. Focus on you and your goal. If it all works out in the end, then who cares?
  2. You won't make friends by sitting at home alone every night. You need to be proactive, so force yourself out of the house and meet as many people as possible. It might be intimidating at first, but it'll be worth it in the end. George says, “A smile goes a long way. It invites people in, and always allows them to know that they are free to walk past without having to engage in conversation.” [2] Another easy way to meet people is through friends you already have. Tag along to a party or social event and get your friend to make the introductions.
    • Meet people through hobbies or classes. Friends are generally people with whom you share a common interest, so the people you meet through hobbies or classes are excellent potential friend material. [3]
    • Meet people through work. You might have a work colleague with whom you feel a connection, but you've never hung out socially. Now is the time.
    • Meet people online. Sometimes there's a stigma attached to meeting people online, but it can be a genuinely great way to meet people. Blogging, social networking, and posting on online forums are all perfectly viable ways of socializing.
    • Avoid places that have one focus, like cinemas and theaters. The main focus is on the screen, so you won't meet too many people there except by chance. Public places like tea and coffee shops, parks, and bars help a lot in socializing.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 142 wikiHow readers, and 53% agreed that the most appealing activity or group to make friends in is a club or sports team related to your interests and passions . [Take Poll]
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  3. Meeting people for the first time can be tough. They may seem disinterested or unwilling to make an effort. Or else you might hit it off instantly, but you never hear from them again. Don't be disheartened. Finding a true friend takes time and effort. Connecting and forging a real friendship is absolutely worth it, though.
  4. When you're trying to make friends, being picky is not a good strategy. Your initial goal is to meet as many people as possible, so talk to everybody and keep an open mind. This will help you determine people's personalities and know who to stay away from and what good characteristics should be present in a good friend.
    • Even if you meet someone who looks or seems like someone you'd have nothing in common with, talk to them and give them a chance. They might turn out to be your truest friend!
    • You're not going to know a true friend at first sight; you'll have to get to know them first. Consider every possibility!
  5. Even if your first attempt at putting yourself out there isn't as successful as you had hoped, don't despair! People can take a little while to warm up, so the second or third time meeting someone might go a lot better than the first.
    • If you invite someone to hang out, don't be upset if they can't make it. Chances are, they have a genuine excuse; it's not because they don't like you. Give it a week or two, then ask again.
    • Sometimes it just won't work out with someone, and that's okay. Consider it a practice run for when you meet the real deal.
  6. It takes time to get to know someone. If you continue to put yourself out there and make an effort to hang out with as many people as possible, eventually you'll find someone you genuinely connect with. Be realistic about how much time it'll take to really get to know someone. Sure, you might hit it off and feel like you've known someone for ten years rather than ten minutes, but usually it'll take much longer, depending on how often you hang out. [4]
    • In the right situations, you can make new friends very quickly, like when you start college, move to a new city, or join a sports team. But it's totally normal for it to take a few months, too.
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Section 2 of 4:

