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Tips & tricks for reducing self-talk
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Have you ever found yourself talking to yourself? Although conversing with yourself can actually be a sign of good health, you may also find that it disrupts your life and the lives of others at certain times. [1] X Research source There are a number of ways to learn to stop talking to yourself and to think about why you do it in the first place.
How Do You Stop Talking to Yourself?
Acknowledge that you talk to yourself. Then, try to move the conversation you’re having to your thoughts. To help limit self-talk, journal your thoughts or distract yourself, like by listening to music.
Steps
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Figure out whether the self-talk is your own self or a different voice. If you are hearing an audible voice that is not your own, consult a mental health professional as this may be a sign of a more serious psychological issue.- One way to determine whether the voice is yours is to determine whether you are responsible for it. If you are not responsible for the voice (e.g., are you thinking, making, and saying the words consciously?) and if you have no clue what this voice will say next, this could be a sign of a mental disorder, such as schizophrenia, depression or psychosis.
- Other symptoms of a mental disorder include hearing more than one voice; experiencing non-verbal thoughts, visions, tastes, scents and touches that you didn’t call into existence; experiencing the voices as a waking dream that feels real; experiencing voices that are present all day and that negatively impact your daily functioning (e.g., you become isolated and withdrawn or the voices threaten you if you don't do what they say).
- If you are experiencing any of these symptoms during your periods of self-talk, it's important that you consult a mental health professional in order to rule out a psychiatric disorder that could be adversely affecting your life and health.
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Examine the content of your self-talk. What kinds of things are you talking to yourself about? Are you narrating the day? Are you planning what you need to do next? Are you talking about something that happened recently? Are you reciting lines from a movie? [2] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source- Self-talk is not necessarily a bad thing. Articulating your thoughts can help you organize them. It can also help you think through things more carefully, particularly when making a tough decision, like where to go to college or whether or not do buy this gift or that gift for someone. [3] X Trustworthy Source Cleveland Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source
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Assess whether your self-talk is generally positive or negative. Positive self-talk can actually be good for you in situations where you want to feel highly motivated, such as a job interview or intense work out. [4] X Expert Source Sandra Possing
Life Coach Expert Interview. 15 July 2020. Telling yourself “You’ve got this, you can do it!” can make you feel good and give you a positive boost of self-confidence before you do something important. You can be your own cheerleader! In this way, some occasional self-talk can be healthy. [5] X Research source- However, if your self-talk is mainly negative, where you typically rebuke and criticize yourself (e.g., "why are you so stupid?", "you never do anything right", etc.), this may be a sign of an underlying psychological or emotional problem. [6] X Research source In addition, if your self-talk is repetitive and focuses on something negative that happened to you, this may be a sign of a tendency to ruminate. For example, if you were recently in a small tiff with a coworker and you spend the next two hours thinking of and talking to yourself about all the things you should have said, this is not healthy. It is ruminating and dwelling on the issue. [7] X Research source
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Assess how your self-talk makes you feel. We can all be a little nutty, and that’s fine! But in order to keep yourself mentally healthy, you need to make sure that this habit is in fact just a quirky habit and not negatively impacting how you feel about yourself or how you function in your daily life. Ask yourself these questions:- Do I frequently feel concerned or guilty about how much I talk to myself?
- Does my self-talk make me sad, mad, or anxious?
- Is me talking to myself such a big problem that I try to avoid public situations to prevent embarrassment?
- If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, then you should consult a counselor or other mental health professional. A licensed mental health professional can help you reflect on why you talk to yourself and work with you to develop strategies to bring the habit under control.
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Assess how others respond to your self-talk. Consider whether and how others have reacted when they see you talking to yourself. Chances are that most people won't even really notice that you do it. However, if you often notice certain reactions from the people around you, this may be a sign that your self-talk is disruptive to others or that these individuals are concerned about you and your mental and social functioning. Ask yourself these questions:- Do people give me weird looks while I'm walking around?
- Do people often ask me to quiet down?
- Is the first thing someone hears from me is me talking to myself?
- Have my teachers ever recommended me to the school counselor?
- If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, then you should consult a counselor or other mental health professional. In their reactions, people may be expressing concern for your well-being. However, it's also important to note that you may be disrupting others when you self-talk and that you may need to get this habit under control for the sake of your social relationships.
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Acknowledge the behavior. When you find yourself talking out loud, become aware and acknowledge that you are doing so. You could keep track by tallying the number of times a day you catch yourself talking out loud. Becoming aware of behavior is the first step to reducing it.
