How to Make Friends in Middle School

Co-authored by Ashley Pritchard, MA and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: September 5, 2024 References

Making friends in middle school can be a little nerve-wracking—but it doesn’t have to be! By being friendly and putting yourself out there, you can form friendships that will last all throughout middle school (and beyond). Try out a few of these methods to talk to people in your class and hang out with them outside of school. Before you know it, you’ll have a fun group of friends to chill with every day!

1

Be friendly and approachable.

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Using positive body language will make people more likely to talk to you. Stand up straight, make eye contact with people, and smile! Try to avoid crossing your arms over your chest and looking closed off. The more open and friendly you look, the more people will want to get to know you. ^{[1]
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- Smile when you pass people in the hall or make eye contact in the cafeteria.

2

Practice striking up conversations with people.

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The more you practice, the easier it will get! There are tons of ways you can strike up conversations with people at school and start getting to know them better. Compliment someone's backpack and ask them where they got it. If you see someone reading a book, ask what they're reading and if it's any good. Ask the person sitting next to you in class what they did over the weekend. People love talking about themselves, so asking a question about them is a great way to start a conversation. ^{[2]
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- Talking to people you don't know can be kind of scary if you're shy, but the more you try it, the less scary it will be.

3

Ask questions to keep a conversation going.

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Give others a chance to talk about themselves. When you're around someone, ask about their favorite classes, what they like to do after school, what bands or TV shows they're into, or even what they're having for lunch. Don't just jump from topic to topic—that can feel a little awkward. Instead, ask a question, then chat about that for a little while. When the conversation stalls, move to something new. ^{[3]
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- For instance, if someone says they're going to the skate park, ask what kind of skateboard they ride or what kind of tricks they can do. Share a little about your own experience skating too, even if it's just to say that you've never ridden!
- Asking questions lets the other person know that you're interested in what they have to say. This can actually make them more interested in learning about you, too.

4

Sit at a new table during lunch.

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Look for tables with an open seat in the cafeteria. If you’re feeling a little nervous, pick a table that only has one or two people sitting down. Head over and ask if you can sit there, then join in on the conversation. If you liked the people you sat with, ask if you can join them for lunch again the next day. ^{[4]
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- It's okay if you feel a little shy at first—that's totally normal!

5

Chat with someone who's alone.

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They might need a friend, too. If you notice someone who's sitting alone at a lunch table or apart from the crowd at a pep rally, walk up and ask if it's okay to sit with them. Then, make casual conversation by chatting about your classes, what they're wearing, or something that's going on around you. ^{[5]
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- This can feel less intimidating than approaching a whole group of people, so it's a great option if you're feeling a little shy!

6

Try out for a sports team.

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Hang out with your teammates during practice or after games. Pick a sport that you like (it could be soccer, basketball, softball, baseball, or anything in between), and try out for the team. Over time, you could become good friends with some of the other people on your team! ^{[6]
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Expert Source

Ashley Pritchard, MA
School Counselor

Expert Interview. 4 November 2019.}
- If your school doesn’t have a sports team, try looking for one at your local community center.
Take the risk! "I was nervous to start middle school, I didn't know anyone on the first day, and I was overwhelmed by the prospect of making friends. I decided to try out for the softball team and although I had never played before it helped me have something in common with people and we could build our friendship from there. That was a huge risk for me but I am so glad I took it!" - Danielle, a high school student

7

Join an after-school club.

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Meet friends who like the same stuff as you. Ask a teacher or your parents for a list of after-school activities and pick 1 or 2 of them that you're the most excited about. Introduce yourself to everyone when you attend your first club meeting to meet new people and strike up a fun conversation. ^{[7]
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Expert Source

Ashley Pritchard, MA
School Counselor

Expert Interview. 4 November 2019.}
- If your school doesn’t have any clubs that you’re interested in, consider asking a teacher about starting a club of your own.

8

Don't skip that school dance or pep rally.

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It's totally fine to attend most of these events solo—just try to chat with as many different people as you can once you get there. However, if you feel a little strange going alone, ask an acquaintance if they want to buddy up and go with you. That way, you'll have someone to talk to no matter what. ^{[8]
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9

Sign up for electives that you enjoy.

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Connect with people who share your interests. Most schools offer electives like band, art, theater, newspaper, and yearbook. When you make your schedule, ask your homeroom teacher or guidance counselor what electives are available, and sign up for the ones that sound like fun to you. The other students in the class obviously think that elective is cool too, so you already have something in common! ^{[9]
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- You may only be able to choose your electives at the start of the school year, or you may be able to update your schedule each semester. That might seem like a long wait, but it gives you plenty of time to think about what you'll enjoy the most!

10

Become friends with your friend’s friends.

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If you have a friend or two already, see if their friends want to hang out. Tell them your name so they can get to know you more, and start chatting with them. If you have stuff in common, you can form a group of friends and all hang out together! ^{[10]
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- If you don’t have one or two friends yet, don’t worry about it. You’ll make new friends in time!

11

Text or call people from school on the weekends.

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This is a great way to grow your friendships and make them more official. Exchange numbers with your classmates so you can talk outside of school. Text them over the weekend to see if they want to hang out to go from “school friends” to real friends. You can also call them and chat over the phone if you can’t hang out in person. ^{[11]
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Trustworthy Source
Pew Research Center
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- If you don’t have your own phone yet, ask your parents or guardian if you can borrow theirs to text or call your friends.

12

Say yes to invitations.

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Sometimes if you feel insecure, you might feel tempted to say no when people invite you to hang out. Fight against that urge, though—the best way to make friends is to actually spend time with people! Give it a shot; you'll probably have more fun than you expected. ^{[12]
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13

Spend time with people who make you feel good.

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If someone puts you down or makes fun of you, move on. No matter how much you want to make new friends, don't put up with being treated badly by anyone. A good friend makes you feel like they're happy you're around—they should listen to you when you talk, treat you with kindness and respect, and accept you for who you are. ^{[13]
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- Pay attention to the way your new friends treat others, as well. If you notice them being unkind to others, they probably won't be a great friend to you, either.

14

Talk to a guidance counselor if you need help.

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They can help you if you’re struggling to make friends. Let them know that you’re trying to connect with your classmates, but it just isn’t working. They might be able to suggest some things or pair you up with another student they know. ^{[14]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Medical School
Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public
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- It might seem a little silly to ask a guidance counselor for help with friendships, but that’s what they’re there for!

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What if a clique doesn't like me?

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If a clique doesn't like you, look for another group of people to be friends with. It's totally up to you who your friends are in middle school. Don't worry about what the clique thinks — just focus on finding friends who like you for who you are.

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I have tried everything and I can't make any friends that are similar to me. What do I do?

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Try joining an after-school club that you're interested in. You'll meet lots of other people that share the same interests as you. Over time you'll get to know them better and even become good friends!

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What if you don't have a cell phone but they do?

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Write their number on a piece of paper and ask your parent or older sibling if you can borrow their phone. If you have a computer, you could also try instant messaging them instead of texting.

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Just try your best to be nice. If someone is being mean or ignoring you when you show interest in being their friend, they won't be a good friend to you. Know when to move on. The hardest thing about middle school is the social aspect, but trust me, everything will get better.
Friendship evolves slowly, so don't rush it. Have casual conversations with lots of people, but don't expect them to become your best friends right away. As you get to know people, you'll find kids you click with, and the friendships will evolve naturally.
If you're starting 6th grade, you'll be nervous at first. Especially if there are people from other elementary schools at your new school. Remember that everyone there is nervous, not just you! You're not alone.
If you make a friend who says bad things about other people, gossips behind their backs, or spills their secrets to you, let that friend go. They'll do the same to you.

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How to Make Friends in Middle School

Steps

Be friendly and approachable.

Practice striking up conversations with people.

Ask questions to keep a conversation going.

Sit at a new table during lunch.

Chat with someone who's alone.

Try out for a sports team.

Join an after-school club.

Don't skip that school dance or pep rally.

Sign up for electives that you enjoy.

Become friends with your friend’s friends.

Text or call people from school on the weekends.

Say yes to invitations.

Spend time with people who make you feel good.

Talk to a guidance counselor if you need help.

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