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If you've met a girl you like, getting her phone number is the next step in forming a great connection and setting up a date. But asking for her digits can be a daunting task. It’s normal to feel nervous, but don’t let this become a complicated or overwhelming process. During your conversation, focus on engaging her with your attentiveness, wit, and charm. Then, once you’re on a roll, ask for her number directly. Whether you want to coordinate a date or simply keep your conversation going , provide a reason for exchanging numbers that she can happily agree to.
Steps
Part 1
Part 1 of 3:
Kicking off Your Conversation
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Introduce yourself at the start of your conversation. Whether you’re approaching her from across the room, sharing a joke as strangers, or meeting in a group of mutual friends, you’ll need to properly introduce yourself. You could start with an opening line or question to break the ice first, or, if it makes sense for the situation you’re in, lead with the introduction. Either way, make eye contact, smile warmly, tell her your name, and ask for hers. [1] X Research source
- If you’re attending a new guitar class, try starting off with something like, “Hey, have you been to one of these classes before?” Then follow up with, “My name’s Corey, what’s yours?”
- If you’ve been chatting for a few minutes but you haven’t exchanged names yet, just pause to say “I’m David, by the way.” She’ll probably share her name, too, or you can ask for it.
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Focus on your conversation and avoid fixating on your question. Asking for a girl’s number can be pretty daunting, especially if you experience anxiety in social situations. But if you obsess over how you’ll ask for her number, you might appear distracted or disinterested. Try getting to a point where you both feel really comfortable in each other’s company. This will make popping the question a lot easier! [2] X Research source
- Dedicate your efforts to carrying on a fun, comfortable conversation so you don’t lose your cool – or her attention.
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Ask her open-ended questions to keep the conversation going. Take your conversation up a notch by asking the girl some questions about herself. Start with topics related to the situation you’re in, then move towards more personal topics related to her work, studies, friends, and family. Get to know her better by asking about her personal tastes, ambitions, and opinions. Give her your full attention as she speaks to show that you care about her responses and are eager to get to know her.
- Angle your body toward her, keep your phone or other distractions away, and make her see that what she says matters to you. [3] X Research source
- After your guitar class, you could ask her about her guitar-playing experience and how she liked the instructor. Then as you’re walking towards the door, you could say “So, do you live around here?” or “How long have you been in the city?” to take the conversation to a more personal level.
- If you’re chatting on social media, start by asking about her recent posts or pictures and branch off from there to more meaningful topics.
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Start flirting to show her you’re interested romantically. If your conversation seems to be going well, move it into a more flirtatious zone to make your intentions clear. Get your charm on. Try playfully teasing her or giving her a compliment. Try to compliment her skills, smarts, and personality, as well as her appearance. [4] X Research source Use open body language or break the touch barrier politely to show that you’re attracted to her.
- While flirting, try to make her laugh with witty banter or a joke.
- If you decide to be playful and tease her , keep it light. Share a funny observation or a good-natured joke: “It sounded like someone in our class really needs to get their guitar strings tuned up… Was that you?!” [5] X Research source
- Use playful emojis if you’re chatting on social media to show off your playful side and to clarify the tone of your messages.
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5Share something personal about yourself to reveal your softer side. Once you take your conversation to a deeper level, chime in with your own meaningful responses. Share a short and sweet childhood story that makes her heart melt, talk about how much you love your pet or your siblings, or be honest and vulnerable when discussing your work and ambitions. Strike a balance between showing off your humorous, flirtatious sides with your softer side to show that you’re not just hitting on her, but that you actually want to get to know her. [6] X Research source
- After she explains what she does for work, you could say something about your aspirations: “That’s so great that you’re a teacher! I love working with kids, too. I’m actually a Little League Coach for my younger brother’s team.”
- Unless she asks you to go on, turn the spotlight back to her with another question like “What grade level do you teach?” or “Do you like baseball?”
- Avoid interrogating her in a 1-sided conversation; focus on holding a balanced conversation and a comfortable environment in which you can both start opening up.
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Exhibit confidence to seem more attractive. Make direct eye contact , maintain good posture , and keep your voice steady. Show her that you love who you are and that you love meeting new people. If she thinks you feel good about who you are, she'll feel good about you too. [7] X Research source
- If you exhibit confidence, it’ll seem as though you’re successful at getting girls’ numbers, which suggests that other girls find you desirable. [8] X Research source
- It’s totally normal to feel nervous, but if you show signs that you’re anxious or jittery, it might look like you’re not used to talking to girls, or that you’re usually turned down. This might make her worry that there’s something off about you.