You're not the only one.
"I've talked to myself since I was a young child. I can't tell you what a relief it is to know that I'm not the only one who does this. This article encouraged me to see a professional to talk to about some of the things I have going on. Since going to therapy, I've been feeling a lot better about myself."
- Holly H.
Self-talk can be positive.
"I was concerned that my self-talk was borne out of mental illness, but this article helped me see that my own self-talk is of the positive kind. Sometimes, though, it has a social impact, which I am working on with these tips."
- Rob L.
Try using a journal.
"I am aware of the fact that I talk to myself but I often don't know that I'm doing it. My roommate can get pretty annoyed with it, so I've started using a journal to make notes to myself. I journal whenever I catch myself doing it, and my roommate has said she thinks I'm talking to myself less and less."
- Mary W.
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Think more. Try to keep the conversation in your head. As soon as you find you are talking to yourself out loud, try moving the conversation inside your head, to your internal world.- You can even press your teeth down on your lips so you cannot open your mouth. This will help, but keep in mind that it may also look odd to those around you!
- Try chewing gum too keep your mouth occupied and not able to talk. [8] X Research source
- If it's too challenging to just start thinking rather than talking, try mouthing the words. This way, the conversation can continue on but won’t be audible to others.
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Allow self-talk only in certain situations. Only allow yourself to do it while at home alone or in the car, for example. Be careful with this step, because once you allow yourself to talk out loud, you might start talking to yourself at other times too. Have rules to limit your talking, and if you've followed them for a week, do something to reward yourself, such as watching a movie or allowing yourself a sweet snack. Over time, try to reduce the number of situations in which you allow yourself to talk out loud until you no longer do it at all. -
Write down your self-talk. Buy a journal for those moments when you find you start talking to yourself. [9] X Expert Source Sandra Possing
Life Coach Expert Interview. 15 July 2020. In this way, you can have a written, rather than oral, dialogue with yourself. One way to do this is by writing down your thought then providing a response or answer.- For example, let's say you went on a date but haven't heard from the guy yet. This is one dialogue that you might be tempted to say out loud to yourself, but that you can also write down: "Why hasn’t he called me? Maybe he is busy or maybe he doesn’t like you. Why would you think he doesn’t like you? Maybe he is just really busy with school or maybe you're just not a good match for each other because you don't have the same interests or priorities. Well, maybe, but I still feel rejected. That's an understandable feeling, but he's not the only guy in the world and, more importantly, there's lots about you that is great; in fact, what makes you feel good about yourself?..."
- This kind of dialogue and journaling exercise can help organize and reflect on your thoughts. It can also be a good mechanism to keep yourself on the path of thinking and conveying positive thoughts about yourself, and correcting those negative ones you may feel.
- Get in the habit of keeping your journal with you at all times, whether in your bag, car or pocket. There are even journaling apps for your smartphone, too! Another benefit to this writing exercise is that you’ll have a record of the sort of things you talk about and are concerned with. Patterns may emerge. Creativity may flow. And you’ll have something to show for it! [10] X Research source
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Make conversations with people. One of the most common reasons that people end up talking to themselves is because they feel like they don't have anyone else to talk to. [11] X Research source Becoming more social will give you more people to talk to other than yourself. Remember that human beings thrive on social interaction.- If you feel anxious about socializing and talking with others, try taking a few small steps to initiate conversations. For example, if you come across someone who seems friendly and receptive to you (by smiling at you, saying "hello" or making eye contact), try reciprocating and smiling or saying "hello" back. After a few positive experiences in this vein, you may feel ready to engage in more than just the basic pleasantries.
- Sometimes it is hard to read social cues and know how much to talk to someone. Trust is another thing that may take time to establish to converse comfortably with someone. If you feel too anxious or nervous about talking to strangers, that’s okay. However, it may be a good idea to look into support groups and personal therapy to help overcome this discomfort.
- If you want to meet more people, try taking up a new activity, such as yoga, pottery-making, or dance classes. Making an effort do more activities where other people are present (e.g., a yoga workshop versus running on the treadmill in your own home) will give you more opportunities to have conversations with people who share your interest.
- If you live in a geographically isolated place, using the internet to stay in touch with people can be fulfilling. You can try chatrooms or forums where people discuss topics of interest to you. If you do not have the internet, try communicating the old fashioned way - with letters! Staying connected to others is an important part of being human.