How to Get to Know One Another Better

  1. The first step in getting to know a potential friend is to strike up a conversation. Believe it or not, very interesting conversations can start up with, "The weather is sure cold!" Another way is to find out a little bit about them and their interests. Once you get started on an interesting topic, the rest will come naturally. Try making a general comment or asking a question about something generic, just to break the ice. For example, "Great party, huh?" or "How do you know John?" [5]
    • Try to listen more than you talk. Show that you're interested in what they have to say. Even if you find their speech boring, try to appear concentrated in order to not hurt the other's feelings.
    • Find out about their interests and hobbies. If you can find something you have in common, the conversation will flow more freely.
    • Before going to a social event, Dr. Carmichael advises that you have a few talking points at your “mental fingertips.” She says, “Try to think of 3 or 4 topics in advance.” They can be related to the place where the event is taking place, the organizer, or the group of people who will attend. While you're trying to be at the event, your brain is busy doing a lot of other work processing all these new people and this new information. So, having a few home-based topics for yourself can be helpful.” [6]
  2. If you hit it off with someone, make sure to get their contact information before you part ways, you'll need it if you want to organize to meet up with them again. Get their phone number or email address, or ask if they're on Facebook. It doesn't matter as long as you have a way of reaching out to them. Be sure to give them your contact details too. They might just invite you to do something fun.
  3. Here is where a lot of people falter. It's fun to meet people once and make friends with them on Facebook afterwards, but you won't develop a true friendship unless you take the next step and invite them to hang out. Hangouts are not necessarily about going to Starbucks and buying a coffee for both of you! Try new and fun ideas. [7]
    • You don't need to invite them to do anything special, just ask them if they'd like to go for a drink or hang out at the beach.
    • Even if they can't make it, they'll probably be flattered if you ask. Try again in a week or so. Let them have their space; otherwise, they will think you are too clingy.
  4. It's good to make your own plans to meet up with people, but if you get an invitation, it's even better. Think of it as an easy opportunity to get to know someone better or meet more people. If someone invites you to their home, Dr. Carmichael suggests that you “bring a little gift.” She believes the home to be like “extended body language,” so having someone invite you over is a good sign of closeness building.” [8]
    • Accept every invitation that's thrown your way, even if it's to see a movie you're not interested in or to play a sport you don't like. Once you're there, you will be glad that you made the effort.
    • You don't want to get a reputation as the person who never shows up for anything. That's a surefire way to never get invited anywhere.
    • If you really can't go, explain your reasons to the other person in such a way that they realize you genuinely wish you were free.
  5. Deep, meaningful relationships don't just blossom overnight; you need to nurture them and allow them time to mature. Once you've made the initial steps and established a routine of hanging out, just repeat, repeat, repeat. To become a true friend, you need to hang out fairly often, keep in touch, enjoy good times together, and get to know each other on a deeper level. [9]
    • In between hangouts, Dr. Carmichael advises that you “spend a little time thinking about the last time that you saw them, and some of the things that you talked about.” [10]
    • For example, if the last time you saw them, they mentioned that their daughter was about to start up in a soccer league, you can make a point to ask them about it.
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Section 3 of 4:

What To Look For in a True Friend

  1. 1
    Honesty A true friend will always be honest with you, no matter what. It doesn't matter whether it's about something trivial, like whether your outfit looks good on you, or something life-altering, like if they found out that your partner is cheating on you. A true friend will never keep you in the dark. This doesn't include their telling you about their personal affairs all of a sudden. This will take a little time since your friendship isn't that ripe yet!
  2. 2
    Loyalty A true friend will be fiercely loyal to you, whether you're present or not. This means that they'll stand by you, even if they don't agree with your decisions, and stick up for you when nobody else will. However, don't expect them to stand up for you when you truly are wrong. If they do, reconsider their being a good friend.
  3. 3
    Trustworthiness You can trust a true friend with anything, whether it's to feed your cat while you're on vacation or to keep your deepest, darkest secrets. [11] If your secrets litter around the whole school, and the only person you have told it to is your best friend, then they are not really considered real friends.
  4. 4
    Dependability A true friend is there when you need them, to share the good times and help you through the bad ones. They return your phone calls. They show up for the lame double date you made them agree to. They don't go M.I.A. when the going gets tough.
  5. 5
    Supportive A true friend is supportive of you and your goals. They won't try to change you, make you feel uncomfortable, to hold you back.
    Brene Brown, Author & Professor of Social Work

    Real friends celebrate each other. "Good friends aren’t afraid of your light. When something good happens to you, they celebrate your flame. When something good happens to them, you celebrate their flame."

