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Could your BFF really be the love of your life?
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If you're trying to figure out the real difference between love and friendship, you're not alone. When you've been friends with someone for years, the lines can really blur and the differences might not be so cut and dried. Read on to learn the main differences between these feelings, as well as signs you might actually be in love with your best friend and what to do if you are.
Love Vs. Friendship
When you have strong feelings for someone you also feel emotionally bonded with, the lines between love and friendship can become blurred. The biggest difference, though, is that love comes with romantic and sexual attraction combined with a sense of commitment that friendships typically lack.
Steps
Section 3 of 3:
Telling Your Friend That You Love Them
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Talk to other people about your situation. It can be really difficult to be objective about your own life. Close friends or family members can give you different perspectives and might even be able to point out things that you hadn't noticed. They can also provide emotional support.
- If you're having difficulty figuring out if something is love or friendship, for example, you might ask your friends what they think it is. If all of your friends come down on one side, that's definitely something to consider.
- For example, a friend might tell you that the person you're falling in love with is actually sneaking glances at you when you're not paying attention. Then, another friend might tell you that they talk about you a lot when you're not around.
- You might consider talking to a therapist too. They can help you sort through your feelings and differentiate between love and friendship in your own life.
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Flirt a little to get a sense of their feelings for you. There's nothing wrong with testing the waters before you dive into the deep end. If you're falling in love with a friend and aren't even sure if they see you that way, a little flirtation can help you find out. Studies show your behavior can spark attraction. [16] X Research source
- In addition to physical flirtation, don't forget to flirt with your words! For example, you might start calling them "babe" or "darling" instead of "bro" or "dude."
- If your friend seems receptive to your flirtation or even flirts back, consider that a green light to keep going in that direction.
- On the other hand, if your friend seems to ignore your efforts to flirt or brushes them off, they could be sending you a message that they're not interested in you in that way.
- While it's usually better to address things directly, if you flirt a little you can have a better idea of what to expect going into that conversation.
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Arrange some time for a conversation with the other person. This doesn't need to be any big deal—you might just meet them for coffee or ice cream or something. The important thing is that the two of you will be alone together with minimal distractions and at least some reasonable expectation of privacy.
- You don't necessarily even need to tell them that you need to talk to them. Just set it up as a friendly hangout.
- For example, you might say, "I feel like we don't get to spend any time one-on-one since football season started. Wanna grab ice cream between games on Sunday?"
- Even if your friend didn't seem receptive to your flirting, you might still want to arrange this meetup. There's a chance they missed your hints or that your flirtation was a bit too subtle.
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Tell the other person how you feel. Here it is, the moment of truth. Don't worry about putting them on the spot. Chances are, if you got to this point, your friend has at least an inkling about how you feel (even if they pretend to be caught off-guard)—just spit it out! Confess your feelings , but stress that you value your friendship first and foremost and, no matter what, you don't want anything to harm that.
- For example, you might say, "I've always loved you as a friend and we've been through a lot together. But lately, I've started thinking about you in a different way. Have you ever thought about you and me, you know, getting together? As a couple?"
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Decide what to do based on their response. Give your friend a minute to process what you said if they need it, then listen. Address any concerns they raise and talk about the thoughts you've had as well. Ideally, the two of you can come up with a plan together.
- If you're both romantically attracted to each other, you might decide that you're both on board to start dating.
- On the other hand, your friend might not want to change the dynamic of your relationship. They might be worried about losing the friendship if there's conflict in the romantic relationship, or they might just not feel the same way about you.
- If you have feelings for a friend that aren't reciprocated, it's usually a good idea to take a week or two apart. That'll give those emotions time to calm down so that you can go back to being friends like normal.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionWhat do you do when you fall in love with your best friend?Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.Talk to them to find out if they feel the same way about you. First, try acting a little flirty toward them. If they flirt back, then they may have feelings for you. The person you love should also be a good best friend to you!
