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Dating can be a frustrating experience, especially when every guy seems like Mr. Wrong. While you might feel like all the great guys are taken, there are lots of good men out there searching for love. To improve your chances of finding Mr. Right, find opportunities to meet new people. Additionally, work on being your best self by living a fun, fulfilling life. When you meet a guy you like, make healthy dating choices so that your relationship may develop into a love match. [1]
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Expert Source
John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. Tuesday, October 3, 2023.
Steps
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Join a social club that reflects your interests. [2] X Expert Source John Keegan
Dating Coach Expert Interview. Tuesday, October 3, 2023. Being part of a club is great because you get to meet people and slowly get to know them. Search online for clubs in your area or visit local shops that are related to your interests to see if they have postings about local organizations. Then, join 1 or more clubs to meet more guys. [3] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source- For example, you might join your local chapter of the Sierra Club if you enjoy outdoor activities. Similarly, you could visit a comic book store to find a group that discusses comics or a club that plays board games.
- Meetup.com and Facebook groups might also help you find a local club.
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Sign up for a class at a community college or local organization. Taking a class is great for two reasons. First, you’ll likely meet some men. Second, it’ll also help you become a more fun, well-rounded person. Check the websites for your local community college, library, and educational organizations to find classes that interest you. Then, enroll in a class that you think will also appeal to men. [4] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- You should be able to find classes on topics like art, cooking, and writing at local nonprofits or stores that sell materials for these activities.
- Ask your librarian if they have any upcoming classes if you can’t find the information online.
- Many community colleges offer continuing education classes that aren’t part of a degree program.
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Volunteer for a charity, nonprofit, or festival. Doing volunteer work is also a great way to meet guys, and you’ll be helping your community. Pick a cause that’s important to you or choose volunteer work that’s fun for you. Then, look for a local organization that needs your help. Here are some suggestions: [5] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- Work in a local soup kitchen.
- Collect books for underprivileged children.
- Bathe and walk dogs at a local animal shelter.
- Become a docent at a local museum.
- Volunteer for a local film festival.
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Attend local events and festivals to meet more guys. Check local news sites, Facebook events, and social media pages for local organizations to find events or festivals in your area. This might include things like art openings, live concerts, parades, and farmers markets. [6] X Expert Source John Keegan
Dating Coach Expert Interview. Tuesday, October 3, 2023. Then, go to the ones that pique your interest. While you’re there, say “hi” to people you meet and try to turn small-talk into a conversation. [7] X Research source- You can also find events on sites like Meetup.com.
- When you pass a guy who interests you, say something about the event or the weather to try to start a conversation. You might say, “I’m glad the weather is so nice today,” “Have you seen this band before?” or “Do you know if any of the booths are selling zucchini today?”
Tip: This is kind of like fishing. You'll throw a bait line out to a lot of guys, but only a few will bite. If someone isn't interested in talking, just move on to the next person.
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Participate in social events at your religious or spiritual organization. If you’re religious or spiritual, your house of worship or meeting space is an excellent place to meet a man. In addition to attending services, go to evening and weekend social events so you can meet more people. Talk to the guys you meet to get to know them and find out if they’re single. [8] X Research source
- When you’re talking to a guy you like, find out if he’s single by asking a casual question about his relationship status. You might say, “Did your wife come with you?” or “I’m glad this is on a Friday because I needed a break from dating. Isn’t it so hard?”
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Join a dating app to easily find single people in your area. Using a dating app allows you to narrow your focus to people who are looking for a relationship. Pick a dating app or website that you feel comfortable using. Then, create a profile that shows off your best attributes. When you find potential matches, get to know them to find out if they might be the right guy for you. [9] X Expert Source John Keegan
Dating Coach Expert Interview. Tuesday, October 3, 2023. [10] X Research source- Some dating apps might not be the best place to meet good men. Using lifestyle or faith-based apps may help you find better matches than an app like Tinder.
- Don’t respond to messages that are rude or aren’t respectful of you.
- If you like a guy, go ahead and message him first.
Warning: Sometimes people lie about their relationship status on dating apps. Before you let someone into your heart, ask them about their marital status and search their name online to check for evidence they might be married.