  6. 6
    Fun-loving A true friend is someone with whom you have a great time. You should be able to make your own fun, laugh together, get in trouble, and genuinely enjoy one another's company. It's not necessary that you have to laugh with your true friend---deep and meaningful conversations for a long period of time are usually helpful to nurture a friendship.
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Section 4 of 4:

Final Takeaways

  1. A true friendship is hard to come by, but you can find it. It can seem like it’s more difficult nowadays to meet quality people and forge meaningful connections, especially since technology and social media create fewer organic opportunities to make new friends. But don’t be discouraged! Forging a real connection with a new friend is possible. Put yourself out there and remember the following: [12]
    • Express yourself! Like BTS? Wear a band T-shirt. Into poetry? Read your favorite volume on a train or bus. You get the idea.
    • Don't pretend to like something or be someone you're not. Show your real personality.
    • Never let other people's opinions bring you down. Always know you are one in a million, and remember to choose your friends wisely.
    • Don't push and try to make it happen with someone who isn’t a good fit. There are other people out there.

How Do You Form Lasting Friendships?


Build Real Friendships with this Expert Series

Are you struggling to make friends? We’ve put together this series of expert articles to help you build true, lasting friendships.
1
How to Meet New Friends & Forge a Real Connection
2
Socialize, Be Funny and Make Friends
3
What It Means to Be a Good Friend & How to Be a Better One
4
How to Know If Someone Is Using You: 18 Signs
5
Revive a Friendship
6
Respect Your Friends

Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    Is it OK to confide in a friend?
    Chloe Carmichael, PhD
    Licensed Psychologist
    Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over 12 years of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self-esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York, and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”
    Chloe Carmichael, PhD
    Licensed Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    Confiding in a friend is fine as long as you're doing it in a quiet, private space. Also, make sure there's enough time for your friend respond and talk with you.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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    Not Helpful 1 Helpful 18
  • Question
    What are the conditions of a good friendship?
    Chloe Carmichael, PhD
    Licensed Psychologist
    Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over 12 years of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self-esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York, and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”
    Chloe Carmichael, PhD
    Licensed Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    Trust and intimacy are really important markers of a healthy friendship. You should always feel known and seen by the other person.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 4 Helpful 20
  • Question
    Is it okay to not tell your friends everything?
    Chloe Carmichael, PhD
    Licensed Psychologist
    Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over 12 years of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self-esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York, and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”
    Chloe Carmichael, PhD
    Licensed Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    Absolutely! Above all else, you should want to confide in your friends instead feeling obligated to tell them every secret of yours. You can have a healthy friendship without sharing everything about your life!
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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    Not Helpful 2 Helpful 36
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.succeedsocially.com/sociallife
      2. ↑ Jessica George, MA, CHt. Certified Professional Master Life Coach. Expert Interview
      3. ↑ https://www.succeedsocially.com/sociallife
      4. ↑ https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/09/how-to-make-friends/565742/
      5. ↑ https://www.bakadesuyo.com/2017/02/how-to-make-friends-as-an-adult/
      6. ↑ Chloe Carmichael, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brain-waves/201803/how-do-you-make-or-maintain-friends-put-in-the-time
      8. ↑ Chloe Carmichael, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview
      9. ↑ https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/09/how-to-make-friends/565742/
      1. ↑ Chloe Carmichael, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview
      2. ↑ Chloe Carmichael, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview
      3. ↑ https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/10/12/what-does-friendship-look-like-in-america/
      4. ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/sociallife
      5. ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/deepenfriendship

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To find a true friend, take opportunities to meet new people and seek out people that are loyal and trustworthy. Try to take the initiative and begin socializing with acquaintances such as distant family members, neighbors, or co-workers. Ask people to hang out and organize group events to see who you connect with. It can also help if you try to meet as many new people as possible. Tag along to social gatherings or take up hobbies or classes in activities that spark your interest. These are great ways to get to know people that you have things in common with. Once you start meeting people, check if they have qualities and traits that you would value in a true friend. Look for people who are loyal and trustworthy, as friends that you can rely on and who value you too are important. It’s also important to seek people that you can have fun with. Find someone who you can laugh with and whose company you genuinely enjoy. For more tips on finding a true friend, like how to get to know someone, read on.

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