How to Make Sex Better

PDF download Download Article
PDF download Download Article

Is sex not as fun as you want it to be? Is it even kind of painful? Having sex is great for your health and your relationship, and there are all kinds of things you can do to make it better. To help you out, we've pulled experts' top tips and techniques for better sex. Keep reading to learn how to spice things up in the bedroom and increase your sex drive so you can start having the best sex ever.

Part 1
Part 1 of 4:

Setting up for Success

PDF download Download Article
  1. Use safer sex practices . It can be easier to relax and enjoy yourself if you feel confident that you are practicing safer sex. With this in mind, make a plan to make your sex life as safe as possible. If you can, before you have sex, get to know your partner, and talk openly about your sexual histories. Use a condom or dental dam every time you have sex, and for the complete act. [1]
    • Only latex and polyurethane condoms protect against STIs and HIV . Polyurethane condoms may break more easily than latex. Use a condom any time you have vaginal, anal, or oral sex . [2] A dental dam is a latex barrier that you can use when performing oral sex with a female partner. It can help prevent the spread of STIs and HIV. [3]
    • Females should also consider getting the HPV vaccine to help prevent problems like genital warts and cervical cancer. [4] HPV vaccines may cause fainting or allergic reactions in some people, so talk with your doctor about whether the vaccine is right for you. [5]
  1. Feeling self-conscious or embarrassed of your body can make sex needlessly uncomfortable. If you struggle with body image issues that are negatively affecting your sex life, then make it a priority to rectify what you can and accept what you cannot. Accepting your body is key to a happy self and the first step to better sex life.
    • Try looking at yourself in the mirror and make it a point to find a new positive about yourself each day. [6]
    • You can also make it a point to get to know your own body in a sexual way. People with vaginas who masturbate have significantly more sexual satisfaction than those who do not [7] Knowing what feels good for yourself will help you communicate your needs to your partner.
  2. Communicate openly with your partner . Communication with your partner will improve your sexual satisfaction and help with your intimacy. [8] [9] [10] It can be hard to establish and maintain open communication with your partner, especially if you aren't comfortable with sex and what you want. Think about what you can say and still feel comfortable and safe.
    • No matter how well you may think you know each other, your partner isn't a mind reader. If there is something you want to change about your sex life, then it's important to talk about it. If your partner is really committed to you, then they will be willing to listen and respect your needs. [11]
    • Communicating your sexual needs can even be a good bonding experience for you and your partner. [12]
  3. You need to be open with your partner about your attitudes and feelings towards having sex. You should also make a point of asking your partner what they want and what they like. Being shy or coy will only make your partner feel self-conscious, which can make the experience worse for both of you. Let yourself enjoy the experience and allow yourself to let your partner see that you're enjoying it too. [13]
    • Don't judge your partner for what they like. It can be scary for both of you to divulge that kind of information, so listen to them without interrupting. If your partner likes something that you are not comfortable with, let them know that you are not interested in it without making them feel weird or bad about their desires. [14]
    • Avoid using euphemisms when possible. These are not clear, and can make it harder for your partner to understand you. Use language that you're comfortable with, but remember that sex is not "wrong" or "dirty," and using terminology that is clear and communicative is helpful. [15]
  1. There are times when something you try in the bedroom isn't working. Instead of placing the blame on anyone, use "I" statements to express what is unsatisfying about the experience for you. If you are more honest about the things you don't like, you can fix them. This can only make the sex better.
    • For example, tell your partner, "I feel as if the sex is too rushed. What can we do to fix this?" This statement communicates the problem you are having with the sex but doesn't place the blame on anyone. Instead, it shows that it is something that you can work on together. [16]
    • Frame things positively when possible, such as "I really enjoy when you do ____ and would like that to happen more often" or "Such-and-such really works better for me than so-and-so -- can we try that instead?" [17]
  2. See their pleasure as your goal line. Of course, it's important for you to get what you're looking for from a sexual relationship too, but you should start by setting a good example. The better you make them feel, the more they’re going to want to rise to the challenge. The key to good sex is to make sure that you're processing and acknowledging your partner's reactions to the experience.
    • When you see your partner wince, stop . You might be hurting them. When you hear your partner moan, repeat the motion you just did because it probably feels really good. Most importantly, pay attention throughout sex to make sure that your partner is mutually interested in everything you are doing.
    • Stop immediately if they say “no.”
    • Remember that just because your partner doesn't say "no" doesn't mean that they are comfortable with the situation. Consent is an ongoing process. After all, your goal is to get a resounding “yes!” from the both of you.
Part 2
Part 2 of 4:

Mastering the Act

PDF download Download Article
  1. Porn is like all other movies: they do not reflect reality. Porn is shot and set up to look good on camera, but it usually doesn't reflect what actually feels good or what a real sexual encounter looks like.
    • Try to go in with no expectations. Just let things go naturally. [18]
  2. You want to enjoy every minute of the entire experience. It shouldn't be a "get-in-get-out" operation. Enjoy the whole sexual experience. Pay attention to your partner's erogenous zones and spend time pleasuring them. Slow down and explore your partner's whole body. Don't just go for the clichè parts.
    • You can also play games with one another to liven up the experience. Always focus on connection and keeping them guessing to make sex interesting.
    • Make a point to keep kissing . Returning for a sexy make-out every now and again can be a great way to draw out the experience.
  3. Before jumping right to the main event, spend some time kissing, caressing , and pleasing one another. Foreplay can make sex last longer and feel more sensual and romantic. Many females especially find that foreplay is helpful in getting them in the right mood, whereas male may be more ready to go at any moment.
    • It's in your best interest to get your lady in the mood. It will increase her natural lubrication and make her enjoy sex more. [19]
  4. You should make sure that your partner never doubts for a moment that you think they are pretty much the hottest thing on the planet, maybe even the hottest thing for the next couple planets. When you see something you like, let your partner know.
    • You don't always have to say it, but take time to enjoy it. Let your partner see you enjoying their body too.
  5. Personal lubrication products can significantly improve sexual satisfaction. [20] [21] Using quality lubricants is very important to good sex, especially if your partner is female or if you are having anal/penetrative sex. Sexual interactions involve a lot of friction and, most of the time, friction is good. However, it also has its downsides, such as chafing and discomfort. You can buy lubricants at many local stores and pharmacies as well as online. You can also get them through your doctor or a sexual health clinic. [22]
    • Choose lubricant products without the ingredient glycerin, which leads to vaginal dryness. Avoid using scented products or other materials that could cause vaginal dryness, including douches, hand lotions, soaps, or bath oils. To use lubricants correctly, follow the manufacturer's instructions. [23]
    • There are three types of lubrication, water-based, silicone-based, and oil-based. Water-based lubricants rinse off easily, and are easy to find in stores. [24] They can also be used with condoms, can prevent the condom from breaking [25] , and produce fewer genital symptoms than silicone-based lubricants. [26]
    • Silicone-based lubricants last longer than other lubricants and are the best choice for anal sex. [27] Oil-based lubricants should never be used with latex condoms because they can cause the condom to break. [28]
  6. When you are having sex, try to make some noises of appreciation for your partner. Of course, you don't want to go over the top, but making some basic moans and gasps lets your partner know not only when something feels good, but when your partner should do more of it. It also tells the other person that you're enjoying the experience. This will heighten their enjoyment and also encourage your partner to put in more effort.
    • A recent study reveals that partners who make noise during sex tend to have better sex. So just do what feels natural and if you feel like making noise, let it loose. [29]
Part 3
Part 3 of 4:

Try New Things

PDF download Download Article
  1. You don't need to go full blown over the top with the things you like in bed, but some basic kink can really add variety and interest to your sex life. The problem is that sex can easily become routine, especially when you've been with someone for a while. To keep it great or make it better, you want to break up the monotony. Nothing says "goodbye monotony" like silk blindfolds, fuzzy handcuffs, and a fun game of Bad Cop.
    • You should also experiment with sex toys . Including sexual materials in your sex life can improve your satisfaction and most sex toys can be pleasurable for both partners. [30]
    • Other sexual materials also might help create some sparks in your love life. Do some research and see what you might be missing out on.
    • Lots of people have very specific sexual fantasies that they are too embarrassed to share with their partners. If you feel comfortable enough with your partner, then share your fantasies with one another. [31]
    • Make sure to honestly discuss these fantasies with your partner. Neither you nor your partner should feel pressured to try things they aren't comfortable with.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 595 wikiHow readers and 59% agreed that making sure both partners are comfortable is the most important part of role-playing and other fantasies. [Take Poll]
  2. You might know just what to do to make your partner orgasm instantly, but that doesn't mean you should. Sex should happen organically and feel spontaneous. If you and your partner have sex at the same time every day or night, then it's time to mix things up.
    • Incorporate variation in the positions you use, where you have sex, who's in control, and what extras you use. [32]
  3. Changing sex positions can improve sexual satisfaction. [33] It can make you and your partner feel better to try new things. There are positions which offer more control to and increase your partner’s pleasure.
    • If you and your partner are male and female, you could try side by side positions. If one or both of you have back or joint pain, or if there is discomfort due to penis size, side by side positions can offer more control and comfort. Both partners will be laying on their side facing the same direction for these positions. There are many variations so find what works best for you.
    Emily Morse, Author & Sex Therapist

    Prioritize finding out what works for you. "The best thing you can do for your sexual confidence is taking the time to learn what feels good for your body."


