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Romantic love can lead many people to be a tad obsessive, wanting to spend every hour of the day together. However, submerging yourself in this way can soon turn into an all-consuming preoccupation. If you become overly attached emotionally, it's not hard to start assuming that the person with whom you're in love shares the same feelings and desires. Often, this is simply not the case and it can be frightening for your partner to find that your deep feelings have turned obsessive. To avoid pushing the person of your dreams away from you, rein in the fixation to restore your relationship's balance.
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Tips
- Remind yourself often that being together is all about quality time, not quantity time . Use the time you do have together wisely. Ask yourself if you'd rather have 8 hours of mediocre time with him or her, or 2 hours of fantastic time together.Thanks
- Be wary of the lover who encourages clinginess. He or she may be seeking to control you and to get constant attention from you. Clinginess is rarely a sign of balanced love.Thanks
- Starting a journal can help you to work through feelings of obsessiveness. Write out your feelings, rather than just what you did during the day. Try to discover why you feel a certain way. Insecurity often leads people to act in ways that we tend to see as "crazy" or "clingy". If you have worries about loss, explore these through writing. Do worst-case scenarios while still hoping for the best. Write down how you'd cope if something did go wrong in your relationship––this helps you to start forming a realization that you will cope, that there will be a tomorrow should the worst happen. Avoid focusing on your lover's behavior––focus on your own and on your feelings. Try to get to the nub of what you're so afraid of. Fear of being alone? Fear of rejection? The journal will let you explore your thoughts and feelings without having to set them in stone. It should be an area where you can express every possible emotion without fearing recrimination. Once on paper, re-examine it, does it still sound true to you? What can you do so that you won't fear rejection or loneliness, and can become more confident in who you are? Just make sure your partner cannot find it; that could turn into a sticky situation.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- If you're fighting with your partner and you find yourself starting to spiral, take a break and remove yourself from the situation. It's better to pause and catch your breath than continue to lose control.
- Try to remember that your emotional woes and worries are yours, not his. The fact that you're worried about something doesn't automatically make it his issue.
- Ask your partner if they think you're clingy. It's possible that you're way more obsessive in your head than you really are in real life.
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Warnings
- If you only see your guy or girl every couple of weeks and you live in reasonably close to each other, then you're not being clingy. He or she's being distant. Don't settle for a guy or girl who just sees you as an option.Thanks
- Setting a curfew of when your partner is supposed to be home or is supposed to check in is extremely controlling behavior. As you probably know, when you're out with your friends, time flies and the last thing on your mind is the time. You are not his or her mother, and asking him or her to keep checking on the time all night while trying to have fun just makes you something to resent. Instead, encourage him or her to have fun, to recharge his or her batteries and look forward to seeing you again.Thanks
- Don't be his or her go-to girl, just because he or she cannot find anything else to do.Thanks
- If staying out late with his or her friends is about more than just getting in some guy/girl time—remember: you can’t force love. If what you have isn’t meant to be, no amount of angry outbursts over his or her guy/girl-time will make your relationship work .Thanks
- Don't make excuses to be with him or her. If you know where he or she is at and you're with friends, don't say "Oh let's go over there". It will seem like you're clingy and want to eavesdrop or want him or her to notice you.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mysteries-love/201503/9-ways-restore-balance-relationship
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/ambigamy/201402/mastering-the-art-giving-and-taking-space
- ↑ https://medium.com/personal-growth/practicing-the-subtle-art-of-detachment-b3f94b91fcf2
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/ambigamy/201402/mastering-the-art-giving-and-taking-space
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/ambigamy/201402/mastering-the-art-giving-and-taking-space
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201812/7-ways-build-trust-in-relationship
- ↑ https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/when-love-breeds-madness-read-this-if-youve-ever-googled-your-ex/
- ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/stalking-dont-confuse-the-signs-with-love/
About This Article
Article Summary
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To avoid being an obsessive girlfriend, try to spend more time doing things on your own, and limit how often you text or call your partner to give them some space. Taking time away from your partner might be hard at first, but it will give you the opportunity to be more independent! If you feel bored or lonely, use the time away from your boyfriend as a chance to hang out with friends and family. You can also try out some new hobbies you've always been interested in. Having your own hobbies will show that you’re an independent person with a good balance between your own interests and your relationship. While you're away from your partner, avoid reaching out to them all the time or you might come across as obsessive. Instead, wait for them to reach out to you, or try just calling them once in the evening to see how their day was. For tips on how to talk to your partner about all of this, keep reading!
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Reader Success Stories
- "My boyfriend and I were living together for 6 months. I was very clingy and I always wanted to monitor his every moves. But thanks to this site I was refreshed. I will let my boyfriend spend time with his family and friends more often. :)" ..." more
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"My boyfriend and I were living together for 6 months. I was very clingy and I always wanted to monitor his every moves. But thanks to this site I was refreshed. I will let my boyfriend spend time with his family and friends more often. :)"
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"We cannot force anybody for love. If he is mine he'll come back soon to me, I'm sure. It's better to give him his own space for the future. So many things written here are correct according to me. This is a very helpful article."
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"I just realized how obsessive I was to him, and it's really embarrassing. I'm just so grateful that he didn't leave me despite of all the headaches I've given to him. Thanks for this article, I've learned a lot!"
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"To give my girlfriend some time to think things through and to "take a breath". To just trust her and the fact that she loves me, and because of that I shouldn't be worried about her constantly texting me."
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"It helped learning that I need to back off or cool it a little when it comes to hanging out with the person I care about. It was nice learning that not only is it good for him, but it's good for me, too."
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