How to Make Your Own Happiness

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Learn to live your best life, with no compromises
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Happiness isn't something you find, but something you create. To do so, you need to develop and maintain a positive mindset, set and achieve goals, and connect with others. With a bit of attention to your mental outlook, a pragmatic assessment of what you want to accomplish, and some heartfelt connections to those with whom you share your life, you can create and live in a state of genuine happiness. We'll show you how to do just that.

Things You Should Know

  • Write down or tell other people what you're grateful for to foster a positive and uplifting mindset.
  • Find pleasure in the little things. Any time something makes you happy, stop and spend a few extra moments appreciating it.
  • Nourish your body and mind with regular exercise and balanced diet to feel your best every day.
Section 1 of 4:

Developing a Positive Mindset

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  1. Work on changing your thought patterns. You can’t control everything about your life, but you can control how you react. Remind yourself, out loud if you have to, that your behavior and your attitude are both under your control. Mentally, focus on enhancing what’s good in your life as opposed to fixing what’s wrong. [1] Tangibly, pursue experiences that make you happy.
    • Don’t dwell on the negative, especially in regards to how you see yourself. Many people believe that working on your weaknesses is more important than improving upon your strengths. This is simply not true. [2]
    • Accept that happiness is something you can provide yourself.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 300 wikiHow readers about how they prefer to surround themselves with positivity, and only 11% said by keeping an optimistic quote in my wallet or pocket . [Take Poll] While this can still make you feel more positive, try doing things you love instead.
  2. Though it may seem forced, focus on what you’re grateful for. You’ll enjoy more positive emotions, diminished depression, better self-image, more vibrant social relationships, and better health. [3]
    • Jump start an attitude based on gratitude by pausing before expressing appreciation, even for every day kindnesses. This emphasizes moments of human connection.
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  3. Your actions also greatly dictate your happiness. If you’re conscious of that fact that your mood is slipping, try one or two of the following:
    • Smile. You’ve heard this one before. The theory that physically expressing an emotion actually gives rise to that emotion in the body and mind has been around for over 200 years, and is supported by billions of smiles a day. [4]
    • Jump up and down. (Or even better, dance.) You’ll feel silly, but if it keeps your positivity meter in the green, it will be more than worth a moment of awkwardness. You might even laugh at yourself, and wind up smiling without even trying.
    • Trick yourself with voice manipulation. Listen to a recording of your own voice, modified to sound more cheery, and you’ll literally feel happier. [5] Download free voice manipulation software online. [6]
  4. We all have thoughts that bother or startle us. Abandon thoughts that distress or depress you immediately, unless you’re actively trying to hash out how you feel about something with a friend or mental health professional.
  5. Stop saying or thinking in “shoulds” or “musts”. These phrases, spoken or even thought to yourself, will increase anxiety and actually decrease your motivation to do whatever it was you were thinking about doing. [7] Instead, tell yourself that you’d “like to” or “hope to” do something. This will actually put you in a mindset that motivates you to follow through positively.
    • Even if you do something wrong, try not to judge yourself too harshly for it. Do take ownership of what happened, but do so with love, acceptance, and compassion for yourself. [8]
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Section 2 of 4:

Practicing Mindfulness

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  1. Pay attention to the present moment without analysis, assessment, or judgement. Connect with yourself by sitting quietly and actively pushing away any thoughts that arise, without assessing them as good or bad or important or insignificant. Breathe. Even one deep breath can immediately improve your mood. Focus on your breath to improve your ability to be actively mindful: [9]
    • Notice the physical sensations of air entering and leaving your body.
    • After a few breaths, your body will become noticeably more calm.
    • Embrace this calmness. Automatically, the cognitive dialogue in your brain will slow down.
    • The more mindful you become, contemplative thoughtfulness will increasingly take precedence to emotion in dictating your mood. You will become more calm, more stable, and happier in daily life.
    EXPERT TIP

    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

    Marriage & Family Therapist
    Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
    Marriage & Family Therapist

    Mindfulness doesn't just relieve stress—it fosters positivity. When you quiet your mind and take time each day to pay attention to your surroundings, you help encourage a more positive way of thinking. It's good to be present and to focus on just being in the moment!

  2. Think of mindfulness practice and meditation as exercise for your brain. There are a few types of meditation you can try right now: [10]
    • Do a mental body scan. Focus your attention on specific parts of your body, starting with the very tips of your toes. Very slowly, move your focus up to the next part of your body until you reach the very crown of your head. Do not flex or otherwise manipulate your muscles, simply focus on how each part of your body feels, and push away thoughts that label the sensations you feel.
    • Practice walking meditation. If simply sitting and focusing on your breath doesn’t work well for you, try walking meditation. Focus on the physicality of each step, including the sensation of your feet making contact with the ground, the rhythm and movement of your breath as you walk, and the wind upon your skin.
    • Eat mindfully. At your next meal, sit at a table and focus your full attention on your food. Set your phone out of sight, and don’t read or watch anything. Eat slowly. Focus on the sensation and flavor of each bite.
  3. Incorporate mindfulness into you mental outlook and you’ll notice subtle, positive changes in your general frame of mind. You can increase the effect of these positive influences by noticing when it occurs. Note when you do the following: [11]
    • Enjoy everyday rituals. Moments of enjoyment are readily derived from ritual behavior. Pause for a moment over your cup of morning coffee, walk around the block after lunch, or sit with a pet as soon as you get home. These might seem like insignificant acts, but with consistently, they become a source of calmness and stability.
    • Do one thing at a time. Contemporary lifestyles can easily lead to non-stop multitasking. This makes it almost impossible to focus on anything fully. Focus on one thing to maximize your concentration, productivity, and enjoyment, even in everyday tasks.
    • Smell the roses. Literally! When you are struck with the beauty or allure of something, stop for a moment to fully enjoy the experience. If you’re with someone else, verbalize whatever it is that you find pleasurable. Sharing your enjoyment amplifies the mental and physical effects of a positive, mindful moment.
    • Embrace positive memories. When a positive memory drifts through your mind, pause and linger on that thought. You can literally experience positive emotions in the present by recalling them from your past.
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Section 3 of 4:

Setting and Achieving Realistic Goals

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  1. Achieving goals that seem insignificant can have a great impact on improving your general mood. Set these goals in accordance with other methods of self-care or self-improvement.
  2. Establish a regular sleep schedule, resisting the temptation to sleep in on days when you don’t have to get up early. Sufficient rest will improve your emotional stability, make you less susceptible to stress, be more productive, and make better decisions. While sleep needs vary, try to get from 7.5-9 hours a night. [12]
  3. Be physically active in some way at least five days a week. Even moderate exercise can reduce depression and anxiety, and is recommended by health professional for improving mental well-being generally. [13] Choose activities you enjoy, as you’re more likely to want to do them regularly.
  4. Motivate yourself to be active by learning about the mental and emotional benefits of exercise. These include: [14]
    • Improved memory and sharper thinking. Endorphins produced by exercise help you concentrate, and even stimulate the growth of new brains cells.
    • Higher self-esteem. Feeling yourself grow stronger and more fit can provide boosts in your sense of self-worth. Plus, you’ll feel a sense of achievement which each new exercise goal you reach.
    • Better rest and more energy. You’ll sleep better when you exercise during the day. Later in the day, stick to non-cardio, relaxing types of exercise such as gentle yoga or stretching. Earlier in the day is better for more active exercise, as it will help you wake up and get your day going both physically and mentally.
    • Mental toughness. Exercise to cope with challenges you face in your everyday life. This will diminish you reliance on less healthy coping mechanisms, and will boost your immune system, which is vital when stress may be detrimentally affecting your body.
  5. If you’re working so much that your job literally consumes your life, reduce your hours. Research indicates that those who value their time over money not only end up happier, but still do better financially! [15]
    • Set goals at work that are challenging, but not impossible to achieve. This level of engagement with their jobs makes people happiest. [16] More immediately, finish any basic tasks that need to be done before concluding your work day, as this will improve your ability to relax and enjoy the rest of the day.
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Section 4 of 4:

