Download Article
Get closer to your crush and find the right time to express your feelings
Download Article
Nervous about asking out your crush? You’re definitely not alone—we’ve all been there before. Asking out your crush (or even just talking to them) can be intimidating, but we’re here to help make it easier! We’ll walk you through how to ask the big question to land that date, plus how to find just the right moment to ask and how to get to know your crush better beforehand to up your chances of success. We’ll also offer some handy advice about dealing with nerves and rejection so that you’re fully prepared for the big moment.
This article is based on an interview with our professional relationship coach, Imad Jbara. Check out the full interview here.
Things You Should Know
- Get to know your crush a little before asking them out to improve your chances. Introduce yourself, or invite them to hang out with your friend group.
- Find an opportunity when your crush is relaxed, and ask them out in person and in private, where there’s less pressure from an audience.
- Ask them to a particular event or activity, like going to a concert or museum, which gives them a concrete plan and makes it easier for them to say “yes.”
Steps
-
Take a few deep breaths to calm yourself before you ask. It can be really hard to admit your feelings to someone that you like a lot. It’s a big step! Calm yourself by focusing on your breathing, or even just by focusing on what’s going on around you instead of what you’re about to do. [1] X Research source If you think you’re getting cold feet, try to remember that you’re crush is just a person, like you, and they get nervous too sometimes.
- If you can't bring yourself to do it, set yourself an incentive. Say, "I need to ask them out before Friday, or else I can't go to the party on Friday night." Give yourself a reason to cut through your hesitation.
-
Be direct about your feelings to make your intentions clear. Instead of dropping hints and hoping they get the message, just tell them how you feel. Being vague might make them think you just want to be their friend instead of go out with them. It might be scary, but it also makes things so much more straightforward. Start with something like, "Hey, I like you a lot, and I want to spend more time with you." Avoid dramatic statements like, “I think I’m in love with you,” which might be too much, too soon. [2] X Research source
- Putting your own feelings out there first can be intimidating, but making that first move and showing vulnerability makes it much easier for the other person to be vulnerable, too. Who knows, they might even be hoping that you’ll ask them out!
Advertisement -
Ask your crush to do something specific with you. Instead of stopping at, “Do you want to go out with me?” ask them to join you on a particular activity. [3] X Expert Source Collette Gee
Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist Expert Interview. 1 May 2020. Suggest something fun and cheap that you'll both enjoy, like going to a movie, a hike, a museum, or a school event. You might also ask them to hang out at your house, or to have a picnic together at the park.- If there is a school dance coming up, ask your crush to go as your date. This is a great opportunity to show someone how you feel.
-
Go on a couple dates before you ask them to be your partner. Asking them to be your girlfriend or boyfriend right off the bat might be a little intimidating for them, or make them too nervous to say yes. [4] X Research source Enjoy your time together, and if things are great after 2-3 dates, then ask them for something a little more serious.
- Say something like, “I’ve really liked hanging out, and I want to be more than friends. Do you want to be my partner?” or, “Can I ask you out on the next date as my boyfriend [or girlfriend]?”
-
Respect a rejection, and don’t take it too hard. Rejection happens sometimes, and it hurts, but what matters is that you put yourself out there. After you do it once, it’ll be easier the next time, when you know a little more about what to expect. [5] X Research source It doesn’t mean you’re any less worthy, and you can never know for sure what the other person is thinking. If you’re turned down, be proud of yourself for taking that step, and know that you’re in good company—pretty much everyone who’s ever dated has been turned down at some point.
- Also, don’t push the subject if you do get rejected. Pushing them to say yes only creates more distance between you, and makes it hurt longer for both of you. There are plenty of other fish in the sea.
- Pick yourself up after a rejection by spending some time with your close friends or doing things you enjoy to take your mind off of it, or write your feelings in a journal to get them out. Remember that you’re totally awesome, even if they don’t see it!
