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Build physical intimacy with your partner and reignite your relationship
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When you think about physical intimacy, your mind probably goes to sex—but physical intimacy is about so much more than that. It's about feeling physically comfortable and close to your partner. The truth is, sexual intimacy and non-sexual physical intimacy go hand-in-hand—literally! Improving your non-sexual physical intimacy primes you for sexual contact, while a lively sex life makes you feel more physically affectionate. For more tips on how to build (or rebuild) your physical intimacy as a couple, read on.
Quick Ways to Improve Physical Intimacy
- Give your partner frequent, small touches, like on the back.
- Hold your partner's hand in private and public.
- Offer small kisses often, like when greeting or parting.
- Think of sex as showing your affection and love.
- Talk about sex often to make it a more normal part of your lives.
- Try new ways of touching each other during sex.
- Communicate your sexual desires openly.
Steps
Method 1
Method 1 of 3:
Non-Sexual Physical Intimacy
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Start with small displays of affection. Casual physical touch is a great way to improve physical intimacy generally. Just make a habit of touching your partner's arm lightly while you're having a conversation or resting your hand on their leg. You might also lightly touch the small of their back as you walk past them or tousle their hair when you walk up to them. [1] X Research source
- If you're not experienced displaying affection
this way, don't think you have to dive into the deep end immediately! Your first act of intimacy could be as simple as a conversation. [2]
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Expert Source
Donna Novak, Psy.D
Licensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 8 December 2020. - As you both get comfortable with these small displays, you can gradually move up to more meaningful and sustained physical affection.
- If you're not experienced displaying affection
this way, don't think you have to dive into the deep end immediately! Your first act of intimacy could be as simple as a conversation. [2]
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Expert Source
Donna Novak, Psy.D
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Engage in activities that encourage you to be physically close. Friendly or incidental touching also helps boost your physical intimacy as a couple. Doing things that put you in close proximity to each other helps foster comfort with being near each other physically. [3] X Research source
- For example, you might try going swimming together or riding a motorcycle or jet ski together, which forces one of you to wrap your arms around the other.
- Even simply sitting close enough together that the sides of your legs are touching is more affectionate than sitting on opposite ends of the couch. Baby steps!
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Cuddle together while doing passive activities. Getting all snuggled up together to watch a scary movie or a silly sitcom is a great way to improve your physical intimacy that isn't necessarily sexual. You'll feel bonded to your partner while also relaxing and enjoying something together. [4] X Research source
- As your relationship progresses, it's easy to fall out of the habit of cuddling together regularly—but that's also a trend you can disrupt. Just be aware and make an effort to move closer to your partner when you're together.
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Hold hands as a small sign of affection in public. In most parts of the world, holding hands is a socially acceptable public display of affection that won't draw negative attention. In situations where a more overt display would be inappropriate, this is a way to maintain your physical intimacy without raising eyebrows. [5] X Research source
- While hand-holding might not be the most fiery, exciting form of physical intimacy, it's certainly the most versatile.
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Kiss each other spontaneously and often. Kissing is a sign of desire and passion that really increases the intimacy level. Not every kiss has to be a full-on production of tongues and gasping for air, but quick, spontaneous kisses can really set the stage for further intimacy later on. They're especially hot if you take your partner by surprise with a quick but intense kiss that leaves them longing for more. [6] X Research source
- These spontaneous acts throughout the day are important for building sexual tension—especially if you've been together for a while. If there's been no physical affection all day, trying to have sex when you go to bed can feel awkward and forced.
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Tease each other and be physically playful . Tickling, light punching, and other teasing and humorous displays of affection help keep things light between the two of you. But even non-physical playfulness can help improve your physical intimacy. [7] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- For example, you might send your partner a teasing text or leave them a little playful note that they'll find in their bag later in the day.
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Maintain good health and hygiene. Being clean and healthy helps you feel more confident about yourself and that definitely translates into improved physical intimacy. If you don't feel good in your body, you won't feel good with your partner touching it. [8] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- Physical affection can even help you with this! Studies show physical affection helps your body produce higher levels of the feel-good hormone oxytocin, which boosts your overall health. [9] X Research source
- Exercise and other physical activity can also improve your mood and boost your confidence so you feel more comfortable being physically intimate with your partner.
- Physical activity also reduces stress, which can affect your sex drive as well as your interest in non-sexual physical intimacy.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:
Sexual Physical Intimacy
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Relax your attitude toward sex. Sometimes, people get caught up in thinking that sex has to be this big production, but it doesn't have to be that at all. It's just about the two of you physically connecting and enjoying each other. Make it fun, relaxing, and fulfilling—not stressful. It's a time for you to be yourself and bond with this person you care for. [10] X Trustworthy Source Johns Hopkins Medicine Official resource database of the world-leading Johns Hopkins Hospital Go to source
- Avoid thinking about sex as some sort of sport or performance art. It's okay if silly things happen, if you laugh, if you make weird noises. Just go with the flow and try not to worry about that kind of thing.
