Q&A for How to Be Kind

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  • Question
    How can I be kinder to myself?
    Sandra Possing
    Life Coach
    Sandra Possing is a life coach, speaker, and entrepreneur based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Sandra specializes in one-on-one coaching with a focus on mindset and leadership transformation. Sandra received her coaching training from The Coaches Training Institute and has seven years of life coaching experience. She holds a BA in Anthropology from the University of California, Los Angeles.
    Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    Try to slow down and pay attention to your thoughts. Write down your unhelpful thoughts in a thought log and replace them with better ones. For example, you may think that you're not improving in your career. Write that down and then replace the thought with a kinder one, such as "I am getting better every day." Writing down nice things about yourself can help you start to believe things about yourself you don't yet believe.
  • Question
    How can I be kind when people are being bullied?
    Community Answer
    Stand up for the person being bullied and offer to be their friend.
  • Question
    Can you give me some examples of kindness?
    Community Answer
    There are so many ways to be kind. Smiling at someone is kindness; letting someone borrow something is kindness; complimenting another person is kindness; sometimes just listening is kindness. The list goes on, you have many, many options.
  • Question
    Why should I be kind to others when people always talk behind my back?
    Community Answer
    Because you're trying to take the higher road. Don't respond to evil with evil, but with good. This sets you apart.
  • Question
    Do I have to be kind those people who are jealous of me and mean to me?
    Community Answer
    Being kind means being kind to everyone, especially those who are jealous and mean. This makes you a better person, and allows you to rise above them. If you are mean back, you just lower yourself to their level. Being kind is always the right choice.
  • Question
    What should I say when I'm really upset without hurting others' feelings?
    Community Answer
    Just tell them how you feel and why. It shouldn't hurt anyone's feelings as long as you're not insulting them.
  • Question
    Do I have to be kind even when some people never appreciate my kindness?
    Community Answer
    Being kind for the sake of being kind doesn't require appreciation in return. If you place a condition on kindness, then it's not really being kind. There are many reasons why people aren't instantly or obviously appreciative, including astonishment, exhaustion, slowness to respond, obtuseness, quiet appreciation, etc. Some people are rude but that just means more kindness is needed. It may also help you to understand that it's more about your karma, not theirs, without being a doormat, of course.
  • Question
    How do I become kind when all I can do is think of the logical side of things and continuously be called emotionless by others?
    Community Answer
    You can be kind and logical at the same time. The truth does not always have to be harsh. Try to word what you say more carefully and consider other's feelings.
  • Question
    How can I be kind to others when I feel empty or don't care about others?
    Community Answer
    If you feel this way, you need to start by being kind to yourself first. You're projecting what you feel deep inside about yourself -- empty and without self care. Spend some time caring for your own self and needs first, perhaps getting counseling for unresolved issues that are holding you back from being your best self. When you learn to love yourself and take good care of you, then you'll find it much easier to be kind to others.
  • Question
    How do I be kind when I am upset, sad, or grumpy?
    Community Answer
    Recognize your emotional state and find ways to calm yourself: deep breaths, taking some alone time, et cetera. Focus entirely on the other person. If you're too upset to handle it, say "I'm upset and I can't be a good listener right now." Give yourself patience and time, and don't push things before you're ready.
  • Question
    I view myself as equal to other people. Is this a good thing or a bad thing?
    Yohoko
    Community Answer
    This is a very good quality indeed.
  • Question
    How do I remain calm when I feel like someone's using me?
    Community Answer
    If you feel like someone is using you, tell them your feelings directly. If they are your friend, they will not be mad at you for sharing your opinion. If you're having trouble staying calm around this person, you may want to take a break from spending time with them.
  • Question
    How do you be nice to people when they are always attacking you, physically or emotionally?
    Community Answer
    Rise above and do your best to remove those people from your life. Dealing with not nice people isn't always fun or fair, but you will thank yourself for staying true to your kind self.
  • Question
    Am I ever too old to make this change?
    Community Answer
    No, you're never too old. Everyone of every age can benefit from being kinder. If you've been mean your whole life, it might take people some time to adjust to your change of heart, but it's worth it!
  • Question
    How do you love yourself?
    Community Answer
    Be true to yourself, your interests, and your passions. Don't worry about what others might think or say. Treat yourself as well as you do others, and be kind to yourself.
  • Question
    When I'm being kind to someone, why don't they behave the same?
    Roxanna Tahani
    Community Answer
    Maybe they don't have enough love in their life to be able to give any themselves. There are many things going on with people that we don't know about. Just try to be kind anyways -- you may encourage someone else to change their demeanor in time.
