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Maybe you're trying to figure out whether or not you are ready to come out, or maybe you want to let someone know that you are interested in them romantically. You might be ready to drop hints that you are LGBTQ. You can give clues as to your sexual orientation by dropping verbal clues and by giving visual hints. It's a good idea to make sure that you are prepared for a wide range of possible reactions.
Steps
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Talk about people you find attractive. If you want to let people know how about your sexual identity without explicitly stating it, you can definitely work some casual hints into conversation. Maybe you want your best friend to know that you are a lesbian. Drop some clues by saying something like, “Did you see that girl sitting next to me in Biology class? Wow, I could get lost in those beautiful eyes!"
- If you are bisexual, you could say, “I’m not sure who I’m more into in La La Land : Emma Stone or Ryan Gosling!”
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Talk about dating. Try to find a way to bring up romantic relationships in an everyday conversation. You can do this with friends or family. For example, if you’re working towards coming out to your sister, bring up the subject of dating. You could start by asking her how her relationship is going. If she’s dating a man and you identify as gay, you could say, “He’s such a great guy. I’d love to find a man to date who is just as funny as Josh.” [1] X Research source
- You can also make it less specific. For instance, if you’re pansexual you could say, “Intelligence is the most important thing to me in a relationship. I’m much less interested in gender.”
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Drop verbal hints if someone is hitting on you. Sometimes people just make an assumption that you are straight which could be annoying. For instance, if you are a single woman at a bar, it wouldn’t be unusual for a man to come up and offer to buy you a drink. It makes sense that you don’t feel like talking to a stranger about your sexual orientation. Try dropping some verbal clues. [2] X Research source
- You could say, “I really mean it when I say you are definitely not my type. It’s not personal. I’m just positive you’re not my type.”
- Of course, if you're into the person you should feel free to flirt back!
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Talk about LGBTQ celebrities. Pop culture is a great way to naturally bring up sexual orientation. You could make comments about famous people that you admire who are LGBTQ. This might be a good strategy for gauging how your family feels about people who are LGBTQ. [3] X Research source
- Try saying something like, “I love how Ellen Degeneres really owns her sexuality! Maybe someday I’ll be as comfortable and confident as she is.”
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Wear rainbow clothing items. The rainbow is part of the flag that represents the LGBTQIA+ community. It has a lot of historic symbolism, and it is commonly recognized. Try incorporating some rainbow items into your wardrobe to show your pride. [4] X Research source
- You can wear a rainbow scarf, t-shirt, or even sneakers.
- You can also wear rainbow accessories such as hats or bracelets.
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Wear a message T-shirt. Shirts are a great way to drop hints. You might be wearing one because you are an ally, or maybe because you’re celebrating your own pride. It’s up to you if you want to tell people about your sexual orientation. If someone asks you about your shirt, this is a great way to start a positive conversation! [5] X Research source
- Popular shirts say things like “Gender Roles are Dead,” “Love Knows No Gender,” or “Love is Love.”
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Change your wallpaper to a photo of you and someone you are dating. You check your phone often, and other people are likely to notice your wallpaper when you pull it out. Maybe you are trying to find a way to tell your parents that you are dating someone of the same sex. Try putting a picture of you and your partner as the wallpaper.
- Choose a picture that looks like the two of you might be more than just friends. Maybe you’re looking into each other’s eyes or have your arms around each other.
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Use flirtatious body language with someone you are attracted to. Maybe you want to let someone know that you are interested in them, but aren’t sure how to say it. For example, maybe you identify as gay, but have never dated another man before. You can flirt without having to specifically talk about your sexual orientation. [6] X Research source
- Make eye contact and hold it for several seconds.
- Use casual touch. For example, reach out and touch their hand when they make a joke.
- Stand close to them when you are talking.
- Use discouraging body language if you want to nicely reject someone. Look away if they try to make eye contact. Turn your body away if they head your way. [7] X Research source
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Get involved with queer organizations. There are lots of ways to show your support of the LGBTQ community! Try finding a way to actively support these organizations. For example, you could volunteer at events such as your local pride parade. Or maybe you could volunteer to hand out literature at a street festival. People might ask you why you’re involved and your response is up to you. [8] X Research source
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Accept that some relationships might change. Before you drop hints, be aware that relationships could potentially be different. If someone realizes that you are LGBTQ, it might cause strain. Sometimes friendships change. However, you should also know that sometimes relationships change for the better.
- For example, maybe the person you are interested in realizes that you two might work out as a couple.
- Some of your relationships may become strained, and it may be a while before they go back to normal.
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Make a plan for coming out to your parents . Before you drop hints to your parents, make sure that you are prepared to have an honest discussion with them if they ask what your clues mean. Hopefully, your parents will be immediately supportive. Sometimes parents express shock, sadness, or even anger when they learn their child is LGBT.
