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Expert tips to become more comfortable at work and in a crowd
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Have you ever wanted to be the social butterfly at a party, feel more confident at work, and be comfortable meeting new people? Even if you normally enjoy alone time, there are many things you can do to develop a more extroverted mindset and socialize more. We spoke with Clinical Psychologist Kim Chronister for the best tips on how to be more outgoing and open up to other people. Read on to learn more!
How to Become an Extrovert
- Stay focused on socializing when you’re with other people.
- Join more conversations by staying in the center of the room.
- Maintain a positive attitude to show your enthusiasm about talking with others.
- Speak up and share your thoughts and opinions.
- Talk about subjects that interest you.
- Give others your full attention when they’re speaking.
- Say yes when people invite you out.
Steps
Section 1 of 4:
Becoming More Extroverted
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Focus on socializing with the people around you. Socializing as an introvert can be difficult if you’re just starting out. It might even be tempting to check your phone when feeling nervous or overwhelmed by a crowd. But if you have your head down with your eyes focused on the screen it can also make you seem closed off and disinterested in meeting new people. Try setting your phone on silent and keeping it in a pocket or purse to avoid temptation. This helps you stay fully engaged with the people around you and gives you the opportunity to branch out and introduce yourself to someone new. [1] X Research source
- If you’re still tempted to check your phone, leave it in your vehicle or ask a friend to hold it.
- At first, you might feel a little uncomfortable leaving your phone behind. We’re all used to checking everything from social media to sports scores every few minutes. But once you start to relax and enjoy conversations with others, you’ll probably forget about checking out what’s happening online.
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Stand in the middle of the room to get involved in more conversations. Standing near walls or at the edges of a room can make it seem like you’re not interested in talking. Instead, move closer to the center of the room where other people gather. Try to stay near groups of people you’re interested in talking to so you’re able to get involved in their conversations when the opportunity arises. [2] X Research source
- Try moving around the room to give yourself the chance to interact with more people.
- Chronister’s tip for dealing with social anxiety is to try visualizing yourself smiling and approaching someone before you actually do it. [3]
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Expert Source
Kim Chronister, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 28 July 2021.
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Use good posture to seem more confident and approachable. Hold your head up, keep your shoulders back, and smile. Walking around a party or networking event with an open, friendly expression and good posture makes you look approachable and helps you feel more confident and friendlier. “Changing your physiology will change your mindset to be more open to conversing with others, and they will be more receptive because your physiology shows you are welcoming socialization,” says Chronister. [4] X Expert Source Kim Chronister, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 28 July 2021.- Maintaining good posture can also help you feel better physically, which can make you seem more energetic. [5] X Trustworthy Source Cleveland Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source
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Show you’re enthusiastic to meet and interact with people. When interacting with someone, be friendly and show genuine interest in them to appear more energetic. Smile and vary the tone of your voice when you talk to keep the conversation engaging. Maintain a positive attitude, and the other person will usually respond the same way. [6] X Research source
- Try listening to fast-paced pump-up music before putting yourself in social situations to help boost your energy levels.
- People have different social energy levels, so make an effort to adapt your energy to the person you’re talking with. For example, if someone doesn’t seem as energetic, stay positive but act a little more relaxed around them. If they seem more hyper, try to raise your energy level a little.
Esther Perel, PsychotherapistSocial interaction is beneficial for us. "Social connection is essential for body and mind and spirit. It's the meaning of life. It helps us on so many levels. Longevity relates to social connection. Immunity relates to social connection. These things are all part of the importance of friendships."
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Speak up and take part in the conversation. Rather than keeping things to yourself or questioning what you want to say, insert yourself into the conversation, even if it’s just small talk. Raise your voice slightly so other people can hear you. [7] X Research source Remember, using filler words, like “um,” “uh,” or “I guess” might make you seem like you’re low on energy and less excited to be a part of the conversation. Try to speak more directly to keep your vibe positive. [8] X Research source
- If you have a hard time speaking up in meetings or at parties, practice talking in a louder voice when you’re at home or in the car alone. That way, it’ll be easier to make your voice heard when you’re with a group of people.