Advertisement
-
Ask them in-person to show off your confidence. It’s tempting to shoot them a text so you don’t have to say it to their face—and if that’s how you roll, go for it!—but an in-person exchange is much more personal and comes off as more confident and self-assured. Plus, when you do it via text, it’s way too easy to tap out a long message that you worry over for hours before sending. In person, it’s more like ripping off a bandaid, but a bandaid that could pay off big time. [6] X Expert Source Imad Jbara
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.- Make sure you look presentable! No need to pop on a suit and tie, and go ahead and stick to your personal style. But beforehand, take a shower, brush your teeth, and get your hair on-point so you’re ready both mentally and physically. [7]
X
Expert Source
Christina Jay, NLP
Dating & Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.
- Make sure you look presentable! No need to pop on a suit and tie, and go ahead and stick to your personal style. But beforehand, take a shower, brush your teeth, and get your hair on-point so you’re ready both mentally and physically. [7]
X
Expert Source
Christina Jay, NLP
-
Talk to them when they’re relaxed to catch them in the right mood. Find a time when neither of you has anywhere else to be, and when neither of you are stressed or in a rush. If possible, pick a place where you're both comfortable, and where you would normally hang out or run into each other, like at school or a friend’s house, to make the vibe as laid-back as possible.
- A group hang-out is a great opportunity, since they’re already having fun with their friends. Or, just pop the question during your regular day, like between classes, where they’re comfortable in their routine.
- Be patient! If something comes up, or your best friend cuts into the conversation, try again some other time. A more careful and relaxed opportunity is better than getting the question out in a hurry or while you’re distracted.
-
Ask them when you’re alone to give your crush some privacy. Many people get nervous when put on the spot, especially in front of their friends or other people, and might say no just because they’re embarrassed. Instead, wait for a moment where you’re both alone to relieve some pressure. [8] X Research source Try to ask them in a context where they could exit the situation if they feel uncomfortable, like during lunch or after school, rather than when they’re sitting next to you in class.
- Ask them to take a walk with you: home from school, between classes, or around the block. Or, ask your crush to step outside with you for a second. Say, "Can I talk to you alone for a minute?" or, "Want to walk to class with me?"
- Or, invite them on a group activity, like an outing to the zoo or the park, then wait until you’re alone together—ask them to accompany you on a side-trip, like to a particular exhibit or to duck into a store together, away from the group.
-
Make some small talk to relax your nerves. You don't have to jump straight into the big question. Making small talk about how your days are going, some new music, or even just what’s going on around you helps cut the tension and build a rapport before you dive in. [9] X Expert Source Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 29 July 2021. And when you’re enjoying each other’s company already, it makes it easier for them to say yes.- Ask them how their week has been, then ask follow-up questions about anything they say that might be interesting.
- Or, ask them about how they feel about an upcoming test or quiz. Sharing your worries is a great way to find something in common.
Advertisement
-
Introduce yourself if you haven’t already. It’s way easier to ask them out if you know each other a little better, and they’re more likely to say "yes" if you’ve had a few conversations already. Start just by introducing yourself and paying them a simple compliment, like, “I love your shoes!” Or, ask them to do a small favor for you as an excuse to talk to them, like reminding you of what you have to do for homework that night. [10] X Research source
- If you're in class together, ask about the homework assignment or for help understanding the material. If you’re in a club together, ask them how long they’ve been interested in the club’s theme.
-
Find out what you have in common to get closer to your crush. You don't need to be best friends, and you don't need to tell each other everything, but getting to know them a bit better helps you bond, which in turn makes the asking easier. [11] X Research source Ask them what sort of movies or books they like, or just what they do in their free time. You might find that you share some interests, and if you don’t, ask them to tell you more about the things they’re into.
- Also, try walking to class with your crush, or invite them to a group activity, like bowling or just a hangout with your friends, where you can learn more about them with lower stakes than a full date.
- Asking what the highlight of their day was is a great way to find out more about things they might not otherwise talk about. [12]
X
Expert Source
Imad Jbara
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
-
Ask them for their contact information so you can chat more casually. Getting to know your crush is easier when you have their number or social media profiles. And when you’re getting these, it's important to be transparent and direct. [13] X Expert Source Collette Gee
Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist Expert Interview. 1 May 2020. They might be off-put if you ask their friends for that info, and just scrolling their profile and liking their posts will only get you so far. Asking for a number is no big deal, and shows how confident you are, in the process.- Say something like, “I like talking with you, can I get your number to keep the convo going?” or, “I want to let you know when the group is hanging out! What’s your contact info?”