Part 4
Part 4 of 4:

Getting Outside Help

PDF download Download Article
  1. You can find inspiration from erotic stories -- many's the woman who has thrilled to 50 Shades of Grey -- but it can also be a good idea to consult some "how-to" manuals on how to improve your sex life. Look for books written by sex experts. It can also be helpful to look for resources that are geared toward where you are in life; there are resources available for LGBTQ individuals, older individuals, etc. [34]
    • The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy recommends the "Better Sex" video series by the Sinclair Institute.
  2. Some causes of sexual dysfunction have medical causes, especially for people with penises. Erectile dysfunction , for example, is commonly caused by conditions such as heart disease, high blood pressure, or obesity, although stress can also cause it. [35] If you're experiencing physical problems that are interfering with your sex life, talk to your doctor.
    • Many conditions that cause sexual dysfunction are very treatable. Don't feel embarrassed about going to your physician; sex issues are very common and your doctor likely deals with them all the time. [36]
  3. Sometimes, a couple has issues with their sex life that they can't seem to solve on their own. This is perfectly natural. If you continue having sexual problems, seeing a couple therapist who specializes in sex therapy can help. A sex therapist (or couple therapist with sex therapy training) knows what kinds of questions to ask to help you and your partner(s) of you discover what may be causing your issues in the bedroom. [37]
    • It can be immensely embarrassing to talk to a stranger about your sex life, but sex therapists are held to the same rules of confidentiality as all mental health professionals. They're there to help you, and will not judge you or discuss your issues with anyone else.

Expert Q&A

Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit

      Tips

      • As with anything else, sex takes practice in order to perfect. If you are new to sex, then don't panic if it isn't amazing from the get-go. You're still learning about your own body and about what techniques and maneuvers work and which ones don't in bed.
        Thanks
        Helpful 6 Not Helpful 1
      • Be seductive. Play. Pinch. Lick.
        Thanks
        Helpful 7 Not Helpful 0
      • Communication is very important. Clear, verbal consent must be shared between all parties involved. Communication can also enhance sex, making it more pleasurable and intense.
        Thanks
        Helpful 3 Not Helpful 2
      Show More Tips
      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

      Warnings

      • Remember that birth control does not protect against sexually transmitted diseases, and is not 100% effective in preventing unplanned pregnancies.
        Thanks
        Helpful 505 Not Helpful 158
      • No sex is 100% safe, but safer sex practices such as having open conversations about your sexual history and using condoms every time greatly reduce your risk.
        Thanks
        Helpful 456 Not Helpful 145
      • The BDSM community tends to hate 50 Shades of Grey. You should take advice from non-fiction, not fiction, anyway.
        Thanks
        Helpful 295 Not Helpful 96

      You Might Also Like

      How to
      Make Your Girlfriend Want to Have Sex With You
      How to
      Make Sex Important in a Relationship
      How to
      Increase Your Sex Appeal (12 Ways to Make Everyone Want You)
      How to
      Masturbate Better (For Women, Men & Folks of All Genders)
      Bondage 101: How to Tie Up Your Lover, Explained
      How to
      Have an Orgasm (for Women)
      How to
      Lose Your Virginity Without Pain (Girls)
      How to
      Have Phone Sex
      How to
      Know If Sperm Entered Your Body during Vaginal Sex
      How to
      Wow Your Husband in the Bedroom: Tips and Tricks to Try
      Undress to Impress: Remove Your Clothes (or Your Partner’s Clothes) in the Hottest Way Possible
      19 Tips to Spice Things up in the Bedroom
      How to
      Make Great Love
      How to
      Have Sex During Your Period

