16 Effective Ways to Set the Mood for Sex

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Pro tips to set the mood for intimate times with your partner
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Intimacy is an important part of any relationship, but sometimes sex is the furthest thing from your mind. So what can you do to help yourself get in the mood? Try flirting with your partner or reading or watching something spicy. We’ve compiled a list of the best tips and advice to help yourself get in and set the mood for some intimate moments with your partner and how to best look after yourself so that you both receive maximum pleasure and satisfaction.

1

Flirt with your partner throughout the day.

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    Small, flirtatious touches and gestures can help build up the anticipation for a more intimate moment later in the day. For instance, wink at them when you hand them their coffee, brush up against them when you pass each other in the hallway, or teasingly touch them when they’re close by. This is one form of foreplay that can help build up some steamy tension. [1]
    • Give your partner plenty of compliments—when you're looking for things to appreciate about them, you might just find yourself growing even more attracted to them.
    • In addition, look for opportunities to hold hands, hug, and kiss to keep that affectionate feeling going.
    • Sending them a flirty text is also a great way to set the mood. Even if sending dirty texts isn’t really your thing, send something coy and teasing to get both of you excited. For example, text something like, “I can’t wait to get you all to myself tonight ;)”
2

Create a romantic atmosphere to set the mood.

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    Spend some time cleaning and organizing your room , such as by putting away laundry, vacuuming, and making your bed. Then, amp up the sexy setting by dimming the lights, lighting a scented candle or two, or playing some music that fits the mood. [2]
    • Make your room a kid-free and work-free zone. That way, your brain will only associate the bedroom with sleep and sex.
3

Wear something that makes you feel sexy.

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    When you look good, you feel good, so slip into that one thing that always makes you feel amazing. It might be tailored trousers that show off your toned glutes or a dress that hugs your curves just right—or even a set of lacy undies or buttery-soft briefs under an ordinary work outfit. By the end of the night, you'll be ready to share that confidence with your partner. [3]
    • In the bedroom, channel that same energy by wearing sexy lingerie or a brand-new pair of boxers to bed.
    • Even something as simple as styling your hair a different way or experimenting with makeup can make you feel confident and sexy.
4

Read or watch something that turns you on.

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    Indulging yourself in some erotic literature or videos might be just the type of foreplay you need to get in the mood. Read a hot passage from your favorite romance novel, for instance, or put on a movie with a spicy love scene and fast-forward right to the good part. There are even podcasts out there dedicated to erotica if you’re more of an auditory person. [4]
    • Watching, reading, or listening to these kinds of things with your partner might help you both get in the mood. You might also use this as an opportunity to point out things to your partner that you want to try.
5

Indulge in self-pleasure.

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    This is a good way to get yourself a little excited and turned on before getting intimate with your partner. Touch yourself in ways that feel pleasurable to you, or do activities that you know will turn you on, such as taking a long, luxurious bath. [5]
    • Take this as an opportunity to show your partner how you like to be touched (and return the favor if they’re into it). Giving a demonstration can do wonders for setting an intimate mood. [6]
6

Try some aphrodisiacs.

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    Believe it or not, research has shown that the vitamins and nutrients in certain foods can actually help boost arousal and help you get in the mood for sex. Some aphrodisiacs to try include: [7]
    • Strawberries: Their high levels of Vitamin C can boost your libido. They can also help in protecting men against prostate cancer.
    • Raw oysters: The zinc in oysters can raise testosterone levels and sperm production in men.
    • Avocado: The vitamin B6 in avocado can help relieve premenstrual syndrome in women, including things like fatigue, irritability, and bloating, and help them get in the mood.
    • Avoid alcohol and too many saturated fats. Alcohol can actually lower testosterone levels, and saturated fats can impair blood flow to the penis.
7

Spend time cuddling before sex.

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    Don't pressure yourself to jump straight into getting frisky. Instead, cuddle with your partner as a way to let your body warm up. Snuggle up to your partner and ask them to just hold you for a while. You'll feel more relaxed and connected, which will make it easier to ease into the next round of activities. [8]
    • Take things slow—things like gentle touching, kissing, and massages can help you get warmed up without feeling rushed.
    • Be honest with your partner about what you need. if you feel like they're a little more excited than you are, say something like, "Let's slow things down just a little so I can catch up."
8

Explore new things in the bedroom.

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    If you and your partner do the same routine every time when it comes to sex, you might be in need of a change of pace to bring back that spark of excitement. Don’t be afraid to try new things and be honest with your partner about things you’d like to experiment with. Try using toys, doing role-play , or experimenting with new positions. [9]
    • Try new things in your daily life with your partner outside of sex as well. Experiencing new things together can bring you closer and encourage even more intimacy to bloom between you two.
    • For example, plan some fun activities for future date nights. Take a cooking class, go to a concert, or take a trip together.
9

Find a new location to get intimate.