- A lot of physical intimacy issues come from getting nervous about how you'll be perceived by your partner or thinking they'll judge you for being inexperienced or for doing something awkward.
- When you're able to let go and relax and allow yourself to be a little vulnerable, you'll have a much better time and feel much closer to your partner as a result.
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Set the scene for romance so intimacy will blossom. Build romance with a date night and spend some quality time together before you head to the bedroom—you'll really heat things up. You don't have to spend a lot of money to create a romantic date night that allows the two of you to bond while you spend quality time together. [11] X Trustworthy Source Johns Hopkins Medicine Official resource database of the world-leading Johns Hopkins Hospital Go to source
- Create an environment that stimulates all 5 senses to really get turned on before sex. The more you indulge your senses with sexy smells and intimate lighting, the more intense your sexual experience will be. [12] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- For example, you might use scented candles for sexy low light and an enticing aroma, put on some sexy music at a low volume, and make your bed with silky sheets.
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Give your partner a sensual massage. Massage your partner to show physical affection, get to know your partner's body, and put both of you in the mood. Dim the lights and put on some slow, sensual music to get the atmosphere right, then get ready to enjoy each other. Have your partner remove their clothing and lie on their stomach, then run your hands down their shoulders and back. [13] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- If you or your partner are feeling jittery, a long hot bath or some light exercise (such as a walk outside) can help you physically relax before a massage.
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Talk openly about sex with your partner. Communication is paramount to a positive sexual experience. If you're shy, talk to your partner about how you feel. With an open dialogue, you'll be more comfortable. Your physical intimacy will blossom when you start to feel truly comfortable around your partner. [14] X Expert Source Maria Avgitidis
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.- Let your partner know that you consider sex to be a priority. If both of you value your sex lives, you'll make time to talk about it as well as do it.
- Remember that physical intimacy goes both ways, just like a conversation. Learning your partner's preferences allows you to please them as much and as well as they please you.
- Come into this conversation with a curiosity about what's happening in your relationship and how your partner experiences your relationship and being sexual. [15]
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Expert Source
Josh Spurlock, MA, LPC, CST
Licensed Professional Counselor Expert Interview. 13 January 2022.
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Go to bed at the same time if you live together. Going to bed as a couple gives you an opportunity to connect in a physical way—even if you don't have sex. This physical intimacy might include cuddling or incidental touching, but even just laying next to each other creates a feeling of togetherness that it's hard to duplicate any other way. [16] X Research source
- If your schedules just don't allow you to go to bed at the same time every night, make time to be in bed together without having sex anyway. For example, you could lie in bed and read short stories or poems to each other.
- Laying in bed together and relaxing at the end of the day also provides a good environment for open, candid conversations that build your emotional intimacy in addition to your physical intimacy.
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Explore each other's bodies through foreplay. Foreplay is a huge part of building intimacy. Intercourse is only one part of sexual intimacy—without foreplay, you're missing out on a lot of the physical, spiritual, and emotional bonding that can happen during a sexual encounter. Take the time to caress and enjoy each other's bodies with intention. [17] X Research source
- Foreplay is an excellent way to discover your partner's likes and dislikes, as well as their particular "hot spots" and what really turns them on.
- You also help get each other "in the mood" if you aren't already. It's a great way to build up to further sexual excitement by turning each other on—and it'll make the intercourse that follows even hotter.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:
Spicing Things Up
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Introduce new ideas gradually. Talk with your partner about things you've done that you enjoyed and ways that the two of you could make the experience even more enjoyable. Avoid pushing for something that makes your partner feel uncomfortable or uneasy. Take it slow and add things in increments rather than trying to do a whole bunch of new things at once. [18] X Trustworthy Source Johns Hopkins Medicine Official resource database of the world-leading Johns Hopkins Hospital Go to source
- Doing things gradually also allows both of you to evaluate how you feel about each new thing and keeps you from getting overwhelmed in the moment.
- For example, if you're interested in being blindfolded and also in being tied up, try them one at a time rather than together. Being blindfolded and tied up at the same time could cause a panic reaction you didn't anticipate.
- Your new ideas don't necessarily have to be way out there—even a different position or having sex in a different place (like in the kitchen rather than in the bedroom) can spark greater physical intimacy.
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Have sex at different times of the day. If you're with someone for a while, it's pretty easy to fall into a rut. Sex always happens at the same time and you always go through the same motions. Shake it up! The easiest way to trigger emotions is to disrupt your routine. [19] X Research source
- For example, if you usually have sex at night, try initiating sex in the morning when the two of you have just woken up. If you're worried about being late to work, just set your alarm a little earlier.