Connecting with Others

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  1. Recognize that you are significantly influenced in many ways by the people around you. In fact, the best predictor of your happiness is not money, nor even health, but the strength of your personal relationships and the amount of time spent with loved ones. [17]
    • Go out! Know that experiences give you more sustainable pleasure than do material possessions – in part because experiences tend to be shared with other people. Spend your free time and disposable income accordingly.
    • Avoid relationships with people who judge you, drag you down, or don't respect you. [18] This is especially important in the context of intimate relationships. Continued intimacy without compassion is a recipe for unhappiness. [19]
  2. Be earnest in random acts of politeness. You may already often hold the door for the person behind you. Next time, hold the door with genuine earnestness. Research has indicated that you receive an emotional boost for doing a favor when you put in extra effort, particularly by being personable. You will receive more genuine gratitude for doing so, as opposed to simply doing something nice without engaging emotionally in your act of kindness. Take being kind seriously, and you’ll bring happiness into both your own and others’ lives. [20]
  3. Provide yourself with a consistent environment in which you can interact constructively with others. While you’ll be improving someone else’s day, you’ll also be improving your own. The mental benefits of volunteering include boosts in self-confidence, a renewed sense of purpose, and a reduction in feelings of social isolation. [21] There are likely multiple opportunities to volunteer in your community. Animal shelters, libraries, and community centers for the elderly are always looking for people to help out.
  4. Remember, happiness really is contagious. [22] Research shows that younger people are steadily getting happier, while older people are finding it harder to stay happy.
    • Interact with children. Oscar Wilde once claimed that he wasn’t young enough to know everything. Fortunately, lots of people are. A child’s sense of wonder and openness to the world, let alone their creative imaginations, make for consistently happiness-inducing experiences. Listen closely to kids, and you just might learn the secret to happiness. Either way, allow yourself to share in a child’s joy whenever you get the chance.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How can I make myself happy at home?
    Rachel Clissold
    Certified Life Coach
    Rachel Clissold is a Life Coach and Consultant in Sydney, Australia. With over six years of coaching experience and over 17 years of corporate training, Rachel specializes in helping business leaders move through internal roadblocks, gain more freedom and clarity, and optimize their company’s efficiency and productivity. Rachel uses a wide range of techniques including coaching, intuitive guidance, neuro-linguistic programming, and holistic biohacking to help clients overcome fear, break through limitations, and bring their epic visions to life. Rachel is an acclaimed Reiki Master Practitioner, Qualified practitioner in NLP, EFT, Hypnosis & Past Life Regression. She has created events with up to 500 people around Australia, United Kingdom, Bali, and Costa Rica.
    Rachel Clissold
    Certified Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    Write down your goals to get them out of your head and onto paper. That can help you organize your thoughts, which may make it easier to start taking action. Also, try keeping a journal where you write down 3 things you're grateful for each day.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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  • Question
    How do you create your own happiness?
    Rachel Clissold
    Certified Life Coach
    Rachel Clissold is a Life Coach and Consultant in Sydney, Australia. With over six years of coaching experience and over 17 years of corporate training, Rachel specializes in helping business leaders move through internal roadblocks, gain more freedom and clarity, and optimize their company’s efficiency and productivity. Rachel uses a wide range of techniques including coaching, intuitive guidance, neuro-linguistic programming, and holistic biohacking to help clients overcome fear, break through limitations, and bring their epic visions to life. Rachel is an acclaimed Reiki Master Practitioner, Qualified practitioner in NLP, EFT, Hypnosis & Past Life Regression. She has created events with up to 500 people around Australia, United Kingdom, Bali, and Costa Rica.
    Rachel Clissold
    Certified Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    Trust the feeling deep inside of you that tells you when you're doing what feels true to you. If there's any fear that's holding you back, overcome that so you can be aligned with what will really fulfill you.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/jan01/positivepsych.aspx
      2. ↑ https://www.harvardmagazine.com/2007/01/the-science-of-happiness-html
      3. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/emotional-health/cultivating-happiness.htm
      4. ↑ https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/smile-it-could-make-you-happier/
      5. ↑ https://www.science.org/content/article/how-change-your-mood-just-listening-sound-your-voice
      6. ↑ https://cream.ircam.fr/?cat=5
      7. ↑ https://www.apa.org/research/action/speaking-of-psychology/well-being.aspx
      8. ↑ Rachel Clissold. Certified Life Coach. Expert Interview. 26 August 2020.
      9. ↑ https://www.apa.org/research/action/speaking-of-psychology/well-being.aspx
      1. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/emotional-health/cultivating-happiness.htm
      2. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/emotional-health/cultivating-happiness.htm
      3. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/emotional-health/cultivating-happiness.htm
      4. ↑ https://journals.cambridge.org/action/displayAbstract?fromPage=online&aid=554844
      5. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/exercise-fitness/emotional-benefits-of-exercise.htm
      6. ↑ https://spsp.org/press_release/valuing-your-time-more-than-money-linked-to-happiness?utm_source=SAGE_social&hootPostID=2cd8155f181030091e54784421fc199d
      7. ↑ https://hbr.org/2012/01/the-science-behind-the-smile
      8. ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/22/science/22conv.html?_r=0
      9. ↑ Rachel Clissold. Certified Life Coach. Expert Interview. 26 August 2020.
      10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/200808/effects-emotional-abuse-it-hurts-when-i-love
      11. ↑ https://journal.frontiersin.org/article/10.3389/fpsyg.2015.01737/abstract
      12. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/work-career/volunteering-and-its-surprising-benefits.htm
      13. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/emotional-health/cultivating-happiness.htm

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