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Sometimes we make mistakes. Nobody's perfect. But if you did something that hurt your teacher, it's important to apologize and make amends for what you did. Apologizing can take a lot of courage, but it will heal your relationship and improve your interactions in the future.
Apologizing to a Teacher for Misbehavior
- Reflect on your bad behavior and practice your apology in advance.
- Ask your teacher for a minute to speak privately, preferably during their lunch or free period.
- Say that you’re sorry, explain why you're apologizing, and take responsibility for your actions.
- Promise your teacher that you will not repeat your behavior, then ask them for forgiveness.
Steps
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Reflect on what you did wrong. In order to make your apology sincere, you have to actually understand where you were at fault. There is a difference between being sorry you made your teacher mad and being sorry you did not do the homework that made your teacher mad. Understanding what you did wrong will help you figure out what to say to your teacher when you do apologize. [1] X Research source- For example, you'd say one thing when apologizing for being rowdy in class, and you'd say a different thing when apologizing for forgetting your homework.
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Practice ahead of time. If you feel really nervous about apologizing to your teacher practice ahead of time. Write down what you want to say and practice in front of the mirror, a trusted friend, sibling, or parent. This way you will be able to get all of the kinks of the apology out before you are in front of the teacher. [2] X Research source- Start with something simple, such as: "I am sorry for disrupting class." When you feel more comfortable, add: "I promise not to do it again."
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Find a good time to talk to them. The best time is when your teacher is not busy or trying to teach, which may be before or after school, during the teacher's lunch, or during a free period in their day. [3] X Expert Source Ashley Pritchard, MA
School Counselor Expert Interview. 4 November 2019. It is important that your apology is timely (preferably only a day or two after the incident), not three months after the incident. [4] X Research source- Ask for a minute of their time: "Mr. Smith, may I please speak with you for a moment?”
- Most teachers will write their office hours on the class green sheet. Office hours are a great time to visit your teacher and apologize.
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Say you are sorry. Don’t talk around the point you might frustrate or confuse your teacher. Start immediately by saying “I am sorry” or “I apologize.” Don't mumble. Speak clearly and make eye contact. Don't look down or glance around the room. [5] X Research source- Speaking clearly and making eye contact will help you appear more genuine. You don't want to appear insincere.
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Explain why you are apologizing. You can’t just simply say you are sorry and expect them to forgive you. Tell them what you are sorry for and your motivation for your actions, if you have any. Be as specific as possible. [6] X Expert Source Ashley Pritchard, MA
School Counselor Expert Interview. 3 January 2020.- Say something like, “Mrs. Peters, I am very sorry for how I behaved yesterday. It was not okay for me to talk loudly to Steve. I should have been paying attention to you teaching.” [7] X Research source
- You could also say, "I'm sorry for forgetting my homework Mrs. Stevens. I would still like to turn it in. I understand if I don't get credit."
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Take responsibility. Let your teacher know that you know you were in the wrong. Be genuine and sincere and don’t point the finger at someone else. [8] X Research source- Don’t say “I am sorry for talking loudly with Steve, but it was his fault for talking to me.” Instead, say "I am sorry for talking to Steve. I should have been listening to you."
- Don’t say “if” in your apology: “I am sorry if I was being disrespectful.” Instead say “I am sorry that I was being disrespectful.” [9] X Research source
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Don’t make excuses. Admit that what you did was wrong. Don’t try to justify what you did with an excuse. If you are apologizing for not doing your homework, be honest but don’t make excuses. This will help make your apology seem more genuine. The teacher will also realize that you understand what you did wrong and are willing to take responsibility. [10] X Research source- Don’t say: “I am sorry for not doing my homework but I didn’t do it because I had a soccer game yesterday.”
- Instead say: “I am sorry for not doing my homework. It was my responsibly to find time to get it done.”
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Promise it won’t happen again and act upon it. End with a promise that you will never repeat the behavior that caused you to apologize again. Intend to follow through with this promise. The apology will mean a lot more if it does not have an empty promise on the end. For example: [11] X Research source- If you are apologizing for not doing your homework, start making sure to do your homework.
- If you were talking loudly during class, make sure to correct this behavior. Don't talk loudly in class. If you must say something, raise your hand.
- In general, demonstrate good classroom behavior by being respectful, doing your work, and staying on task. [12]
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Expert Source
Ashley Pritchard, MA
School Counselor Expert Interview. 12 December 2019.
