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Improve your self-esteem and become your most confident self
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Our confidence has a big impact on how we enjoy life—people who are confident and happy with themselves unconsciously and positively affect the people around them. If you want to be a more confident woman, it starts with improving your self-esteem. Below, you’ll find 23 actionable habits that confident women use and that you can start implementing in your own life today to build your confidence and become the best version of yourself.
How to Be a Confident Woman
A confident woman knows her worth and her strengths. She carries herself with confidence—holding her head high and taking up as much space as she needs. She invests time in her hobbies and skills while also taking time to reflect on her emotions and rest her body and mind.
Steps
Section 1 of 2:
23 Ways to Become a More Confident Woman
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Carry yourself with confident body language and mannerisms. Keep your posture straight. Hold your shoulders behind your back and hold your head high. When standing, keep your feet shoulder-width apart and avoid crossing your arms or hiding your hands. A tall, wide stance tends to exude confidence. [1] X Research source
- Aim your torso toward the person you’re talking to. This type of body language is called “fronting,” and it can make you look more confident and engaged during conversation. [2] X Research source
- Walk with purpose—find a speed that’s deliberate yet not rushed. Fix your gaze straight ahead and allow your hips to sway naturally.
- Talk with your hands to look more enthusiastic and animated about the topic, which may come off as confident.
- However, stick with what feels natural—when in doubt, limit your hand movements to the area immediately around and in front of your torso. Otherwise, your gestures may seem exaggerated and disingenuous.
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Make eye contact. Confident people give off enthusiasm in conversation. If you want to appear more confident, you can look people in the eye as you speak. Do not look away when you finish talking. Maintain eye contact throughout the course of a conversation. [3] X Research source
- Avoid common behaviors that imply distraction, such as looking at your phone or scanning the room.
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Adopt a more confident and dominant tone of voice. Women are socialized to speak more softly and quietly than men, which makes them feel and come off as less confident. Try speaking in a louder and lower tone of voice while remaining in your natural register. [4] X Research source
- You don’t want to be obnoxiously loud, so start changing your voice by slightly raising the volume of your tone and varying the pitch of your speech.
- Avoid certain words and phrases that undermine your confidence, like “I’m no expert, but…” or “This is just my opinion, but…”
- Envision a period at the end of all your verbal sentences. When you end a sentence as if it were a question, you may come off as nervous.
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Dress like the most confident version of yourself. If the most confident version of yourself wears sweats and a hoodie, great! If your vision of confidence is heels and a skirt, that works, too! One common habit amongst confident women is that they develop their own style and aesthetic, and they don’t care about labels, logos, or status symbols. [5] X Research source
- Creating a positive body image is a huge part of building self-confidence for women.
- If you think your body image is getting in the way of dressing confidently, practice focusing on the positive aspects of your body. Write down things you like about your body in a journal or practice affirmations.
- Think of all the things your body does for you, like allowing you to move through the world, carry children, or go dancing with your friends.
- Start wearing the clothes you want, regardless of your body type. Just like facing any fear, the more you do it, the more you’ll realize that it’s not as scary as you thought!
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Get out of your comfort zone. Your comfort zone is not the place to stay. If you want a major change in your life, you must push yourself out of your comfort zone. With every step you take out of your comfort zone, you'll grow more confident. [6] X Research source
- Being bold, taking risks, and facing your fears have been shown to boost your confidence over time. [7] X Research source
- Do something that intimidates you. Go to a bar alone to make new friends. Try a new workout routine at the gym. Take up a hobby that you've always felt nervous about.
- Push yourself intellectually. Read a difficult book. Take a class in an unfamiliar subject area.
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Learn to enjoy your own company. Take yourself on solo dates, whether you have a significant other or not! Spending time alone can make you more creative and confident and improve your mental health. [8] X Research source
- Designate a weeknight or weekend morning to take yourself out.
- Put on a cute outfit and go to a museum, park, or botanical garden.
- Pack up a picnic and enjoy it on a local beach or walking trail.
- Get dressed up and make a reservation at your favorite restaurant.
- Bring along a journal, book, or sketchpad to relax or reflect during your solo date!
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Develop new skills and passions. Teach yourself a new skill at home, find a new hobby , enroll in a class, or take small steps toward your childhood dream. Improving your skill sets, both in number and mastery, is an important way to build self-esteem. When you feel capable of doing whatever you set your mind to, you’re sure to feel more confident! [9] X Research source
- Along with developing your new passions, don’t be afraid to be passionate about them! Tell others about the interesting things you’re doing and learning.
