Q&A for How to Accept Your Boyfriend's Interest in Pornography

The last thing you want to do is be punitive. This is a great opportunity to grow closer with your boyfriend through communication. You can let him know how much this bothers and affects you, but always remember that his consumption of porn is not really up to you. As porn can be a somewhat sensitive and embarrassing topic, try to be cautious when bringing it up.

In some cases, yeah. If pornography is something that makes you feel unsafe in the relationship, you should bring it up with your boyfriend and discuss it. Set your expectations and communicate your values. Also, talk about what you consider necessary for you relationship and analyze if you're truly compatible in that way before taking action.

Understand that people have different opinions on pornography and its effects on relationships and health. Try to think about why it makes you uncomfortable. Is it a moralistic thing? Does it affect your self-esteem? Is it a religious question? Answer those questions yourself and talk to your partner to see what you can do about it.

Get a new boyfriend. No one deserves to be talked to that way. He will respect you only as much as you respect yourself.

There is a big difference between loving a person and getting turned on by seeing a specific body type. He might not see your body the same way you do, so he might not think you look as different from them as you think you do.

No, it doesn't make you a bad girlfriend. However, if porn interferes with your own self esteem and self worth, you need to work on that and cultivate greater self love. You can talk to your partner about how you feel and discuss options. You can decide whether you want to be romantically involved with a porn user. Many women do not want to be intimate with a porn user because of the inherent misogyny in modern porn.

Well, depending on his sexuality, it might be just a kink he has. Maybe he's bisexual and just indulging that side of himself. Talk to him about it if you want to. Try to be understanding and not accusatory.

If your partner gets mad when you ask about porn, it is a defense mechanism to hide his shame at using it. Getting mad is a deflection so that he doesn't have to look at his own behavior and take responsibility for it. It also may strongly indicate that he is addicted to pornography and cannot stop, and he is mad at himself for this addiction.

Generally in case of sex/interests you can't force someone to do something particular. Maybe you can use some sexy clothing to get his attention towards you. That said, if it really bothers you and he values your relationship, you should be able to talk to him and he should understand.

Keep this in mind - if he lies to you about porn, he probably lies about other things. Tell him you won't judge him about it, you just want to know (if this isn't true, that's why he's lying to you). Tell him when he lies to you, it makes you distrustful of your whole relationship and you don't know what to believe and it hurts. You don't want to be with someone you can't trust.

You need to understand that porn is, for the vast majority of people, a very impersonal thing. The viewer doesn't care about the individuals in the film and doesn't have any desire to be with them. They are just vehicles for sexual fantasies. You should not feel threatened or insecure, as long as your boyfriend isn't making you feel that way with his treatment of you.

Different people find different things to be right and wrong. If it really bothers you, tell him. He should want to have a healthy relationship with you more than anything. Show him how seriously it affects you and why. If he refuses to see your side, you have two options - if the failure to resolve this issue is very important to you, break up with him. If you're willing to accept it, just tell him not to watch it in your presence or ever bring it up with you. This is the very least he should be willing to do.

That's not necessarily the case. A lot of guys enjoy the fantasy of raunchy pornography and group sex, as no more than a fantasy. It also just happens that a majority of pornography features younger women, because younger women get more views. Your boyfriend probably also has a pretty open mind when it comes to watching pornography.

You may need to let him know that something has to give: either you have to have sex more often, or he needs to stop watching porn. Depression can certainly affect sex drive, but it's not fair for your boyfriend to be expending what little sexual energy he has on porn instead of you.

Explain to him exactly what you explained here: you're upset because instead of engaging in sex with you, he chose to wait until you left to masturbate to porn. That sends a pretty clear message that porn is preferable to sex with you. If that's not the message he intends to send, then he needs to be more mindful about when he watches porn. If that is the message that he intends to send, then you should probably go ahead and end the relationship.

Voice your feelings! Talk to him about how this makes you feel, and his answer might be eye opening. It may just be a fetish of his that has no correlation to you. Keep in mind that this is the man that married YOU. If he wanted a "motorcycle chick" in real life, he probably would have pursued that interest.

It's possible, but doubtful. He might just enjoy watching it for the imagery.

You're right, it's not cheating, and there's nothing wrong with viewing pornography (provided no one was harmed in the making of it). That being said, you should still be sensitive to your girlfriend's feelings. Explain to her that your porn viewing habits have nothing to do with her/your relationship. Just to be respectful, try to avoid looking at pornography in the presence of your girlfriend.

Probably not. Some people just like to watch fetish porn. Taboo subject matter can be arousing.

Honestly, it sounds like your boyfriend might have an addiction to pornography. Try having a conversation about it. Approach him about it gently, don't nag or get defensive - tell him you're worried he spends too much time watching porn and it's beginning to affect the relationship.

Try to see it from their view. If it makes you feel upset ask them about it. Have an open mind, but don't do something you're not comfortable with.

Not necessarily. It could mean that he simply enjoys seeing women without clothes!

Don't send him videos of you that you wouldn't want anyone else to see. He's probably a lovely guy who wouldn't dream of showing anyone else something you'd intended to be private, but you can't guarantee that he won't do something you'd regret if you break up. You could send him videos or images that aren't pornographic but that you find erotic or arousing to give him more ideas about what your tastes are and give him ideas about activities you might like to try. Feed his fantasies with yours!

Maybe. The thrill of porn is that it is purely fantasy and he can indulge in his sexual urges without it crossing into real life. When it does make that cross though, you have to wonder if there are problems in your relationship or is it simply boyish excitement? Talk to him about your feelings.

Amateur. It can inspire you two to try the things you like seeing, and it's the most realistic. It's also the least misogynistic category.