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QuestionThere's this guy who has liked me for the past two years. I hate him, lol, although he has always been nice to me. My brain finally told me that I like him, but I only want to be friends w/ him. What should I do?Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.Tell him directly that you only want to be friends with him, and avoid leading him on. Openly discuss your feelings with him, being completely honest. Then allow him to share his feelings as well. At first, it may hurt him to hear this. However, honesty will be better in the long-term. He will be able to move on to someone new who can give him a fulfilling relationship, rather than hoping that things will work out with you.
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QuestionIt's really difficult to know as he's one of those types of guys that have trouble expressing emotions unless he's in a group. Yet he acts like I'm special to him. Could he really like me back? He's autistic like me.Community AnswerIf he has trouble expressing his emotions, you may have to ask him directly how he feels about you. If he acts like you are special to him, there's a good possibility he likes you too.
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Tips
- Neither love nor friendship is better, more serious, or more important than the other. Both feelings are equally important for people to thrive and feel loved and supported. [17] X Research sourceThanks
- Love and friendship can evolve in the other direction as well. What started out as a loving romantic partnership can evolve into a purely platonic friendship.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- If you're in a sour friendship, give yourself some time and space to reflect on the friendship. Taking time away can help you get perspective and learn how to fix the situation you're both in.
- Some people are naturally flirty. If they do it with you, you may have to watch out. They could be unintentionally leading you on.
- It's okay to fall in love with a friend, just don't push them if they don't reciprocate your feelings.
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References
- ↑ https://wellbeing.jhu.edu/blog/2023/01/25/dear-tyler-and-jay-whats-the-difference-between-romantic-and-platonic-attraction/
- ↑ https://archermagazine.com.au/2023/07/queerplatonic-relationships-secret-third-thing/
- ↑ https://wellbeing.jhu.edu/blog/2023/01/25/dear-tyler-and-jay-whats-the-difference-between-romantic-and-platonic-attraction/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201501/how-can-you-tell-when-you-should-just-be-friends
- ↑ https://ramonamag.com/2024/06/the-romantic-glitters-of-platonic-love/
- ↑ https://www.inverse.com/article/5326-the-evolving-language-of-exclusivity-means-you-re-not-in-a-relationship
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201501/how-can-you-tell-when-you-should-just-be-friends
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201501/how-can-you-tell-when-you-should-just-be-friends
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4861725/
- ↑ https://wellbeing.jhu.edu/blog/2023/01/25/dear-tyler-and-jay-whats-the-difference-between-romantic-and-platonic-attraction/
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4861725/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201501/how-can-you-tell-when-you-should-just-be-friends
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201501/how-can-you-tell-when-you-should-just-be-friends
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201501/how-can-you-tell-when-you-should-just-be-friends
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/screaming-at-the-void/202311/when-a-platonic-relationship-turns-into-a-romantic-one
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201608/how-turn-friendship-love
- ↑ https://wellbeing.jhu.edu/blog/2023/01/25/dear-tyler-and-jay-whats-the-difference-between-romantic-and-platonic-attraction/
About This Article
Article Summary
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If you are struggling to differentiate between love and friendship, think about how intense your feelings are. If you feel giddy, nervous, or excited when you are around them, you may want to be more than friends. You could also think about whether you are physically attracted to them. You might be more than friends if your palms get sweaty or you feel butterflies in your stomach when they are around. Try comparing the feelings you have for them to how you feel toward your other friends to see if it's the same way you feel about them. For advice from our reviewer on how to move forward in your relationship, read on!
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Reader Success Stories
- "This article, along with several other articles, helped me just be friends with the girl I previously had a crush on. I'm now currently pursuing a new relationship with a girl who I found out has a crush on me." ..." more
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"This article, along with several other articles, helped me just be friends with the girl I previously had a crush on. I'm now currently pursuing a new relationship with a girl who I found out has a crush on me."
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"It helped me be able to explain how I love someone as only a friend and how my love for my boyfriend is different."
"I was doing an assignment for English about the difference between a lover and a friend, this really helped."
"I'm doing an essay on friendship vs. relationship, so this is perfect. Thank you so much."
"I really like it when people and friends treat you well without argument."
