How to Be Single and Happy

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Discover the benefits of living the single life
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From the constant depictions of love in movies to the plethora of posts from happy couples on social media, it’s easy to fall into the misconception that the only way to be happy is to be in a relationship. Luckily for all the singles out there, this couldn't be further from the truth. It's completely possible to be happy, fulfilled, and thriving while being single, and there are even tons of benefits to it. If you’re wondering how to be single and happy, you’ve come to the right place. We’ve interviewed licensed psychotherapist Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW, on how to live your best single life and compiled a list of helpful advice, so keep reading!

Things You Should Know

  • In order to thrive while being single, take the time to get to know yourself better and pursue your unique hobbies and interests.
  • Relying on your support system, focusing on self-care, and avoiding couple-themed media can also help you feel happy and fulfilled as a single person.
  • Being single has several benefits, including better sleep, lower risk of certain health issues, and freedom to spend your time however you want.
Section 1 of 2:

How to Thrive as a Single Person

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    Developing a stronger sense of who you are will help you feel happy and fulfilled in life, regardless of your relationship status. It will also make you better able to identify people you'd truly be compatible with if you choose to enter into a relationship again later. [1] As liscensed psychotherapist Kelli Miller explains, “you really have to love yourself first and foremost” in order to prepare yourself for a healthy relationship in the future. [2]
    • Try starting a journal to explore your thoughts, emotions, and desires. This cathartic experience can help you understand yourself better and realize what it is you want out of life!
    EXPERT TIP

    Allison Broennimann, PhD

    Clinical Psychologist
    Dr. Allison Broennimann is a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a private practice based in the San Francisco Bay Area providing psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in in-depth psychotherapy to provide solution-focused treatments for anxiety, depression, relationship problems, grief, adjustment problems, traumatic stress, and phase-of-life transitions. And as part of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and cognitive rehabilitation for those recovering after traumatic brain injury. Dr. Broennimann holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Palo Alto University. She is licensed by the California Board of Psychology and is a member of the American Psychological Association.
    Allison Broennimann, PhD
    Clinical Psychologist

    Being single is the time to deepen your relationship with yourself. Figure out the things that bring you joy, and imagine you’ve been given an unlimited personal retreat! Befriending yourself during this time will only increase your potential for love.

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    Being single is the perfect time to work on your mental and physical health, so that you can feel your best. Work out, grow a garden, go to therapy —whatever your heart desires! This time could end up being incredibly restful, restorative, and nourishing for your body and mind.
    • Practicing mindfulness is a great way to promote a stress-free, peaceful lifestyle while being single. It’s also associated with lower stress and anxiety levels. [3]
    • Exercising regularly can also help you live your healthiest single life. It reduces health risks, promotes better sleep, and boosts your mood. [4]
    • Going to therapy is a great way to get to know yourself better and take care of your mental health, especially if you’ve been dealing with feelings of anxiety or shame around being single. [5]
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    Reciting positive daily affirmations can help you boost your self-esteem and feel happier day by day. Take a few moments every day to look at yourself in the mirror and say something kind and encouraging. [6] You can either say something that you believe about yourself, or something that you would like to believe about yourself. [7] Some examples of positive affirmations include:
    • “I am intelligent.”
    • “I am a caring friend.”
    • “People enjoy spending time with me.”
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    According to psychotherapist Kelli Miller, “looking at all the positives” of single life can help you feel much happier. [8] Practicing optimism will help you to stay focused on the good in your situation and stop dwelling on things you aren’t as happy with. [9]
    • Try reframing. This involves shifting your perspective to focus on the positive in a situation, rather than the negative, which can help you manage difficult emotions. [10]
      • For example, instead of focusing on the negative aspects of being single, try to remind yourself of the benefits, such as having the freedom to choose how you spend your free time.
    • Consider keeping a gratitude diary . Every night, think of three things you are grateful for and write them down.
      • Doing this every day will help you to develop a more positive outlook over time and it can even help you to sleep better and enjoy better health. [11]
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    Maybe you’ve always loved writing songs but you haven’t picked up your guitar and your pen for a while. Or, maybe you’ve always wanted to train for a marathon, but you’ve never had the time. Now is your chance! [12] Embrace this chance to do something fun and follow your interests. You have the freedom to spend your time doing anything you’d like! [13]
    • Learn an instrument, join a tap class, grow a garden, write a novel, cook some gourmet meals—whatever you've wanted to do, do it now.
    • Trying something new can also lead to new skills, new friendships, and increased self-esteem, which will further improve your quality of life as a single person.
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    It is important to maintain a positive self-image while you’re single. Buy yourself a new outfit, get your nails done, treat yourself to a spa day, or get a massage. You are a strong, independent person who deserves the best. So give it to yourself! [14]
    • Try taking yourself out on a date. If there’s an amazing new restaurant in town that you’ve been dying to try, make yourself a reservation. If there’s a new movie coming out that you can’t wait to see, get yourself a ticket.
    • You don’t need to wait for a partner to do the fun things you’ve been hoping to do. Treat yourself to a fun date night—you deserve it! [15]
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    Whether you’ve found yourself in the middle of a dating cold streak or recently got out of a serious relationship, spending too much time alone can have a negative effect on your mood and emotions. Try to make plans with friends and family members to remind yourself of all the love in your life. Remember, being single doesn’t mean being alone. You have a whole network of support, and it’s okay to lean on them! [16]
    • Remind yourself that it’s not a weakness to lean on others. Strong social relationships are actually essential to emotional well-being and physical health. [17]
    • This social connection can come from any number of people in your life, not just a significant other. It could be a friend, teammate, parent, coworker, or sibling.
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    Part of the reason some single people may feel unhappy is the constant media depictions reinforcing the idea that we need to be in a relationship to be happy. Try your best to remind yourself that this isn't true. It’s absolutely possible to feel fulfilled as a single person. The decision of whether or not to be in a relationship is a deeply personal one, and some people actually feel happier when they’re single. [18]
    • Avoid any social media posts, romantic comedies, or magazines that reinforce the idea that being single is bleak and being in a relationship is bliss.
      • Instead, focus on how you’re actually feeling. Do you enjoy the freedom of the single life? Are you happy to have extra time to follow your own interests?
    • Remind yourself that media depictions of singleness are not always relatable or accurate either.
      • For example, depictions of single women may be troubling because they are often idealized (a superwoman who has it all) or villainous (a sad lonely woman who has nothing).
      • Neither of these depictions are realistic, so do your best to recognize them as false representations of what it’s like to be single. [19]
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Section 2 of 2:

The Benefits of Single Life

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    Being single is associated with a decreased risk of adverse health effects from dysfunctional marriages and toxic relationships. According to some studies, bad relationships can increase your risk of anxiety, depression, stress, or even heart disease. [20] Singles, on the other hand, tend to go to the gym more, eat better, and have lower stress levels. [21]
    • Single people tend to weigh less than people who are in a relationship. Studies have linked weight gain with marriage and weight loss with break-ups and divorce. [22]
    • Single people also tend to get more sleep and better quality sleep than people who share a bed with a partner. [23]
    • Single women may also have better mental health than married women, especially married women who have children. [24]
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    When you’re in a relationship, you need to factor in the needs and desires of your partner. Sometimes you have to do things that you don’t enjoy that much in order to keep your partner happy. When you’re single, on the other hand, you can spend your time however you want. You don’t need to worry about pleasing anyone but yourself. This means you have more time for your hobbies, personal interests, career, friends, family members, and overall well-being. This freedom is a precious thing, so feel free to enjoy it! [25]
    • Say, for example, that you’re in a relationship with someone who absolutely loves hiking and wants to spend every Sunday on super long hikes.
    • You may agree to do this to make your partner happy, when you actually would actually prefer to spend your Sunday bike riding, reading, or practicing self-care .
    • When you’re single, your days are completely free to fill in whichever way you choose. Try to see this as a blessing and a luxury!
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    When you’re in a relationship, you may have to deal with a spouse who is irresponsible with money, which causes financial problems for you too. Common relationship expenses like going on dates and buying anniversary gifts can also be tough on your wallet. When you’re single, however, you don’t have to worry about anyone else’s spending and saving habits. You also don’t have to spend so much on date nights or gifts. Instead, you can use the money you earn however you want to! [26]
    • Treat yourself to something special to remind yourself of the benefits of being in charge of your own finances.
    • Do you want to redecorate your apartment? Splurge on a new clothing item? Or maybe a cool new technological device? The choice is yours!
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    When you’re in a relationship, it can be much harder to be social because your partner consumes a lot of your time and affection. But when you’re single, you have more time to devote to your friends, and to go out and meet new people. If you’re feeling down for being single, try to remind yourself of this freedom! [27]
    • Work on the relationships you care most about, and build yourself a strong support network.
    • Spend time with your loved ones and try to appreciate the fact that you have this time to connect with them.
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    When you’re in a relationship, you may have sex every day or a few times a week. Though your sex life may be less active than that as a single person, some studies have suggested that singles enjoy the sex they are having more than people in committed relationships do. [28]
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Join the Discussion...

WikiWombatCaster809
19
WikiWombatCaster809 posted on 07/22/24 11:14am
I'm in my late 20s and have never been in a serious relationship. I'm just tired and frustrated. I don't know where to meet people and I'm not go... Read More
Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Being single doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong! Being single gives you a chance to really love yourself so that, when you're ultimately in... Read More
WikiWombatCaster809
WikiWombatCaster809
Thanks, that's good advice. But I feel like it's not just me, all my friends are single too :( Why are we ALL single?... Read More