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Quiz
wikiHow Quiz: When Will I Get a Boyfriend?
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Express yourself through your style choices. Instead of trying to impress a guy, dress to impress yourself. Pick clothes that fit you well, make you feel great, and show off a bit of your personality. Additionally, style your hair in a way that flatters your face and works with your hair texture. If you wear makeup, use it to enhance your natural beauty . [11] X Research source
- For example, you might wear a fun dinosaur print to show off your quirky side or you may choose a sleek pencil skirt and cardigan if you think of yourself as studious.
- If you like how you look, you’ll naturally be more confident, which will catch a guy’s attention. Additionally, you’ll have more success in relationships if you meet a guy who likes you for yourself.
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Be authentic so people get to know the real you. Opening yourself up to others can be really hard because it hurts to feel rejected. However, being yourself is the only way to find a good partner. [12] X Expert Source John Keegan
Dating Coach Expert Interview. Tuesday, October 3, 2023. Show off your personality from day one, and be honest about what you like and what you dislike. This will help you find a guy that’s a great fit for you. [13] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source- For example, you don’t need to act like you’re extroverted if you’re happier being a homebody. Similarly, you don’t need to act meek and quiet if you normally have a big personality. You’re amazing the way you are, so don’t hide.
- Also, don’t pretend to like things because you think a guy will.
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Pursue personal or career goals that are important to you. Having goals is important because it helps you be fulfilled and happy. Additionally, men will be more attracted to you because you’ll be a more dynamic person. Set 1 or 2 goals for yourself, then break them down into actionable steps. Then, begin working on the steps so you can reach your goals. [14] X Research source
- For example, you could set a goal to get a degree or get a promotion at work. Similarly, you might set a personal goal to save up for a house, write a book, or get a painting in an art show.
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Spend your free time doing hobbies or enjoying social events. Hobbies and social events help you be happy and interesting, so guys will be more attracted to you. Additionally, this helps you enjoy life more overall, so you’ll be less worried about your relationship status. Pick 1 or more hobbies that you enjoy, then dedicate time to your hobby several days a week. Also, join your friends and family for social outings or invite them over to your home. [15] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- When you have free time, spend it doing something fun.
- For instance, instead of spending Saturday night alone, go bowling with friends or invite people over for a game night.
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Decide what you bring to a relationship. All relationships are give and take, so you’ll likely find a better partner if you’re giving equally to a relationship. Consider what you will do for your partner, how you’ll spend your time in a relationship, and what previous partners liked most about you. Then, be open about this with the guys you pursue. [16] X Research source
- If you have a dating profile, include this information on your profile.
- You might say, “I plan fun, creative dates, I’m patient, I’m open about what I want, and I’m great at making breakfast.”
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Be honest about your flaws because everyone has them. It’s totally normal to worry about your flaws, but everyone has some kind of shortcoming. Recognizing yours can help you be more honest in relationships, which helps you meet a better guy. Think about the problems in your prior relationships, as well as what you normally try to hide from people. Then, be open with the men you meet about your perceived flaws. [17] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- For instance, you might not like that you have a scar on your thigh and you may feel like you get too clingy sometimes. Knowing that you feel this way can help you make better choices as you get to know a guy. You might tell him about the scar early to see how he reacts, and you could make a conscious effort to be less clingy and apologize when you catch yourself doing it.
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Focus on having fun instead of finding a life partner. While your ultimate dating goal might be to find the perfect guy for you, you’ll be more successful if you just try to have fun. Pick dates that you’ll enjoy, then spend the time making a connection with the guy. Take your time to get to know him so that the relationship can develop into something meaningful. [18] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- For instance, play mini golf, go bowling, attend a concert, have a picnic, go rock climbing, or tour a local museum.
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Prioritize what you need and want in a man. [19] X Expert Source Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 24 August 2023. Knowing what you want in a partner helps you narrow your focus to guys that fit the bill. Make a list of what you absolutely need in a partner, then write a separate list of wants that would be nice to have. Next, prioritize both lists so you know what’s non-negotiable and what you’re willing to compromise. [20] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Some items on this list might be:- Integrity [21] X Research source [v161898_b01]. 19 August 2021.
- Trustworthiness [22] X Research source [v161898_b01]. 19 August 2021.
