How to Know if You Are Touch Starved

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Physical contact with other humans is essential for our emotional, mental and physical well-being. Touch deprivation (also called touch starvation or skin hunger) happens when you go without human touch for a while (and it’s not just sexual touch—you can simply be missing a friendly hug or a platonic high-five). In this article, we’ll describe some of the symptoms you might experience if you are touch starved, as well as a few ways you can cope with touch starvation.

1

You feel a deep sense of loneliness.

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    If you aren’t getting enough physical contact in your daily life, you might feel extremely lonely or on your own. Loneliness can happen even if you live with someone or you’re in a relationship—if you’re touch starved, you’re going to crave that human connection no matter what. [1]
    • Loneliness can feel different for different people. For a lot of people, it feels like a deep sense of sadness or loss, especially when you see others that are close to each other.
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2

You feel stressed out.

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    When you aren’t touched for a long time, you might find that you’re feeling a bit more stressed out and high strung than usual. This is your body’s way of signaling that you need more human touch. [2]
    • Fortunately, stress-relieving activities like self care, yoga, and meditation can lower your stress levels and leave you feeling better overall.
3

You’re feeling more anxious than usual.

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    If you already struggled with anxiety and now it’s getting worse, it’s probably because you’re touch starved. You might feel more on edge, more stressed, or unable to do things you normally would without feeling intense anxiety. [3]
    • Touch starvation can also exacerbate other mental illnesses, like depression.
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4

You spend most of your time by yourself.

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    Even if you like being alone, when you spend most of your time by yourself, you probably aren’t touching people or interacting with them very much. Even the most introverted of introverts needs a high-five or a hug every now and then. [4]
    • If your loved ones live far away, you can still get some human interaction by video chatting or calling them on the phone. It won’t be quite the same as an in-person hangout, but it will be close!
5

You’re having trouble sleeping.

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    Insomnia is a common marker of touch starvation, which can be hard to deal with. While it’s not the only indicator that you are touch starved, if you have trouble sleeping on top of a sense of loneliness, touch starvation could be the reason. [5]
    • If your lack of sleep is starting to affect your life, talk to your doctor about getting a sleep aid. Or, try using a weighted blanket to simulate the feeling of being cuddled at night.
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6

You feel tired or fatigued.

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    If you’re sleeping okay but you always wake up feeling tired, it could be because you’re lacking human contact. This can be for a multitude of reasons, but the biggest one is probably because loneliness can be exhausting. [6]
    • You might also feel more fatigued throughout the day or need more rest times.
7

You have body image issues.

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    If you have a negative view of your own body or you struggle with disordered eating, touch starvation may play a role in that. [7] Fortunately, talk therapy and mental health professionals can help you work through any issues surrounding your body so you can regain your confidence.
    • This is most common for people who experienced touch starvation early in their childhoods.
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8

You feel aggressive or angry.

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    Lack of human touch is linked to aggressive behavior. If you’re feeling more on edge lately or you’re quicker to yell when you’re mad, it might be because you’re touch starved. [8] Aggressive behavior can be both verbal and physical.
    • Fortunately, studies show that aggressive behavior decreases when you implement massage therapy.
9

You’re having issues in your relationship.

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    Even when you’re in a romantic relationship (and having sex), you can still experience touch deprivation. This usually happens when you and your partner aren’t touching each other enough non-sexually. You might feel moody, on-edge, or irritated with your partner, even when they haven’t done anything wrong. [9]
    • If you think this might be the case for you, sit down with your partner and talk about it. You can both work to touch each other more on a daily basis.
    • Things like holding hands, hugging each other, and giving each other massages can help you alleviate your skin hunger.
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10

You’re experiencing sexual dysfunction.

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    If you’re having problems with your libido (or you’ve lost it entirely), it may be related to your touch starvation. Human touch calms us down and makes us feel more relaxed, which leaves us more open to having sex. [10]
    • If you’re concerned about your loss of libido, talk to a doctor. Lowered libido can happen for many reasons, and your doctor may be able to help you figure out where it’s coming from.
11

You’re self-medicating with drugs and alcohol.

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    When you use drugs or alcohol, you don’t feel as stressed, and you won’t think about your lack of human contact as much. In general, it’s okay to drink alcohol in moderation, but if you find yourself drinking daily or using drugs, get professional help right away.
    • There are other ways to cope with being touch starved, including hugging inanimate objects and taking warm showers, that don’t negatively impact your health.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2020/10/06/style/touch-deprivation-coronavirus.html
      2. ↑ https://ideas.ted.com/we-are-made-to-be-touched-so-what-happens-when-we-arent/
      3. ↑ https://ideas.ted.com/we-are-made-to-be-touched-so-what-happens-when-we-arent/
      4. ↑ https://www.architecturaldigest.com/story/how-to-make-do-without-touch-in-self-isolation
      5. ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2020/10/06/style/touch-deprivation-coronavirus.html
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/202011/skin-hunger-touch-starvation-and-hug-deprivation
      7. ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/7562675/
      8. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8327863/
      9. ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2021/07/24/style/are-you-in-an-inter-intimate-relationship.html
      1. ↑ https://www.nhsinform.scot/illnesses-and-conditions/sexual-and-reproductive/loss-of-libido

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