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Having a lot of friends can provide you with social support, help boost your mood, and reduce feelings of stress. [1] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source If you want to become popular, focus on being a likable person who others genuinely want to be around. You can also gain recognition and respect in your school by joining a variety of clubs and activities. If you put yourself out there and strive to be more social, popularity will follow in time.
Steps
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Set a goal to make more friends. It may sound strange, but setting goals can help you make new friends. This is especially true if you're on the shy side. Setting small goals for yourself, that allow you to gradually break out of your shell, can help boost your popularity. [2] X Research source
- Set small goals for yourself at first. For example, you can promise to make small talk with a new person before class every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
- As you begin to feel more comfortable socializing with others, try to set bigger goals. You can promise you'll go to the birthday party you were invited to and try to talk to at least 3 new people.
- If you're persistent with following up on your goals, you'll eventually feel much more comfortable socializing. This can allow you to meet new people and make a great number of new friends.
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Invite people to hang out. If you want to make more friends, you have to focus on socializing outside the classroom. Once you get comfortable hanging out at school, try inviting someone out. Ask an acquaintance if he or she wants to go see a movie or get coffee. Try getting a group together to do something fun, like go to the mall. [3] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- Do not be afraid to ask a popular girl to do something with you, especially if you have already established a firm connection with her in school. If you get along with someone inside the classroom, there's a good chance that person would be open to spending time with you outside the classroom.
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Be active on social media. Social media can help you be popular, especially in high school. Many teenagers have accounts like Snapchat, Instagram, Tik Tok, and Twitter that are a major aspect of socialization. A lot of invitations to events, as well as conversation and bonding, happen online. [4] X Research source
- Find out what kind of social media accounts are popular in your school. If the popular girls are really interested in Snapchat, sign up for an account. You may want to check with your parents before opening certain social media accounts, however, just to make sure that it's okay in your home.
- Focus on meaningful interactions online. People tend to respond better to personalized messages over vague status updates. Congratulate one of the popular girls about winning a spelling bee or getting accepted into a summer internship program.
- Keep in mind virtual friends cannot make up for real friends. While socializing online can enhance existing relationships, avoid talking to strangers on the internet. Not only will this not increase your overall popularity, it can be a safety issue as well.
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Be friendly and nice to everyone. If you want more friends, you need to have something offer people. Remember the Golden Rule when seeking out new friends and treat others as you would wish to be treated. People are naturally drawn to people who are respectful, courteous and kind to others. [5] X Research source
- However, don't be overly nice or it might come across as fake and people will be wondering who you really are. Be polite to everyone but reserve special acts of generosity for your genuine friends, to avoid stretching your personal resources too far and seeming like you're not being genuine.
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Don't take rejection personally. Fear of rejection is a big reason people refrain from putting themselves out there. However, rejection happens to everyone. Just because someone doesn't want to see a movie with you on a particular Friday does not mean that person is not interested in your friendship. [6] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- People do have other obligations. If a popular girl declines your invitation to get coffee, she may genuinely be busy. Don't use this setback as a reason to retreat back into your shell.
- Remember, there is a lot you do not know about other people. Anyone you talk to has a litany of obligations and issues you do not know about. If someone says "No," that person may be shy or busy.
- Take rejection as a minor setback. You can try asking someone to hang out in a few weeks if they say "No" the first time.
- Remember that you don't have to be popular with every single person to really stand out.
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Join a club. If you want to be popular, you'll need to be seen and known around your school. Joining an extracurricular activity can help boost your status and will be something to mention in your future résumé. It has the added benefit of allowing you to make new friends and increasing your popular nature. [7] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- You can find people with common interests by joining a club that personally shows your passions. If you're interested in journalism, for example, joining the newspaper club can help.
- If you're focusing on popularity, you may want to see what kinds of clubs the popular kids are joining. If the most popular boys and girls in school are all in the debate club, this may be a great place to meet popular students.
- The activities of the club itself won't make you popular. Rather, what will make you popular is the fact you enjoy doing the club's activities and this enthusiasm rubs off on others because you own it, like it, and want to share the enjoyment with other people.