- Honesty [23] X Research source [v161898_b01]. 19 August 2021.
- Loyalty [24] X Research source [v161898_b01]. 19 August 2021.
- Good communication skills [25] X Research source [v161898_b01]. 19 August 2021.
- Kindness [26] X Research source [v161898_b01]. 19 August 2021.
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Ask a guy out if you’re interested in him. You might be nervous to make the first move, but it can help you get a great guy. If you’re interested in someone, invite him to do something fun that you’ll both enjoy, like watching a local band play. Alternatively, ask him to join you for coffee. [27] X Research source
- Say, “Do you want to check out this show with me on Friday?” or “I’m headed over to Good Beans for a cup of coffee. Wanna join me?”
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Give a man your complete attention while you’re on a date. Put your phone away so you can be in the moment with your guy. Listen to what he has to say and show interest in what he’s talking about. This will show him that you really care about him and want to get to know him. [28] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- Expect him to do the same for you. If he’s on his phone, let him know it bothers you. Say, “Are you okay with putting our phones away during our date?” If he continues to use his phone, he might not be the right guy for you.
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Get to know a guy before you dismiss him as a potential partner. [29] X Expert Source Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 24 August 2023. People are usually nervous when they’re first meeting people, and it’s hard to get to know someone quickly. Because of that, it’s important to spend time with a guy before you make conclusions about him. If you think a guy might be a good match, go on several dates with him to see if something is there. [30] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source- If you meet a guy and just aren’t into him, it’s okay to call it quits. However, don’t give up on a guy that checks a lot of your boxes but doesn’t spark an instant connection.
Tip: Just like you can’t rule out a guy right away, true love doesn’t happen overnight. If you find yourself falling for someone you just met, be careful because you may be romanticizing them.
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Avoid judging new partners based on what your exes did. You’ve probably had your heartbroken a few times, and it’s great to take lessons from those experiences. However, try not to jump to conclusions with your new guy. Give them the benefit of the doubt until you see evidence that he’s doing something wrong. [31] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- For example, let’s say your ex said he was working late when he was really cheating. If your new beau says he’s working late, don’t automatically assume he’s cheating. He probably just has to work late.
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Maintain mutual independence after you begin a relationship. In a healthy relationship, both partners are able to maintain their independence. This means that both of you should have space to pursue your interests, spend time with family, and maintain your friendships. Don’t give up your independent activities, and don’t expect your man to either. [32] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- It’s great to share a lot of interests with your guy. Just don’t feel like the two of you have to spend every moment together.
- For instance, it’s a great idea for you to have a night out with your friends while he goes out with his.
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Reconsider the relationship if he doesn’t respect your boundaries. Once you’ve shared your expectations with him, he should respect your wishes. If he doesn't, it’s a sign that he doesn’t really respect you. Talk to him about how you feel, and break things off if he continues to ignore your boundaries. [33] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- For example, let’s say you asked him not to call you while you were out celebrating your friend’s birthday, but he called 8 times and left 2 messages. He ignored your boundaries, and that’s not okay.
- Similarly, let’s say you have a child and you don’t want to introduce them to a man until you’re serious with him. If your new beau shows up to your house unexpectedly to give your child a toy and say hello before you’re ready, he’s not respecting your boundaries.
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Put the relationship on pause if he’s not fully open with you. While it’s unlikely that a man is going to tell you everything about his life when you first start dating, you should feel like you’re getting to know him. Additionally, he should freely share the most important information in his life. If you feel like he’s not giving you full answers or may be hiding something, it may be best to put things on pause. Tell him that you expect him to be fully open if you’re going to be together. [34] X Research source
- He may give you vague or short responses when you ask him about his life. You might say, “Do you see marriage in your future?” If he responds with, “The future is bright” or “Who even knows if there will be a future,” it’s a sign that he’s not being open with you.
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Take a step back if he talks down to you. You deserve to be in a relationship with a man that respects and cares for you. A good man won’t put you down, try to prove you wrong, or damage your self-esteem. If you’re dating a guy who makes you feel bad about yourself, consider breaking things off so you can find someone better. [35] X Research source
- For example, if he says things like, “You can’t do anything right” or “You sound crazy right now,” he’s being verbally abusive. It’s best to end it with him.