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  • Question
    Can you be single and happy?
    Allison Broennimann, PhD
    Clinical Psychologist
    Dr. Allison Broennimann is a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a private practice based in the San Francisco Bay Area providing psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in in-depth psychotherapy to provide solution-focused treatments for anxiety, depression, relationship problems, grief, adjustment problems, traumatic stress, and phase-of-life transitions. And as part of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and cognitive rehabilitation for those recovering after traumatic brain injury. Dr. Broennimann holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Palo Alto University. She is licensed by the California Board of Psychology and is a member of the American Psychological Association.
    Allison Broennimann, PhD
    Clinical Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    Yes! In fact, being single is the best time to find a way to be happy with yourself. Singlehood is a profoundly wonderful time for you to explore the things you care about.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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    Not Helpful 27 Helpful 70
  • Question
    Is it OK to be single forever?
    Allison Broennimann, PhD
    Clinical Psychologist
    Dr. Allison Broennimann is a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a private practice based in the San Francisco Bay Area providing psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in in-depth psychotherapy to provide solution-focused treatments for anxiety, depression, relationship problems, grief, adjustment problems, traumatic stress, and phase-of-life transitions. And as part of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and cognitive rehabilitation for those recovering after traumatic brain injury. Dr. Broennimann holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Palo Alto University. She is licensed by the California Board of Psychology and is a member of the American Psychological Association.
    Allison Broennimann, PhD
    Clinical Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    Absolutely, if that's something that you want, go for it. If you really don't want anything to do with a relationship, that's perfectly fine. You shouldn't do something you don't want to do just because you think you're supposed to.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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    Not Helpful 27 Helpful 77
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      Tips

      • Appreciate all the good things you have going for you, such as friends, family, and good health.
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      • Value the things that you have, such as your creativity, your intelligence, your friends or your pet(s) as well as your newly-found independence.
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      • Remind yourself of the support you do have from friends and family, and don't think it is just you against the world. Your friends may be the ones that understand how you feel the most!
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      • Take yourself on dates every now and then! Go to the movies, hit up your favorite restaurant, or just plan a spa day for yourself. These little acts of self-love radically matter, especially if you're trying to remain single on purpose.
      • If you ever find yourself feeling lonely, surround yourself with family, friends, and other loved ones. Just being around people you care about will radically improve your mood.
      • If you just ended a bad relationship, reflect on how that relationship made you feel. Going forward, make a promise to prioritize yourself and your happiness.
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      Warnings

      • Be cautious about getting into a new relationship. If you do find yourself in a new relationship, make sure you're over your last relationship. It's not fair to the new person, and it’s certainly not fair to you.
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      • When flirting with others, be sure not to overdo it. Leading others on is so not attractive.
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      • If you are severely depressed because you are single, consider talking to a mental health professional. You may have depression or another medical condition that requires treatment.
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      Expert Interview

      Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about relationships, check out our in-depth interview with Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW .

      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/not-born-yesterday/201308/whats-so-good-about-being-single
      2. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.
      3. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/in-depth/mindfulness-exercises/art-20046356
      4. ↑ https://www.cdc.gov/physical-activity-basics/benefits/index.html
      5. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/what-are-the-benefits-of-therapy
      6. ↑ Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 11 December 2020.
      7. ↑ https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/signs-low-self-esteem
      8. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.
      9. ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/self-esteem/art-20045374
      1. ↑ https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/the-power-of-positive-thinking
      2. ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/tips_for_keeping_a_gratitude_journal
      3. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.
      4. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/when-everyone-else-is-married-with-children
      5. ↑ Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 11 December 2020.
      6. ↑ https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2022/12/seeing-movies-alone-solo-date-in-public/672363/
      7. ↑ Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 11 December 2020.
      8. ↑ Jetten, J, Haslam, C, & Haslam, AS, (2012), The Social Cure: Identity, Health and Well-Being , ISBN 978-1848720213
      9. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/single-at-heart/2019/06/is-it-true-that-single-women-with-no-kids-are-the-happiest#1
      10. ↑ https://womensenews.org/2011/10/media-view-single-women-laced-contradictions/
      11. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/high-octane-women/201108/the-hidden-health-hazards-toxic-relationships
      12. ↑ http://www.medicaldaily.com/single-life-6-scientifically-proven-perks-being-single-and-ready-mingle-306384
      13. ↑ https://health.usnews.com/wellness/mind/articles/2018-02-12/5-health-benefits-of-being-single
      14. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/not-born-yesterday/201308/whats-so-good-about-being-single
      15. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/not-born-yesterday/201308/whats-so-good-about-being-single
      16. ↑ Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 11 December 2020.
      17. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/not-born-yesterday/201308/whats-so-good-about-being-single
      18. ↑ Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 11 December 2020.
      19. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/not-born-yesterday/201308/whats-so-good-about-being-single

      About This Article

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      To be single and happy, try to focus on yourself by taking classes, doing volunteer work, taking up a hobby, or anything else you might not have time to do if you’re in a relationship. Make time to pamper yourself regularly, whether you buy a new outfit you love or you just hang out listening to your favorite music in your bathrobe. If you’re feeling lonely, make plans with your family or friends, or join a club or a gym where you can make new friends, and always remember your self-worth is not tied to your relationship status. For more info from our Counselor co-author about how to surround yourself with encouraging people and be optimistic, keep reading!

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