- Your parents will likely have a lot of questions for you. Have some resources ready for them. For example, you can direct them to PFLAG's website.
- Make a safety plan just in case. If you think there is a chance your parents might react negatively, plan ahead and have a safe place to go. Ask a friend if you can stay at their house for a few days.
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Find a support system. If you are worried about anyone’s reaction to your hints, it’s a good idea to have a support system in place. If you are already out to a friend or family member, let them know that you might need some extra support in the near future. You could also get support from your local LGBTQ community center. [9] X Research source
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Be patient while people process their feelings. Sometimes people need time to process information and how they feel about it. Some people will have a reaction, but they're not sure what to say. That's okay. Try to allow them space and time to work out how they feel. Understand that people won't always have a reaction to learning about your sexual orientation. [10] X Research source
- Know that it is normal for people to change their initial reaction after they have fully processed your news. For example, maybe a friend initially acts withdrawn. They might be back to normal in a couple of days or weeks.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you come out to someone?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).If you don't feel comfortable just saying it directly, you can use a lot of hints, make comments about a gay celebrity you admire, or speak about an LBGT issue.
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QuestionHow do I come out to my family?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).This can be difficult depending on your family members' beliefs, values, or religious orientation. Sometimes parents guess way before their kids formally come out. Pick a quiet moment and talk with one member of your family at a time. Be open, direct, and clear.
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QuestionHow do you drop hints that you like a guy?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).Make eye contact and compliment him on clothes, his eyes, or something else personal. Act a little flirtatious and see if there is a pickup or response.
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Tips
- Dropping hints, while a useful part of the process, can be confusing to people if it goes on for a long time. Be prepared to come out soon and set the record straight!Thanks
- Tell a supportive friend. If you feel like coming out, perhaps start by telling someone who will understand. Such people could include your best friend, a physician or a teacher.Thanks
- If you know someone in the LGBTQA+ community, it could be a good idea to tell them. They will most likely understand your situation and give you further advice.Thanks
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References
- ↑ http://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/teenagers/sex/coming-out/
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vanessa-van-edwards/how-to-show-a-man-youre-n_b_5927524.html
- ↑ http://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/teenagers/sex/coming-out/
- ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/gallery/pride-month-fashion-lgbtq
- ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/gallery/pride-month-fashion-lgbtq
- ↑ https://www.liveabout.com/how-can-you-let-people-know-youre-gay-when-it-isnt-obvious-1415380
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vanessa-van-edwards/how-to-show-a-man-youre-n_b_5927524.html
- ↑ https://www.liveabout.com/how-can-you-let-people-know-youre-gay-when-it-isnt-obvious-1415380
- ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/coming-out
About This Article
Article Summary
X
To drop hints that you’re LGBT, talk about people you find attractive. For example, if you’re bisexual, say something like, “I’m not sure who’s hotter in La La Land, Emma Stone or Ryan Gosling.” You can also mention LGBT celebrities, like, “I love how Ellen Degeneres really owns her sexuality! I hope I can be that confident one day.” In addition to dropping verbal cues, wear something rainbow or with an LGBT message on it so people can get the hint before they talk to you. If you’re attracted to someone and want to let them know you’re LGBT, try flirting with them by making lots of eye contact, smiling, and casually touching their hand or shoulder when they make a joke. That way, they quickly pick up on your sexuality. For more tips from our co-author, including how to come out to your parents, read on!
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Reader Success Stories
- "This helped me because when I read it, I was still in the closet as bisexual. My friends were openly gay, pan, and bi. I was afraid that they would think that I was copying them. I left a few hints, and my friends were like, "OMG, you're bi? Yay!" This helped me show bisexual pride!" ..." more
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"This helped me because when I read it, I was still in the closet as bisexual. My friends were openly gay, pan, and bi. I was afraid that they would think that I was copying them. I left a few hints, and my friends were like, "OMG, you're bi? Yay!" This helped me show bisexual pride!"
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"Started to hint at my sexuality. I changed my computer wallpaper to my flag and have a whole bunch of memes pointing to my sexuality like Panasexu-whale and talk about people I find cute as Cute! I plan to tell my therapist next I see her!"
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"This is very helpful! I'm lesbian, and most of my friends aren't straight, but the rest of the people in my grade (I think) have no idea. This is really helpful to come out to acquaintances and fellow classmates. "
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"This helped me come out as a trans ftm, I was already out to my parents, but they ignored it and I wanted to tell them I want to change my name and pronouns, I left them hints and they talked to me about it."
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"I'm a closeted trans guy and I'm trying to let my parents know and it's hard, because they will notice that I grew mustache, but they act like it doesn't matter and I'm trying, and this gave me new ideas."
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