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Attention girls, guys, and anyone in between: do you have your eye on a hottie? Are you excited to get physical? Maybe it's that cute guy in biology class, or maybe he's the hunk sitting across the bar. No matter your situation, we're covering everything you need to know. We're covering tips for attracting him, how to approach your hookup, and even how to handle the aftermath. So let's get started—read on to learn how to hook up with a guy!
Things You Should Know
- Plan ahead for your hookup by choosing a clean, convenient location. And make sure to keep your phone charged up for the night, too.
- Build up the tension with tons of flirting and intense make-outs. Show him how excited you are to hang out together later in the evening!
- If you want to avoid the morning-after small talk, set an early alarm and sneak out quietly.
Steps
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Plan your hookup location beforehand. You have tons of options at your disposal; as long as the area is comfortable, clean, and convenient, then it's a great bet. Invite him back to your place, and just make sure that you've put away clothes, dishes, and any other messes. Or, if you'd rather have even more privacy, go with a hotel. [1] X Research source
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Wear something that makes you feel sexy . The truth is, anything that leaves you feeling fabulous is the perfect outfit for a hookup. Maybe you love tight, leather looks, or maybe you love a soft sundress—either way, your confidence is sure to shine through. And confidence is a super sexy quality to guys, so he'll love your outfit, too! [2] X Research source
- Revealing clothes can be a great way to appeal to guys, too. If you feel comfortable in them, pull on a tight or low-cut blouse with your jeans.
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Get him alone. Whether you meet at a bar or a party, finding solo time will be key. If you guys met on a one-on-one date, then you're already there. Walk up to your crush and ask him if he wants to go somewhere to talk. If you want, come up with a specific excuse to make this step even easier. This saves both of you from being all over each other in public. Even if you feel okay about that, he might not. Try out these excuses:
- "I just saw the funniest drink name at the bar. Come see!"
- "I really need to step out for some air. Want to come with?"
- "I actually brought that hat of yours. It's in my car. If you walk to my car with me, I can grab it and finally give it back."
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Make sure this is right for you. Hookups can be fun, empowering, and pleasurable—AKA, all great things. At the same time though, for some people, they're linked to feelings of depression, anxiety, and low-self esteem. There are so many ways to feel fulfilled, and if you're worried that you might be using hookups to fill a hole (and that they're not making you feel good), try a new tactic. [3] X Research source
- Dive into your passions , go see friends who make you laugh, get creative, do a refreshing workout, or even talk to a therapist —there are tons of ways to get exactly what you're looking for.
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Get in close. When you're talking to him, stand or sit close. Really close. He should be able to smell your perfume and look deep into your flirty eyes. This will help signal that you're interested, all while getting him excited about everything in store for the evening. [4] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
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Sit in his lap. Get playful and move to sitting in his lap. This is a super flirty, exciting way to up the ante before your hookup. It sends a clear message that you're into him and it can even get him thinking about what you two will be doing later on. [5] X Research source
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Enjoy a make out session. Once you've moved on to kissing, own that kiss. [6] X Expert Source Connell Barrett
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 24 September 2019. Be confident, passionate, and sensual. If you're really into the kiss, he'll be able to tell (and he'll absolutely love that, too). Guys like different things, so if he says that something feels nice, do it for him again. Beyond that, just relax and stay confident. You'll have his mind racing before your hookup! [7] X Research source -
Let your hands do the talking. Build the excitement with soft touches and sweet caresses. [8] X Expert Source Connell Barrett
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 24 September 2019. Run your hands through his hair, hold his face, or gently put an arm around his waist. He'll be on the edge of his seat. -
Tell him what you want. If he's not taking the hint, be clear and tell him exactly what you have in mind. [9] X Expert Source Connell Barrett
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 24 September 2019. Guys will find that taking that kind of initiative is really sexy. Just say something like, "I'm feeling pretty tense. I think I could use a workout. Do you want to get out of here and help me get a little exercise?" Or, try out these direct, flirty lines:- "Let's cut to the chase. Do you want to come back to mine?"
- "I'm in the mood to have a little fun. Are you?"
- "I feel like we'd have amazing chemistry between the sheets. Care to test that theory?"
EXPERT TIPDating CoachJohn Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.Clear expectations are important in any hook-up—even casual ones. Directness, when delivered with charm, is a great recipe for starting up a fun, no-pressure encounter. Plus, you don't have to worry about any miscommunication when you've been clear about what you want.
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Say NO if you don't want to hookup. If you change your mind, you can say no. If at ANY TIME you feel uncomfortable, you can say no. There is nothing wrong with that. Do what's right for you and don't let someone guilt you into something you don't want to do. He needs your consent in order to hookup, and at the same time, you need his. [10] X Research source
- Before you guys move onto a new step in the hookup, make sure that you ask him if you've got his consent.