- Once you have their number, shoot them a text like, “Hey, it’s [your name]! Can’t wait to hang out again :)”
-
Show them that you’re fun while being honest and authentic . Don't try to make your crush think that you’re someone you're not. Your crush should like you for who you are—that’s how you form a meaningful relationship! If you’re nervous or want to be less insecure, make a list of your positive qualities before interacting with your crush, and keep them in mind as you hang out. Remember that you’re just as cool as they are! [14] X Research source
- In addition, show off what you’re passionate about, like a hobby or a subject you like to learn about. We tend to think that our passions are embarrassing, but people love to hear about what their friends and peers are interested in. Just be sure to ask them what they’re passionate about, too. [15] X Research source
Advertisement
Expert Q&A
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
Advertisement
Video
Tips
- Be flexible with your plans. If they say they can’t go on that specific outing or on that specific day, but don’t outright say “no,” suggest a new date or tell them to let you know when they’re available, which puts the ball in their court.Thanks
- Avoid disrespectful or crude behavior when asking someone out. Generally, people enjoy being taken seriously, and don’t respond well to physical advances or rude jokes.Thanks
Submit a Tip
All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
Name
Please provide your name and last initial
Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
Advertisement
References
- ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/relationships/relationships-101
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201209/adolescence-and-the-teenage-crush
- ↑ Collette Gee. Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist. Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201209/adolescence-and-the-teenage-crush
- ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/relationships/relationships-101
- ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
- ↑ Christina Jay, NLP. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.
- ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/relationships/relationships-101
- ↑ Mark Rosenfeld. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/break-the-ice-how-talk-girls-and-guys-0
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/dating-and-mating/201605/4-ways-you-can-turn-crush-relationship
- ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
- ↑ Collette Gee. Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist. Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.
- ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/relationships/relationships-101
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201106/how-reduce-dating-anxiety
About This Article
Article Summary
X
While asking out your crush can be scary, try to be direct and honest so your crush fully understands your feelings. When possible, talk to your crush in person and alone for a more romantic touch. For example, while on a walk you might say, “I like you a lot, and I want to spend more time with you. What do you think?” If your crush seems interested, then ask them to go do something specific that you’ll both enjoy, like going to the movies, on a hike, or to a dance. On the other hand, if your crush says “no,” then you need to respect their answer and move on. To learn how to ask your crush to be your boyfriend or girlfriend, keep reading!
Did this summary help you?
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 524,193 times.
Reader Success Stories
- "i like this guy named and i we have known each other for over 4 years. I looked up how to ask a guy out, read this, and I asked him out over a letter. His answer was I would love to but I'm not allowed to date until high school, but when I am, will you be my girlfriend. Of course I said yes. " ..." more
Advertisement
84%
of readers found this article helpful
.
Click a star to add your vote
% of people told us that this article helped them.
"i like this guy named and i we have known each other for over 4 years. I looked up how to ask a guy out, read this, and I asked him out over a letter. His answer was I would love to but I'm not allowed to date until high school, but when I am, will you be my girlfriend. Of course I said yes. "
..."
more
"Unfortunately, my crush rejected me for sexual orientation reasons. But this wikiHow helped me a lot, and has amazing advice that still got him to be my Valentine! Thank you so much for your help. I hope next time I find the right one. Keep helping people!"
..."
more
"I had a crush on a boy. I went through all these steps over 3 days, and now we have been together for 2 weeks! Thank you, wikiHow, for your help. If you have a crush on someone and need help asking the person out, I would recommend wikiHow! "
..."
more
"I asked out my crush. He said no, but it's OK because now it's off my chest. If you guys like someone, tell them. It may be embarrassing but it's OK, I am here for you. If they say no then try again. Next time, if they say yes, congrats."
..."
more
"I had a huge crush on a girl, and this article helped my confidence greatly. After I read this, I spent time with her and asked her out. She said yes! I am extremely grateful for this article. Thank you!"
..."
more