  • Question
    How can I be kind to the world?
    Community Answer
    Start by donating to charities, recycling, and being nice to people you meet. Also, try getting involved in you community. Generally, try to do something to make the world just a little better everyday.
  • Question
    Why do we need to learn kindness from others?
    Community Answer
    It's not so much about learning kindness as about unlearning all the defensiveness that socializing teaches us. We feel safer being defensive and self/family protective, and this is part of our ancient ancestral understandings that enhance survival. Kindness often forces us to put ourselves in other people's shoes, to understand where they're coming from even if we don't usually think like them. It also requires a spirit of generosity and care for strangers, which can sometimes be difficult when we worry about our own/own family's needs. Yet, kindness begets kindness, so it is often through seeing others' kindness that we learn it has beneficial, supportive and caring outcomes that each of us aspires to in the greater scheme of life.
  • Question
    What should I do if people say negative things whenever I try to be kind?
    Andrej Bugarinović
    Community Answer
    Simply agree to disagree. Accept the fact that every individual has their own opinion and perspective of the world. The most important thing in this situation is that you maintain your optimistic attitude and not let others change it. Try to explain your methods of thinking to those individuals, and if they still don't get it, then just don't worry about them.
  • Question
    When I am mad about something, how can I be nice to other people and not bring them down too?
    Community Answer
    You could try sharing your feelings with them so they can empathize and talk with you about them. If nothing else, try to remember that the person you're speaking with doesn't need or deserve to be the target of your anger.
  • Question
    What do I do when I have the urge to cause someone physical harm?
    Community Answer
    Don't do it. Think about how you would feel if someone did you physical harm. Treat others the way you would like to be treated. If you have these thoughts often and you worry you won't be able to control your actions, please seek help from a therapist, counselor, etc.
  • Question
    How can I be kind when I am shy?
    Emma
    Community Answer
    Try performing a hidden act of kindness. Leave a card for someone without them knowing. Or save time for someone by doing them a favor.
  • Question
    What if I get angry and I accidentally do something bad?
    Community Answer
    Don't get embarrassed. Apologize if needed, and do your best to not let it happen again.
  • Question
    How can I look natural when I am being kind and not fake? Also, how to not be shy?
    Community Answer
    If you are truly being kind, you're not being fake. Understand your true inner worth and potential, and don't let false fantasies get in the way of socialization.
  • Question
    How can I be kind when I feel like I'm being bossed around?
    Community Answer
    In most cases, you should (calmly and politely) express how you're feeling about the situation, and how you'd like things to change. However, if you're a child and your parents or teachers are bossing you around, you pretty much just have to deal with it. They usually know what's best for you.
  • Question
    How can I be kind if someone always hesitates to be kind back and takes pride in bullying me?
    Community Answer
    Just avoid them and defend yourself if needed, but being kind back could allow them to recognize that they are being unkind. Your behavior might encourage them to change for the better! Don't let yourself be taken advantage of though. If someone is consistently mean to you, then you should do your best to avoid that person entirely.
  • Question
    If someone is using me, and I tell them about my feelings, and they do not agree to change, do I break up with them?
    Community Answer
    If you've tried talking about your feelings with the person and they refuse to change, yes, you should break up. Don't stay with someone who makes you unhappy.
  • Question
    My plan is to always be kind-hearted, but sometimes I just overreact. How can I not?
    Karlaly
    Community Answer
    What I don't like about your question it the ''always''. Having times when you're angry, sad or maybe just stressed is just as necessary as being happy and kind. Just tell the people around you what you've just told me in your question, and it'll be easier for them to deal with your behavior. Don't try to push your feelings down completely. It might work at first, but over time, it'll only make things worse. It's better to just be a little angry sometimes than to explode in a big amount of anger once. You won't learn how to deal with your feelings if you don't accept them as a part of yourself.
  • Question
    Is not the quote from Princess Diana a show of self-interest? If we are sure the kindness will come back to us, this is not selfless compassion. If we forgive others even when they hate us, it's a miracle.
    Community Answer
    The quote from Princess Diana doesn't say that we are sure the kindness will come back to us, it says that we know it's a possibility. The implication is that this is because the best of humanity is kind, and that kindness affects all of us. Forgiving others when they hate us is not a miracle, although people who CAN forgive in this situation may appear angelic compared to the rest of us!
  • Question
    Any kind acts suitable for children?
    Community Answer
    There are plenty of kind acts that are suitable for children. You can start by smiling, complimenting people, and sharing things.
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