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Expert tips to help you make a stellar first impression
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It can be hard to know how to act around your girlfriend's parents, especially if you're meeting them for the first or second time. The important thing is to be respectful and engaged and to make it clear how much you like their daughter. In the end, that will be the most important thing to them — not how you look or how much money you make. However, looking sharp and being gracious never hurt anybody. Keep reading for more expert tips on how to make a good impression on your girlfriend's parents. Soon enough, they'll be treating you like one of the family!
This article is based on an interview with our dating coach, John Keegan. Check out the full interview here.
Things You Should Know
- Make a good impression on your girlfriend’s parents by dressing well and greeting them warmly.
- Treat your girlfriend well in front of them: avoid too much PDA, but make it clear you care about her by talking her up and paying her lots of attention.
- Be present during your visit: avoid looking at your phone, and ask her parents questions to show you’re interested and to get conversation flowing.
Steps
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Learn more about your girlfriend's parents from her. Before meeting your girlfriend’s parents, ask your girlfriend a few basic things about them, such as what they do for a living, where they're from, what their hobbies are, or anything else that can help you make a connection. Even something like a shared favorite sports team or the fact that you and your girlfriend's mother are in the same line of work can help you make conversation and build a connection.
- If you learn that you have something in common with her parents, don't bring it up the second you meet them. Wait for a quiet moment in the conversation to say something like, "So, Mr. Smith, I hear you're also a huge Cubs fan."
- Some families are really easy to connect with while others aren't. Ultimately, treat the experience as though you're getting to know a new person. [1]
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Expert Source
John Keegan
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.
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Greet them warmly and offer a firm handshake. During your introduction, say hello to both parents while maintaining eye contact, smiling, and making them feel as if you are honored to be there. Offer your hand to shake, and be sure your grip is firm but gentle—this is no time for a limp fish handshake!
- Keep in mind that while many people shake hands, some folks aren’t as comfortable with the gesture (especially coming out of the pandemic), so try not to be insulted if your handshake is rejected; a wave and a smile are great substitutes.
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Dress appropriately for the occasion. No matter what, the first time you present yourself to your girlfriend’s parents, be sure to wear clean, unwrinkled, flattering clothes. Beyond those guidelines, wear something that fits the occasion: if you're just coming over to their house for a barbecue, then a casual dress or nice jeans and a polo or T-shirt will be fine, but if you're going out to dinner, then you may need to opt for something a little fancier, like slacks or a skirt and a button-down shirt.
- Make sure to groom yourself well too. Take a shower and run a comb through your hair.
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Bring them an appropriate gift. If you are going to their house for the first time, consider bringing flowers or another gift to show that you're trying. And even if you have met before and they are entertaining you, it's polite to come to their home with a gift: even if it is simple, it shows that you’re thoughtful. [2] X Research source
- Ask your girlfriend what they will like. For instance, a nice bottle of wine may be appreciated. If you’re going over for dinner, ask if you can bring a side dish or dessert.
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Maintain positive body language. Make sure that your body language makes you seem approachable and engaged. [3] X Research source Your actions say just as much as your words, so if you're shuffling your feet while trying to look interested in her mother talking about PTA meetings, she'll know you're really bored.
- Stand or sit tall, make eye contact, avoid hunching over, and use your arms to gesture or keep them at your sides instead of crossing them. Avoid fidgeting, or that will make you look bored or nervous.
- Maintain an open stance, turning your body toward her parents, instead of away from them. [4] X Research source This shows that you are eager to talk to them.
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Offer to help out or clean up after dinner. If you've met her parents at their home, offer to help however you can. Maybe you can help man the grill or clean up in the kitchen after a nice long meal. Maybe you can find another way to help out around the house to show that you care and want to be useful. It's likely that her parents will say that they don't need any help, but you'll make a good impression just by asking.
- Try to read their tones if they decline any help. You'll see whether they really mean it, or if they want you to help out.
- Reader Poll: We asked 749 wikiHow readers, and 52% of them agreed that the best way to make a good impression on your partner's parents is to offer to help out with cooking or cleaning . [Take Poll]
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Treat their daughter with respect. This is the single most important thing you can do to win them over. All parents, even those that act hostile to their kids’ significant others, want their daughter to find a good mate who will respect her and treat her right. [5] X Research source Show them you are that person! Encourage their daughter when she speaks; talk about how accomplished she is and how many great qualities she has.
- Though you may tease each other in private, try to keep this to a minimum in front of her parents until they truly understand your dynamic. Otherwise, they may think that you don't respect her.
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Keep the PDA to a minimum. There are other ways to show your girlfriend's parents how much you like her without trying to make out with her in front of them. If you really want to show that you like her, be respectful towards her: holding her hand or showing a bit of affection is OK, but don’t overdo it, as it could make her parents uncomfortable.
- Though you don't want to be cold and distant toward her, not showing too much PDA is a sign of respect toward her parents.