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Share your personal interests. Talk about the things you like so people get to know you better. Rather than letting the other person carry the conversation, try to balance it by confidently sharing some of your own opinions and interests. After bringing up a new subject, ask the other person what interests them, too. Try to find something you have in common to carry on a deeper conversation, get to know them better, and make them feel like you’re interested in them as a person. [9] X Research source
- For example, if someone at work asks you how your weekend was, avoid saying things like, “It was good,” or “Fine.” Instead, say something like, “It was great! I finished watching Game of Thrones , and I really loved it. Have you seen it?”
- If the person isn’t interested in the subjects you bring up, go back to having small talk before bringing up something else they might relate to.
- If you’re having trouble getting them to talk about a subject you’re interested in, ask questions about the subject they want to talk about. Engaging them about their passions might be the key to breaking the ice.
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Express your opinions confidently but respectfully. You’ll feel more satisfied if you feel like your voice is being heard by your friends and coworkers. Plus, acting more extroverted can make you feel more energized in the moment. [10] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source As an introvert, it often feels more comfortable to keep quiet, even if you disagree with something. Instead, mention how you personally feel about the subject with a firm voice without shutting down other people’s opinions. Ask the other person questions about why they feel the way that they do and listen to their opinions as well. [11] X Research source
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Actively listen when others are talking. Give others your full attention so they feel heard, making them more likely to involve you in future conversations. As other people talk, lean in closer to them and react to what they’re saying, such as nodding when you agree. Maintain eye contact and really think about what the speaker is saying. It can be tempting to think about what you want to say in response, but that can distract you from the points the other person is trying to make. [12] X Research source
- When they finish talking, ask them some open-ended questions to clarify their points and learn more about what they’re saying. For example, ask, “How did that make you feel?”
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Say yes to more invitations to socialize. Stay open to trying new social situations. Set a time frame, such as 1 week or 1 month, where you agree to do most of what you’re asked to do. If someone asks if you want to join a meeting or come to a party, accept the invitation even if it’s not something you’d regularly get involved with. Try to engage with the experience by taking part in the conversation or socializing with others. You might impress your boss with an insightful observation, make new friends with your quiet sense of humor, or discover a new hobby you love. [13] X Research source
- Ask people to give you a heads-up the next time they get together.
- It’s okay to say no to things that make you uncomfortable, especially if they’re illegal or could put you in danger. Just make sure to ask yourself if you are genuinely worried about the outcome or are nervous about trying something new.
EXPERT TIPDating CoachJohn Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.Embrace the unpredictable nature of making a connection. You never know when you'll meet someone! Focus on being more relaxed in social settings rather than fearing potential rejection.
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Stay open to trying new things. Exposing yourself to new experiences can help you discover a whole new side of yourself. It’s really easy to build a comfortable routine, but it might cause you to miss out on discovering something you really love. Think about what you want to achieve in life and open your eyes to new opportunities that can help you get there. Make a point of stepping outside of your comfort zone frequently to meet new people and discover new passions. [14] X Research source
- Look for places or experiences where people have interests similar to yours. Trying something new doesn’t have to be completely out of left field. For example, try finding a book club if you love reading or attending a yoga class if you’re into fitness.
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Set specific goals to help you be more extroverted. Treat becoming more extroverted like any other goal. Come up with some actionable steps, so you have a plan. A vague goal like, “I’m going to be more outgoing,” might leave you feeling overwhelmed and confused about what to do. Instead, make a list of specific actions that put you out of your comfort zone a little at a time. Chronister suggests, “Write down exactly what you want to get out of being more open and extroverted and make small goals for this task from the most anxiety-provoking to the least.” [15] X Expert Source Kim Chronister, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 28 July 2021. Aim to do at least 1 extroverted thing every day. Some actions you could take include:- Talking to 1 new person every day
- Engaging in conversation when someone talks to you
- Going out to lunch with a new person once a week
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Take a break when you’re feeling overwhelmed or worn out. Social interactions give extroverts energy, but introverts need downtime to recharge. [16] X Research source If you’re at a social event and you feel like your batteries are running low, take a break, give yourself space to recharge, and come back after you’ve had a chance to rest. You’re entitled to a few quiet moments, especially after pushing outside your comfort zone.
- If you feel drained, try taking a quick solo walk or leaving the party early. Duck into the bathroom if you need to. The larger the event, the less likely people will notice you aren’t mingling.
- Paying attention to your energy levels is good for your mental health, too. It can help you feel more engaged and energetic for socializing.