- Maybe start a club if one doesn't exist already in what interests you. This is a brave, bold and risky move that will get you noticed for all the right reasons, as you're doing something different and enthusing others to join in.
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Get involved in sports. In many schools, a lot of girls and boys are involved in sports or athletics. Joining a sports team may help you get to know the popular students. If you end up excelling at sports, you may become popular yourself.
- Train if you're unfamiliar with a certain sport. If you want to join the basketball team, for example, practice shooting hoops at a local park.
- You may have to get in shape to join certain clubs. Make sure you start small when it comes to getting in shape, as you don't want to overexert yourself. Start with small exercise sessions and work your way up.
- Do not get too discouraged if you don't make a school sport's team. Remember that you can always try out again next year. It is also important to stay in shape if you're willing to get better for next year's try-outs. What matters is to try your very best as it's always a chance to get to know more people.
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Run for student council . Are the class presidents, treasurers, and representatives popular in your school? If so, you may benefit from running for student council. At the beginning of the year, when elections are held, try to get a campaign team together and go for a spot in student council. This will show everyone you’re confident in who you are and what you stand for!
- Make sure you learn the rules and regulations for running for student council. You may have to get your parents' or guardians' signatures and sign up by a certain deadline.
- Think of a great campaign slogan and plaster it on decorative poster boards. Put up your posters throughout the school.
- Write a great campaign speech for your chosen position, clearly laying out what you'll bring to the job.
- Leadership skills can help to make you more popular, when exercised with care and consideration for others. Leadership skills can help you stand out from the crowd.
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Show up to school events. If you want to be popular, you have to put yourself out there and socialize. Attend school events where the popular crowd is likely to hang out. Do not skip out on things like school dances, sporting events, and pep rallies. [8] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- If you're shy, try to get a small group of existing friends to attend such events with you. However, be sure not to just hang out with your own crowd. You'll want to branch out and talk to new people. Increasing your friend's circle can help you gain popularity.
- Do not be shy. It can be intimidating to meet others, but school events often make striking up a conversation easier. This is especially true for sporting events, where there may be a sense of camaraderie based on cheering for the same team.
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Give yourself a makeover. While you should not focus on looks alone to be popular, confidence is key to popularity. Giving yourself a new haircut and changing up your wardrobe and makeup can help you feel better about yourself. This may make you more likely to put yourself out there and seek out new friendships, boosting your popularity.
- Try to go with trends that you personally enjoy. If you're wearing something you hate, you won't feel confident in it. This can make you less likely to socialize. If you hate leggings, do not follow the legging trend in your school. If you notice a lot of popular girls wear boots, and you love your pair of black lace-up boots, this could be a great trend for you to follow.
- Try to keep up with trends and wear trendy clothing. Right now stores like Hollister, A&F, Brandy Melville, Forever 21, PacSun, and Aeropostale are all good places to shop at. But also have unique quirky things to change things up a bit.
- You may want to change up your hair and makeup. You can go to the makeup counter at a local beauty salon and ask for an attractive every day makeup look. Ask a stylist at a salon what would be a flattering hairstyle for you. Makeup and hair that works well for your features can bolster your confidence and, in turn, increase your popularity.
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Smile. While smiling is a small change, it can make you look more positive and approachable. Striving to smile more can help increase your popularity and win you more friends. Work on smiling in front of a mirror until you find a winning and approachable smile. As you navigate the hallways, try to smile at others. [9] X Research source
- When people talk to you, make an effort to smile during the conversation.
- When introducing yourself to new people, flash a smile at them and make eye contact.
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Be friendly. If you're a warm and friendly person, people can be drawn to you. This can win you more friends and more popularity. Work on cultivating a friendly attitude in order to be popular in your school. [10] X Research source
- Try to show people you are happy to see them. If appropriate, give a friend a hug or a pat on the shoulder when meeting up with them in public.
- Show genuine enthusiasm when around others. Smile and laugh during conversation.
- Be kind to everyone. Ask the girl in geometry how her day is going. Make conversation with the boy that sits by himself. Be genuinely interested in what they have to say. If you are kind to everyone, people will like you. You would rather be the girl that is popular because she is well-liked rather than the girl that is popular because she rules by fear.