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Make it clear how much you like their daughter. At the end of the day, the most important thing parents care about is how much you like their daughter. You could be Ryan Gosling, but if you seem distant or condescending to their daughter, they won’t care how impressive you are. Though you don't have to praise her to the high heavens, make it clear that their daughter is really special to you by finding ways to subtly compliment her and show her affection, and by talking about her accomplishments or the things you like to do together. Make them see that you're serious about their daughter and that you realize how special she is.
- Even the fact that you're going out of your way to be nice to her parents will show them how much she means to you. If you act like you don't really care what they think of you, then they'll think you don't really care about their daughter.
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Try not to come off as a slacker. Another thing parents don't want to see is that their daughter is dating someone who lacks ambition or isn't going to amount to much. You don't have to share a bunch of lofty goals with them, but try to avoid talking about how much you hate school or work or about how you think the system is pointless. Sure, you can have these thoughts, but keep them to yourself around your girlfriend's parents — at least, until you're sure they really, really like you. You want them to think that you'll amount to something and that you and their daughter will make a great team.
- Your girlfriend’s parents likely want her to be with someone who can at least take care of themselves. If you talk about mooching off your parents, getting bad grades, or how much you like to booze it up with your buddies, they will not be won over.
- If school or work isn't really your thing, talk about something you really care about, like playing the guitar or collecting stamps. Just make it seem like you care about something.
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Be engaged. The important thing is that you act like you care about the conversations you're having with your girlfriend's parents, even if you're talking about doing your taxes or growing cauliflower. Ask lots of questions, nod politely, and give her parents your full attention. Make sure you react if they're trying to make jokes, and seem like you're genuinely happy to be there and interested in what they have to say. This will make a big difference, and will show them that you're a nice person.
- When they ask you questions, try to give them more than a yes or no answer. Take the time to elaborate to show that you care.
- Even if your girlfriend's parents ask a yes or no question, you can give them a deeper answer. If her father says, "So I hear you're studying history," don't just say, "Yep." Instead, say, "Right, I'm a history major with a focus in American studies. I've always been kind of a history buff..."
- Try to ask them some questions, too! There’s nothing wrong with basic get-to-know-you questions to get the conversation flowing, like “Where are you from?” [6]
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Expert Source
John Keegan
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 13 July 2021. - Or talk to them about your shared interest: their daughter—for example, ask what your girlfriend was like as a little kid. [7]
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Expert Source
John Keegan
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.
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Give them your full attention. Put away your phone. Seriously. Stop texting your friends to make plans for later, stop checking your email randomly, and stop scrolling Instagram, no matter how tempting it may be. Turn it off if you have to. The last thing you want to do is to annoy her parents by acting too cool for school and looking at your phone every 5 seconds. [8] X Research source
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Be as mature as you can. This doesn't have to mean you have to act all formal if you're only 16, but that you should try to show that you're on the way to becoming a mature adult. [9] X Research source Be polite, use good manners, don't use vulgar language, and be graceful and kind during conversation. Show that you're mature by talking about your future plans, talking about your family with respect, and avoiding negative language.
- Remember that your girlfriend's parents, no matter what age you are, want her to be dating an adult, not a kid. They want her to be with someone who will be a good influence on her and who will encourage her to grow.
- It's also polite to know what to call her parents. This part is easy. Just call them whatever they call themselves when you are introduced. If her dad says, "Call me Jim," then don't be afraid to call him Jim; however, if he introduces himself as "Mr. Smith," then call him that until he tells you to do otherwise.
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Avoid controversial topics. The last thing you want to do is to get embroiled in a debate about the political situation in Ukraine or the Catholic church with your girlfriend's parents in the middle of what was supposed to be a nice dinner. If you know that you have very different politics, or if you just want to be polite, then try to stray away from controversial topics.
- If you feel that the conversation is getting uncomfortable because her parents don't agree with your beliefs, try to delicately change the subject. You can say something like, "I may not go to church on Sunday, but I like watching baseball during the day. Mrs. Jones, I hear you're a big Giants fan?"
- Once you get to know your girlfriend's parents, you can discuss these topics more. However, in the beginning, it's better to stick to the safe topics, even if it's a little boring.
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Give sincere compliments. Another way you can impress your girlfriend's parents and act appropriately around them is to compliment them or something about them in some way. Make sure your compliments don’t seem forced, and don’t do it too often, but a well-timed compliment can really help them see that you appreciate their company and care for their daughter. [10] X Research source
- Compliment their lovely or comfortable home, or zero in on something specific in their house like a painting, souvenir, or piece of furniture.
- If they did the cooking, be sure to compliment how tasty it is (whether it’s actually tasty or not). Even if you went out to eat, saying how tasty your food is will make you seem good-natured and appreciative, which are nice qualities to possess.