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Be clear with each other about your limits. Limits aren't the same thing as rejection. If your partner wants to do something that you're not comfortable doing, don't be afraid to tell them that you're not willing to do it. Avoid going along with something that you're not 100% on board with doing just because you feel some sense of obligation or want to make your partner happy. If they love and respect you, they won't want you to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable or intimidated. [20] X Research source
- As the two of you become more comfortable with each other, you might find that you're willing to try things that you weren't willing to try earlier—that's totally normal.
- It's also normal for your desires and interests to change over time. You might find that something you used to enjoy just isn't doing it for you anymore. Let your partner know so they can adjust their moves accordingly.
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Maintain your curiosity about sex. When you and your partner have been together for a while, it's natural to feel like you already know everything about them—but that's not always the case. People's desires and interests change all the time. Stay curious about trying new things and keep up an open dialogue with your partner about their sexual interests. [21] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- In the same vein, just because you weren't into something when you tried it months or years ago doesn't mean you won't be into it forever. Allow your own interests to change while recognizing that your partner's interests are likely to change as well.
- For example, you might try a different position or a different angle that you've never tried before. Moving around and just trying different ways to have sex can be a lot of fun! You might also discover your new favorite position.
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Indulge in fantasies with your partner. Talk to your partner about your fantasies and the things that turn you on and encourage them to share their fantasies with you as well. Even if you have a fantasy that doesn't really lend itself well to real-life exploration, it can be fun to talk about in bed to get you in the mood. And sharing fantasies with each other is a great way to be vulnerable, which really boosts your emotional as well as physical intimacy. [22] X Trustworthy Source Johns Hopkins Medicine Official resource database of the world-leading Johns Hopkins Hospital Go to source
- If you're shy at first, try writing down your fantasies and then letting your partner read them. That way, you don't have to say the words aloud.
- For example, maybe you've always been interested in role-play or wanted to dominate your partner in bed. Just speak up! Even if they're not turned on by your fantasy, at least they'll know where your mind is going.
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Tips
- True intimacy is built slowly over time as you and your partner become more closely bonded. It also takes work to build and maintain, so have patience. [23] X Research sourceThanks
- Dirty talk can really drive you closer. The more you talk, the more amped up the two of you will get for physical stuff.Thanks
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Warnings
- Avoid pressuring your partner or allowing them to pressure you into something that you're not ready for yet.Thanks
- Practice safer sex to protect you and your partner against STIs, especially if the two of you are non-monogamous. [24] X Trustworthy Source Johns Hopkins Medicine Official resource database of the world-leading Johns Hopkins Hospital Go to sourceThanks
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Expert Interview
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201203/how-start-or-restart-your-sex-life-touch
- ↑ Donna Novak, Psy.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 8 December 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201203/how-start-or-restart-your-sex-life-touch
- ↑ https://www.pennmedicine.org/updates/blogs/health-and-wellness/2018/february/affection
- ↑ https://www.shipspsychology.com.au/blog/nonsexual-emotional-and-physical-intimacy
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201203/how-start-or-restart-your-sex-life-touch
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/harvard/tips-to-improve-your-sex-life.htm
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/harvard/tips-to-improve-your-sex-life.htm
- ↑ https://www.pennmedicine.org/updates/blogs/health-and-wellness/2018/february/affection
- ↑ https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/keep-the-spark-alive-in-your-marriage
- ↑ https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/keep-the-spark-alive-in-your-marriage
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/harvard/tips-to-improve-your-sex-life.htm
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/harvard/tips-to-improve-your-sex-life.htm
- ↑ Maria Avgitidis. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.
- ↑ Josh Spurlock, MA, LPC, CST. Licensed Professional Counselor. Expert Interview. 13 January 2022.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-online/202102/why-partners-should-try-go-bed-the-same-time
- ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/relationships-creating-intimacy
- ↑ https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/keep-the-spark-alive-in-your-marriage
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/creating-in-flow/201602/10-proven-ways-you-can-increase-intimacy
- ↑ https://www.bcm.edu/research/research-centers/center-for-research-on-women-with-disabilities/a-to-z-directory/sexual-health/sexual-communication-with-a-partner
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/harvard/tips-to-improve-your-sex-life.htm
- ↑ https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/keep-the-spark-alive-in-your-marriage
- ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/relationships-creating-intimacy
- ↑ https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/safer-sex-guidelines
About This Article
Article Summary
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If you're looking to be more intimate with your partner, start with small physical gestures, like holding hands or cuddling. Try to choose activities that encourage physical contact and closeness, like snuggling up together for a movie. Whenever you're being physically intimate, smile and tease your partner to keep things lighthearted, since being intimate should be fun for the both of you. Make sure you always make time for romantic activities, like enjoying a candlelit dinner together, which will encourage intimacy. When you have sex with your partner, spend lots of time on foreplay to make both your experiences more intimate. For tips on how to increase physical intimacy in the bedroom, keep reading!
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