      References

      1. ↑ Haavio-Mannila, E., & Kontula, O. (1997). Correlates of increased sexual satisfaction. Archives of sexual behavior, 26(4), 399-419
      2. ↑ http://www.hiv.va.gov/patient/daily/sex/condom-tips.asp
      3. ↑ http://www.hiv.va.gov/patient/daily/sex/condom-tips.asp
      4. ↑ http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001949.htm
      5. ↑ http://www.cdc.gov/vaccinesafety/vaccines/hpv-vaccine.html
      6. ↑ https://uhs.berkeley.edu/whatseatingyou/pdf/TenStepsBodyImage.pdf
      7. ↑ Hurlbert, D. F., & Whittaker, K. E. (1991). The role of masturbation in marital and sexual satisfaction: A comparative study of female masturbators and nonmasturbators. Journal of Sex Education and Therapy, 17(4), 272-282
      8. ↑ Davis, D., Shaver, P. R., Widaman, K. F., Vernon, M. L., Follette, W. C., & Beitz, K. (2006). “I can't get no satisfaction”: Insecure attachment, inhibited sexual communication, and sexual dissatisfaction. Personal Relationships,13(4), 465-483
      9. ↑ Byers, E. S., & Demmons, S. (1999). Sexual satisfaction and sexual self‐disclosure within dating relationships. Journal of Sex Research, 36(2), 180-189
      1. ↑ Haavio-Mannila, E., & Kontula, O. (1997). Correlates of increased sexual satisfaction. Archives of sexual behavior, 26(4), 399-419
      2. ↑ http://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex-partner-communication#AWidespreadProblem2
      3. ↑ https://www.gottman.com/blog/how-to-feel-comfortable-expressing-sexual-desires-with-your-partner/
      4. ↑ Byers, E. S., & Demmons, S. (1999). Sexual satisfaction and sexual self‐disclosure within dating relationships. Journal of Sex Research, 36(2), 180-189
      5. ↑ http://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex-partner-communication#AWidespreadProblem2
      6. ↑ https://www.gottman.com/blog/how-to-feel-comfortable-expressing-sexual-desires-with-your-partner/
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-therapy/201403/why-arent-we-talking-our-partners-about-sex
      8. ↑ http://www.stanleyducharme.com/resources/talkingaboutsexualmatters.htm
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/201207/the-real-problem-porn-its-bad-sex
      10. ↑ https://www.thehealthsite.com/sexual-health/sex-tip-8-focus-on-foreplay-for-a-great-sex-life-171836/
      11. ↑ Herbenick, D., Reece, M., Hensel, D., Sanders, S., Jozkowski, K., & Fortenberry, J. D. (2011). Association of lubricant use with women's sexual pleasure, sexual satisfaction, and genital symptoms: A prospective daily diary study. The journal of sexual medicine, 8(1), 202-212
      12. ↑ Haavio-Mannila, E., & Kontula, O. (1997). Correlates of increased sexual satisfaction. Archives of sexual behavior, 26(4), 399-419
      13. ↑ http://www.avert.org/fact-sheet-condoms-lubricants.htm
      14. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-can-i-use-instead-of-lube/
      15. ↑ http://www.healthyhorns.utexas.edu/hs_lube.html
      16. ↑ http://www.avert.org/fact-sheet-condoms-lubricants.htm
      17. ↑ Herbenick, D., Reece, M., Hensel, D., Sanders, S., Jozkowski, K., & Fortenberry, J. D. (2011). Association of lubricant use with female sexual pleasure, sexual satisfaction, and genital symptoms: A prospective daily diary study. The journal of sexual medicine, 8(1), 202-212
      18. ↑ http://www.healthyhorns.utexas.edu/hs_lube.html
      19. ↑ http://www.avert.org/fact-sheet-condoms-lubricants.htm
      20. ↑ http://www.counselheal.com/articles/3715/20130204/noisy-sex-really-better-study-reveals.htm
      21. ↑ Haavio-Mannila, E., & Kontula, O. (1997). Correlates of increased sexual satisfaction. Archives of sexual behavior, 26(4), 399-419
      22. ↑ http://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/dr-laura-berman-how-couples-have-fun-with-fantasies.aspx
      23. ↑ http://www.lovepanky.com/flirting-flings/wild-secrets/how-to-create-sexual-chemistry
      24. ↑ Haavio-Mannila, E., & Kontula, O. (1997). Correlates of increased sexual satisfaction. Archives of sexual behavior, 26(4), 399-419
      25. ↑ https://guides.library.ucsb.edu/c.php?g=1024694&p=7718093
      26. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/erectile-dysfunction/symptoms-causes/syc-20355776
      27. ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/erectile-dysfunction/basics/treatment/con-20034244
      28. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/an-overview-of-sex-therapy/

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      If you want to make your sex better, work on communicating openly with your partner so they know what makes you feel comfortable and safe. While it can be scary at first, you should try to share with your partner what you like and what makes you feel good, since doing so will improve your intimacy. Before you dive into having sex, make sure to spend plenty of time on foreplay, since this will make the sex last longer and feel more enjoyable. You can try kissing, caressing, and complimenting each other’s bodies. When it comes down to the act itself, consider using a personal lubrication product to make things feel more comfortable. To learn how to keep things unpredictable in the bedroom, read more from our Relationship co-author!

      Did this summary help you?
      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 5,028,880 times.

      Reader Success Stories

      • Eric Gomez

        Jan 2, 2017

        "The language was very clear and to the point. This is my first time reading these articles. The various examples ..." more
      More reader stories Hide reader stories
      Share your story

      Did this article help you?