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Answer their questions candidly. Parents love honesty. It makes them feel more comfortable about their daughter being with you, so always answer their questions candidly. This doesn't mean you have to be honest about every little thing or offer honesty unprompted, but when it comes to important topics, such as the future or your college plans, be open, even if you’re not sure the real answer is what they want to hear—they may even find the honesty refreshing.
- Another reason to answer their questions honestly is…you might get caught if you lie. They have a lot more experience than you do—they can tell if you’re being dishonest, no matter how good a fibber you think you are.
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Exude confidence. Tell yourself that you are a good guy who cares deeply for your girlfriend. Make yourself feel secure and certain of yourself without a trace of a cocky attitude. It isn't enough to just pretend to be confident — you need to feel it as well, or else it won't reflect as well as you hoped it would. If you want your girlfriend's parents to really have faith in you, then you have to have faith in yourself first.
- Pump yourself up before going to meet them with a private pep talk—it can help alleviate any anxiety and make you feel more confident. [11]
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Trustworthy Source
PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source
- Look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I’m a cool and worthy person with so many accomplishments, and this night is going to go so well!”
- Pump yourself up before going to meet them with a private pep talk—it can help alleviate any anxiety and make you feel more confident. [11]
X
Trustworthy Source
PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source
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Speak clearly and directly. Make sure that when you first meet the parents, you maintain eye contact when you are speaking with them. [12] X Research source You might be nervous, but try to avoid looking away, mumbling, or trailing off. Sound confident in what you say and show that you have convictions and that you believe in yourself. [13] X Research source
- Try to avoid saying "Uh" too much or turning to your girlfriend for help when you're at a loss for words. It's okay to take a minute to formulate your words when you need to. But if you do use a verbal pause now and again, don’t sweat it! Prioritize being easy breezy and relaxed over making a perfect, robotic impression.
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Avoid acting nervous. No matter how nervous you are, try to keep your head held high. It's okay to feel nervous, but try to minimize letting them see how you're feeling as much as you can. Just keep telling yourself that if your girlfriend likes you, that her parents will like you, too.
- If you get nervous at any point during your visit, just take some deep breaths. You can even go to the restroom to collect yourself if you need to (just try not to do it too often or for too long).
- Don't be nervous about looking nervous! That can actually make things even worse. [14] X Research source It’s important to make a good impression, but keep in mind that your girlfriend’s parents have been through the same thing you’re going through, and they probably remember how nerve-wracking it was.
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Be yourself. It can be a stressful situation, meeting the parents, and you want to put your best foot forward—but that doesn’t mean changing who you are just to impress them. Remember, your girlfriend chose to be with you for a reason! There's a difference between showing her parents your mature and responsible sides and pretending to be a completely different person.
- Besides, if you plan on being with their daughter for the long run, then you can't keep up an act forever.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionWhat should I talk about with my girlfriend's dad?John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.Start with something simple! Focus on asking basic, get-to-know-you questions. Ultimately, just treat the experience like you would with any new person.
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QuestionHow do I not be awkward around my girlfriends family?John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.Try to play some kind of game! This way, you can connect a little more easily and learn more about one another. You can also ask some fun questions about your partner's childhood, or something like that.
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References
- ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.
- ↑ https://www.huffpost.com/entry/great-gift-ideas-for-boyfriend-girlfriends-family-meeting-the-parents-gifts_n_5beca688e4b0dbb7ea66ecc1
- ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2016/10/27/7-ways-positive-body-language-will-radically-improve-your-life/#560a35333e4a
- ↑ http://changingminds.org/techniques/body/open_body.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stronger-the-broken-places/201701/25-ways-you-can-show-respect-your-partner
- ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.
- ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.
- ↑ https://www.mindful.org/how-to-give-your-full-attention/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/artificial-maturity/201211/the-marks-maturity
- ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-sincere-compliments-can-help-you-connect-with-others-0222175
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6628429/
- ↑ https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/eye_contact_dont_make_these_mistakes
- ↑ https://lifehacker.com/how-to-change-your-voice-to-sound-more-confident-1798627259
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201709/four-things-not-do-when-you-feel-anxious
About This Article
Article Summary
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It can be tricky knowing how to act around your girlfriend’s parents, especially if you don’t know them very well. The most important thing is to be respectful toward them. If you haven’t met your girlfriend’s parents yet, ask her a few questions about them, like what they do for a living or what hobbies they enjoy. This will give you a few things to talk to them about. When you’re being introduced to them, shake their hands, look them in the eye, and smile. If you’re meeting her parents at their home, bring a small gift, like flowers or a bottle of wine, to show that you’re thoughtful. Also, offer to help, like setting the table for dinner or washing dishes. Another way to impress your girlfriend’s parents is to show them how much you care about their daughter. Talk about her accomplishments or compliment her best qualities to show how much you respect her. You’ll also want to treat her like a lady, so don’t interrupt her and keep your displays of affection to an appropriate level, like holding her hand or giving her a small hug or kiss. To learn how to have a good conversation with your girlfriend’s parents, keep reading!
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