How do you overcome or get past the ick?

12/04/24 5:17am

OK, I've been flirting with this guy for a month and we just had our first date and Idk what it is but I'm feeling the ick. Not totally sure why?? Nothing even went bad, things were good, he was sweet and took me to a nice restaurant, so why do I feel like I never want to look at him again lol. Is it possible to get over it??

WikiCapybaraWatcher684

12/05/24 12:12pm

I'd advise you to really think about what gave you the ick and whether it's a minor thing or something that signals you're just not compatible. I think the ick often comes when we see someone in a different light than we're used to seeing them in, and that light can just reveal the complexity of their humanness or it can reveal a red flag.

I had the ick with my current partner after a few weeks of dating and in my case it was over something super minor (they chewed gum with their mouth open, lol) and in that moment, crazy as it sounds, I actually was like "Maybe we're not good together," but a second's reflection made me realize that no, the ick here was more about my own anxieties about the relationship progressing, and realizing they're not "perfect" (just like I'm not perfect). I think it was a brief moment of self-sabotage, honestly--basically, looking for a reason to escape before the relationship got more serious and something ACTUALLY bad happened to ruin things.

WikiToadWatcher346

12/05/24 10:30pm

I feel like I only get the ick when I'm not super attracted to someone. It builds up gradually over time for me as I realize little things he does that don't sit right with me. Like maybe he's not that nice to service workers or he interrupts people often. I think it's possible to get over the ick if you try to weigh his good qualities and bad qualities logically. If the ick is coming from something super minor and you can help yourself realize that, then you should be able to get over it by focusing on all his great qualities that outweigh the minor negatives. But if the ick is actually a red flag, then it's probably for the best that you don't get over the ick and instead break up with him. Listen to your gut.

WikiFawnDiver478

12/06/24 2:07pm

I used to get frustrated with my girl friends when they'd drop a guy because they got the ick because it didn't make sense to me and didn't seem fair to the guy. It felt petty and emotional. But now I understand that the ick is your body's way of letting you know that someone is not right for you. There's a reason you feel turned off by that person. If you were truly meant to be with someone, they wouldn't make you feel gross.

WikiLlamaJammer724

12/07/24 10:46am

Yes you can get over it by reflecting on why you're feeling the ick and pinpointing what it is that's throwing you off. Once you identify it, bring it up with the person to see if there's room for change or if you can better understand why they are the way that they are. From there, the two of you can work together to overcome the ick.