The Psychology of Not Responding to Texts

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Analyzing the psychological reasons someone might be ignoring your texts
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Dealing with someone who has been ignoring your texts can be super frustrating. You might be wondering what’s going on in this person’s head, or what psychological factors may be contributing to their behavior. If you’re in this situation, you’ve come to the right place! We’ve compiled a list of possible psychological reasons for ignoring texts, including text anxiety, digital burnout, mental health conditions, and avoidant attachment styles.

Things You Should Know

  • If someone isn’t responding to your texts, they might just be taking time to process your message and come up with a response.
  • Text anxiety, ADHD , or digital burnout are also possible reasons that someone might feel too overwhelmed or anxious to reply to your text right away.
  • This person could also be giving you the “silent treatment,” trying to avoid conflict, or ghosting you.
1

They’re processing what you said.

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    Texts don’t include cues like facial expressions, body language, or tones of voice to help convey meaning. Because of this, it may take longer for people to work through them emotionally and compose a reply. [1] If someone is taking a while to get back to you, try not to assume the worst.
    • A lot of things can be misconstrued over text, leading to misunderstandings. With this in mind, their delay in response can actually be a good thing.
    • Instead of impulsively replying, they’re taking the time to truly understand your text and come up with an appropriate response.
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2

They’re experiencing text anxiety.

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    The absence of context clues and body language can leave people feeling panicked or uncertain about the meaning of text messages. [2] When someone has text anxiety, they may take longer to respond (or avoid responding altogether) because they’re feeling so anxious and overwhelmed.
    • People with social anxiety tend to be more prone to text anxiety than others. [3]
    • If you suspect a loved one has text anxiety, try to be patient with them.
      • Consider sending a reassuring follow-up text if you think they’re misinterpreting your previous message.
      • This message could be something like, “I realized the tone of my last message might have seemed a little cold or short—don’t worry, I’m not upset or anything like that!”
3

They’re experiencing digital burnout.

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    For some people, the constant use of digital devices brings on feelings of exhaustion and apathy. [4] When this happens, they may feel less motivation to reply to texts, instead letting the unread messages pile up.
    • If you believe a friend is dealing with digital burnout, remember that their delay in response has nothing to do with you.
    • Try to wait out a response patiently. Once they work through their overwhelmed feelings, they’ll likely get back to you.
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4

They’re struggling with their mental health.

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    When someone is depressed, they are more likely to avoid social interactions, including text conversations. They might experience feelings of anxiety or dread around being social, leading them to ignore loved ones' attempts to reach out. [5]
    • If you suspect someone is avoiding your texts because they’re dealing with mental health problems, try to be supportive and patient with them.
    • Prolonged social isolation can continue to worsen depression, so don’t give up on getting in contact. If they’ve taken a long time to respond, send a kind follow-up text to check in.
5

They have a condition that impacts focus.

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    ADHD can cause difficulty with executive functioning, which includes skills like memory and planning. [6] ADHD can also cause “task paralysis,” in which small tasks become so daunting and overwhelming that the person feels stuck and unmotivated to complete them. [7] If you’re texting someone with ADHD, all of these symptoms may be reasons they haven't replied.
    • People with ADHD may find it helpful to schedule a designated time for responding to messages.
    • For example, they could set a few daily alarms at specific times to remind them to read and reply to any missed texts.
    • If you’re trying to help a friend with ADHD stay on top of their text messages, try suggesting this method to them!
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6

They’re avoiding conflict.

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    People with avoidant attachment styles, in particular, can struggle with responding to emotionally-charged texts. They may shut down and ignore the message because they’re not ready for that level of intimacy, but they don’t want to get into an argument with you. [8]
    • Dealing with avoidant attachment style in a friendship or partnership can be difficult, and it’s completely normal to feel hurt when they don’t reply right away.
    • While you’re waiting, try not to obsess over the situation . Distract yourself with a fun activity, like watching a good movie or hanging out with someone else.
    • Try to be patient with them and respect their need to take time and space. [9]
7

They’re giving you the “silent treatment.”

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    By giving you the “silent treatment” and refusing to reply to your message, this person may be trying to control your behavior or manipulate your emotions. [10] They’re essentially withholding their response until you do what they want you to do—whether that be to apologizing, agreeing with them, excusing their bad behavior, or letting go of a boundary you’ve set.
    • If you’re dealing with the silent treatment from a loved one, remember that their behavior is not a reflection on you. They likely don’t have the tools to respond to you in a mature way, which isn’t your fault.
    • When you do get back in contact with this person, set boundaries with them . Let them know you won’t engage any further if they continue to use silence as a punishment or manipulation tactic. [11]
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8

They’re ghosting you.

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    This usually occurs in a romantic context as a way to subtly end the relationship without having a face-to-face interaction. The more impersonal nature of texting makes this easier for people to do because it desensitizes them to the fact that they’re likely hurting your feelings. [12]
    • If you’re dealing with being ghosted , it’s completely normal to feel hurt. It can be very confusing when someone suddenly cuts off contact.
    • You might be tempted to keep reaching out, but it's usually best to move on in this situation. If they don't value you enough to give you an explanation, they don’t deserve any more of your time!
    • Try reciting positive affirmations to show yourself some kindness and build up self-love as you move forward.
9

They’re genuinely busy.

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    In this case, they aren’t ignoring you at all—they’re just preoccupied with other tasks or responsibilities. They’ll most likely get back to you as soon as their schedule clears up!
    • It’s also possible that they made a mental note to reply to you once they finished their tasks but then forgot to do so. Try shooting them a quick follow-up text as a reminder.
      • It can be something as simple as, “Hey, just checking in! Did you see my message?”
    • If this person is usually a reliable texter and only missed one message, try to give them the benefit of the doubt. They’re likely just having a busy day.
      • If, however, they start missing multiple messages in a row, it’s a bit more of a red flag. It could be a good idea to address the situation with them.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 476 wikiHow readers how they would react if a girl started hiding her phone, and only 10% said they would give the benefit of the doubt and assume she’s busy. [Take Poll] So, while that may not be a great strategy according to our readers, try sending a follow-up text.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/anxiety/text-anxiety#why-texting-is-problematic
      2. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/anxiety/text-anxiety#why-texting-is-problematic
      3. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/anxiety/text-anxiety#why-texting-is-problematic
      4. ↑ https://www.mcleanhospital.org/essential/digital-burnout
      5. ↑ https://publichealth.tulane.edu/blog/effects-of-social-isolation-on-mental-health/
      6. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/adhd/how-to-stop-adhd-procrastination
      7. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/adhd/adhd-paralysis
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-freedom-change/201808/why-attachment-styles-and-texting-dont-always-mix
      9. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/ways-to-increase-intimacy-and-communication-with-an-avoidant-partner#6.-If-possible,-offer-alone-time
      1. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/the-silent-treatment
      2. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/the-silent-treatment#how-to-respond
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/i-hear-you/201902/7-essential-psychological-truths-about-ghosting

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