- Be open with new people. Strike up a conversation between classes. Sit at a new lunch table. Introduce yourself in a friendly fashion in an effort to get to know new people and make new friends.
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Ask about others. People are drawn to people who show an interest in their lives. During conversations with others, ask questions. Give people an opportunity to talk about themselves and their interests. [11] X Research source
- Ask questions to learn about others. Ask about other people's interests and passions. Ask something like, "What's your earliest memory?" or "What's your favorite thing to do on the weekends?"
- This can be a great technique at parties. You'll be able to hold down a conversation for a while by asking questions, as people enjoy talking about themselves. You can really get to know someone by asking a lot of questions.
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Listen. Being a good listener can help people like you more, allowing yourself to be more popular. Try to genuinely listen to what others say. If you don't understand something, ask a follow up question to make sure you understand. Showing a genuine interest in what others have to say can really help with your popularity. [12] X Research source
- Give people space to speak. When someone finishes a sentence, wait 5 to 10 seconds to make sure they're truly done speaking.
- Try to balance talking and listening.
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Be a helpful person. Another way to be popular is to be helpful to others. Listen when a friend is in need. If someone needs help with a homework problem, offer to lend them a helping hand. People want to be around people who are caring and kind to other people. Trying to be helpful can help you be more popular. [13] X Research source
- Help others with their homework, with making introductions, with small things you can do for them with ease.
- Be that one student who raises their hand in class and asks the question everyone else wants the answer to but is too fearful to ask!
- While being helpful is great to make new friends, avoid getting taken advantage of. If someone is constantly asking you for favors, it's okay to establish boundaries.
- Be certain that nobody is using you. If friends are not helpful to you in return, you may be better off with such people out of your life. If someone borrows money from you and they owe you, remind them. If they don't return the money, tell them off.
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Be yourself. It's a cliche saying for a reason. Being authentic can help you win friends. While many people feel they have to change to be popular, people tend to be naturally drawn to people who are comfortable in their own skin. Try to let your personality show through. Do not be afraid to bring up your own interests and passions when the opportunity presents itself. Let your unique qualities, like your sense of humor, shine through during conversations. [14] X Research source
- Remember that you won't be universally popular but you can always be likable, stand out and be a leader among your peers.
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Trust your instincts. While being popular can be fun, you should never put yourself in a situation that makes you uncomfortable just to please others. If you feel uncomfortable in a situation, listen to this gut instinct. A negative gut reaction often points to a dangerous situation. [15] X Research source
- Back out of a situation when you become uncomfortable. Find a way to excuse yourself from a party if you get nervous or uncomfortable.
- You can try making up a quick excuse if you do not want to get into a confrontation in the moment. For example, say something like, "Sorry, but I should get going. I'm coming down with a really bad headache."
- Be brave. Stand up for what you believe matters, speak up for what you need and not what others want to push you into.
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Don't do illegal or immature things. If you're attending an event where drugs or alcohol are being used, it's best to leave. You do not want to be popular at the expense of your own safety. There also may be legal consequences to underage drinking or the use of illegal drugs. If you're pressured into doing anything illegal, find a way to leave the situation fast. [16] X Research source
- If you're going to a party where there may be alcohol or drugs served, plan what to do in the event you're pressured to partake. You can have a trusted friend on call who can help get you out of this situation.
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Avoid bullying. Negative peer pressure can often encourage you to bully or ostracize other students. Popular cliques in middle or high school often engage in bullying. Remember, bullying can have serious emotional consequences for the target. Avoid the temptation of gossip and do not be openly (or even not-openly) cruel to other students at your school. If you ever get bullied, go to a website called Stymie to anonymously file a report. [17] X Research source
- It can be very hard to try to resist negative peer pressure, but remember the benefits. You'll feel better about yourself and you may influence other peers to resist things like bullying and gossip as well.