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Break things off if he tries to control what you do and who you see. You don’t give up your independence or autonomy when you get into a relationship. Your man doesn’t have the right to tell you what you can and can’t do. This includes what you wear, who you spend time with, and when you come and go. If he’s trying to control you, break up with him immediately because it’ll only get worse. [36] X Research source
- While it might seem small, things like suggesting what you should wear or asking why you wear makeup can be an early sign of control issues. You have the right to do whatever you want, so don’t waste your time on a guy who’s going to boss you around.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionWhat are some good questions to ask myself if I am not sure what I want in a romantic partner?Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over 12 years of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self-esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York, and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”Ask yourself where you would like to see your life going. If you're somebody for whom marriage and kids are important, you should look for a romantic partner that shares those goals. Ask yourself what's important to you in your life. If traveling a lot and being able to go to a new country at least once a year is important to you, then you would be looking for a partner who is open to adventures and like to travel.
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QuestionHow can I attract a boy?This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.wikiHow Staff EditorStaff AnswerTo find great tips on attracting a boy your own age, check out the wikiHow: How to Attract a Boy.
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QuestionWho said "a hard man is good to find"?This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.wikiHow Staff EditorStaff AnswerThis saying is originally attributed to Mae West (although it is not completely certain it was her phrase first), some time in the 1930s. It is a comic play on the traditional phrase: "A good man is hard to find," and is considered to be a double entendre.
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Tips
- Don’t chase guys who aren’t ready to love you. [37] X Expert Source John Keegan
Dating Coach Expert Interview. Tuesday, October 3, 2023. If a guy isn’t giving you the attention you want, move on to another man. [38] X Research sourceThanks - Don’t make your relationship the focal point in your relationship. Having lots of interests helps you feel more fulfilled and makes you a more attractive partner.Thanks
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Warnings
- If a guy tries to control you or acts abusive in any way, end your relationship immediately. This kind of behavior is always unacceptable.Thanks
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about relationships, check out our in-depth interview with John Keegan .
References
- ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview.Tuesday, October 3, 2023.
- ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview.Tuesday, October 3, 2023.
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
- ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview.Tuesday, October 3, 2023.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201303/how-can-i-find-good-man-or-woman
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201303/how-can-i-find-good-man-or-woman
- ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview.Tuesday, October 3, 2023.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201303/how-can-i-find-good-man-or-woman
- ↑ https://www.self.com/story/habits-that-attract-men
- ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview.Tuesday, October 3, 2023.
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201303/how-can-i-find-good-man-or-woman
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201303/how-can-i-find-good-man-or-woman
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
- ↑ Chloe Carmichael, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 24 August 2023.
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
- ↑ [v161898_b01]. 19 August 2021.
- ↑ [v161898_b01]. 19 August 2021.
- ↑ [v161898_b01]. 19 August 2021.
- ↑ [v161898_b01]. 19 August 2021.
- ↑ [v161898_b01]. 19 August 2021.
- ↑ [v161898_b01]. 19 August 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201303/how-can-i-find-good-man-or-woman
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
- ↑ Chloe Carmichael, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 24 August 2023.
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/millennial-media/201312/13-dating-red-flags-women
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/millennial-media/201312/13-dating-red-flags-women
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/millennial-media/201312/13-dating-red-flags-women
- ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview.Tuesday, October 3, 2023.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201303/how-can-i-find-good-man-or-woman
About This Article
Article Summary
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If you want to get a good man, start by joining a local social club, enrolling in a community college course, or volunteering for a charity or festival so you can meet men with similar interests. You can also try joining lifestyle or faith-based dating apps to meet single men in your area. You may want to avoid general dating apps like Tinder to find truly solid matches, though! Before you start going on dates, take some time to prioritize what you need and want in a man. That way, you can narrow your focus and recognize men that fit your ideal when you meet them! After you meet someone and really click with him, remember to maintain your independence to establish a healthy relationship. For tips on recognizing red flags when you're dating new people, read on!
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Reader Success Stories
- "Everything was so on point. One must examine self. Be the person you want to attract. Pay attention to the red flags and don't settle, have faith and continute to grow yourself." ..." more
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