How to Find the Ideal Mate

PDF download Download Article
PDF download Download Article

For the hopelessly single, finding the ideal mate seems like a daunting, impossible task. However, the truth about finding an ideal mate is actually very simple – it's simply that many people just don't know where to look or how to begin. If you're keen to get out of singledom and into a loving relationship, this article's geared at helping you work out how to get started on your search.

1

Determine what you want in a partner.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/a\/aa\/Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-1.jpg\/v4-460px-Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-1.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/a\/aa\/Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-1.jpg\/aid21031-v4-728px-Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-1.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer noopener\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Include their physical traits, interests, hobbies, communication style, religion and beliefs, values, and thoughts on marriage and children. You may want to ask your friends to help you, since they know you best!
    2. Advertisement
2

Turn the list into a profile of your ideal mate.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/9\/94\/Recreate-Your-Life-Step-1.jpg\/v4-460px-Recreate-Your-Life-Step-1.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/9\/94\/Recreate-Your-Life-Step-1.jpg\/aid21031-v4-728px-Recreate-Your-Life-Step-1.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer noopener\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    This is a skeleton of a person. It shouldn’t be a list of demands, but rather a list of your non-negotiables in a relationship. For example, if you want children, you should search for someone who is family-oriented.
3

Learn the top traits people look for in a mate.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/8\/8a\/Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/8\/8a\/Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-3.jpg\/aid21031-v4-728px-Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer noopener\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Since there are numerous studies on what men and women look for in a mate, make use of them so that you can understand what others are looking for. This allows you to emphasize your strengths, beliefs, and activities that your potential mate is looking for. Some of the most popular things men and women look for in one another are:
    2. Advertisement
4

Learn to love yourself.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/2\/2d\/Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/2\/2d\/Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-4.jpg\/aid21031-v4-728px-Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer noopener\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    This is the hot tip of the century— your ideal mate is going to be the person that loves you as you are and sees that you do too. If you cannot come to terms with this reality, then some confidence-building is in order and the mentality of wanting to fall in line with whatever your date says has to go out the window. Things to bear in mind to help you on your quest for the ideal mate include:
Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Who Is My Soulmate?

Happy couples seem to be everywhere you turn. One is holding hands in the park, another is laughing at the lunch table, and even more are making out on TV. So, when is it your turn? Where will you meet your soulmate and more importantly, what will they be like? Answer a few simple questions to find out!
1 of 14

What do you first notice about people?

5

Start looking for your ideal mate.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/9\/92\/Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-5.jpg\/v4-460px-Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-5.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/9\/92\/Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-5.jpg\/aid21031-v4-728px-Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-5.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer noopener\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    It's very important that you put yourself where you're likely to find your ideal mate instead of hoping that that person is the next one to sit down on the bar stool beside yours. The best places to look for your ideal mate are at places where you enjoy spending time, as it's likely that this first shared interest will get things started. Places to spend time looking for your ideal mate include:
    2. Advertisement
6

Don't be too picky up front.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/2\/2b\/Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-6.jpg\/v4-460px-Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-6.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/2\/2b\/Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-6.jpg\/aid21031-v4-728px-Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-6.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer noopener\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    You're not configuring a laptop--you and your future mate are both looking for (or at least open to) someone to get to know and make happy. Get to know lots of people in various contexts casually, with a view to a few core attributes and broadly compatible personalities. [4] Keep an open mind to the little details that you and that special someone can improve or compromise on and not worry about later.
7

Make a good first impression.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/5\/5e\/Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-7.jpg\/v4-460px-Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-7.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/5\/5e\/Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-7.jpg\/aid21031-v4-728px-Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-7.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer noopener\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Dress and present yourself well when you start flirting and dating. People do make judgments based on initial appearances and it might be the only chance you get to make a difference. Good grooming, pleasant manners, and making the most of yourself are important aspects of maintaining your attractiveness.
    2. Advertisement
8

Don't rush things.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/2\/28\/Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-8.jpg\/v4-460px-Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-8.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/2\/28\/Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-8.jpg\/aid21031-v4-728px-Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-8.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer noopener\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    When you find someone who seems to fit the profile, take a deep breath and go slowly! Spend a lot of time talking, listening, and seeing different aspects of this person you care about. Of course, you want there to be attraction, but you want to get to know this person as well. And you want to see how you interact in a range of situations, such as at leisure, during stressful periods, being around family, and in professional situations.
9