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Focus on positive peer pressure. Peer pressure is not always negative. Sometimes, your friends may pressure you into a taking a risk that is worth it. Good friends, for example, will encourage you to submit your poems to that contest or ask your crush on a date. Friends may also expose you to new and interesting things, like a new music group or author. While rejecting negative peer pressure, focus on the positives. Allow your friends to teach you about new things and help you find opportunities for fun, learning, and personal growth. [18] X Research source
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Community Q&A
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QuestionMy two best friends are going to a different middle school. They tell me to make new friends, but I'm not sure how to. I want to be popular from the start, but, I feel like I'd say the wrong thing.II BoomSmash IICommunity AnswerYou'll never know if you don't try! Try to identify the potential popular girls from day one and start talking to them. It can't hurt to try, and you won't already have any kind of reputation since you're new there.
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QuestionWhat if you are scared the girls will judge you or not like you and wonder what you're doing here?Community AnswerLook at how the girls treat each other, or how they treat other people who try to hang out with them. If they act mean, they're probably not pleasant people to be with, even to each other. Find a different group of friends instead.
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QuestionI'm in the sixth grade and the popular crowd doesn't like me. What do I do?Community AnswerYou cannot force people to like you. However, you can work on being more social, kind, and a better listener. If, at the end of the day, these girls still do not like you, work on strengthening the friendships you have. You can be popular in the sense you have a lot of close friends without necessarily being part of the popular click.
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Tips
- Don't worry if there are people who don't like you, not everyone will. Be nice to them though, because you don't want to give them another reason not to like you.Thanks
- Adjusting yourself and changing yourself are two different things. Trying to be someone you're not won't win you friends; everyone will see through your act at some point. Try to build off of who you already are. Very different sorts of people can all become popular, so don't try to fit a mold.Thanks
- Don't gossip or engage in any way. Spreading rumors is no way to make friends and can cause people to lose their trust in you. Even if you genuinely dislike someone, do not engage in gossip.Thanks
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Warnings
- Although popularity is sometimes not about grades, if you are generally smart as well as a cool person, people will like you because you have a good balance of cool and smart.Thanks
- Do not be mean or snobby! In the movies, they show popular girls as being mean, snobby, and rich. In reality, nobody wants to hang out with mean snobs, and it's 100% possible to be popular without being rich or owning a single designer outfit. The popular girls are the nice girls who are well-liked and have lots of friends.Thanks
- When you try to get involved in school, make sure to seem natural. Don't be pushy or ask too many questions. Don't be annoying. Doing so will make others feel you are making friends with them for a purpose.Thanks
- If you have made friends with other people who are popular, don't abandon your old friends. Get your old friends to come with your new friends so you can hang out with all your friends.Thanks
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References
- ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/how-to-make-friends.htm
- ↑ http://greatist.com/happiness/how-to-make-keep-friends
- ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/how-to-make-friends.htm
- ↑ http://greatist.com/happiness/how-to-make-keep-friends
- ↑ http://thinksimplenow.com/relationships/the-popularity-factor/
- ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/how-to-make-friends.htm
- ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/how-to-make-friends.htm
- ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/how-to-make-friends.htm
- ↑ http://greatist.com/happiness/how-to-make-keep-friends
- ↑ http://thinksimplenow.com/relationships/the-popularity-factor/
- ↑ http://thinksimplenow.com/relationships/the-popularity-factor/
- ↑ http://thinksimplenow.com/relationships/the-popularity-factor/
- ↑ http://thinksimplenow.com/relationships/the-popularity-factor/
- ↑ http://thinksimplenow.com/relationships/the-popularity-factor/
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/peer-pressure.html#
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/peer-pressure.html#
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/peer-pressure.html#
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/peer-pressure.html#
About This Article
Article Summary
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To be a popular girl, try being friendly and outgoing. Participate in school activities and social events so that you can put yourself out there and get to know other people. You’ll also have an easier time making connections if you’re active on social media. When you interact with other people, be kind, upbeat, and respectful. Treat others the way you want to be treated, and resist pressure from your peers to gossip or be unkind. Invite other people to do things with you, whether it’s getting together to study or going out to the movies. If someone says “no,” try not to take it personally or make a big deal out of it. The occasional rejection happens to everyone. People are drawn to confidence, so hold your head up high, smile a lot, and try to act confident even if you don’t always feel it. Work on building your confidence and self-esteem by doing things you enjoy, challenging yourself to learn new things, and dressing in a way that makes you feel good and reflects your personality. To learn how to avoid peer pressure so you can meet your goals, read on!
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