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Forgetting someone's name can be awkward, but it doesn't have to result in embarrassment. It's a very common situation to find oneself in - it's probably happened to everyone at one time or another. A psychological study suggests that a person's name is the least memorable aspect of what we're likely to recall of a new acquaintance - more forgettable than their job, their hometown, or their hobbies. [1] X Research source The best thing to do when you realize you've forgotten someone's name is to realize that there are things you can do to repair the situation.
Steps
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Ask them for their contact information. Depending on the situation, it might be appropriate to ask someone to exchange business cards with you. Their business card will usually contain her name, in addition to other contact information. [2] X Research source
- Even asking for a person's email address often results in learning her name. Many people have their names as part of their email address.
- You can ask them to enter their phone number in your phone. They'll likely enter both first and last names, along with her number.
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Introduce the person to another person. If you're in a social environment with other friends, there will likely be other people you know. Take this opportunity to introduce someone whose name you know to your new friend. [3] X Research source
- When you introduce your friend to the person whose name you've forgotten, there's a good chance that the person will then introduce herself to the new person.
- Once you've heard the person's name, repeat it so that you'll be more likely to remember it. You might easily work this into conversation by saying, "I'm sorry, (name), I'm sorry I forgot to introduce you."
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Introduce yourself again. If the person hasn't approached you, initiate interaction by introducing yourself. They'll likely reciprocate by introducing herself. They'll also be likely to appreciate your directness.
- If you ask what their name is, and don't want to admit that you've forgotten their name, you can say you meant to ask what their last name was. [4] X Research source The reason this works is because the person will rarely expect you to remember their last name, and they'll usually reply by saying their first name.
- Ask whether they go by their first or their middle name. People will often respond to this question by sharing both names, and even offering more information. For example, they might respond by saying, "I was always Emily Jane to my grandmother, and when I was a kid, everyone called me Emily. But when I came to college, I decided to use the name Jane."
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Ask the person for additional information about their name. People often are flattered by this attention, and may enjoy sharing particular details about their name's history.
- Asking them how their name is spelled is one way to do this, particularly if you recall that it might be an unusual name. Of course, if the name is Smith or Jones, you might have to be prepared with a diversion!
- You can also ask the meaning of the name, or about the geographical origins of the name. People are generally happy to talk about themselves in this way, and you'll have more details to help you remember their name should you forget again!
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Ask another person for help. In a social setting, ask the host or hostess. If the other person has signed in, ask if you can see it. You can explain your reason to the host or hostess simply by confessing your situation.
- Ask a friend. If you're attending a social gathering, chances are that someone else in the room knows the person's name. Discreetly ask a friend what the person's name is. If you don't get a chance to ask your friend during the social gathering, ask them later.
- If you're in a bar, restaurant or other public setting, and person seems to know the location well, people who work there may know the person's name. Ask them to help you. You can explain your situation by honestly confessing that you've forgotten the person's name. Usually, people approached in such a manner are eager to help.
- Eavesdrop on their conversations with others. The person may introduce himself to other people over the course of your time together.
- Keep alert for any printed material that might have the person's name on it. If you're attending a seated dinner, for instance, you will have place cards. If you're at a trade gathering, the person may have printed materials that they're sharing with others.
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Search online. This is easily done by retreating to a private place, and pulling out your smart phone. Most people have sufficient information about themselves online that online search engines will often reveal someone's name by entering in the information about the person that you do have. Enter the information that you have about a person (the city in which they lives, their college or workplace, any other affiliations that you can think of). [5] X Research source
- Once you've entered in all the information you can think of about the person into a search engine, search by "image" to narrow down your results. After all, you know what the person looks like - particularly if you're still with them!
- Social media sites will use your shared information to find the person quickly, particularly if you have many shared friends. Facebook's "People Search" can often help, if you remember any part of their name.
- Search for him online by their phone number. Many sites, such as White Pages, 411, or AnyWho, will provide a person's profile through their phone number. Entering the person's phone number into an online search engine, such as Google, Bing or Yahoo, will result in lots of results. These are filtered by relevancy, so you'll only have to check out the most likely options, listed at the top.
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Wait for the person to reveal their name. While you're waiting, perhaps you'll remember their name. Talk about other things, which don't require names.
- Use verbal work-arounds to avoid saying the person's name. Use the phrase, "my friend" or "my colleague" if you have to refer to the person.