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Have appropriate body language. What makes an apology much more meaningful is when it is in person. This shows that you have courage and allows your teacher to see your face and body language while you apologize. Your body language should show that you are sorry. For example: [13] X Research source- Don’t put your hands on your hips or cross your arms. It will look as though you don’t care about the apology or are trying to challenge your teacher.
- Be relaxed and make eye contact with your teacher. Keep your arms at your sides, and your back straight. This will make you appear more serious and genuine.
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Write your teacher an apology note. You can't replace an in-person apology, but you can add to your apology by giving your teacher a note or card to show you care. A simple note or handmade card saying you are sorry and what you are sorry for will be really appreciated by your teacher.- Use the same language in the note as you would when giving a verbal apology. This means no making excuses or putting the blame on someone else.
- Use proper spelling and grammar. Don't write "Sorry I made U mad. =( " Instead, write "I apologize for disrupting class. It won't happen again."
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Ask for forgiveness. End your apology with a request for forgiveness, but don’t expect it in return. The important part is that you stop doing whatever you did that made you apologize. Following through with your promise to not do it again might be what they need to forgive you. [14] X Research source- Keep it simple, but sincere. Say something like, “I hope that you can forgive me.”
- Don't worry if your teacher doesn't forgive you. They might need time to think about your apology.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionWhen is the best time to apologize?Ashley Pritchard is an Academic and School Counselor at Delaware Valley Regional High School in Frenchtown, New Jersey. Ashley has over 3 years of high school, college, and career counseling experience. She has an MA in School Counseling with a specialization in Mental Health from Caldwell University and is certified as an Independent Education Consultant through the University of California, Irvine.Choose a time outside of class hours so that you don't disrupt the teacher's schedule. The best time would be before or after school, or during a break like lunch or a free period (if they have one).
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QuestionToday I got angry at my teacher and threatened to hurt her. How should I apologize for this?Community AnswerFind a time when your teacher is not busy and politely ask her for a minute. Apologize to her very sincerely. Include something such as "I did not mean what I said. I do not want to hurt you. I am very sorry for saying that, it was not okay for me to say."
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QuestionWhat if they think you're lying and don't accept you apology?Community AnswerMake sure you aren't making excuses when you apologize. Don't say you didn't do the homework because you were busy. Instead say you are sorry for not doing it and should have found time to do it. This is a more sincere apology and they won't think you are lying. If they don't accept your apology there is nothing you can do, but make sure to never do again what you are apologizing for.
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Tips
- Don't apologize in a note or email. Always apologize in person because it is much more sincere and meaningful.Thanks
- It is okay if you cry, but don’t fake cry.Thanks
- Acknowledge your mistakes to let your teacher know that you know what you did wrong.Thanks
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Warnings
- Understand that if you have hurt their feelings bad enough, some teachers will not forgive you immediately.Thanks
- Depending on the severity of your actions, you may or may not get in trouble with the administration, but always be ready to accept the consequences of your actions.Thanks
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References
- ↑ http://www.perfectapology.com/Apologizing-dos-donts.html
- ↑ https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/how-to-apologize.htm
- ↑ Ashley Pritchard, MA. School Counselor. Expert Interview. 4 November 2019.
- ↑ https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/how-to-apologize.htm
- ↑ https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/how-to-apologize.htm
- ↑ Ashley Pritchard, MA. School Counselor. Expert Interview. 3 January 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-athletes-way/201604/6-science-based-ways-say-i-m-sorry-effectively
- ↑ https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/how-to-apologize.htm
- ↑ http://www.perfectapology.com/Apologizing-dos-donts.html
- ↑ https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/how-to-apologize.htm
- ↑ https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/how-to-apologize.htm
- ↑ Ashley Pritchard, MA. School Counselor. Expert Interview. 12 December 2019.
- ↑ http://www.perfectapology.com/Apologizing-dos-donts.html
- ↑ http://www.perfectapology.com/Apologizing-dos-donts.html
About This Article
Article Summary
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If you acted up in class and you feel like you should apologize to your teacher, find a time when they aren’t busy, like after school or during lunch. Ask your teacher for a moment of their time, then tell them that you’re sorry for what you did wrong. Don’t make excuses, or your apology won’t seem sincere. For instance, you could say something like, “I should have stopped talking the first time you told me to. I’m sorry.” For other ways to apologize, such as writing an apology note, keep reading.
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