What Is an Irish Goodbye? (+ When Is One Appropriate?)

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Learn the reasons someone might dip out of a party without a word
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If you’re an experienced partygoer, you’ve likely heard the term “Irish goodbye,” and you may have even done one yourself. But what exactly does an Irish goodbye entail, and when is it acceptable to do one? If you’re looking for the answer to these questions, you’ve come to the right place! We’ll go over what an Irish goodbye is, where the term came from, and reasons you might want to do one. We’ll also explain when Irish goodbyes are acceptable and what to do afterwards, including a few expert insights from etiquette coach Tami Claytor. Keep reading for everything you need to know!

Irish Goodbye Meaning

An “Irish goodbye” or “Irish exit” is when you leave a party or social gathering without telling anyone that you’re going home. You may also have heard the similar terms “French exit” or “Dutch leave,” which have the same meaning.

Section 1 of 5:

What is an “Irish goodbye” or “Irish exit”?

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  1. It essentially means slipping out of a social gathering unnoticed, without letting anyone know that you’re heading home. The term often refers to someone leaving a party because they’ve had a bit too much to drink, and they don’t want to reveal how intoxicated they are, although this isn't always the case. [1]
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Section 2 of 5:

Reasons to Do an Irish Goodbye

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  1. Maybe you ate something that didn’t agree with you, or had a few too many drinks. Or, maybe you’ve been coming down with a cold, and you’re starting to feel a fever coming on. If you’re feeling sick but you don’t want to make a scene, an Irish exit may be the right way to go.
  2. It’s usually considered polite to find the host and say goodbye before leaving a party, but it can actually be rude to interrupt them if they’re in the middle of something. If you need to make your exit and you don’t have time to wait until the host’s conversation ends, you may be better off doing an Irish goodbye. [2]
  3. Sometimes, unexpected circumstances demand that you leave a party immediately. For example, if your babysitter calls and tells you they have to leave unexpectedly, you'll likely need to leave right away to make it home to your kids. In situations like these, an Irish exit may be necessary because you won’t have time to find the host and say goodbye.
  4. Socializing at a busy party can be a bit draining and overwhelming, and your social battery may abruptly run out. If you just don’t feel up to making the rounds and saying all your goodbyes, you may want to opt for an Irish exit.
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Section 3 of 5:

When is it okay to do an Irish goodbye?

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  1. If possible, it’s always best to find the host and quickly say goodbye, even at large parties. However, if the host is busy or wrapped up in something, it’s usually acceptable to slip out without saying goodbye. Since there are several other guests and partygoers around, your absence won’t cause a big issue. [3]
    • You may want to let one other guest know that you’re heading out, so that they can pass along the information to the host.
  2. If you’re at an intimate gathering with only a few guests, it’s less acceptable to do an Irish goodbye. [4] Your absence will be much more noticeable in this situation, and people will likely wonder where you’ve disappeared to. In short, the smaller the gathering is, the more important it is to give a proper goodbye and let people know you’re leaving.
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Section 4 of 5:

What to Do After Doing an Irish Goodbye

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  1. After you’ve made your exit, shoot the host a quick text message letting them know that you had to leave. [5] Thank them for having you, and let them know that you had a great time. This will show them that you appreciate the effort they put into the party, and that you care about your friendship. Here are some examples of what to say :
    • “I had to head out, but I didn’t want to interrupt you in the middle of your conversation. Thank you for throwing such a great party—I had an awesome time!”
    • “Just wanted to say thank you so much for having me! I wasn’t feeling too well so I had to head home, but I had a great time. Enjoy the rest of your night!”
  2. If the party you left was a celebration for a special occasion, such as a birthday or anniversary, consider sending your host a handwritten thank you note . [6] They’ll be sure to appreciate such a thoughtful, personal gesture. Here are some tips for sending the perfect thank you note:
    • “First, you want to start off with nice stationery,” says etiquette coach Tami Claytor. She recommends thinking of a thank you card as a little present, meaning it should be aesthetically pleasing and exciting to open up.
    • Next, Claytor recommends being very specific about what you’re thanking them for. For example, thank your host for all the effort they put into the party, and compliment something you really enjoyed about it (the food, the decor, etc).
    • Finally, send your thank you note in a timely manner. Claytor recommends mailing it within 24-48 hours of the party.
  3. If you think your host may be a little upset that you left the gathering without saying goodbye, consider sending a small gift along with your thank you note. A nice candle, floral arrangement, gift card, or your host’s favorite candy can go a long way to smooth over any unintended tensions!
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Section 5 of 5:

Why is it called an "Irish goodbye?"

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  1. The exact origins of the term are unclear, but some believe that it comes from the stereotype that Irish Americans are more likely to have several drinks at parties, potentially leaving them too intoxicated to say goodbye at the end of the night. Others believe that the term dates all the way back to the Potato Famine, when Irish people emigrated from Ireland to other countries in large numbers. [7]
    • Although the term “Irish goodbye” may have some origins in stereotypes, it usually isn’t considered rude or offensive in modern conversation. [8]
    • According to Rice University’s database of neologisms, the term “Irish goodbye” may have originated in Boston, Massachusetts, a city with a very large Irish-American population. [9]
    • Throughout history, the act of leaving without saying goodbye has been given different names. For example, the term “French leave” has been used in England since the 18th century. In response, the French came up with their own phrase, “filer à l’anglaise,” or “to leave the English way.” [10]

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      References

      1. ↑ https://neologisms.rice.edu/word/44620
      2. ↑ https://www.apartmenttherapy.com/best-excuses-for-leaving-a-party-early-236903
      3. ↑ https://www.apartmenttherapy.com/best-excuses-for-leaving-a-party-early-236903
      4. ↑ https://www.countryliving.com/life/entertainment/a45998743/irish-exit-meaning-etiquette/
      5. ↑ https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/what-is-an-irish-exit-and-when-is-it-actually-acceptable-to-do-one_uk_6501d575e4b01df7c3b6c7df
      6. ↑ https://www.apartmenttherapy.com/best-excuses-for-leaving-a-party-early-236903
      7. ↑ https://www.irishstar.com/culture/irish-goodbye-origin-meaning-history-31285157
      8. ↑ https://www.irishstar.com/culture/irish-goodbye-origin-meaning-history-31285157
      9. ↑ https://neologisms.rice.edu/word/44620
      1. ↑ https://qz.com/quartzy/1163220/tis-the-season-for-the-irish-goodbye-the-french-exit-or-to-leave-the-english-way

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