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Make sure someone knows where you are. You never know what could happen. For your own safety, make sure your bestie or someone else you trust knows where you'll be for the evening. [11] X Research source
- Send your sibling or close friend a quick text with your hookup's name, his address, and his contact information. This way, you've covered all your bases. If you need help, they'll know exactly where to find you!
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Keep an eye on your drinks. Never leave your drink unattended and make sure you watch it being opened or poured. Even if your guy is super awesome, that doesn't mean the other guys at the bar are. If you realize that you accidentally left yours alone in a crowded place, don't drink it just to be safe. Instead, go grab yourself a new one! [12] X Research source
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Bring protection and insist on using it. Everybody wants to stay healthy, right? Have a condom for him to use. If he insists on going without, remind him that it's your mutual safety and futures on the line, and you're not willing to take that risk. Then, make sure you know how to put it on him (in case he doesn't know how or does it wrong). [13] X Research source
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Bring your phone. Again, you never know, so just make sure you have a phone ready to go. Check that you have Uber or Lyft downloaded—or, be sure you have the numbers for a taxi cab with you, too. Then, double-check that your phone is at all full charge and if you can, bring a charger as well! [14] X Trustworthy Source Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network Largest anti-sexual assault organization in the US providing support and advocacy for survivors Go to source
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Wake up first if you're worried about awkward encounters. You could have a friend text you early in the morning, or even set an alarm (just make sure you turn it off right away!). If you dread the idea of morning small talk, this'll allow you to quietly get up, collect your stuff, and leave without any trouble.
- If he came back to your place, small talk might be inevitable. Let him sleep in, get cleaned up, and be polite as he's leaving.
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Reflect on the fun you had. Remember, you don't have anything to be ashamed of. Be calm, think about all of the exciting moments you just enjoyed, and move on with your day. [15] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
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Clean yourself up. Wash off your makeup if it's smudged. Tie up or comb your hair into something that looks intentional. Clean up any messes made the night before if you two hooked up in your apartment. [16] X Research source
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Don't apologize. Sometimes, people feel guilty about following through on a plan to hook up. Don't! You don't need to apologize to anyone about having fun with a guy. There's nothing to feel bad about. Go about your day and be glad that you two had so much fun together! [17] X Research source
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Kiss him goodbye. A quick kiss goodbye will help make sure you two leave on a happy note. If you like him (or you'd be interested in meeting up again!) leave him with your phone number.
Expert Q&A
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Tips
- Keep mints or chapstick ready. You never know when it can come in handy.Thanks
- Be yourself and just be comfortable. If you're nervous or distant, chances are the boy won't think you want to hook up.Thanks
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Warnings
- Don't be bummed if he doesn't like you. It just means it isn't meant to be, and that's okay. Do something to get your mind off him and find another guy.Thanks
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/sex/hookups-and-casual-sex
- ↑ https://spsp.org/news-center/character-context-blog/attractiveness-confidence
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201303/how-casual-sex-can-affect-our-mental-health
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3613286/
- ↑ https://www.npr.org/2021/07/11/1014019821/flirting-how-to-dating-romance-advice
- ↑ Connell Barrett. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/why-do-we-kiss
- ↑ Connell Barrett. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.
- ↑ Connell Barrett. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.
- ↑ https://www.getthefacts.health.wa.gov.au/faqs/can-you-say-no-to-sex-once-youve-started
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/10867245_One-night_stands_-_Risky_trips_between_lust_and_trust_Qualitative_interviews_with_Chlamydia_trachomatis_infected_youth_in_north_Sweden
- ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/drink-spiking
- ↑ https://www.sexualhealthtayside.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/12-one-night-stands3.pdf
- ↑ https://www.rainn.org/articles/online-dating-and-dating-app-safety-tips
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/2013/02/ce-corner
- ↑ https://youngwomenshealth.org/askus/what-is-the-correct-way-to-take-a-shower/
- ↑ https://www.npr.org/2017/02/14/514578429/hookup-culture-the-unspoken-rules-of-sex-on-college-campuses
About This Article
Article Summary
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Before hooking up with a guy, have a location in mind, like your place or a hotel. As you plan your night, wear something revealing and a little tight to get his attention. You should also plan a few safety precautions, like telling your best friend where you’ll be, making sure you have your phone with you, and buying condoms to practice safe sex. Once you’re with your guy, try to get him alone so you can flirt with him. While talking, don’t be afraid to move in close, sit in his lap, or even give him a kiss. If your guy isn’t taking the hint, tell him what you’re hoping will happen. To learn how to leave after a hook up, keep reading!
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