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Bring a friend to large social gatherings. Having a friend with you can help you feel more relaxed. There’s also less pressure on you to do all the talking. Introverts often have a small group of close friends they feel comfortable with. [17] X Research source Taking one of those friends to a party may help you feel more at ease with being social. If your friend has an extroverted personality, it’s even better. Because they’re naturally more at home around many people, they can help relieve some of your apprehension about making small talk or approaching someone new.
- Watching how your extroverted friends act when socializing can also give you a few tips for being more outgoing.
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Build up your public speaking skills. If you’re uncomfortable speaking in front of a group, practice can help you overcome your fears. One way to get more practice is to join a local public speaking club. These groups are among the best ways to build confidence in your speaking skills. Public speaking clubs tend to be filled with supportive people who, like you, want to learn how to speak in public. Who knows? You might even make a few new friends!
- Public speaking groups give you the opportunity to give short talks or longer presentations to the group to help you become more comfortable with public speaking.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow can you force yourself to be an extrovert?Dr. Kim Chronister is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist. She specializes in helping people struggling with substance abuse, relationship problems, eating disorders, and personality disorders. Dr. Chronister has contributed to and appeared on Access Hollywood, Investigation Discovery, and NBC News. She is the author of “Peak Mindset” and “FitMentality.” She holds an MA in Clinical Psychology and a Doctor of Psychology (PsyD) from Alliant International University.Write down exactly what you want to get out of being more open and extroverted. Make small goals for this task, ranging from most anxiety-provoking to the least. Take small steps toward these goals—these steps can lead to larger gestures.
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- There’s nothing wrong with being introverted. Don’t feel the need to push yourself more than you’re comfortable with so you don’t get stressed out. [24] X Research sourceThanks
- Give yourself some downtime between seeing other people so you can recharge and avoid social fatigue. [25] X Research sourceThanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.business.com/articles/15-tips-to-become-an-extrovert/
- ↑ https://www.business.com/articles/15-tips-to-become-an-extrovert/
- ↑ Kim Chronister, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 28 July 2021.
- ↑ Kim Chronister, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 28 July 2021.
- ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/posture
- ↑ https://socialself.com/blog/social-energy/
- ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/deborahljacobs/2012/07/24/how-to-turn-an-introvert-into-an-extrovert-or-vice-versa/?sh=54b3e0b51ba3
- ↑ https://socialself.com/blog/social-energy/
- ↑ https://socialself.com/blog/introverts-becoming-extroverted/
- ↑ https://hbr.org/2022/10/stop-telling-introverts-to-act-like-extroverts
- ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/averyblank/2018/07/03/seven-ways-leaders-express-their-opinion-without-being-opinionated/?sh=2111ad885ae7
- ↑ https://socialself.com/blog/introverts-becoming-extroverted/
- ↑ https://www.business.com/articles/15-tips-to-become-an-extrovert/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201604/can-introvert-ever-change
- ↑ Kim Chronister, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 28 July 2021.
- ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/happy-in-solitude-the-joy-of-being-an-introvert-0924144
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-introverts-corner/201801/are-introverts-better-friends-extroverts
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/extroversion
- ↑ https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2015/05/why-extroverts-earn-more-than-introverts/
- ↑ https://www.mindbrained.org/2020/02/embracing-the-introverted-brain/
- ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/introvert-extrovert.html#Is-It-Better-To-Be-An-Extrovert-Or-An-Introvert
- ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/ambivert.html
- ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/deborahljacobs/2012/07/24/how-to-turn-an-introvert-into-an-extrovert-or-vice-versa/?sh=54b3e0b51ba3
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201902/can-becoming-extravert-make-introvert-happier
- ↑ https://www.business.com/articles/15-tips-to-become-an-extrovert/
About This Article
Article Summary
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You can be an extrovert by watching extroverts around you and mimicking the ways they act and talk. Once you have an idea of what to do, try dedicating 15 minutes a day to being extroverted. For example, you can start with something small, like knocking on your neighbor’s door and introducing yourself, and build up to making conversation with a stranger at the grocery store. Keep in mind that it’s easier to talk to people when you already get along with them, so try joining a class or group of like-minded people where you can socialize. Additionally, try to say yes to invitations, even if they’re scary, since you may end up having more fun than you anticipate! To learn how to assert yourself in conversations, scroll down!
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