- You should never feel like you have to shrink yourself and the things you care about in order to seem “cool” or “nice.”
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Take care of your physical and mental health. Regular physical activity has a lot of health benefits. However, it can also boost your sense of self-confidence. If you work out regularly, you will feel better about your body and its capabilities. [10] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
- Get your body moving with a type of exercise that you genuinely enjoy: try running, yoga, weightlifting, dancing, biking, or a group fitness class or sports league.
- Exercise your mind with mindfulness or meditation practices.
- Invest in creative projects like painting , drawing, singing, or playing an instrument.
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Make time for self-care. Self-care should not be something thought of as self-indulgent. If you want to maintain a confident attitude, you need to care for yourself. You need rest and relaxation in order to maintain your confidence. [11] X Research source
- Give yourself small rewards. A reward can be as simple as a warm bath at the end of each day or a long walk to clear your head after work.
- Make time for the basics. Get enough sleep, eat well, and give yourself some downtime.
- Schedule regular self-care time and make sure you stick to it, even when life gets busy.
- According to research, women are disproportionately likely to put the needs of others before their own—it’s time to invest some of that time and energy into yourself. [12] X Research source
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Own your feelings and emotions. Being a confident or strong woman doesn’t mean pretending not to have emotions. In fact, it’s the complete opposite—a confident woman tries to understand her emotions and deal with them head-on. Try expressing your emotions in healthy ways , such as through a creative project, journaling, gardening, or practicing mindfulness. [13] X Research source
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Address negative self-talk and cultivate self-compassion. When your friends or loved ones are talking badly about themselves, you probably show them empathy and dissuade them from whatever negative thoughts they’re having. Now, it’s time to do the same for yourself. [14] X Research source
- Try to remember the last time you spiraled into negative self-talk. Imagine someone you love, like a close friend or family, making the same mistake or encountering the same problems as you. What would you have said to them?
- Give yourself grace and try not to be so hard on yourself. Everyone makes mistakes, and the only thing you can do is grow from them.
- Quiet your inner critic—that little voice in your head that tells you you’re not good enough or are a terrible person. Give your inner critic a name (like your childhood bully or annoying neighbor).
- When you start to hear those internal thoughts, talk to your inner critic as if they are a separate entity from yourself. And remember that they aren’t right about everything!
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Embrace and learn from your mistakes. If you mess up, view it as a lesson for how you can improve next time. If your mistake affected someone else, take responsibility for your actions and move on. If you're confident, you know that a mistake or error is not the defining factor of your life. [15] X Research source
- If you make a mistake, don't minimize it. Instead, think to yourself, "That was a mistake. It was poor judgment on my part. I should try to do better next time."
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Embrace your imperfections. Recognizing your flaws can actually make you come off as more confident. No one is perfect. An attempt to mask imperfections can be read as insecurity. Instead of trying to hide your flaws, embrace and accept them as part of who you are. [16] X Research source
- You don't have to define yourself by an imperfection. Learn to love and accept the fact you sometimes talk too much or that you dislike something about your physical appearance. This is only one small part of who you are.
- If you're aware of and accepting of your imperfections, you will feel less of a need to hide or cover them up. This can be read as confident to others.
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Practice daily positive affirmations. Incorporate empowering thoughts into your everyday life. Write down 5 things you want to believe about yourself. Say them as if they are already true and confirmed. Repeat the same affirmations out loud every day for a month. It may feel stupid or silly at first, but positive affirmations are proven to have the potential to alter your self-image and reduce stress. [17] X Research source
- Start with simple affirmations like “I am unique,” “I am confident,” “I am powerful,” “I am attractive,” and “I love who I am.”
- This practice will help you focus on your strengths rather than insecurities and improve your internal sense of self-confidence and validation.
- Remember that, while it might be nice, you don’t need your boss, friend, or crush to tell you how great you are. Just tell yourself what you wish they had said!
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Compete only with yourself. Avoid comparing yourself to others, which will only breed more insecurities. There will always be someone prettier, smarter, or funnier than you—but there’s only one you . Plus, you never really know what someone else’s life is like, so comparing yourself to them is pointless. [18] X Research source
- Focus on getting validation from yourself rather than from external factors.
- Use 3 index cards to reflect on the last three years of your life.
- On each card, write the year and 1-3 key accomplishments, realizations, or memories that occurred during that chapter of your life.
