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Seal the perfect kiss by finding the right spot & sending her signals
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Going in for a kiss can be scary as it’s often hard to tell whether she’ll reciprocate or reject your advances. When you really like a girl, it’s natural to want a perfect first kiss: being rejected can leave you feeling embarrassed and awkward. While it's never possible to avoid rejection entirely when going for a first kiss, there are some steps you can take to gauge her interest and make your intentions more obvious. Reading her body language and asking her permission directly can help you avoid rejection and let her know that you respect her.
Things You Should Know
- Get to know the girl you’re interested in. Then, choose a location that makes her comfortable, whether that’s a private park or a romantic date.
- Send her signals by looking into her eyes while you’re talking. Initiate physical contact with her permission, like holding her hand or touching her hair.
- Then, simply ask if you can kiss her. Say something like, “I had a lot of fun with you and I'm really attracted to you. Would it be okay if I kissed you?”
Steps
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Get to know her first. While many girls like fast-moving relationships, others will reject your advances if you try too much too soon. If you want to kiss her but you barely know one another, there’s a large chance that she’ll decline the kiss, leaving you both feeling awkward. Make sure that you’ve had ample time to get to know one another and that the kiss won’t catch her off guard.- Respect is the most important part of any relationship with a girl, whether it's physical or purely friendly. The more you get to know and respect her, the easier it will be to accept rejection: you'll already be on the way to being good friends even if a romantic relationship doesn't work out. [1]
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Expert Source
Imad Jbara
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
- Respect is the most important part of any relationship with a girl, whether it's physical or purely friendly. The more you get to know and respect her, the easier it will be to accept rejection: you'll already be on the way to being good friends even if a romantic relationship doesn't work out. [1]
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Expert Source
Imad Jbara
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Choose the setting. A girl can reject a kiss for many reasons, and some of them have to do with the time and place of the kiss. Knowing her personality will help a lot with this step, because all girls have different preferences when it comes to dating. [2] X Research source- For example, it’s likely that she won’t like to be kissed with a large group of people nearby, as she may become embarrassed. Try picking a secluded place like a park or quiet room when no one else is around.
- If she has a romantic personality, pick a scenic place for your kiss, like a beautiful nature preserve or a quiet art museum. Romantic places come in many varieties, so you’ll have to know her personality to choose the best one. Make sure that it’s a very memorable spot.
- Kiss her by her door. If choosing a place for a first kiss is too difficult, go with an old standby. Walk or drive her home, and then go for the kiss at her front door. This works best at the end of a good date.
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Make sure your hygiene is on order. Good grooming habits are important in general, but become even more important when going in for a kiss. Because you’ll be so close to her, she’ll be more likely to notice any flaws in your hygiene.- Make sure your breath is fresh. Gum or mints are a great way to make sure that your breath smells good before going in for a kiss. If you go out for dinner on your date, try to avoid anything too pungent with strong garlic or onions. If your breath is noticeably bad, she may turn down the kiss. Even worse, she may go through with it and have a bad experience that she won’t be able to forget.
- Keep your facial hair neat. Some girls like guys with facial hair, and others don’t. It may be too soon in your relationship to know what her preferences are, but you can still extend her some common courtesy. Beards and mustaches can scratch or abrade her face, making the experience unpleasant. Also, unkempt or uneven facial hair is unattractive in general. Trim your facial hair, and use an oil or balm to soften coarse beards and mustaches. [3] X Research source
- Shower and use deodorant. It may seem simple or obvious, but her impression of you will be negative if you have strong body odor or seem unclean. Make sure to take a shower before you meet up.
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Start by talking to her. Once you’re in the place you picked for the kiss, you’ll need to start a conversation to keep her focused on you. This conversation will help you get closer to her and initiate signals, so make it light and fun. Ask her what she’s going to do later, or talk about your date. Remember to keep strong eye contact throughout, as this will let her know that you’re attracted to her and interested in what she’s saying. -
Ask her directly if it's okay touch or kiss her. Receiving consent for physical contact is an extremely important part of taking it further. It might feel uncomfortable to ask her directly about a kiss, but if you're not comfortable talking about it, you might not be ready to do it. Be direct and honest about your intentions when asking. Asking for permission shows confidence: it lets a girl know that you're not rushing through the motions or trying to use her. [4] X Expert Source Imad Jbara
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.- Say: "I had a really great time with you tonight, and I'm really attracted to you. Would it be okay if I kissed you?" or "Do you feel like there's chemistry between us? I really feel it: do you want to kiss?"
- Don't stop asking for her permission throughout any intimacy. Physical relationships require ongoing conversations about what's okay and what isn't. Let her know that you're comfortable stopping at any time, and that she should let you know if she ever feels uncomfortable.
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Initiate physical contact after she gives permission. Light physical contact is the best way to communicate with each other about wanting more. [5] X Expert Source Imad Jbara
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 5 November 2019. If you don’t talk to her and send the right physical signals, she’ll be surprised and may feel uncomfortable if you make a sudden move. Make sure all of your motions are slow and relaxed. Keep talking as you touch her so that your movements aren’t distracting or overly obvious. Remember, if she seems uncomfortable or asks you to stop, stop immediately.- Touch her arm first. While you’re talking, reach up and touch her arm. Keep your touch light and relaxed, and don’t move too fast. If she moves away or asks you to stop, let go.
- Touch her hand. If you are already touching her arm, all you have to do is move your hand towards hers. If you aren’t touching her yet and need a reason to, ask her about any jewelry or nail polish. It will help keep the conversation going and make her feel more comfortable. When in doubt, ask if you can hold her hand.
- Touch her hair. Touching her hair is an obvious sign that you’re attracted to her, and she will definitely notice. If you’re already touching her hand or arm, move your hand to her hair. Make sure you’ve already asked and initiated some other contact first, as reaching straight for her hair may make her uncomfortable. If you need an icebreaker or feel nervous, ask her questions about her hair before touching it: whether it’s her natural color, whether she wears it up or down, etc. Beware that she may dislike this. If she tells you that things feel weird, or asks you not to touch her hair, don't do it.
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Hold her hand. If you haven’t held her hand before this point, you’ll definitely want to do it now. Escalate those signals by asking if you can hold her hand. Remember, the more you ask her permission to take further steps, the more she'll know that you respect her and her feelings.- Try squeezing her hand. Increase the firmness of your grip a bit as you talk. If she squeezes back, that’s another good sign that she wants to take things further.
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Pay attention to her cues. It’s likely that when you send her physical messages, she’ll respond. It’s possible that she may even initiate the same cues that you were planning to make. You’ll know she’s interested if she touches your chest or arm, looks at your mouth, blushes when you both touch, or has a hard time with prolonged eye contact.- Be aware of negative clues as well. If she fails to respond to your physical signals, it's possible that she's not interested or sees you as more of a friend. This isn't a bad thing, it just means that the chemistry might not be there for her. Always be respectful of her wishes, and back off if you start to get the feeling that she's not interested in taking it further.
- Reader Poll: We asked 1946 wikiHow readers who've gone in for the kiss, and only 8% of them agreed that the best sign from a girl is when she touches your arm or leg. [Take Poll] While physical touch can signal she’s interested, the best way to know for sure is to ask her.
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Look at her mouth. If she’s given you permission to touch her, and she's responded well to your physical cues, there’s another important step to take. Continue to make eye contact with her and then look down to her mouth. Keep your eyes focused on her lips for one second, then return your focus to her eyes. Do this several more times throughout the conversation, but don’t overdo it. Look only enough to let her know that you’re thinking about kissing her. If she does the same thing, you’ll know that she’s thinking about it too. [6] X Research source -
Stop talking. If she’s responded well to all of the clues you’re sending her, it’s time to move in for the kiss. Stop the conversation at a convenient point or let it trail away naturally. Wait for a moment after the pause to make sure that she’s comfortable and still interested in kissing you.