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    If you’re finding it hard to get in the mood for sex, it might be because you’re bored of the routine you and your partner have fallen into. Change things up by moving your activities to new spots. Instead of the bedroom, explore other parts of your house. Even better, take a trip with your partner if your schedules and finances allow you to indulge in a romantic getaway. [10]
    • Even if you can’t get away to a faraway city, booking a hotel room for the night can turn into an intimate experience for you and your partner.
10

Stay in the moment when you're being intimate.

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    Being mentally present is a big part of feeling sexy. If you notice that you're starting to think about other things or you feel stressed, turn your attention back to the sensations you're feeling, like the warmth of your partner's skin or the way that they smell. [11]
    • Another thing that can help is focusing on your and your partner’s breathing. If your mind starts to wander, focus on matching your breathing with your partner’s.
    • Practice mindfulness in your daily life so that it becomes easier to do during intimate moments. Meditate, do breathing exercises, or practice yoga to get in the habit of clearing your mind and grounding yourself in the present.
11

Talk to your partner about sex.

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    While it can feel awkward to talk to your partner about sex if you’re going through a bit of a dry spell, being open with each other is an important factor in making sure that your intimate moments are satisfying to both of you. Open up about any worries you might have, or confide in them about why you may not have been in the mood for sex lately. In return, listen to them with an open mind if they want to confide anything in you. [12]
    • In addition to that, take some time to think about what might get you in the mood and share these thoughts with your partner. If you know what turns each other on, you can both work together to create an environment that leads to pleasure for both of you.
    • This could include things like any sexual fantasies you have, new things you want to try in the bedroom, or expectations you have for your partner in terms of sex.
    • A lack of communication can end up making sex for both of you not very pleasurable and reduce some of the intimacy and closeness you may have once felt.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 212 wikiHow readers how they like to discuss their needs with their partner, and 62% of them agreed that they prefer open and honest communication without judgment. [Take Poll] Remember, your partner cares about you and wants you to enjoy yourself, so don’t be afraid to tell them what you want or need.
    Emily Morse, Author & Sex Therapist

    Open communication around sex is healthy. "We have no examples of people talking about sex in a healthy way. We have a lot of shame around it because, if sex does come up in a conversation, it's usually something negative."


12

Schedule time for sex.

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    It might seem unsexy to schedule sex, but it can actually be really hot. When you know in advance that you're going to be intimate, you won't feel put on the spot when the time comes. This can make it easier to relax and go with the flow when you and your partner start getting intimate. It might also help to switch up the times when you have sex and try something new. [13]
    • For example, if you usually have sex at night, experiment by moving your intimate moments to the morning.
    • You don’t just have to use your scheduled time for sex. Be sure to also make time for dates and spending quality time together . Just being together can help you get in the mood.
13

Do things to help yourself relax.

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    Indulge in activities that will leave you feeling loose and relaxed, especially if you’ve had a particularly stressful day. Go for a walk, meditate , or do some breathing exercises to calm yourself down and let go of any stress you’ve been feeling. [14]
    • Pamper yourself as well. For instance, take a nice long bath or shower and use some scented body washes, massage oil, or lotion to help spark your libido and get you in the mood.
    • Get your partner involved by asking them to give you a massage. You might also use this as foreplay to help you build up to something more intimate later on.
14

Take care of yourself.

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    It can be hard to get in the mood for sex if you’re not in the best condition. If you haven’t been in the mood for sex recently, take a few moments to assess other aspects of your health and make sure that all of your needs are taken care of. When your body and mind feel good, you’ll be able to enjoy pleasurable activities with your partner even more. [15]
    • Be sure to eat healthy , get enough sleep, and stay hydrated. Taking care of your body can also help you feel more confident in yourself if that’s something that’s been hindering your desire for sex.
    • For your mental health, spend time doing hobbies you enjoy, hanging out with friends, and relaxing. You may be a lot more open to being intimate with your partner once you get rid of any burdens or heavy feelings that are weighing you down.
    • In terms of your emotional health, open up to your partner. Talk to them about other things going on in your life and allow them to give you support and encouragement when you need it. This will help you grow even closer and possibly fuel your attraction to them.
    • Avoid tobacco and excessive alcohol. Cigarettes and alcohol can both have a negative impact on your libido. [16]
15

Exercise regularly.

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    When you exercise, you get a big dose of mood-boosting endorphins that will make you feel great. In addition, your circulation will improve—including boosted blood flow to the places that are important for sex. Together, those benefits can really improve your sexual desire. [17]
    • Exercise can also help you feel more confident about yourself. This is a great way to boost your libido if you've been struggling with your body image. But remember, you don't have to look a certain way to be healthy, strong, and sexy.
    • Make sure to do a good mix of aerobic exercises and strength training to increase your stamina and endurance.
    • For women, research has shown that doing Kegel exercises can help improve sexual experiences and increase arousal. [18]
16

Talk to a doctor or therapist about libido issues.