- Lay these cards out in chronological order and reflect on how far you’ve come.
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Set achievable goals and follow through on them. Select an area where you need to grow. It can be something personal. For example, you want to be better about keeping up with household chores. It can also be something professional. For example, you want to set a goal to work harder on finding a better job. [19] X Research source
- Develop an action plan. Set specific deadlines and actions you can take to achieve these goals.
- Follow through with your plans. Even small steps will boost your confidence. You may not achieve everything exactly as you envisioned, but that's okay. Taking action in and of itself can raise your confidence.
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Highlight areas you know a lot about, but admit the ones you don’t. You probably feel the most confident when talking about things you’re knowledgeable about. Before entering new social situations, practice an “elevator speech” with your introduction and your favorite topic of discussion. Of course, make sure that your prepared speech fits with the natural flow of conversation. [20] X Research source
- Over time, your confidence will increase, and you won’t need this elevator pitch to feel confident in a social situation.
- If a subject comes up in conversation that you don't know anything about, feel free to admit that!
- Confident women (and people) have a growth mindset. They’re assured of the fact that they’re smart and accomplished people, so they have no problem admitting that they can still learn and grow in some areas.
- Similarly, don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.
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Stop apologizing for simply existing. Over-apologizing is a habit that many women have, but it can make you come off as insecure or as a people pleaser. If you do do something that warrants an apology, of course you can apologize! But avoid apologizing for small daily actions like taking a long time to check out at the grocery store or asking the waiter for water at a restaurant. [21] X Research source
- Spend one day keeping a mental tally of how many times you apologize without needing to.
- Then, replace “I’m sorry” with other phrases that are more productive and make you feel more secure.
- For example, say “pardon me” if you accidentally bumped into someone or got in their way.
- Instead of apologizing to a friend for venting to them about something, say, “Thanks for listening.”
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Set boundaries and enforce them. Learn to say “no” whenever you want to, without the fear of disappointing someone or appearing rude. As much as possible, cut back on people-pleasing and make some space between you and people who don’t respect your boundaries. This is easier said than done, but it will do wonders for your confidence and self-esteem. [22] X Research source
- Set boundaries around your time and energy. Express them assertively but politely with a phrase like “Thanks for thinking of me, but I’ll have to pass.”
- If someone asks you to do something but you don’t have time, say, “I’m super busy this week, so I won’t be able to help/join, but I hope you have a great time!”
- If you have a different opinion than someone else, say, “That’s an interesting take; I haven’t heard that before! I believe this…”
- When someone insults you, say, “I don’t appreciate you speaking about me that way, and I found it insulting.”
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Adopt a “so what?” mentality. Whenever you feel yourself holding back, ask yourself, "So what?" Take actions with outward confidence, even if you feel uncertain—a big part of confidence is faking it until you make it (or until you don’t have to fake it anymore). Remind yourself that the worst that can happen is you won't succeed exactly as you envisioned. For example: [23] X Research source
- “I want to stand up for myself and say something, but they are going to disagree with me .”So what?
- "I want to go to that event, but I'm scared that I won't know very many people." So what?
- "I might forget what to say next during a presentation." So what?
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Romanticize the woman you want to become. Becoming the best version of yourself starts with figuring out what the best version of you looks like! Visualize how the most confident version of yourself walks, talks, and dresses. What would her core values be? How does she feel around others, and how do others feel around her?
- Using this visualization of your most confident self, create a vision board .
- Include empowering quotes, images, and photos that inspire you.
- Every morning, look at your vision board and try to embody that future you a little more each day.
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Surround yourself with confident and inspiring women. Consider the main friendships in your life. Ask yourself which friends make you feel confident while you’re with them and which friends you feel drained or insecure around. Reflect on whether you may have outgrown some of your friendships . Being around confident, self-assured people can make you feel more confident in yourself. [24] X Research source
- At the same time, invest in making yourself a supportive and secure friend for the women in your life.
- Lift up and support other women . Avoid spreading any malicious or mean-spirited gossip about others.
- If you have daughters or younger sisters, teach them about the habits of confident women.
- Seek out someone you admire to be your mentor and help you develop your sense of confidence.
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Challenge social stereotypes and internalized misogyny. Consider what harmful beliefs have been societally instilled in you. For example, many women are socialized to view other women as competition. Instead, practice appreciating your unique strengths and applauding unique qualities in others. [25] X Research source
- Try writing down a list of things you like about yourself or a keep list of compliments given to you by others.