- Calm yourself down by considering how the worst-case scenario really isn’t that bad. The worst thing that can happen is that you ask for her phone number, she declines to give it to you, and then you end the conversation. You’ll survive!
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Part 2
Part 2 of 3:
Asking for Her Number
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Bring up the topic during the middle of your conversation to improve your chances. Don’t wait until the very end of the conversation, once the energy has started to die down, to ask. Instead, deliver your request during the high point, when you’re both relaxed and having the most fun together. Once the sparks are flying, you’re feeling at ease, and you’re both laughing and smiling nonstop, pose your question.
- When you reach the point where you think, "I'm having such a great time talking to this girl that I don't even want to interrupt it by asking for her phone number," you should ask immediately.
- If you get her number in the middle of your conversation, you’ll be able to keep chatting and connecting for a little while longer.
- Don’t head off right after you get her number. She might think you’re in it just to “score” rather than to really connect. [9] X Research source
- If you feel a lag in the conversation, or she keeps looking around the room, checking her phone, or trying to make eye contact with her friends as an escape, you've missed your chance. Wait until your next conversation to improve your chances of getting her attention and her number.
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Try framing your request around specifically asking her out on a date . If you really like the girl, instead of simply asking for her digits, invite her to go out with you. Make your intentions clear by asking her to agree to a date. In the middle of your great conversation, say, "I’ll have to go soon, but I really want to keep up this conversation over dinner or drinks next week. What do you think?” If she says she likes the idea, say “Great! Let’s exchange numbers so we can coordinate.”
- If you ask her out on a date, getting her number just becomes a minor logistical detail instead of a big deal. [10] X Research source
- If you’ve been messaging on social media, say something like, “Let’s take this offline -- I’d love to get your cell number so we can arrange a proper date soon.”
- This approach eliminates the uncertainty around your request. She might be reluctant to give you her number if she doesn’t know why you’re asking.
- Just make sure you follow through and stay true to your word. If you say you’ll arrange a date, text her within 24 hours with the details.
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State that you need her number to make plans together to show that you’re into her . Instead of asking for a favor or pleading for her number, take a more confident, assertive approach. Try something like, “Hey, I need your number so we can coordinate our date next week.” Or, if you’re not discussing a specific date, say, “I’m starting to really like you. I’m gonna need your number so we can keep this up.” Either way, she’ll be flattered by your forward approach and will know that you’re serious about getting together. [11] X Research source
- For a less assertive approach, phrase your request like this: “Let me get your number” or “I’d like to get your number.” Just be sure to follow up with your reason: “... so I can ask you out sometime” or “... so we can talk more soon.”
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Offer to text her a link or video to get her number while sharing something cool. This is a great way to sneak your request into your conversation. While chatting, think of an article link, video, meme, or anything else you could text her a link to. Make sure it’s something she’d enjoy or get a laugh out of. [12] X Research source Mention it casually and explain specifically why you think she’d like it. Then, once she’s excited about it, transition into getting her number in order to send her the link or media.
- If you know she likes a certain guitarist, you could say, “I just saw this incredible cover of one of their songs on YouTube, I think you would love it! Can I send it to you?” Then pull out your phone and say, “So, what’s your number?”
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Give her your number first to prompt her to give you hers if you’re feeling forward. For this tactic, it works best if you have a pen and paper handy to jot your number onto. During your conversation, pull out a scrap of paper or a cocktail napkin. Or try playfully grabbing her stack of sticky notes or see if she’ll let you scribble on the corner of her notebook. Then write down your number neatly, along with your name and a cute message that relates to the conversation you’ve been having. [13] X Research source
- You could say something like, “555-555-1234. For bad guitar playing and great conversation! -Alex” or “John, your not-so-secret admirer: 555-555-1234.”
- Don’t just slip her your note and run; watch her reaction and see if she smiles or laughs. If she does, ask cutely, “Can I have yours, too?” If she looks a little uncertain, play it cool and explain that you’d love to coordinate a date sometime.
