Q&A for How to Go from Shy to Confident

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How do I stop being shy and insecure?

Annie Lin, MBA
Life & Career Coach
Annie Lin is the founder of New York Life Coaching, a life and career coaching service based in Manhattan. Her holistic approach, combining elements from both Eastern and Western wisdom traditions, has made her a highly sought-after personal coach. Annie’s work has been featured in Elle Magazine, NBC News, New York Magazine, and BBC World News. She holds an MBA degree from Oxford Brookes University. Annie is also the founder of the New York Life Coaching Institute which offers a comprehensive life coach certification program.

Annie Lin, MBA

Life & Career Coach

Expert Answer

Try meditating each day to ground yourself. As you meditate, imagine you are a big tree, extending your roots down into the earth. This helps calm your nervous system, and it allows you to listen deeply to yourself.

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Question

How can I not to be shy when talking to a girl?

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Professional Counselor
Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Adjust your state of mind. Approach a girl as if she is a friend and someone you already know instead of someone to be nervous around.

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Question

Why would a person be shy?

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Professional Counselor
Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

There are many causes of shyness including negative relationship experiences, social anxiety, or low self-esteem.

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Question

How can I become more talkative?

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Professional Counselor
Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Come up with topics in advance of needing to talk to someone. Then, practice chatting with others.

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Question

How do you overcome shyness?

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Professional Counselor
Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

One step at a time. Set small goals to change behaviors that reinforce shyness. For example, set a goal to make small talk with the clerk at the bookstore. Once you achieve that goal, make another one.

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Question

How can I avoid stress when I am humiliated by other people?

Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

Paul Chernyak, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

The stress is probably coming from not being true to yourself. You need to clearly let others know that you will not tolerate specific kinds of behavior that you find humiliating.

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Question

How can I eliminate fear from my mind?

Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

Paul Chernyak, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

You have to learn to confront and accept fear first. You need to get used to feeling the discomfort that fear brings head on and challenge those things that bring you fear on a regular basis.

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Question

I have an inferiority complex and I am shy because of my upbringing. How can I overcome this?

Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

Paul Chernyak, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

You should try some self-help books related to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Inferiority is common among people who are painfully shy. It would also be helpful to address these issues with a therapist if possible.

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