- A confident woman rejects the societal ideal of the “perfect woman.”
- Rather, she sees a “perfect woman” as someone with flaws who makes mistakes and learns from them. She knows her inner worth and uses it to uplift others!
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow can I stop getting nervous when I talk to people I'm attracted to?Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.Deep breaths. Don’t forget to breathe. Take deep breaths down into your belly. When you’re nervous, usually your nervous system is responding with a fight or flight response. Your brain has sent some sort of signal that there's danger, so your body is reacting in the same way it would if you were physically in danger. When you take deep breaths, you're actually sending a signal back to your nervous system saying “We're good, everything's fine here." You wouldn’t be able to breathe calmly and deeply if you were in physical danger, and so that will help reduce the adrenaline. It'll help reduce the cortisol, which is a stress hormone, and get you back to feeling calmer.
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QuestionMy confidence is very low. What can I do to improve it?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).There are many small steps you can take in order to start improving your confidence. Don't expect to turn things around in a day or even in one week. You can start with how you hold your body--practice good posture and make eye contact when you talk to people. Try writing in a journal for a few weeks to sort out the sources of your lack of self-confidence. It might be possible that you need to work some of these issues through with a friend or even a mental health professional.
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QuestionHow can I act like a confident woman as a shy person?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).You don't have to be an outgoing or extroverted person to be confident. Try adjusting your nonverbal behaviors. Make sure you make good eye contact, hold your body with your shoulders pulled back, and have your torso aligned with the person you are either addressing or listening to. You don't have to speak constantly to be confident, or to exude it! But when you do have something to say on a topic, choose your moment and put your idea or thought across with carefully chosen words and with little regard for whether or not the other person will also see it your way. People notice the ideas of quiet people when they speak up and make a point.
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References
- ↑ https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/posture_stand_tall_youll_like_it
- ↑ https://youtu.be/1PYajj0FL1k?t=11
- ↑ https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/eye_contact_dont_make_these_mistakes
- ↑ https://www.speaking.coach/how-women-can-master-public-speaking-and-become-more-confident-communicators-in-2024/
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- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/201512/5-benefits-stepping-outside-your-comfort-zone
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- ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/express-emotions/#tips
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-self-confidence-formula-for-women#tips
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-nourishment/202001/are-you-responsible-person
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/conquering-codependency/202102/embrace-your-imperfections
- ↑ https://link.springer.com/article/10.1023/A:1010659805978
- ↑ https://nesslabs.com/self-competition
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-self-confidence-formula-for-women/
- ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/how-to-feel-confident-in-awkward-social-situations/
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/why-you-cant-stop-apologizing-even-when-youre-clearly-not-at-fault
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-self-confidence-formula-for-women#tips
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-self-confidence-formula-for-women/
- ↑ https://www.jneurosci.org/content/37/3/673
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-self-confidence-formula-for-women#tips
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/confidence
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-self-confidence-formula-for-women
About This Article
Article Summary
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If you want to have the habits of a confident woman, show off your confidence with the right body language and create a healthy attitude towards life. Stand tall with your shoulders back and head up when you talk to people, since good posture indicates confidence. You should also make eye contact and face the person you’re talking to, which will show you’re focused. When you make a mistake or error, take responsibility for your action rather than making an excuse, since accepting you did something wrong proves you’re confident about your abilities. If you’re unsure whether to do something, like attend an event, go ahead and do it in a confident way so everyone else thinks you’re relaxed about it. For example, you might tell yourself, “I might not know many people at the party. So what?”, and then go to the party anyway. For tips from our co-author on how to get support to become more confident, keep reading!
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Reader Success Stories
- "It really inspired me to have a positive outlook every morning. It is something I struggle with every day, being positive. It is true that one should do things outside their comfort zone every day to boost their confidence. Thank you!" ..." more
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"It really inspired me to have a positive outlook every morning. It is something I struggle with every day, being positive. It is true that one should do things outside their comfort zone every day to boost their confidence. Thank you!"
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"The thing which helps me is the idea that should not be worry what others think about me, I'm confident, but in my some actions I become afraid of what others will think about me."
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"This has helped me in many ways that I had never looked at as indications of one being confident, such as standing tall and hand gestures."
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"'As If' mentality. This reminds me that people are just people. We all make mistakes, and if I commit any, so what?"
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"This was a very helpful article. This will make my personality shine brighter. Thank you for giving such guidance."