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Ask if she wants to exchange numbers if you prefer being more indirect. Instead of asking for her digits with “Can I have your number?” try phrasing it as a suggestion for something you could do together: “Let’s swap numbers so we can set up that date next week,” or “Hey, how about we exchange numbers so we can keep talking?” Be sure to deliver your suggestion with an upbeat, encouraging tone so she’s more likely to agree. [14] X Research source
- To get her number after connecting over social media, explain that you’re interested in swapping numbers to take your conversation out of the app and into the real world.
- If you present it as a fun thing you could both do, she won’t feel like you’re putting her on the spot.
- If you don’t like the more assertive approaches, try this out. It’s a less direct way of asking the same question.
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Part 3
Part 3 of 3:
Responding Positively
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Hand her your phone immediately so she can easily enter her digits. Present your phone to make getting her number an easy process and a no-brainer that she won’t want to refuse. As you make your request verbally, pull up the “Add New Contact” screen on your phone. Then hand it to her so she can type in her name and number.
- This tactic works well in a noisy environment, like a bar or a concert. She won’t be able to mistake your visual cues and you won’t have to strain to hear the numbers as she recites them for you.
- People are so used to typing their contact details into other people’s phones in many different contexts, so take advantage of this reflex.
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Text her right after you get her number. Even if you’re still sitting across from each other, shoot her a cute, funny message so she has your number, too. Send something short and sweet that’ll make her smile but that doesn’t interrupt your conversation too much. This will eliminate the awkwardness of not knowing when to make the initial call or text.
- Try something like, “It’s James, the suave guitar player you just met.”
- Be a little more forward by asking her out on the spot with your first text: “Hey, it’s Peyton, your date for next Friday (?)”
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React respectfully and graciously if she declines to give you her number. She might not want to give you her number for a variety of reasons that don’t have anything to do with you personally. Make it clear that you accept her decision without any hard feelings. Use your response to ending the conversation in a friendly manner, if you’d like.
- Try something like, “Oh, that’s okay. Well, it was great to chat with you anyway. Hope you have a good night!”
- If she already has a boyfriend or she’s not interested in dating at the moment feel free to keep things friendly. Offer to add her on your preferred social media platform in the hopes that your paths will cross again.
- Don't be discouraged if your plan doesn't work. The more times you try asking for a girl's number, the more likely you'll be to get a positive response.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you give a girl your number?Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."If you want to exchange numbers, the best way to do it is to take out your phone and tell them you'd like to trade numbers. For instance, you might say, "Hey, I've really enjoyed talking to you! Let's trade numbers so we can get a drink some time." Don't think of the phone number as a trophy—it's a byproduct of two people connecting and hoping to see each other again.
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Tips
- While you’re speaking with her, take note of her verbal and nonverbal responses. These will provide clues about whether she’s interested in you and how likely she is to give you her number.Thanks
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Warnings
- Don't have your friends ask for you or try to trick her into giving you her number through some kind of goofy prank. The girl will likely think you were too cowardly to ask for her number directly.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.mantelligence.com/how-to-get-a-girls-number/
- ↑ https://www.mantelligence.com/how-to-get-a-girls-number/
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-flirt/
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-flirt/
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-flirt/
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-flirt/
- ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRJzvJ5XPQI
- ↑ https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/buildingselfesteem/2015/05/how-to-feel-confident-in-social-situations
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/valley-girl-brain/201203/how-flirt-without-it-seeming-youre-flirting
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/break-the-ice-how-talk-girls-and-guys-0
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/break-the-ice-how-talk-girls-and-guys-0
- ↑ https://www.mantelligence.com/how-to-start-a-text-conversation-with-a-girl/
- ↑ https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-simplest-dating-advice-ever-give-her-your-number-hesaid/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/break-the-ice-how-talk-girls-and-guys-0
About This Article
Article Summary
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Asking a girl for her number can be intimidating, but all you need is a little confidence to make it happen! When you feel ready, start a conversation with her and introduce yourself if you aren't already acquainted. Keep the conversation light and positive to project a fun, approachable vibe. A compliment wouldn't hurt, but try to play it cool with something casual like, "You have a really cute laugh." If she’s enjoying your company, ask if you can text or call her sometime. You could also tell her you want to text her a funny link or video and get her number that way. If she says no, don’t be discouraged or upset. Instead, tell her it's no big deal and that it was nice to meet her anyway. For more advice, including what to avoid when you’re asking a girl for her phone number, keep reading!
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