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So you've spotted a beautiful woman who you'd love to date. But if she's an exotic dancer, that complicates things. There are lots of stereotypes you need to be aware of (and ignore) before you make your move, or else you'll ruin your chances of ever getting to know her better. The key is to show sincerity in a setting where the focus is often on appearance and money.
Steps
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Offer the benefit of the doubt. Before you even step into a club, make a conscious effort to be open-minded. Don't assume that because they are strippers, they must be promiscuous and unable to make money in any other way. Some dancers are very intelligent and might be doing what they do to pay their own way through college or nursing school. Other dancers might have had very unfortunate circumstances that you couldn't even imagine, and might be working at a club to feed their family or send their child to a good school. It's very easy to judge a book by its cover, but you'll never get very far with a stripper worth dating if you go that route.
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Know what you're getting into. Strippers get lots of attention, in the club and oftentimes out of it. If you can't handle your partner receiving plenty of admiration, dating a stripper is probably not for you. Don't go into a relationship with a stripper thinking you can 'change' her or expect her to get another job. Either accept that she strips or find someone who doesn't.
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Find a club where you feel comfortable. Usually the type of club you go to will determine the type of women that work there. Some clubs are characterized by very young inexperienced girls, jaded veterans, gold diggers or all of the above. It's a good idea to avoid women who are usually attracted by the gangster type male who can give them some sense of protection and follow their party life rhythm--you might get lucky with them but they're not good dating material. Go for the gentlemen club type places where you can usually find more educated dancers, sometimes college students or even college graduates. These girls are usually far more interesting and open to socializing within the confines of their workplace.
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Show up early. Go to the club right after they open, usually in the first hour or hour and a half after they open, the place is dead and the strippers are just chilling, hanging around, practicing pole-tricks and talking to each other. This is the best moment to try to approach them without feeling under pressure because they are still not in their crazy money-making mode.
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Start a conversation. Be sweet and non-judgmental. Lots of these girls are used to getting the worst treatment from men who regard them as a disposable pieces of meat. Listen to them, give them a chance to open up and tell you their stories (which are usually interesting), and show genuine interest in their activities outside the strip-club. Don't focus your attention on their bodies. Everybody likes compliments but they get them all the time. Use eye contact, not leg or bust gawking. Instead of complimenting their body parts, tell them they look good in their new outfit (compliment the color scheme) or they are really improving a lot on the pole-tricks, stuff like that. Ask them about books, movies, school, family, life and they will find you a lot more interesting to talk to than most of their customers.
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Tip her on stage, but don't get a lap dance from anyone. If you pay for a lap dance from her, she will consider you a "regular" but do pay her for her time if your talking her up for awhile(she is at work after all).She will never date you once that business relationship with her is established. And if you're not getting lap dances from her, it's definitely NOT a good idea to get dances from any of the other women. When you're tipping on stage, however, you should tip all the dancers, just tip her a little extra. If you only tip her, that could foster a bit of additional jealousy and strife among the dancers that will make her association with you a little more difficult.
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Leave when the club gets too busy and all the girls start giving lap dances to their customers. Let her know that you don't want to interfere in her money making, wish her good luck and tell her you'll come to see her some other day. With several visits, she'll hopefully smile when you visit and make a beeline towards you as soon as she gets the chance. If she doesn't, it may be that she strictly doesn't date any customers of the club, or she may be dating someone already.
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Ask her out. If she isn't willing to meet you outside the club to hang out, she's playing you. Yes, she might be reluctant and cautious, but if she keeps turning you down, there's no need to pursue her anymore. If she does agree to go on a date, do something sweet and romantic. She is a stripper and she is used to guys showing interest to her through money and flashy presents. Try to do something that's related to a common interest that you've discovered in your conversations with her. Whatever you do, don't ever assume that because she is a stripper she will go to bed with you right away. On the contrary, some of these girls usually take a long time to get to know you; they don't generally trust men because they deal with the worst sides of men for several hours a day, so be patient and show her that you are different.
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Be accepting of her job. If one thing leads to another and you end up dating a stripper, she will appreciate that you understand that she is working and making more money than many family practice physicians. In fact, she just may have plans to become one someday as many dancers become used to earning a much higher income than the majority of white collar workers! Understand that many women choose this field because it allows them the freedom to have time to pursue other interests or priorities, so plan dates on her schedule, and please, don't call her before 11 AM.
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Tips
- Don't ask them for their phone numbers or real names right away. Let them give it to you when it's the right time. Give them yours instead.Thanks
- Don't be drunk at the club where she dances. Dress nicely and make sure you smell good.Thanks
- The best chance of dating a stripper is when you meet them outside the club--at the gym, a concert, the store, etc. As has been said, some strippers won't date any customers; some strippers will 'hook up' but not date a very attractive customer, and some strippers will occasionally date a customer they find attractive.Thanks
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Warnings
- Even if a stripper asks for your phone number or business card, don't assume she's truly interested in dating you. She may be interested in cultivating you as a regular customer or keeping you indexed in case she needs your business services in the future (if you're a lawyer, photographer, etc.).Thanks
- Some women (not just strippers) try to find a 'sugar daddy' or a 'sugar mommy'--someone who will pay for living expenses, provide gifts and travel, in exchange for sexual favors, arm candy or mere companionship. Some strippers may string along one or more 'sugar daddies' if they can get away with it.Thanks
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Reader Success Stories
- "I really liked how it made strippers more approachable. I've always been intimidated by them. I liked the part about not getting in the way of their money making. But I would like to have more material on how to date a male stripper." ..." more
"I really liked how it made strippers more approachable. I've always been intimidated by them. I liked the part about not getting in the way of their money making. But I would like to have more material on how to date a male stripper."
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