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    There are a lot of different physical and psychological conditions that can impact a person’s sex drive—and that’s certainly nothing to be ashamed of. However, if you continue to experience low libido, talk to your primary care provider or a therapist to make sure you're in good health and that any potential conditions are being managed correctly. Some issues that can affect a person’s sex drive include: [19]
    • Circulatory issues
    • Diabetes
    • Prostate cancer
    • Gynecological conditions like endometriosis, ovarian cysts, and vaginismus
    • Certain medications, including antidepressants [20]
    • Hormonal changes like menopause, pregnancy, and low testosterone
    • Mental health conditions like depression and anxiety, along with issues like poor body image or a history of abuse

Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    Can you discuss sex before having it?
    Jacqueline Hellyer
    Licensed Psychosexual Therapist
    Jacqueline Hellyer is a Licensed Psychosexual Therapist and the Founder of The Love Life Blog and The LoveLife Clinic. With over 20 years of experience, Jacqueline specializes in sex advice, sex tips, and relationship advice. In addition to being an accredited Psychosexual Therapist with the Society of Australian Sexologists (SAS), Jacqueline is also a Professional Certified Coach with the International Coach Federation (ICF). Jacqueline holds a BSc in Biochemistry and Human Sciences from The Australian National University, a Graduate Diploma in Applied Science from the University of Canberra, a BA in Languages and Literature from the University of New England (AU), an MSc in Sexual Health from The University of Sydney, and an MSc in Consciousness, Spirituality & Transpersonal Psychology from The Alef Trust. Her work and expertise have been featured in Australian Men’s Health, Cosmopolitan, Australian Women’s Health, Marie Claire, and 60 Minutes.
    Jacqueline Hellyer
    Licensed Psychosexual Therapist
    Expert Answer
    Absolutely! Anything good in life requires focus and communication. Think of it this way—if both you and your friend love playing tennis, it wouldn't be weird to talk about tennis, right? The same logic applies to you and your partner in the bedroom.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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  • Question
    What should I do if I'm not in the mood for sex?
    Jacqueline Hellyer
    Licensed Psychosexual Therapist
    Jacqueline Hellyer is a Licensed Psychosexual Therapist and the Founder of The Love Life Blog and The LoveLife Clinic. With over 20 years of experience, Jacqueline specializes in sex advice, sex tips, and relationship advice. In addition to being an accredited Psychosexual Therapist with the Society of Australian Sexologists (SAS), Jacqueline is also a Professional Certified Coach with the International Coach Federation (ICF). Jacqueline holds a BSc in Biochemistry and Human Sciences from The Australian National University, a Graduate Diploma in Applied Science from the University of Canberra, a BA in Languages and Literature from the University of New England (AU), an MSc in Sexual Health from The University of Sydney, and an MSc in Consciousness, Spirituality & Transpersonal Psychology from The Alef Trust. Her work and expertise have been featured in Australian Men’s Health, Cosmopolitan, Australian Women’s Health, Marie Claire, and 60 Minutes.
    Jacqueline Hellyer
    Licensed Psychosexual Therapist
    Expert Answer
    Talk about it with your partner! It's very rare that 2 people are ready to have sex at the exact same moment.
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      • Sometimes, problems in a relationship can make it hard to feel physically intimate. Consider talking to an individual or couple's counselor to address the problem.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://intermountainhealthcare.org/blogs/too-tired-for-sex-8-tips-to-improve-your-sex-life
      2. ↑ https://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/sex/advice/a181/mood-in-minutes-ll/
      3. ↑ https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/keep-the-spark-alive-in-your-marriage
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-future-of-intimacy/202304/how-to-genuinely-want-sex-with-your-partner
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-future-of-intimacy/202304/how-to-genuinely-want-sex-with-your-partner
      6. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/harvard/tips-to-improve-your-sex-life.htm
      7. ↑ https://www.pennmedicine.org/updates/blogs/health-and-wellness/2017/february/food-for-libido
      8. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/harvard/tips-to-improve-your-sex-life.htm
      9. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/harvard/tips-to-improve-your-sex-life.htm
      1. ↑ https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/lets-talk-low-libido
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-future-of-intimacy/202304/how-to-genuinely-want-sex-with-your-partner
      3. ↑ https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/keep-the-spark-alive-in-your-marriage
      4. ↑ https://intermountainhealthcare.org/blogs/too-tired-for-sex-8-tips-to-improve-your-sex-life
      5. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/harvard/tips-to-improve-your-sex-life.htm
      6. ↑ https://www.acog.org/womens-health/faqs/your-sexual-health
      7. ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9125-sexual-dysfunction-and-disease
      8. ↑ https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/lets-talk-low-libido
      9. ↑ https://urogyn.coloradowomenshealth.com/tips/kegel-corner/teach-me-how-to-kegel.html
      10. ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9125-sexual-dysfunction-and-disease
      11. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/low-sex-drive-in-women/symptoms-causes/syc-20374554

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