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Small talk topics, questions, and other conversation starters
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Small talk is your bridge into bigger, more profound conversations. It helps you get to know someone in a low-stakes way before deepening a relationship, which makes it an essential tool for romance, friendships, or even business settings. We chatted with etiquette experts, speech coaches, image consultants, and more to help you make small talk like a pro, give you plenty of conversation topics, and offer a handy list of conversation starters to get you going.
Quick Small Talk Pointers
- Open with a compliment or an introduction.
- Ask casual, open-ended questions.
- Keep your body language relaxed and open.
- Share personal details that aren’t too serious.
- Find common ground to talk about.
- Push deeper into topics they seem passionate about.
- Avoid heavy topics like politics or religion.
Steps
Section 1 of 3:
How to Initiate & Keep Up Small Talk
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Offer a friendly greeting or introduction to start the conversation. If you're seeing someone you already know, just say hello and greet them by their name, like, "Hi, Jen. Good to see you." This is simple and direct and lets the person know you're excited to talk. If you don't know the person, introduce yourself first so you feel more confident and in control of the conversation. Just say, "Hi, I'm Marla, what's your name?" [1] X Research source
- Repeat the person's name when they tell it to you. You’re more likely to remember it, and they’ll feel more engaged with.
- Remember to smile and pay attention to the person when you greet them, and throughout the conversation.
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Keep your body language friendly and open. While making small talk, always make yourself seem approachable. Speech coach Patrick Muñoz reminds us to have open body language: make eye contact , stand up straight, and push your shoulders back a bit before relaxing them. [2] X Expert Source Patrick Muñoz
Voice & Speech Coach Expert Interview. 8 June 2023. Orient your body so that you’re facing the other person, but angled just slightly away, to show that you’re engaged but not too intense.- Avoid crossing your arms, putting your hands in your pockets, and slumping your shoulders, which read as defensive or nervous postures.
- Stay a comfortable distance away, like about 1–3 ft (0.30–0.91 m) to show you’re attentive without crowding them.
- Also, put your phone away so you're engaged and not distracted.
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Aim to make a connection with the person you're talking to. Pay close attention to what the other person is saying. If they say something you find relatable, or that reminds you of your own experience, opinion, or anecdote, offer a comment after the other person finishes their current train of thought. For example:
- Them
: “I went to this huge concert over the weekend. It was so much fun, but I felt a little claustrophobic with all those people there.”
- You “Oh, nice! I can’t remember the last time I went to a concert. I should check and see if anyone I like is coming to town.”
- ' Or : “I’m terrible with crowded spaces, too. I’d so much rather be somewhere I can hear myself think. I’m glad it was fun, though!”
- Them
: "I'm just here to read for fun. I can't believe I've gone this long without reading The Catcher in the Rye.
"
- You : "I love that book! Some people think it's overrated, but I completely disagree."
- Or : “Oh man, I really wanted to love that book, but I just couldn’t stand the protagonist.”
Brene Brown, Author & Professor of Social WorkEveryone needs real, human connection. "Connection is why we're here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives."
- Them
: “I went to this huge concert over the weekend. It was so much fun, but I felt a little claustrophobic with all those people there.”
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Ask open-ended questions to keep things going. If you can’t think of any relevant comment to say, fall back on an open-ended question. [3] X Research source If the other person says anything particularly interesting, or which piques your curiosity, make a mental note, then ask them for more information once they’ve finished their train of thought. Avoid yes-or-no questions, and try to balance your ratio of comments to questions, so that you’re not making the conversation too one-sided. For example:
- Them
: "I couldn't go to that party, but I did go to her Cinco de Mayo party last month. That party was crazy."
- You : "It really was! I knew you looked familiar. How do you know Ashley? Isn't she great?"
- Them
: "I don't mind the rain so much, but it made it hard for me to walk my dog! That was so annoying."
- You : "You have a dog too? I have a little poodle named Stella. Do you have a picture of your dog?"
- Them
: "I couldn't go to that party, but I did go to her Cinco de Mayo party last month. That party was crazy."
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Keep things light and positive, and avoid serious topics. Small talk is just that—small. To keep things breezy, light, and comfy, image consultant Lynda Jean says to avoid topics like politics, religion, and relationships. [4] X Expert Source Lynda Jean
Certified Image Consultant Expert Interview. 17 November 2020. These often lead to tension or even arguments, which means you’ve turned small talk into big talk. Instead, stick to everyday things, like weather, mild news, upcoming events, and the like.- This is also just a matter of etiquette. If you’re talking to a close friend, these are probably normal topics. But with strangers, asking about these things can be a little invasive.
- A little griping is okay! People love to commiserate. Just make sure it’s not too serious, and don’t make it the entire conversation.
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Find some common ground, and reveal something about yourself. While asking questions, jump on any subject the other person brings up that you also have experience with. Horseback riding, travel destinations, obscure music artists—as long as it’s lighthearted and forms a connection it’s fair game. Tell them about your own experience, but keep it casual—we’re not confessing our darkest secrets here. For example: [5] X Research source
- "Oh, you’re taking that creative writing class? I took it last year! Professor Hoffer is hilarious."
- "We met briefly at Damien's housewarming party, right? Isn't his art collection amazing?”
- "Can you believe all of this rain? I stepped in a puddle on my way here and now my socks are all wet."
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Ask deeper questions to avoid or move past small talk. Once you and your conversation partner have gotten to know each other a little, you might feel comfortable enough to start talking about deeper or more involved topics. To do so, ask questions that are still related to the conversation, but which are a little more personal. [6] X Research source It often helps to offer something personal yourself. For example:
- “Oh, I went to Paris last year! I was visiting an old friend who works on a vineyard. What do you think of the culture over there?”
- “So is marine biology something you see yourself doing for a long time? It must be a challenging field…”
- “That reminds me of my Dad growing up! What was the best advice your parents ever gave you?”
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Let the pauses in the conversation pass by naturally. When you’re getting to know someone, an awkward silence every now and then is basically inevitable. Don’t feel like you have to fill every gap and pause in the conversation—it’s best to let those pauses breathe a little. When things slow down, take a deep breath, look around, and think of your next question. [7] X Research source
- Don’t worry about feeling awkward! It’s totally normal, and the more attention you draw to it, the more awkward it actually becomes.
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Thank them for chatting to end the conversation. Etiquette coach Tami Claytor recommends telling the other person you’ve got somewhere to be, or that you have other responsibilities waiting. [8] X Expert Source Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach Expert Interview. 16 February 2022. Thank the person for talking, say goodbye, and excuse yourself from the conversation. If it went well, offer to hang out again, or say you look forward to running into them later. You might even ask for their contact info.- For example, say, “On that note, I’ve got to run back to work. It’s been great talking to you, and I’ll see you soon!”
- Or, say, “Oh, I didn’t realize what time it is! I have to run, but I’ve really enjoyed chatting. Let’s talk again sometime. I come here often!”
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Small Talk Cheat Sheets
Community Q&A
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QuestionIs suitable to ask sport news in small talk?Community AnswerYes, as long as you know the other person is interested. Best to start off by asking them if they watch the sport/follow the team you're thinking of talking about.
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QuestionWhat if I am not interested in small talking about the weather (like I was blind), pets (I only like cats), or someone's relative (what I am supposed to do with that information?)Community AnswerYou can try introducing a different topic of conversation, but keep in mind that there are certain things everyone does to be polite and civil in society. Nobody necessarily enjoys talking about someone else's relatives, pets, etc., but it's important to be friendly and make others feel that you care about what's going on in their lives.
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Tips
- It helps to come prepared with 3 clean jokes that can be told to any audience. (Ask yourself, "Would I share this joke with my mum / grandmother?")Thanks
- Practice small talk by chatting with baristas, checkout clerks, or other service workers, which gives you both a time limit and an easy out.Thanks
- Avoid forcing people into having small talk with you; some people may just not want to talk. If they tend to give lots of short answers, look elsewhere for conversation.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/how-do-life/201812/small-talk-people-bad-it
- ↑ Patrick Muñoz. Voice & Speech Coach. Expert Interview. 8 June 2023.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/how-to-do-life/201812/small-talk-for-people-bad-at-it
- ↑ Lynda Jean. Certified Image Consultant. Expert Interview. 17 November 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201409/7-ways-make-small-talk-work-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/how-to-do-life/201812/small-talk-for-people-bad-at-it
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201409/7-ways-make-small-talk-work-you
- ↑ Tami Claytor. Etiquette Coach. Expert Interview. 16 February 2022.
- ↑ https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/apr/17/lost-conversational-mojo-relearn-art-of-small-talk-rhik-samadder
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201808/3-steps-becoming-small-talk-pro
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/how-to-do-life/201812/small-talk-for-people-bad-at-it
- ↑ Lynda Jean. Certified Image Consultant. Expert Interview. 17 November 2020.
- ↑ Amiccio. Social Events Host. Expert Interview. 15 July 2022.
About This Article
Article Summary
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When you start making small talk with someone, try to find common ground with them. For instance, you might ask a question like, "What kind of music do you listen to?" or, "Do you have any recommendations for good movies?". You can then build on that subject, like mentioning that you had that same teacher for a class last year, for instance. Build on the conversation by either asking the person a question or telling them something about yourself. For instance, you might ask, “Who’s your favorite teacher?” For tips on ending the conversation on a friendly note, keep reading!
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- "I have have been having trouble talking to people and actually bringing up things to talk about. When I read this article, I could have full blown conversations with complete strangers." ..." more
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