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Keep busy. In many instances, having conversations with yourself starts out with daydreaming or just being bored, so keeping yourself busy could help. Immerse yourself in another activity so that your brain is already occupied doing something else. [12] X Expert Source Sandra Possing
Life Coach Expert Interview. 15 July 2020.- Try listening to music. When on you are on your own or walking somewhere, give your brain something to focus to avoid the impetus to talk to yourself. [13] X Research source Music can be a nice distraction for your mind and may also inspire some new internal thoughts or bursts of creativity as well. Melodious sounds have been proven to encourage the release of dopamine in the reward/pleasure area of the brain, meaning that you will feel good while listening to music. [14] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source There's an added benefit to even just appearing like you are listening to music. If you are wearing headphones and realize you are talking to yourself, people may think the headphones are for your cellphone and assume you are talking to someone else.
- Read a book. Reading can help you get lost in another world and requires a significant amount of concentration. Having you mind focused on something else will give you less opportunity to talk to yourself. [15] X Research source
- Watch TV. Try watching something you're interested in on television or just having the TV on for background noise. This will help create a certain ambiance and a sense that the room is "full" and lively. It is for this reason that people who have trouble sleeping alone often turn on the TV as they fall asleep, just so that they feel like someone else is there even if it's just on the screen! Watching TV also helps focus your attention and keep your brain busy. [16] X Research source
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Tips
- Remember that everyone talks to themselves for most of the day (internally) so you are probably no different than anyone else; you just happen to verbalize!Thanks
- It mostly happens when you feel alone, self deficient or missing someone. Stop talking to yourself and make yourself busy to avoid all these thoughts.Thanks
- Press the tongue against the roof of your mouth when you feel like talking. People around you won't notice and in my opinion it really helps with keeping the voices inside your head.Thanks
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Warnings
- If you find yourself unable to stop talking to yourself obsessively, find that most of your self-talk is negative, or think the voice you hear is not your own, these are all signs of a more serious underlying issue. You should consult a mental health professional as soon as possible for diagnosis and to discuss the proper course of treatment.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/talking-to-yourself-a-sign-of-sanity#1
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7067977/
- ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/is-it-normal-to-talk-to-yourself/
- ↑ Sandra Possing. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 15 July 2020.
- ↑ https://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052702304831304579543772121720600
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/challenging-negative-self-talk
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/overcoming-self-sabotage/201002/rumination-problem-solving-gone-wrong
- ↑ https://www.healthguidance.org/entry/15556/1/How-to-Stop-Talking-to-Yourself.html
- ↑ Sandra Possing. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 15 July 2020.
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-health-benefits-of-journaling
- ↑ https://www.healthguidance.org/entry/15556/1/How-to-Stop-Talking-to-Yourself.html
- ↑ Sandra Possing. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 15 July 2020.
- ↑ http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/15556/1/How-to-Stop-Talking-to-Yourself.html
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6542982/
- ↑ http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/news/5070874/Reading-can-help-reduce-stress.html
- ↑ https://www.sutterhealth.org/health/sleep/screens-and-your-sleep-the-impact-of-nighttime-use
About This Article
Article Summary
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To stop talking to yourself, try chewing gum or pressing your lips together when you feel the urge. Mouth the words instead of saying them out loud, or write them down in a journal instead of vocalizing them. Focus on only self-talking when you’re alone or doing certain activities, like watching movies. If you self-talk because you don’t have enough people to talk to, try talking small steps towards socialization, like saying “Hello,” when you walk by someone. To learn more from our Counselor co-author about how to assess if your self-talking has a positive or negative impact, keep reading below!
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- "I've talked to myself since I was a young child. I can't tell you what a relief it is to know that I'm not the only one who does this. This article encouraged me to see a professional to talk to about some of the things I have going on. Since going to therapy, I've been feeling a lot better about myself." ..." more
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"I've talked to myself since I was a young child. I can't tell you what a relief it is to know that I'm not the only one who does this. This article encouraged me to see a professional to talk to about some of the things I have going on. Since going to therapy, I've been feeling a lot better about myself."
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"I am aware of the fact that I talk to myself but I often don't know that I'm doing it. My roommate can get pretty annoyed with it, so I've started using a journal to make notes to myself. I journal whenever I catch myself doing it, and my roommate has said she thinks I'm talking to myself less and less."
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"This helps me because I do this all the time, like everywhere I go and when I am at home, I just want it to stop because it gets in the way. I have people thinking I am losing my mind and that's what it feels like. I want to be normal."
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"I was concerned that my self-talk was borne out of mental illness, but this article helped me see that my own self-talk is of the positive kind. Sometimes, though, it has a social impact, which I am working on with these tips."
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