- In certain cultural settings, generic endearments may be appropriate. For example, some people choose to use the terms, "sweetie," "darling," or "pal." [6] X Research source Be very careful before employing these, though, as they are culturally specific. If these terms aren't commonly used within a particular culture, they might be misunderstood.
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Confess your situation to the person. Most people will be understanding, and won't mind telling you their name a second time. [7] X Expert Source Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach Expert Interview. 16 February 2022. You can use this opportunity to tell them your name again as well.- Use a casual tone of voice when you ask what their name is. For example, you might say, "Hang on, I've already forgotten your name. Would you mind saying it again?" or "I'm totally blanking on your name for some reason." The other person will likely appreciate your honesty.
- You might add, "I'm not good at remembering names," so that the person will not assume that knowing their name isn't important to you. If this is a potential business contact, however, don't add this, as it will perhaps seem like a potential liability.
- Blame your forgetfulness on your age. Most people experience worsening memories, particularly for names, as they age. [8] X Research source
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionIs it bad to forget someone's name?Tami Claytor is an Etiquette Coach, Image Consultant, and the Owner of Always Appropriate Image and Etiquette Consulting in New York, New York. With over 20 years of experience, Tami specializes in teaching etiquette classes to individuals, students, companies, and community organizations. Tami has spent decades studying cultures through her extensive travels across five continents and has created cultural diversity workshops to promote social justice and cross-cultural awareness. She holds a BA in Economics with a concentration in International Relations from Clark University. Tami studied at the Ophelia DeVore School of Charm and the Fashion Institute of Technology, where she earned her Image Consultant Certification.Not at all! There are times when you have so much on your mind that you may see someone you recognize without being able to remember their name.
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QuestionHow do you really remember someone's name?Tami Claytor is an Etiquette Coach, Image Consultant, and the Owner of Always Appropriate Image and Etiquette Consulting in New York, New York. With over 20 years of experience, Tami specializes in teaching etiquette classes to individuals, students, companies, and community organizations. Tami has spent decades studying cultures through her extensive travels across five continents and has created cultural diversity workshops to promote social justice and cross-cultural awareness. She holds a BA in Economics with a concentration in International Relations from Clark University. Tami studied at the Ophelia DeVore School of Charm and the Fashion Institute of Technology, where she earned her Image Consultant Certification.Take a breath and slow down for a moment. If you see the person often, their name will probably come back to you if you give yourself some time to think.
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QuestionWhat if you ask them what their name is and their only response is "why?" I am in a cult with this guy and he refuses to tell us and he keeps using aliases.ItsNora119Community AnswerSince YOU have already asked him, either have someone else ask him, or have someone ask him how to spell/say his name. If he refuses it is really his prerogative and you should respect it.
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Tips
- Remember, this is a common social faux pas. Most people have forgotten names from time to time. Adding the stress of feeling anxious about your own forgetfulness won't aid your memory. Instead, stay calm, and recognize that you're only human.Thanks
- If you experience more than usual difficulty remembering names, consider seeing your physician. A thorough physical exam can help discern other things that might be contributing to memory loss, such as medication side effects, depression, and stress.Thanks
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References
- ↑ http://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-magazine-monitor-31130944
- ↑ https://www.huffpost.com/entry/what-to-do-when-you-forget-name_l_62754091e4b046ad0d7b9744
- ↑ https://www.amanet.org/articles/what-to-do-if-you-forget-someones-name/
- ↑ https://www.huffpost.com/entry/what-to-do-when-you-forget-name_l_62754091e4b046ad0d7b9744
- ↑ http://www.cnet.com/how-to/5-tips-for-finding-anything-about-anyone-online/
- ↑ https://www.britishcouncil.org/voices-magazine/ways-saying-darling-uk
- ↑ Tami Claytor. Etiquette Coach. Expert Interview. 16 February 2022.
- ↑ https://www.amanet.org/articles/what-to-do-if-you-forget-someones-name/
About This Article
Article Summary
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Don’t worry if you’ve forgotten someone’s name, since there are a few subtle ways to find out. If you’re at a social event, try introducing a friend or coworker to the person. That way, they’ll probably repeat their name when they introduce themselves. You can also ask them to put their number in your phone and hope they put their name too. If they don’t, just ask them how they spell their name so you can add it to their contact. Another thing you can try is ask someone who knows the person what their name is when you’re not talking to them. If all else fails, don’t be afraid to just ask for their name again. Say something like, “I’m sorry. I’m not good at remembering names. Can you remind me of yours?” For more tips, including how to help you remember someone’s name, read on!
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