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Move in close and kiss her. Make sure that you move in with one, calm motion. Move too fast and you risk startling her; move too slow and you may seem too passive. If she's given you permission to make the move, she’ll most likely reciprocate your advance and kiss you back. [7] X Research source- Continue touching her if you were already making contact before the kiss. Continue holding her hand or touching her arm or shoulder.
- Be gentle. Make sure that if you're touching her, you're only applying light pressure. Being too forceful or holding her too firmly might make her uncomfortable, or show that you're moving too fast.
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Don’t take the kiss too far. The first time you kiss a girl, you won’t want to go overboard or turn her off. [8] X Expert Source Imad Jbara
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 5 November 2019. Make sure that the kiss doesn’t last too long, and that you aren’t too aggressive with your tongue. Your kiss should be calm and confident, and not too fast. If you come on too strong, she may think that you’re desperate or too forward. [9] X Research source- The kiss should only last a few seconds. There will be plenty more time to continue kissing, especially if you ask her if she wants to continue. If she pulls away first, don't lean into her and try to prolong a kiss.
- Keep your hands on her waist, arm or hands. Don't let your hands wander to places that she may be uncomfortable having you touch. Just because she's agreed to kiss doesn't mean that she is ready to go any further.
- If she starts to touch you in return, and you feel that she's interested in doing more, break off the kiss and ask her. She'll be glad that you respect her feelings, and she'll be able to tell you if there's anything she wants to do next.
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Create more tension by letting go first. If you stay in control of the kiss and break it off first, you’ll show her that you’re confident and in control, and that you’re not moving too quickly. She may go back in for another kiss or tell you that she wants you to kiss her again: if so, go for it.- When the kiss ends, ask her if she's okay, or ask how she's feeling. The moment after a kiss can be a bit awkward, but asking if she's alright will give you an idea of what she's thinking about or feeling.
- If she says that she's alright, and is happy, you've done a good job with your first kiss. Try not to make things awkward by getting flustered or asking for more physical contact. Stay relaxed, continue talking, or let her go for the night if you've walked her home.
- If she says she's not alright, don't be upset. She may not have felt a connection with you, or she may have been uncomfortable with the kiss. She might let you know the reasons that she felt uncomfortable. Listen to what she says, and respect her feelings about the physical contact.
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Be respectful if she turns you down. If you’ve done your best to send signals and talk to her throughout the process, she still may or may not reciprocate. Girls sometimes turn down a kiss or cut off a situation for their own reasons. She not be emotionally ready, or she might not be attracted to you. No matter what, always respect her decision. Don’t get upset or try to change her mind, as she’ll become upset with you.
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Tips
- Don’t worry the kiss isn’t perfect. It’s easy to make an awkward mistake during a first kiss. If either of you makes a mistake, laugh it off and keep the situation feeling fun and relaxed.Thanks
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Warnings
- Never try to force a girl to kiss you. You could end up in a lot of trouble, and may tarnish your reputation.Thanks
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References
- ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
- ↑ https://lethow.com/dating/kiss-a-girl-smoothly/
- ↑ https://www.gq.com/story/couples-beard-burn-save-her-face
- ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
- ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
- ↑ https://www.seductionscience.com/2011/killer-eye-contact-technique/
- ↑ https://www.thehealthsite.com/sexual-health/how-to-kiss-a-girl-10-tips-to-make-her-go-weak-in-the-knees-152963/
- ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
- ↑ https://theartofcharm.com/dating-tips/kiss-better-exes/
About This Article
Article Summary
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Will there’s no 100% guarantee that a girl will let you kiss her, there are things you can do to put her at ease and improve your chances. Spend time getting to know her and make sure the time is right. Before you make your move, dress up nicely, brush your teeth, and make sure you look and smell your best. Wait for a moment when you’re both relaxed and comfortable, hopefully in a romantic setting where you can have a little privacy. Look for signs that she might be in the mood to lock lips—for example, you might catch her leaning in close, gazing into your eyes, or glancing at your lips. Say something like, “I’d love to kiss you right now. Is that okay?” If she says yes, lean in slowly and tilt your head to one side so you don’t bump noses, close your eyes, and gently touch your lips to hers.
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