What 'Peacocking' Means in Dating: A Comprehensive Guide

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Plus, learn to use peacocking as a tool to attract others
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You may have heard the term “peacocking” but weren’t sure what it meant in reference to dating. Well, you’ve come to the right place! Peacocking is something men (and sometimes women) do to catch the eye of someone they’re attracted to, much like a peacock fans out his beautiful tail feathers to attract a peahen. This article covers what peacocking is and how to use the concept wisely to get dates.

Peacocking: Definition & Overview

Peacocking is a social behavior where someone dresses or acts in a specific way in order to gain the attention of a person they’re attracted to. In dating, peacocking most commonly involves men trying to attract women. The man may wear flashy clothing or try to exude confidence through his posture and behavior.

Section 1 of 5:

What is peacocking?

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  1. In the dating world, peacocking is usually a trait associated with men who are interested in women. In order to ‘peacock,’ men might show off their muscles, turn up the volume on their conversation, or dress flamboyantly in order to attract attention or easily start a conversation with a woman. [1] The term “peacocking” comes from the practice of male peacocks strutting with their brightly colored tail fanned out to attract a mate. [2]
    • This dating strategy is commonly associated with pickup artists as part of the “game” they play to pursue physical relationships, typically with women. They may dress outrageously to get attention and act in inauthentic ways to make themselves seem nicer or more generous than they actually are.
    • Many of the strategies typically employed by pickup artists are perceived as being manipulative and dehumanizing. One example is negging , which is insulting a woman to make her feel less confident and more susceptible to their advances. [3]
    • However, peacocking is something that many people do naturally when they’re attracted to another person—they’ll try to show off their best traits and features. So, peacocking isn’t always intentionally negative or manipulative.
    • Some believe the term was coined by pickup artists in the early 2000s, but it was mentioned by novelist Rhoda Broughton as early as 1874 in her novel Nancy to describe a strutting horse. [4]
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Section 2 of 5:

How to Use Peacocking to Get Dates

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  1. While the pickup artists of the early 2000s usually encouraged men to dress in outrageous styles that included feather boas and statement hats , it’s unnecessary to go to those lengths to get attention. Developing a sense of style means wearing clothes you like that make you feel confident. [5]
    • If you like statement hats or feather boas, go for it! But don’t feel the need to do that if a Hawaiian shirt is more your style.
    • Ease into wearing more flamboyant styles by adding one eye-catching piece – like funky sunglasses or interesting shoes – to your everyday outfit. That way, your outfit doesn’t outshine your personality, and you’ll still be wearing an eye-catching piece that just might be a great conversation starter.
    • Build a wardrobe with classic, high-quality shirts , pants, and jackets that fit well. Then, pick one or two more flamboyant pieces that coordinate with the rest of your outfit. [6]
    • Wear a funny costume…as long as there’s a good reason, like a costume party or Halloween. And make sure it’s more funny than sexy. You’ll stand out from the crowd while still being approachable.
  2. With social media, users have thousands of pictures to scan. Make yours stand out by curating what you post. Choose photos that make you look good , featuring your best angle and flattering lighting. Share pictures of yourself doing something cool and fun, like going to a concert, snorkeling, or sightseeing, to show you’re a fun person to be around.
    • Post a picture with a pet or other animal. There’s some evidence that people find pet lovers more attractive. [7]
    • If you don’t have your own pet, head out to the zoo or take a photo with a friend’s puppy.
  3. Some studies have found evidence that women find men with facial hair more attractive than clean-shaven men. In these studies, women generally felt the stubble gave the impression of maturity and manliness. [8] So, take a break from the razor and see what happens!
    • Don’t be tempted to grow your beard down to your belt buckle to be extra manly (unless you like having a long beard!).
  4. Peacocking posture is perceived as standing or walking with your shoulders back and your chest up, which helps you look taller, slimmer, and more muscular. [9] Good posture can also help you feel more confident. [10]
    • To test your posture, stand with your back to a wall. If you’re standing with good posture, your head, shoulder blades, hips, and the back of your legs will touch the wall. [11]
    • If you don’t have good posture, try improving it with a few exercises.
    • One exercise to try is a wall angel. It helps stretch your arms and chest muscles. With your back against the wall, put your arms at your sides with your palms facing out. Then slide your arms out and up like you’re making a snow angel, except on the wall. [12]
  5. Ask the woman you’re interested in questions about herself…but listen to her answers and show genuine interest. If you don’t know anything about her interests, ask her to tell you about them. If you have some of the same interests, you won’t have to worry about what to talk about. And don’t be afraid to tell a woman you find her interesting. [13]
    • Don’t bombard a woman with a predetermined series of rapid-fire questions, which can be off-putting to many people and may imply you aren’t listening to what she says.
  6. There’s a difference between confidence and arrogance. Confidence is appealing because it’s usually rooted in an authentic sense of self-worth. You don’t need others to tell you you’re good enough. Arrogant people tend to be less fun to be around because they brag to show they’re better than other people. They may think they’re always right because they aren’t aware of their own limits and assume other people know less than they do. [14]
    • On the other hand, avoid being too humble, as it may come off as false modesty or humble-bragging, which is just another form of bragging.
  7. Listen, you might be handsome, witty, and have a great sense of style, but none of it matters if you smell bad. Take a shower before you go out and spritz on some clean-smelling cologne. And don’t forget to wash behind your ears...just in case you find someone who wants a snuggle!
    • When choosing a cologne, test out different fragrances to find out what you like and what works well with your body chemistry.
    • Remember to apply only one spray of the cologne on your wrists, chest, and elbows. Too much scent may give others a headache.
  8. Overdoing it could come off as abrasive or arrogant, especially if two guys try to out-peacock each other to get the attention of a woman. This may lead to arguments or disagreements…and can be a huge turn-off for the lady in question.
    • Some people feel peacocking is more like showing off, which is distracting or annoying—just keep in mind that this is a matter of personal opinion.
    • There’s nothing wrong with peacocking as long as you stay true to yourself, avoid being too cocky, and respect other’s boundaries.
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Section 3 of 5:

Does peacocking work?

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  1. Dressing in a provocative way and projecting confidence can help you get a woman’s attention. However, your personality, compassion, and sense of humor are also extremely important when it comes to attracting a woman, and every woman will be attracted to different things! [15]
    • It’s important to note that after the success of The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists by Neil Strauss and the moderate popularity of the reality show The Pickup Artist , the general public has become more aware of pickup artist tactics, which may make those strategies – including peacocking – less effective.
Section 4 of 5:

Is peacocking a bad thing to do?

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  1. Many pickup artist tactics focus on “tricking” women into being attracted to them, and peacocking often comes off this way as well. [16] However, peacocking is one of the less harmful dating strategies that someone can employ because it centers on how one presents oneself. However, it can still be deceitful and manipulative if the person isn’t being genuine or truthful about who they are. [17]
    • Many people peacock without even knowing it. It’s a form of body language or social behavior that both people and animals use. However, some people may still view peacocking as obnoxious or vain.
    • Some of the controversy around peacocking also comes from its potential roots in the patriarchy. Some feminist scholars feel that men are more susceptible to peacocking due to patriarchal ideas about the social hierarchy and division of labor between men and women—basically, men have been socialized to believe that they must compete for female attention. [18]
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Section 5 of 5:

Do women use peacocking?

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  1. When a woman peacocks , she may put extra effort into her appearance and play up her talents or accomplishments to seem more attractive. She might dress up more or post sexier pictures on social media. She might laugh loudly at jokes men tell…even “dad” jokes . [19]
    • A peacocking woman may also make good eye contact and “accidentally” touch the shoulder or rest her hand on the arm of a man she’s interested in.
    • Another sign that a woman is doing a little casual peacocking is that she might play with her hair. [20]
    • She may also use some of the same techniques men use, like projecting confidence, wearing flashy clothing, or having better posture.

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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/nov/05/pickup-artists-teaching-men-approach-women-industry-street-harassment
      2. ↑ https://thewonderofscience.com/phenomenon/2018/5/13/a-peacocks-tail
      3. ↑ https://www.shatteringthesilence.org/blog/what-is-negging
      4. ↑ https://www.gutenberg.org/files/12304/12304-h/12304-h.htm
      5. ↑ https://www.mensfashionmagazine.com/how-style-improves-confidence
      6. ↑ https://www.artofmanliness.com/style/outfit-guide/how-to-build-your-wardrobe-2/
      7. ↑ https://www.akc.org/expert-advice/lifestyle/dog-lovers-more-attractive/
      8. ↑ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1090513813000226
      9. ↑ https://www.lompocvmc.com/blogs/2021/april/importance-of-good-posture
      1. ↑ https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/10/091005111627.htm
      2. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/posture-exercises
      3. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/posture-exercises
      4. ↑ https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/how-to-be-attractive-men-the-guyliner
      5. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8101990/
      6. ↑ https://www.sciencealert.com/how-to-appear-more-attractive-to-woman-according-to-science-tips
      7. ↑ https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-pickup-artist-goes-inside-the-sleazy-world-of-men-who-try-to-manipulate-women-into-bed
      8. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/signs-manipulation-in-relationships#manipulation-tactics
      9. ↑ https://www.breakthecycle.org/powerful-signs-of-male-attraction/
      10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-psychology-relationships/202010/the-science-flirting-deciphering-subtle-signals
      11. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201706/11-key-flirting-techniques-for-women

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