Communicate your expectations early on.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/1\/1a\/Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-9.jpg\/v4-460px-Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-9.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/1a\/Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-9.jpg\/aid21031-v4-728px-Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-9.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer noopener\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    The worst thing you could do to yourself is fall in love with someone who hits the road three months later because they're not ready to settle down. You should tell someone you are looking for a relationship after the first few dates (it's a bit desperate to discuss this on the first date!), or as soon as you know you're interested in this person. Don't be in a rush to commit; just make sure you're both on the same page. Let them know that's all you're doing. And bear in mind that you need to use your common sense when sounding out commitment issues; after all, nobody wants to discuss marriage on the second date!
    2. Advertisement
10

Be realistic about the other person.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/8\/82\/Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-10.jpg\/v4-460px-Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-10.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/8\/82\/Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-10.jpg\/aid21031-v4-728px-Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-10.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer noopener\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Do some reality checking as you get to know your date better. As the relationship evolves and you're becoming closer, how do you know that this person is "the one"? Love can leave you giddy and can lead you to overlook the "little things" that can actually be rather big things once you try spending your life together. Things to find out before you're ready to declare this person your "ideal mate" include:
11

Don't settle for less.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/2\/2b\/Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-11.jpg\/v4-460px-Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-11.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/2\/2b\/Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-11.jpg\/aid21031-v4-728px-Find-the-Ideal-Mate-Step-11.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer noopener\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    If you discover this is not the right person for you, don't hang on to them or convince yourself it'll get better or you're being too picky. You know what you want in a mate (you've already listed it above). You'll find it too. And when you do, it will be great! But on the other hand, don't be a perfectionist and demand impossibly high standards of the other person. Try to appreciate quirks but not settle for someone you will not be happy with.
    2. Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Tips

      • Enjoy your single status for a while. Fretting about it won't change it but getting on with loving your life is guaranteed to bring people into your sphere who may prove of interest to you.
        Thanks
        Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
      • If you're very young and/or religious - before you're intimate, make sure you're both committed to a relationship. Meet their family and let them meet yours. Hang out with them and their friends; invite them to hang out with you and yours. It may sound silly to do all of this before you even think about being intimate, but the way someone behaves in social or familial situations may make you realize this person isn't for you.
        Thanks
        Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
      • Listen to your friends' opinions about your new love, but don't take all of them to heart. Hear them, consider them, keep the ones that are valuable, and discard the rest. Remember friends are only human. They can make errors in judgment and they can also get jealous. Use your own good judgment and common sense!
        Thanks
        Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
      Show More Tips
      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
      Advertisement

      Warnings

      • In this day and age, you can never be too safe. Do not be afraid to ask your potential mate to get an HIV test or to have a background check. Just be willing to provide the same information. If you're going to ask someone for this information, be careful when you do it. Waiting three months and until you've already built a trusting, loving beginning to a relationship may tell them you don't trust them and end a good thing. Asking too early may make you seem a little crazy. The appropriate time to ask is at the moment when you are sure you want to be more committed to this person than just as a social companion.
        Thanks
        Helpful 23 Not Helpful 1
      • Never try or expect to change somebody into your ideal. It has never worked!
        Thanks
        Helpful 32 Not Helpful 3
      Advertisement

      You Might Also Like

      How to
      Talk to Someone You've Never Met
      16 Ways to Make a Guy Fall For You (Even If He Has a Girlfriend)
      How to
      Get a Senior Interested in You As a Freshman
      How to
      Find the Perfect Life Partner
      How to
      Select and Meet an Escort
      How to
      Get a Girlfriend
      How to
      Ask a Girl Out
      How to
      Turn a Girl on With Words
      How to
      Get a Boyfriend
      How to
      Look Attractive (Guys)
      How to
      Get a Girl's Phone Number
      How to
      Get a Guy to Like You
      How to
      Know if a Shy Guy Likes You
      How to
      Give a Guy an Answer when He Asks You Out
      Advertisement

      Expert Interview

      Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about flirting, check out our in-depth interview with Connell Barrett .

      References

      1. ↑ Katia Loisel-Furey and Paul Morris Segal, How to get the woman you want , p.195, (2008), ISBN 0-9805519-0-0
      2. ↑ Katia Loisel-Furey and Paul Morris Segal, How to get the man you want , p.29, (2008), ISBN 0-9805519-0-0
      3. ↑ Katia Loisel-Furey and Paul Morris Segal, How to get the man you want , p. 51, (2008), ISBN 0-9805519-0-0
      4. ↑ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dovetailing_%28computer_science%29
      5. ↑ http://improbable.com/airchives/paperair/volume8/v8i3/AIR_8-3-why-never-girlfriend.pdf
      6. ↑ http://www.cs.ubc.ca/~poole/aibook/html/ArtInt_53.html

      About This Article

      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 268,876 times.

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement