How to Not Care What People Think

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Not caring what others think can be difficult. However, there are plenty of steps you can take to become more self-confident, form your own opinions, and develop your own style. Try not to assume others are watching and judging your every step, and avoid putting too much stock in their opinions. Form your opinions based on facts and evidence. Make decisions based on your values instead of compromising your beliefs based on what others think. When it comes to style, remember that taste is subjective, so no one has the final word.

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Becoming More Confident

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  1. Be yourself , improve yourself where you can, and accept aspects of yourself that you can’t change. Don’t try to change who you are just to please others.
    • Make a list of all the things that you like about yourself and another of things you’d like to improve. You can ask friends and family to help you build your list, since they may think of things you might not. Think of specific steps you can take to improve, for example: “Sometimes I overreact and snap at other people. Every time someone makes a statement, I should pause before responding and think about what to say before saying it.” Keep this list somewhere you will see it often, such as on your mirror or closet door. Read over it at least once every day.
    • Accept things about yourself that you can’t change. For example, you might wish you were taller, but that's not something you can change. Instead of focusing on why you wish you were tall, try to think of little things that are nice about being shorter, like the fact that you’ll bump your head less. Try to think of things about yourself that other people would likely envy and want to replicate.
  2. Try not to focus on failing, embarrassment, or on what other people will think if you do something wrong. If you find yourself reliving embarrassing moments, consciously redirect yourself to something you have accomplished instead. Break down goals into small pieces, and visualize yourself succeeding at each step. [1]
    • For example, if you want to be more confident when having conversations, break the goal into small parts: maintain eye contact, listen to the other person, nod when they make a point, ask them questions, and offer honest responses based on your own experiences.
    • If an outcome doesn’t turn out according to plan, try to learn from it instead of getting embarrassed. Write down what you would do differently next time to help solidify what you have learned. Remember that everything is a learning process and that no one is great at everything, especially on the first attempt.
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  3. Try not to assume that everyone is judging every little thing you do. Before getting lost in a cycle of self-doubt, remind yourself that anyone worth your time has more to worry about than criticizing your every thought and action. [2] Also, remind yourself that mistakes serve a purpose and are a necessary part of growth.
    • Do your best to notice when you start to overthink or second guess yourself. Tell yourself, “Stop over-analyzing. Calm down and don’t worry.”
    • Self-reflection and learning from your mistakes are good things, provided you focus on positive growth instead of negative overthinking.
  4. Keep a balanced perspective and don’t view a negative judgment as a permanent, absolute fact. If you think there’s some truth in their judgment, use it as an opportunity to improve instead of letting it define you. [3]
    • For example, suppose someone says that you have a bad temper. If you’ve barely interacted with them and they don’t know you at all, brush off their judgment. However, if they’re a classmate or coworker who spends a lot of time with you, consider why they think you have a temper. Work on developing strategies for keeping your cool, like counting while slowly breathing when you start feeling angry.
  5. How a person expresses an opinion of you can let you know whether you should brush it off or take it to heart. Ask yourself, “Does this person have my best interests in mind? Is this something I can work on to become a better person, or is it just a petty judgment that’s meant to insult me?”
    • For example, your good friend might say, “You seem to be disconnected lately - you don’t seem like yourself.” That’s a judgment you’d want to take to heart. On the other hand, you’d want to just brush it off if someone you don’t know well says, “You never pay attention - you’re so dumb!”
    • Also, remember that petty judgements are usually meant to make the person feel better about themselves and not to hurt you. Consider if you can find some empathy for the person and their self-esteem issues.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Forming Your Own Opinions

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  1. When forming an opinion on something like a news topic, try to look for multiple sources. Read articles published by different news outlets, and try to include perspectives that challenge your own beliefs. Try to gather your own information rather than instinctively agreeing or disagreeing with what someone else thinks. [4]
    • For example, your parents might have an opinion about a news story. Instead of just agreeing with them because they’re your parents, you might search online to find articles on the subject from multiple news bureaus. After reading a few perspectives on the topic, you can form your own opinion based on what you’ve learned.
  2. Before getting too concerned about what someone thinks, consider their expertise and the way they express their opinion. If your teacher wrote their graduate school thesis on a particular historical event, you’ll want to value what they think over someone less informed. [5]
    • In addition to considering the source, think about its package: is someone informed about a subject speaking to you in a clear, thoughtful way? Or are they just hurling insults and criticizing your opinion just for the sake of disagreeing with you?
    • You may also consider whether someone might have a personal motivation for feeling one way or another.
  3. Don’t be afraid to have an opinion that goes against the norm, especially if you've put time and thought into forming that opinion. Balance evidence with your gut instincts instead of trying to conform and satisfy others. Respect what others think, and accept that not everyone will think the same way you do. [6]
    • For example, if you prefer dogs over cats, don't pretend to like cats more just to please your friends who think cats are better. You should form your own opinion, even if all of your friends prefer cats.
    • It can be healthy to challenge your core beliefs, but you should avoid compromising them just for the sake of popularity. For instance, if you were raised in a religious tradition, you might find that a healthy dose of doubt will deepen your faith in the long run. But that doesn’t mean you should change your beliefs just because someone criticizes them out of ignorance. [7]
    • Also, keep in mind that it is okay to disagree with people. You can express your opinion in a non-challenging manner and listen respectfully to their opinion as well. However, it is important to consider your goal for the conversation before moving forward.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Discovering Yourself and Your Style

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  1. Consider the similarities and differences between how you act in private versus when you're around lots of people. Ask yourself, “How do I represent myself to strangers, to people I’m more comfortable with, and to myself?” [8]
    • Try to think of what really makes you who you are. Write down a list of character traits that are important to you, like honesty, loyalty, or humor. You can also ask trustworthy friends and family members to help you think of things.
    • Spend some quiet time reflecting on your traits, talents, and favorite things. Try to develop an appreciation for what makes you a unique individual.
  2. Make choices that are consistent with your priorities instead of doing what other people think is cool. For example, suppose your friends want to go to a party and get drunk, but you have a soccer game the next day, and soccer is really important to you. Instead of going to the party just to look cool, choose to be well prepared and well rested for your game because it's important to you. [9]
    • Do not feel like you have to defend yourself or your values to other people!
  3. Think of how to incorporate your interests, likes, and dislikes into your clothes, surroundings, and lifestyle choices. Focus on creating a style that makes you happy instead of just going for what's trendy or popular. [10]
    • For example, if you find that you love to mix and match patterns in your wardrobe, don’t be afraid to wear what you love just because of what one person might think.
    • Decorate your apartment or room with knick-knacks that have sentimental value, even if someone suggests you should use trendier items or go for a more minimal look. On the other hand, skip out on decorative objects altogether if you can’t stand clutter. Just go with whatever will make your space most livable for you.
  4. When developing your sense of clothing style , check out fashion magazines and blogs to search for inspiration. Save or cut out images that motivate you, and use them to put together a digital or paper "look book" or inspiration folder. Using your new library, assemble looks that make you feel unique and confident. [11]
    • Signature items like a particular piece of jewelry, scarves, funky hats, or pattern can also help put a unique stamp on your style. Think of a specific item or aesthetic element that makes you happy and expresses something you love about yourself. For example, if you love sailing or boats, maybe an anchor necklace and bold nautical stripes would be a unique touch. [12]
  5. If someone says something about your taste, remember that their style opinion isn’t the final word. Taste is subjective, and you might not love everything about their fashion or decor. Variety is a great thing: imagine how boring it would be if everyone’s clothes and houses looked exactly the same! [13]
    • While it’s great to dress in a way that expresses your individuality, remember to consider degrees of appropriateness for every situation. Dressing professionally or in accordance with the dress code at work will probably earn you more respect than wearing a tee shirt and ripped jeans. [14]
  6. Social media is a great way to stay connected with people. However, it also gives people plenty of opportunities to judge your lifestyle choices. For example, if you don’t want to invite people to criticize your clothes or image, consider sharing fewer selfies on social media platforms. [15]
    • You can also unfollow or unfriend people who are judgmental, rude, or who make you feel bad about yourself.
    Selena Gomez, Founder, Rare Beauty

    Don't let social media affect your well-being. "You are not defined by an Instagram photo, by a like, by a comment. That does not define you."

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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How do you stop caring about what others think?
    Rahti Gorfien, PCC
    Life Coach
    Rahti Gorfien is a Life Coach and the Founder of Creative Calling Coaching, LLC. She specializes in working with artists, entrepreneurs, and college students in creative fields. Rahti is accredited as a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) by the International Coach Federation, an ACCG Accredited ADHD Coach by the ADD Coach Academy, and a Career Specialty Services Provider (CSS). In addition, she has personal experience in the fields she coaches - she is an alumnus of the New York University Graduate Acting program and has been a working theater artist for over 30 years. She was voted one of the 15 Best Life Coaches in New York City by Expertise in 2018.
    Rahti Gorfien, PCC
    Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    Notice when you're worrying about other people's opinions. Once you're conscious that you're focusing on other people, pause your thoughts, and choose where else you want to focus your thoughts. To stop caring what other people think, you first need to pay attention to what you're paying attention to so that you can redirect yourself.
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  • Question
    Why should you stop caring about what others think?
    Rahti Gorfien, PCC
    Life Coach
    Rahti Gorfien is a Life Coach and the Founder of Creative Calling Coaching, LLC. She specializes in working with artists, entrepreneurs, and college students in creative fields. Rahti is accredited as a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) by the International Coach Federation, an ACCG Accredited ADHD Coach by the ADD Coach Academy, and a Career Specialty Services Provider (CSS). In addition, she has personal experience in the fields she coaches - she is an alumnus of the New York University Graduate Acting program and has been a working theater artist for over 30 years. She was voted one of the 15 Best Life Coaches in New York City by Expertise in 2018.
    Rahti Gorfien, PCC
    Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    The only person you have control over is you. You can't control or change other people's thoughts; you only have the power to change your thoughts. Instead of spending your time caring what other people think of you, redirect your attention to something else, something better.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • Before just adopting someone else's strong opinion on something, first reflect on how informed they really are on that topic and what their intentions are. If it's some random person making an ignorant criticism just to make themselves feel superior, feel free to brush that right off. But if it's coming from someone who knows you well and cares about your growth, listen up.
      • When big decisions come up, check in with your top priorities and values before acting. If going to some party conflicts with something super important to you like your soccer game, don't ditch what matters to you deep down just to gain temporary approval from others. Compromising your values for popularity never ends well.
      • If some rude friend judges your unique style, just ignore it! There's no definitive authority on what's stylish or not. Do what makes YOU happiest when choosing clothes or decorating your space. As long as you're being appropriate for the situation, wear what you love!
      • Make an ongoing list of things you genuinely appreciate about yourself, like your loyalty or sense of humor. Refer back to it whenever you start to doubt your worth. Reminding yourself of your good qualities builds self-acceptance, which is so important.
      • If someone unfairly criticizes you, stand up for yourself while still being respectful. Calmly explain your perspective while also listening to understand theirs. Getting defensive or angry just escalates things further. Find common ground if you can.
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      References

      1. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-ashlee-greer/stop-letting-other-peoples-opinions-control-you_b_9587330.html
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sapient-nature/201603/how-not-worry-about-what-others-think-you
      3. ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/253526
      4. ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/07/opinion/brooks-other-peoples-views.html?_r=0
      5. ↑ https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-not-to-care-what-other-people-think/
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fighting-fear/201306/caring-what-other-people-think
      7. ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/07/opinion/brooks-other-peoples-views.html?_r=0
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200805/dare-be-yourself
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200805/dare-be-yourself
      1. ↑ https://www.apartmenttherapy.com/positive-ways-to-deal-with-other-peoples-negative-opinions-about-your-home-205660
      2. ↑ http://www.collegefashion.net/fashion-tips/5-tips-to-help-you-develop-your-own-personal-style/
      3. ↑ http://www.collegefashion.net/fashion-tips/5-tips-to-help-you-develop-your-own-personal-style/
      4. ↑ https://www.apartmenttherapy.com/positive-ways-to-deal-with-other-peoples-negative-opinions-about-your-home-205660
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/do-something-different/201304/what-your-clothes-might-be-saying-about-you
      6. ↑ http://www.glamour.com/story/how-to-not-care-what-people-think

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      Not caring what others think about you isn't easy, but a good place to start is to accept yourself for who you are. For example, try making a list of your positive traits to boost your self-confidence. If you feel that others are judging you, try not to allow their opinions to define you. However, if you feel there is some truth in their judgement, use it as a chance to improve yourself. Additionally, avoid uninvited judgement by sharing less of yourself on social media and unfollowing or unfriending those who make you feel bad about yourself. To learn how to visualize successful outcomes instead of fearing embarrassment, keep reading!

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